Beggin' For Thread
by exesnohs830
Summary: The house was sold. Custody established. They're cordial. They moved on. But they've got edges that scratch. Callie's disposition and actions get confusing. Arizona's just tired of eating all her misspoken words. They had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Calzona endgame, WITH some OC in between.
1. Rumor Has It

AN: So it's been awhile since I've posted to fanfic, but I've been an avid fan of GA stories. I check them a few times a day and had this idea in my head and decided to write it out. Not really sure where I'm going with it, just writing as I get inspired. I still watch Grey's Anatomy and I think they really need to quit playing with this Callie/Arizona crap. So I'd consider this story a slow burn, if I decide to even have them as endgame. It just depends on where the story goes. It takes place in Season 12.

The title is from Banks' song Beggin for Thread, which in my opinion fits those two completely. A lot of her songs I relate to their relationship.

I hope you guys enjoy this. Be kind to me lol.

* * *

Light.

That's what she was feeling.

Callie was feeling, light.

To a normal person that would seem somewhat normal, something that wouldn't cause them to pause and dissect that particular emotion, but Callie had to.

Even the cafeteria seemed brighter somehow. It was filled with doctors and nurses alike, unwinding from the morning of surgeries and consults. The room was flowing with laughter and conversation, even the food wasn't half bad.

A small smile came to her face. To anyone paying attention it might look a little weird, but to Callie it was necessary. After everything that had happened the past few years, light was welcomed.

Light was good.

It seemed like before, when everything was fun and exciting but always just a little bit dramatic.

Meredith, Amelia, and Maggie were now living at the old house again. That in itself should be a reality show, but Callie was happy for them. She was glad that Meredith and Amelia had each other to get through Derek's death, and she was glad that Maggie was getting to know her long lost sister.

Even Alex had grown up and moved in with Jo. They seemed solid enough and the chip on his shoulder wasn't half as big as it used to be.

Webber and Catherine Avery were married.

Bailey was chief, something that anyone who had been around before knew was destined to happen.

Everyone was succeeding professionally. Groundbreaking surgeries were being performed on almost a weekly basis. The board was solid; investors were throwing money at the hospital constantly. The doctors themselves were never sharper, never more brilliant. Everybody was laughing and thriving and having fun and just being present.

It felt like before, only it wasn't like before.

Christina was gone.

Mark was dead.

Lexie was dead.

Derek was dead.

Callie and Arizona were divorced.

April and Jackson didn't look too far off.

Everything had changed.

 _Callie and Arizona were divorced._

That was one fact that never would have expected.

A tray clattered sharply in front of her, pulling Callie from her thoughts.

"You alright?" Owen asked as he sat down and began to dig into his spaghetti casserole concoction.

She smirked, "Yeah yeah, I'm fine, just thinking about how normal everything feels."

He snorted, "It feels anything but normal."

"Well, normal without being…normal."

"I don't know what that means but okay."

"Soooo, what's going on with you and Shepherd, any more dates and/or frantic make outs?" She needed to hear about mindless but oh so juicy gossip. Like before.

Owen groaned, "See this is why I hesitate before asking or telling you anything."

Callie held the redhead's gaze. He sighed, "No, there hasn't been any other news with Amelia. I don't know, it seems like every time we try to take a step forward, or even talk about what's going on with us, something always happens. It's like we keep circling around each other with no sign of actually figuring things out."

"Well if you really want to be together you shouldn't rush it. When the time comes, and if it's meant to be, you guys will have that opportunity and conversation."

 _Yeah, because you're such a pro at relationships._

"Easy for you to say, how's it going with what's her name?"

"Ugh, why did you have to bring that up," Callie whined. "Her name's Raquel, and nothing's going. We're not really seeing each other anymore."

Hopefully he would know better and leave it at that. Raquel was the latest woman she had been dating. Callie had met her at the hospital, typical. She had accompanied her sister to the ER, who had broken her ankle running after her son in 5 inch Jimmy Choos.

Callie had tended to the ankle like the good doctor she was, but not before snagging Raquel's number before they left. She was nice, with long honey blonde hair and warm green eyes that were pretty cool to look into. She was a business analyst for some company or other. Callie couldn't really remember, every time Raquel started talking about work the Latina's eyes glazed over in boredom.

Essentially, Callie liked her, she just didn't like her that much.

Owen perked up, "What happened? Last I heard from you everything was going good..?"

"It was," Callie picked at her salad, "But that was it though. It was just, good. Don't get me wrong, she's a great person, I just didn't feel it."

"Feel what?" he blanked.

She rolled her eyes. Guys could be so completely clueless. Thank god she played for the other team…

Most of the time.

"A spark, butterflies, passion, anything!" Callie exclaimed. "Sure we got along and had good conversation and she's attractive and all, but she didn't make me swoon or sweat or make my heart stop. Therefore, not worth my time." She nodded sharply.

Owen stared at her calmly. "I get it," he admitted. He was honestly thankful for the friendship he had formed with the Latina over the years. It was like they were going through the swamps of singledom together, bouncing around questions and ideas about dating and just moving on in their lives. It was a scary thing and Owen was glad that he had someone to talk to about it.

"Anyways, how awkward is it being around Avery? Guy looks like he's on the verge of murdering anyone that comes within 3 feet of him."

"Even more awkward being around both of them at the same time."

She cringed, "Yikes. I hope they can work things out though. They've been through so much."

Both doctors shared an obvious look before laughing heartily.

Who hadn't been through a whirlwind shit storm in this hospital?

"Okay ignore what I just said. What else is going on?" She had about 5 more minutes before she had to run to her next surgery. Building legs like god like the surgical badass that she was.

Owen took a sip from his soda, "Well, I heard that Robbins is moving in with an intern?"

 _Wait, what?! What in the world was her wife, ex wife, doing moving in with an intern?_

It was crazy really, how much she didn't know about Arizona's life anymore. They had been nothing but civil, friendly but not enough to actually be friends. For the most part they stayed comfortably in the presence of friends and coworkers. When it was time to trade off with Sofia, it was a quick exchange and even quicker exchange of pleasantries before one or both scampered away.

Callie blinked slowly, "Hmmm, that's interesting. Do you…know what intern?" She kind of seemed pathetic, fiddling with her napkin. It was just, weird, asking about her ex wife.

The Arizona she knew would have never dated an intern. Screw one, maybe, but never date. Not like that.

It was juvenile really, thoughts like that swirling in her head.

 _You don't know what Arizona would or wouldn't do anymore._

##

"Deluca?! You're moving in with Deluca?!"

"Actually he's moving in with me."

"Regardless, what made that sound like a good idea to you?"

Arizona shrugged, "He needed a place. I have a place. He's a pariah. I'm a pariah."

"He's also an intern and-"

"And apparently I sleep with a lot of interns and get them fired. So since everybody hates him they should all be happy."

Stephanie sighed, "See this is why I didn't want to say anything and spent most of that day dodging you."

Arizona exchanged tablets with a nurse and turned to the resident, "I appreciate you trying to spare me or whatever it is you were trying to do, but its fine. Dr. Deluca seems like a decent guy."

"You've worked with him one time."

"Yes, and in that time, he showed excellent bedside manner and didn't manage to screw with the patient's neck like that other idiot," Arizona explained before adding, "Plus he looks and smells like he baths regularly."

Stephanie shrugged, "I guess that's all you can ask for in a roomie."

Both doctors walked into the NICU and threw on gowns before checking on their post op babies. It had been a busy week for the surgeon. A couple of the fetal surgeries had turned into emergency C- sections along with a huge dose of damage control. Fortunately all the mothers had come through and their babies were being monitored closely.

"Exactly. And he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy that would try to play baseball when he's drunk and try to use my leg as a bat."

Edwards paused mid step. "For real?" The resident wasn't sure if she could laugh or not, so she just stared on in horror.

"As real as my real leg," Arizona snickered.

Sometimes it was just too easy.

Alex walked into the NICU and shrugged on a gown while Stephanie was recovering.

"Hey Alex, do you think you could help me put together a bookshelf tonight? I want to make sure I have it set up with all of Sofia's books."

"Why don't you ask your new roommate?" he smirked.

The blonde narrowed her eyes. "Is it really that hard for everyone to mind their own freaking business in this place?!"

Stephanie and Alex answered.

"Absolutely not."

"No freaking way."

It was as simple as that, Arizona would've been a fool to think otherwise.

"Seriously though, I'm an owner in this hospital, people should be afraid to even talk about me around here!" she yanked off her gloves and made another note in the chart on the Caruso baby. Arizona shouldn't have been surprised, but she was. It had been awhile since she had been stared or looked at in sympathy. But now she was starting to think everyone would look at her like she's crazy, because seriously, what attending would honestly let an intern move in with them?

"You really need to chill out," Alex said. "I'm just messing with you. And I might be persuaded to help you out for the little munchkin, but what's in it for me?"

Arizona shrugged, "My everlasting gratitude?"

He snorted, "That's not gonna cut it. You, me, alcohol at Joe's."

"Alex, can't I just buy you a six pack and you can just chug it down like the Neanderthal that you are and call it a night?" Stephanie chuckled heartily. The blonde hit the nail on the head with that remark.

He glared at her, "No, we're hanging out tonight. Or you can explain to your daughter why all her books are still sitting in boxes." Usually getting a free six pack would have been enough. Hell, he would've done it for nothing. But it had been awhile since he had gone out with the blonde and just chilled out together. Sure they had lived together for awhile, but the one thing about staying in the Grey house was that someone was ALWAYS there.

Alex's attention had been split between Jo and Meredith and Maggie, with not that much time for his mentor and friend. So yeah, they were gonna knock back shots and beers and inappropriately talk about chicks.

"Are you kidding me? You know I won't explain anything to Sofia. She said she wanted a pink bookshelf to match her room and if I don't deliver she'll get those big sad eyes and pouty lips and then before I know it I've already bought out the entire Disney Store."

"Whatever, looks like we're hanging out tonight then," Alex said before exiting the NICU.

He stuck his head back in. "You mean you _haven't_ already bought out the Disney Store?"

"Shut up Alex."

##

She stretched her back, relieved that the surgery was over and that the patient would make a full recovery. From now on Mr. Peters would be able to chase his young kids around like a man his age was supposed to. This was her saving grace right here. Well, not really here in the scrub room, but beyond the glass and into the operating room.

Any surgeon will tell you, in the OR, everything is just, nonexistent. Nothing else mattered but the body lying open on the table. It's almost like a calm madness comes over you and all of a sudden _you are a god_.

Callie was scrubbing out, humming gently to herself when the door swung open.

"Hey."

The brunette stopped abruptly. Arizona was standing in front of the closed door, her hands behind her back.

"Hey, everything okay?" because there was no way the blonde would just be walking into the scrub room just to catch up. They didn't do that anymore.

Not like before.

Arizona nodded her head. "Yeah, everything's good. It's just, I know that I'm supposed to get Sofia tonight, but I was wondering if you could take her, if you don't have plans. I got a little desk and bookshelf for her, and I promised her I would have it set up the next time she came over. The desk is done so all that's left is the bookshelf and Alex is going to help me with that tonight since I'm absolutely terrible at reading directions. I was going to do it this past weekend but I had to fly to Denver on a consult which turned into an emergency surgery and well, yeah."

Well, yeah. She just had to start rambling.

 _This is why I don't share the same space with you anymore_ , Arizona thought, _I turn into an idiot._

Callie blinked before clearing her throat, "Um yeah that's fine I can take her tonight. Not a problem. Sofia will be excited to see new additions to her room. She can't stop talking about it. I'm gonna have to step it up and get her those Frozen curtains she keeps on talking about."

Arizona smiled softly. "Yeah, I wanted it to be perfect for her."

"Oh it's perfect alright, she described it to me as all pink and purple and girly. Kind of makes me think you decorated it for your own benefit," the brunette teased as she dried off her hands with a sterilized towel. It wasn't a secret that the pediatric surgeon loved girly colors and themes. Hence the butterflies on her scrub cap. It seems Arizona had gone back to her old butterfly cap with patches of different shades of pink, when Callie first her.

Like before.

The blonde smirked awkwardly before yanking open the door. "Alright well thanks." And just like that she was gone.

##

Blood was rushing to her head as she made her way to the elevator. She pushed the button down hard with her thumb. Arizona winced slightly as she paced, waiting for the doors to open and take her far away. Or as far away as she could get from her ex wife while still being in the same hospital.

She felt a vein in her forehead start to throb. The blonde removed her scrub cap as she stepped into the elevator and selected the floor for the pediatric wing. She leaned her head against the far wall and sucked in deep breaths.

It really shouldn't be this exhausting interacting with her ex wife. Maybe Arizona was being immature, and maybe a little bitter. But over the past couple of years being around Callie had been… almost revolting.

It was easy for her to hide it behind her dimples and cheerful demeanor while in the presence of other people or their daughter. But when they were alone, it was another thing entirely. All of a sudden Arizona didn't want to act friendly and cheerful. She didn't want to smile at Callie. As far as she was concerned, Callie didn't have the right to the dimples.

Her eyes closed slowly, her heart rate finally slowing down. She gritted her teeth before her eyes shot open and she prepared to get off on her floor. She had a few more patients to look into before spending the rest of her shift in her office, making plans for a trip to Africa sometime in the next year.

After the split, it never seemed like the right time to make a trip back to Malawi. She had to make sure that she was around for Sofia and finish out her fellowship. After that, Arizona was in high demand by everybody. Then Derek had died, and Arizona continued to work tirelessly, publishing extensively and coming up with new surgical techniques. It had been a whirlwind. Mind boggling, but still equally as satisfying.

They had played their roles perfectly over the years. She knew that everyone saw Callie as the good ex wife, and Arizona was the bad one. No one actually came out and said it, but the blonde knew it was true. Callie was the wife turned martyr, Arizona was the wife turned adulteress.

She was fine with that, honestly, she was fine, as long as she wasn't around Callie. What made the Latina think it was okay to make friendly conversation? There was no one around, no one to put up an act for.

Because she still cared? Because she wanted to be friends? Because they shared a child? Because they shared a hospital?

All were valid points, but none of them interested Arizona.

She wasn't sure if she even liked Callie Torres anymore.

##

"Wow, who knew bookshelves could be so complicated, huh?" Arizona asked as they took a couple of seats at the bar. Alex ordered 2 shots of tequila and a beer while the blonde ordered a vodka tonic.

"Dude, you just sat there and complained about the 'wording' of the instructions." He handed her the second shot.

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah but-"

"And you also complained about the shade of pink, the fact that you dropped a nail under the bed and I had to crawl under there to pick it up, and that it took us an extra 10 minutes to arrange Sofia's books because you wanted to put them in alphabetical order."

"You know how OCD I am about stuff like that."

"You grouped them by genre, too."

She slammed her empty shot down onto the counter, "Is it so wrong that I want to have everything perfect? Sofia's life is already unstable enough as it is." She squirmed as the tequila made its way to her stomach and she sucked the life out of the lime wedge.

"Look, the girl seems fine despite the circumstances of the past couple of years. She's happy, so quite being so uptight."

"I'm not uptight. I'm just a…..perfectionist," the blonde nodded confidently.

"No, you're just horny. You need to get laid."

"Alex!"

He smirked, nodding in thanks to Joe, who set two more shots in front of them, "How long has it been anyway?"

A moment passed while the two toasted the second round of shots, downed them, and proceeded to finish off the rest of their drinks before ordering another round of those. Alex stuck with beer while Arizona changed it up with a Long Island.

"Way too long," she said thoughtfully. They both nodded and smiled in thanks when Joe came around and settled their fresh drinks in front of them, along with two more shots before winking and going to assist more customers on the other side of the bar.

Arizona kind of wanted to hug/hit him. She knew that she would contemplate this in the morning and decide it was all a bad idea, but she was already buzzed, might as well bring it on home. It felt good to throw caution to the wind and just shoot the shit with somebody again.

"Define way too long," Alex said, "Way too long like it's been a few months or-"

"Not since Callie," she interrupted, slowly downing her shot, relishing in the feel of the tequila going down her throat this time.

"Seriously?!" he shouted. If the math was correct, and since he was on the way to drunkville there was a strong possibility he was wrong, but if he wasn't…

Arizona nodded slowly, taking a long sip of her Long Island. "Yes, it's been as long as you think it is. I don't know Alex, I just got so busy with work and adjusting to everything… I guess sex just wasn't a priority."

Alex blinked rapidly a few times before fishing the keys out of his pocket. He made quick eye contact with Joe, tossed the keys at him, and then motioned for two more shots. They were definitely going to be here for awhile.

"I just don't get it. You're a catch, Robbins. Seriously," he said. "Maybe it's time you put yourself out there again and start living for you too. I'm not saying jump into a serious relationship," he clarified, "But maybe just dating around and for fuck's sake, at least get laid."

"It's really not that easy."

Alex snorted, "Actually it is."

"NO, it's not," Arizona replied before taking her third shot of the night. "How am I supposed to regain the confidence to even put myself out there? I'm at the top of my game professionally, but personally? I feel like I've reverted back to my virginal 16 year old self."

"You were a virgin til you were 16?"

She shrugged shamelessly, "I had a friend who looked like a teen Cindy Crawford and waited til she got to the experimental stage. It was the closest I could get to the real thing."

They shared a look before laughing, and after a few seconds they just couldn't stop. It was just so Arizona. He could just picture her as a teenager, being an _awesome_ friend all the while just biding her time before swooping right in. The poor girl probably didn't even know what hit her.

"I can't fault you for that," Alex said, wiping a stray tear from his eye. "But in fairness, you aren't 16 anymore. You're a very experienced lesbian at this point in your life. Don't even try to deny it."

Arizona giggled before taking another sip from her beverage. "I'm not gonna deny it. I just can't see myself…going there with somebody again." Her tone got more serious at the end, her bright blue eyes glazing over as if she went to a trance.

Alex watched her thoughtfully, "Torres rocked you pretty bad, huh?"

The two never talked about it. Ever. Even when she mentioned it to him hastily in passing at the hospital. Even when she showed up in the middle of the night with all her stuff, saying that she had no place to go, he didn't say anything. He showed her to her room and told her to make herself at home. But they never talked about it.

Her eyes hardened slightly, "God knows that I fucked up first." Shit, _everybody_ knew that she fucked up first. Her dearest Calliope had made sure of that.

"That doesn't mean you don't have the right to feel a way about it," Alex replied as he watched her promptly order two more shots, another beer for him, and switching back to a vodka tonic for herself.

 _Fuck it_ , he thought, _if she's going down I'll go down with her._

The blonde shrugged casually, sipping from the dregs of her Long Island. Joe set the next round of drinks down and moved along. Her head hurt just thinking of how high their tab was climbing.

"You know, the night before Callie ended things, we had sex," she started, setting her empty glass to the side before grabbing her fresh drink and shot. "And it was…probably the most intense and wildest sex I've ever had with anybody."

Arizona realized that she was probably getting into the TMI zone, but at this point, she was drunk as fuck and Alex was already looking at her with the sad pity eyes. "So the whole night, and yes we were at it all night, I was thinking that this was a great thing, that we were finally reconnecting and everything was going to be good again. I thought we were actually going to make this work for real. I was so happy and I felt so alive that night."

"And right when we were about to pass out for the night, she looked at me, in that way that only she can, and she said she loved me," she took her shot of tequila and threw it back. "And then the following night she ended our marriage."

"That's really fucked up," Alex whispered before downing his shot as well. Torres seemed to forget that little detail while divulging the demise of her marriage to anyone that asked.

"She wanted to be free, and I get that now, I really do," Arizona sighed. "But there was something about that whole situation that didn't feel completely fair, or right. And I have so much to be thankful for. I have a beautiful, healthy, perfect child. I am saving so many babies and families. I am getting that notoriety and recognition in my profession. I'm starting to feel like a brilliant surgeon again, and I haven't felt like this in a long time. But every day I wake up and I have to run myself into the ground with surgeries and consults and mindless activities so I don't have to sit with this feeling that I got screwed over in a breakup that I didn't even agree to."

And she didn't agree to it. She didn't _want_ it to happen. But it did happen, and not one single decision about that was under her terms.

"You know, not once in that whole spiel did you mention the leg," Alex finally said after short pause.

He was still one part sympathetic, but the rest of him looked on in pride at his friend/mentor. It had taken her a long time to get to this point, and no one was happier to see that than Alex. After he told her that it was actually him that made the cut, he wasn't sure if Arizona would forgive him.

But she had taken it in stride, only needing a moment to process before thanking him and moving on. Which was way better than when she called him a crapdog.

She smiled wistfully, "Yeah, I didn't. I guess… I just really don't give a shit anymore," she snorted and took a long drag from her vodka tonic.

And she didn't. Perhaps that was one thing she could possibly thank Callie for. Without the pressure of trying to seek acceptance from her wife, she strived for acceptance from herself.

It was kind of ironic, really. At first she thought, after the initial breakup, that she would just become an existence, barely present. But Arizona soon realized that she had to be present, all the time. She was forced to organize her own crap around her new place, take care of her child, take care of household chores, all the while making sure that she didn't fall over, or overdo it on her leg.

Callie wasn't the backbone anymore, Arizona was.

She was, alone. And it didn't hurt as much as she expected it too.

Except for now, when she was feeling drunk and nostalgic. Mainly drunk though.

Alex laughed and clinked his beer with her cocktail, "Dude whatever. You're still hotter than most chicks out there anyway."

"Ya think?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

"Oh come on, you don't know how many times I get asked by doctors, nurses, and drug reps in that place whether or not you're dating yet," Alex rolled his eyes. He wasn't going to mention it, but he was tired of his friend acting like she wasn't worth it anymore.

He had spent years staring at her rack when he thought she or Torres wasn't looking. She was definitely worth it. Lesbian boobs or not. One leg or two.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

Another round of shots were ordered.

Arizona fiddled with the straw in her drink that she had long ago abandoned, "What do you tell them?" She wasn't fishing for compliments, really, she wasn't. But it was, nice, hearing that people were asking about her in that way, and not the 'one legged, immortal, adulteress' kind of way.

"I tell them that if you were interested in them you would've already made a move," he shrugged. He nodded at Joe, who set two shots of tequila in front of them. He slid the second one over to his drinking partner before taking his.

The truth was he tried setting the blonde up with numerous people, almost every single chick that he thought was hot enough for his friend, but Jo intercepted every single time and smacked him over the head.

Arizona threw the shot back, realizing that the tequila wasn't as gross as the last 4 she had. "I'm not that person anymore, Alex. I don't even know how to flirt. I mean, I've been on plenty of dates, but not with anyone that interested me. Apparently I went on a date with Dr. Martinez from Seattle Pres and I didn't even know it til she tried to kiss me outside the restaurant!"

Alex balked, scooting closer, "No fucking way…"

"FUCKING WAY."


	2. Smooth

AN: Thanks so much for all the follows, favorites, and reviews. I'm glad that you all enjoyed the first chapter. As for the some that didn't, don't read it. Simple as that.

Now this one might be kind of difficult for some people to read, especially the hardcore Calzona shippers, but I honestly feel like it's necessary in order for any kind of reconciliation to happen. It was hard for me to write too, since I am a part of that fanclub lol. I really feel like Arizona has been discounted A LOT, and wanted to kind of show a different side of her than what they're allowing on the show. Arizona has so much substance and so much hasn't been done with her, which drives me crazy. Callie's not in this chapter, but don't worry, she'll be back next chapter. I'm already in the process of writing it and hopefully have it posted within the next couple of days.

If you're freaking out by the end of this, don't worry. I'm a girl with a plan.

* * *

It was sleazy and inappropriate, but damnit, they just couldn't help it.

"There's no way she's just a 4, did you see the size of her tits?!"

Arizona glanced back subtlety before zeroing her attention on the dart board in front of her. One eye squinting, tongue in cheek, she made her shot, and just like the past 10 minutes, she managed to almost land on bulls eye. Which was pretty impressive, considering her inebriated state.

"Bigger the boobs doesn't always mean the best quality woman, Karev. Who knows what kind of shit is chilling in between those two melons."

This was a new game they had been playing ever since. All the serious talk had brought the energy down slightly, and they needed to pick it back up again. Neither had to be at the hospital til noon the next day, so they were gonna continue to drink and objectify women until Joe called them a cab, or kicked them out.

"She's hot too, though," Karev muttered defensively before taking another sip of his Long Island. He had switched over halfway through the night after the blonde had ordered one for him. It wasn't half bad, but at this point his taste buds were shot.

"Sure, if you're looking for a hooker or something, then yep, she's your girl," Arizona chuckled as she tried and failed miserably to sit back on her stool. She leaned casually against the table instead. "Jo's hot and doesn't look like a hooker. And her boobs are pretty awesome."

"So you've thought about her boobs…"

"Well she walked into the bathroom when I was in there and started undressing!" It was very surprising and really mortifying, but duh, she looked.

He wagged his finger in her face, well more to the right of her face. "But you've still thought about itttt."

"Of course I thought about it, I'm gay," she deadpanned before taking a sip of her drink. "Plus I thought you were 'down for whatever.'"

"I am down for whatever," he replied, getting up from his stool and making his way to the dartboard. "You're the one who got all self-righteous and claimed that you weren't staring at her ass."

"Because you were being a butthead and put me in a pretty awkward position! That was fucked up by the way."

"So you were staring at her ass," he smirked before taking his turn. The dart hit the border before falling to the floor.

The pair were obviously too drunk for strenuous activities such as this.

"Whatever," she replied before scoping out the bar again. They had arrived a little earlier and the place had really filled up in the few hours they had been hanging out. Her body swayed slightly as her gaze wandered around before blue eyes settled on a table in the corner on the other end.

"Okay, check her out over there. Now that is a solid 10." At least that's what hammered Arizona determined. The beauty was currently seated, along, blocking the view of her body, but just looking at the face she could tell that this was definitely a 10.

Alex followed her gaze, "Dude, you should totally talk to her." The chick was pretty hot.

Since her inhibitions had pretty much went out the fucking window about an hour ago, Arizona considered it for a second. What harm would it do, right? She had never seen the woman before, at least she didn't think so, and she used to be good at this, right? How hard could it be?

"I can't talk to her, no one in this place even has the requirements to be talking to a God given wonder such as that," Arizona sighed, holding her head in her hand. She really was quite beautiful. She possessed gorgeous bone structure and her hair looked luscious, tied in a fancy ponytail with wavy brown tendrils framing her face.

The two continued to look on in admiration. Their gazes must have been felt because all of a sudden the woman looked over at them. She held their attention for a few seconds, causing them both to look away simultaneously, almost knocking heads in the process.

"Whatever, you're lucky I'm taken, we would seriously be fighting over that right about now." He burped before moaning and sitting back on his stool sloppily.

Arizona scoffed, succeeding this time in sitting on her own stool, "Please, you wouldn't even be an option for her."

"Prove me wrong then. Go over there and get her number," he challenged, finishing off his Long Island.

She glared at him slightly, "And what do I get if I do?"

He mirrored her look, "50 bucks and I'll update your charts for the next 2 weeks."

The blonde snorted, "Are you serious? You're going to do an intern's job if I can get a number?"

Alex leaned back as a bartender walked over to their table and carefully set down their round of Long Islands, "I knew you wouldn't do it. I knew she wouldn't do it," he told the bartender. The innocent man just looked at them blankly before turning away.

"Wait," Arizona said to the bartender, ending her stare off with Karev. "That woman over there in the corner by herself, send over another of whatever she's having, on me," she finished, handing the bartender a $20. "Keep the change, too."

The bartender slowly took the money from her hand, "Do you want me to tell her it's from you?"

She met his eyes and smiled, "Of course." The young bartender faltered a little bit from her mesmerizing gaze and killer smile.

"You got it. She'd be a fool to say no."

"Aw thanks!" Arizona replied sappily as he walked away. "I hope you clear your schedule for the next two weeks, Karev. The only thing you'll be doing with your hands is writing! And if Jo cuts you off because you did something stupid, playing with yourself."

Alex smirked, "We'll see about that."

The door to the bar chimed, signaling another guest. The gentleman stopped at the entrance for a second, taking in his surroundings. He made his way to the bar and quickly ordered a beer and a shot. His eyes settled on the pair by the dartboards before making his way over to them.

"Dr. Robbins, Dr. Karev," Deluca greeted respectively. "You mind if I sit with you guys?"

"Roomie! Take a load off!" Arizona greeted, patting his shoulder roughly. He smiled slightly before taking a seat at their table. Alex glared at him before taking another pull from his drink. Deluca nodded in greeting before eying the attending's beverage.

 _Is there an umbrella in that?_

"And we're not working right now, you can call me Arizona," the blonde added.

"You can still call me Dr. Karev," he added shortly.

"Alex," Arizona scolded. "Get the stick out of your ass, you're still my best guy friend," she ruffled his hair, almost poking him in the eye.

Deluca chuckled nervously, "So what are you guys up to tonight?"

"We're rating girls," she answered. "We find a woman, rate her on a scale of 1 to 10, based on visible looks and how we _think_ she'd look naked, then discuss." Deluca nodded seriously before checking the place out. Now that he was sitting at the big kid's table, he didn't want to mess it up.

"What about the chick behind the bar?"

Alex rolled his eyes.

"Trish doesn't count; we both already know what she looks like naked."

##

"Fuck!"

"Pay up biiitttcchhhhh," Alex slurred as Arizona shot and cue and eight ball in. They had moved onto the pool table later in the night and Arizona had lost the past two games they had played by this same move. Impressive since she was seeing duplicates of everything. Deluca stood next to him laughing.

The two male surgeons had seemed to bond over making fun of her every chance they got. Which was fine, at least Alex wasn't shooting the intern dirty looks anymore.

"You guys suck," the blonde pouted. She set her pool stick down before making her way over to the bar.

"You lose again, Arizona?" Joe asked playfully.

She sighed, "Yes, yes I did Joe. Another round." Losing was not something she enjoyed. Arizona hated losing in anything. She watched Joe start making the drinks for the group, humming along to Alessia Cara's song Here that was playing through the speakers.

Although they were all pretty drunk by now, Arizona just could not find it in herself to stop drinking. She was having fun for the first time in what felt like forever, and she wanted to just, enjoy herself. With gross boys and alcohol.

A few seconds later she felt a presence settle next to her left.

"Hey."

The blonde turned her head and was met with the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. Well, maybe not the most beautiful, but definitely top 5. They looked kind of hazel at first glance, but after longer inspection she realized they were a dark emerald.

It was the 10, and she was definitely more than a 10 up close. The woman was wearing tight white jeans with black peep toe heels, and a black off shoulder blouse with just a hint of delicious cleavage showing. A teardrop pendant settled between her tan breasts, with matching earrings.

"Hi," Arizona answered slowly, slowing taking in the stranger.

"Are you okay?" she asked, a small smirk forming on her red painted lips.

"Uh, um- I," the blonde stuttered. _Focus, Robbins._ "I'm sorry, it's just, I noticed you earlier from across the haziness of this place and thought you were beautiful, but now that you're standing in front of me I think that you're just…absolutely stunning."

 _Good one, doc._

The woman blushed profusely, her smirk turning into a grin. She laughed nervously, "Wow, thank you for that. I also wanted to thank you for the drink earlier. It's what's giving me the extra confidence to even stand here right now."

"Why would you need any more confidence, you're gorgeous," Arizona stated bluntly.

"You're really good at this, aren't you?"

"Good at what?"

"Flattering a woman."

"Apparently not that good since I didn't get your name."

"Natalie," the woman answered, holding her hand out for the blonde to take. Her thumb brushed over Arizona's hand softly.

"Arizona," she returned.

Natalie perked up, "Like the USS Arizona?"

She stared for a second before laughing and nodding her head, "Yes, exactly! You're the first person in my entire life besides my family to get that!"

The brunette giggled, "I'm kind of a war history geek. Pearl Harbor is basically the reason I vacationed in Hawaii for a week. That's an honorable name for a gorgeous woman." Natalie took in the blonde's appearance, appreciating the black boots tucked into tight black jeans. A deep purple chiffon blouse draped her torso snugly. Her wavy blonde hair rested on one side, and her eyes were just, wow. The subtle smokiness of her makeup made them pop even more than they already did. One minute of conversation with this woman and she was already smitten.

Arizona felt something then, something she hadn't felt stir inside her belly in a long time. They continued to smile, their eyes never leaving each other's.

"Well thank you, it seems like I'm not the only one good at flattering a woman," she answered as Joe set her party's drinks in front of them. The two woman looked at the beverages before looking at each other again.

"Is it bitchy of me to not want you to bring those to your friends?" Natalie asked coyly.

"Not at all," the blonde replied, turning her head in the direction of the pool table, "DELUCA FORWARD MARCH."

Deluca looked at her confused, but walked over to them. Arizona thrusted a beer and Long Island into each hand, "Here you go."

He glanced at the beers, "Okay but aren't you-"

"I'm busy," she interrupted, nodding slightly to the woman next to her. Natalie looked on amused.

The young intern glanced between the two women slowly, "Right. Okay, well thanks," he smiled sheepishly before turning away and stumbled back to Alex, who gave Arizona two thumbs up. She shook her head before turning her attention to more pressing matters.

"So, Natalie, where were we?" she took a seat on a barstool and motioned for the brunette to sit down.

Natalie scooted her stool a little bit closer before sitting down, "I think we were about to flatter each other some more."

"I like your face."

"I like your face, too."

##

"It shouldn't be taking her this long to get a number, right?" Deluca asked. The older surgeon had filled the young intern in on the bet they had going on. The two men had been sitting at their table, blatantly watching the two women laugh and flirt. Arizona was telling a story, touching the other woman's arm every now and then, while the brunette laughed and had her hand on the blonde's thigh.

Alex snorted, "You obviously don't know that many lesbians. Robbins is just buttering her up, she'll get the number and 50 bucks. Aaaanddd I will be doing her charts."

"So you made a bet with her, knowing she'd win?"

"I knew it was a possibility that she'd win," he shrugged. "It got her out there, didn't it?"

"That's really cool of you, Alex," Deluca said.

"Whatever," he said, glancing at his watch, it took a lot of squinting. "Shit, we're going to have to cab it to Arizona's."

"Is it alright if I ride with you guys, I had to hand over my keys to Joe earlier."

"You're going to be living there soon, aren't you?"

Deluca shrugged, "Well yeah but-"

"Look, I won't have a problem with you unless you kill or almost kill somebody on my watch, hit on Wilson, or piss off Robbins. Got it?"

"I'll have the cab on standby."

##

"You did not?!"

"Not on purpose! My brother never brought that girl around the family, how was I supposed to know?"

"So you stole his girlfriend from him?"

"Well he stole my girlfriend first in the 6th grade," Arizona laughed, downing the rest of her drink in memory of Tim. "I felt so bad after though, he was in the dumps and hated me for like two weeks."

"So you've always been this smooth, then?"

The blonde smirked, "Everything I learned I learned from my brother. Maybe I'll open a door for you sometime."

Natalie giggled before glancing at her phone, frowning, "Damn't. I have to work early tomorrow so I'm going to have to head out. But… I would really like it if we did this again soon."

Arizona grinned, "I'd like that too." She slid her phone over, unlocked, already in the new contact page. The brunette laughed and quickly typed in her information. She eyed the blonde slyly before reaching into her purse and pulling out a pen. She grabbed her arm, their eyes never leaving each other, and slowly slid the sleeve up slightly and neatly wrote her number down. She blew softly over her forearm, making sure the ink was dry.

"There, that way I'll really know if you liked me or not."

"Trust me, you'll know something," Arizona said cheekily. They both stood up at the same time. Natalie leaned over tentatively, placing a soft but sensual kiss on the corner of the blonde's mouth. The brunette pulled back and smiled one last time before making her way out of the bar.

Arizona sighed dreamily. There had to have been some divine intervention going on that brought this woman into her line of sight tonight. Maybe it was Joe and his strong ass drinks, but regardless, Arizona had a number. She smirked before swinging her body around.

"PAY UP BIIITTTCHHHH!"


	3. Somebody That I Used to Know

AN: Wow the number of kind words, follows, and favorites that I've received has been unreal, so thank you so much to all who love it and had something nice to say. Like I said before, this is my interpretation and how I've imagined it in my head, so I'm going to continue to write it as such. I know some thought I made Arizona come off like a dumbass, and of course I did, she's drunk! That's what you do when you're wasted with your friends, you do stupid shit and say things that would normally be halted by a filter. As far as Callie goes, I love her. I've loved her since season 2. Yeah Arizona is definitely my favorite character, but Callie is a close second. So I definitely have a lot of Callie moments planned too.

I've also considered possibly switching it up and writing more from the character's POV. What do you guys think? Input would be greatly appreciated.

This is a story that I've thought long and hard about, it's taken me months to even think about writing it. It's starting out slow at the moment, so the next couple of chapters are going to be pretty close together in time, but I'll start moving a bit forward soon. I'm not gonna drag it on for a ridiculous amount of chapters.

* * *

Spinning. Everything was spinning and there was nothing she could do about it.

She was done contemplating and decided that, chyeah, getting wasted might have been a bad idea last night. Her shower had made her feel a little bit better, but the blonde still felt pretty rough.

It had been a chaotic morning to say the least. Arizona woke up to a wood pecker at work inside her head and Alex sprawled out on the couch with his head hanging off the end. Deluca seemed to have slipped out earlier in the morning for early morning rounds, but she did find her daughter's comforter hastily made, and she could have sworn she saw drool on the pillows.

 _I'm gonna have to wash that when I get home._

On top of that, they had only an hour to get their shit together and make it to the hospital in time for their surgeries. There was a board meeting or something that had taken place first thing before rounds, but Arizona had been excused by Bailey earlier this week thank god. She also thanked God for the coffee in her hand right now as she strolled into the lobby. Alex trudged next to her, his hair ruffled and scowling a lot more than usual.

"How bad of an idea was it getting that sloshed last night?"

"I'm gonna go with, pretty bad," he answered as they entered the elevator. "At least you scored that chick's number though, right?"

Arizona smirked, "That I did, Dr. Karev. Don't think I forgot you owe me 50 bucks." They stepped off the elevator and walked to the nurses' station.

"Wow, you guys look like shit." Amelia Shepherd was seated at one of the computers, her signature devious smirk on her face. "Long night?"

"Too long," they answered. Alex bid his goodbyes gruffly before slowly making his way to the locker room.

"Yeah, I don't miss that feeling," the neurosurgeon said, standing up. "Are you going to be okay in the OR?"

Arizona nodded, "Yeah, I'll be fine after I finish my coffee. Did you hear anything from Meredith about that board meeting earlier?"

Shepherd shrugged, "Just budget updates I think is what Mer was telling me. I got here a few minutes after her to show Dr. Castro, our new neurosurgeon around and finish up some last minute scheduling and by the time we were done everyone was filing out of the boardroom."

"Oh good, that'll be nice to have another surgeon in your department." Amelia had been running herself into the ground with work surgeries. Arizona knew at first it was to keep herself busy so that she wouldn't miss her brother so much. The blonde knew that feeling too well. But Amelia had been doing better lately.

The brunette nodded, "Yeah, it'll get all the other assholes in my department off my back. As if they do anything more than clipping aneurysms."

Arizona laughed, "Well they can't all be you, Dr. Shepherd. I'll see you in the OR, I'm just gonna change real quick and pop into the patient's room."

Amelia was resecting a huge tumor from Rhonda Davidson who also happened to be 23 weeks pregnant. Arizona was just going to be there, monitoring the baby, and if things got dicey, deliver the baby. She was lucky that Shepherd was brilliant.

"See you in there. Oh by the way, Bailey was looking for you earlier."

 _Great, just what I need, the Nazi._

##

"Are you sure you're okay? You look like you're high, and I know what high looks like."

Arizona groaned, "My head is killing me. I drank way too much last night." Fortunately, she didn't have to do a thing in surgery, the baby stayed stable throughout the whole thing. Amelia was confident that she got the whole tumor, and they were going to let Rhonda's husband know that everything was great. All's well that end's well.

Shepherd smirked while scrubbing out, "That's not like you. Was there a birthday or celebration that I missed out on?"

"No, Alex put together Sofia's new bookshelf and wanted repayment in the form of boy's night at Joe's. Deluca joined us too."

Amelia laughed, "That explains why he looked so green this morning. You're definitely looking better than him at least." She glanced in her direction before doing a double take.

"Yeah I got a little-"

"What is that?" she asked, drying her hands.

"What is what?" she looked around the scrub room.

Amelia threw her towel in the hamper and pointed at her arm, "THAT."

The blonde took her foot off the faucet and glanced down. She looked up the smiled sheepishly, "Ummm…" Natalie's number was still imprinted into her fair skin, although faintly, due to the shower and two scrub ins she did today. But none the less, not faint enough for the neurosurgeon to notice.

"Herman was right, you're a dirty, dirty girl!"

Arizona rolled her eyes, "It's really not that big of a deal." She nudged open the door, Shepherd hot on her heels.

"It is a big deal! She was probably hot as hell wasn't she? Don't you want to write that down or something?"

She sighed, "Yes, she was absolutely gorgeous. And there's no need, she put her number in my phone too."

Amelia chuckled, "Wow, you must have made one heck of an impression on her."

The doctor's memory was still a bit hazy about last night, but one thing she did remember was the absolute sexiness of the woman she had met. Not only was she pleasing to look at, but they actually had great conversation. Arizona was impressed she was even able to speak to the brunette without slurring her speech or stuttering, and even though she woke up this morning with a raging hangover, she was glad she met her.

Arizona shrugged, removing her scrub cap and stuffing it into her pocket, "I guess so. I didn't make an ass of myself. Although I did tell her I liked her face," she winced. That part might not have been so smooth, but apparently it worked.

Shepherd busted out laughing, signing off on Rhonda's chart before handing it to a nurse. "If a guy said that he'd look like a complete idiot and get no number, maybe a drink thrown in his face. But when you say it, it's all adorable and suave, and they're eating out of the palm of your hand."

Arizona chuckled bashfully, "I don't really think it was like that. Karev made a bet with me that I couldn't get her number. I was determined." Her pager went off at her hip. A page from Dr. Torres to the pediatric floor. She looked up at the neurosurgeon in acknowledgement and made her way to the elevator, "You'll tell the family everything went good?"

Amelia nodded before calling out, "So you're NOT gonna call her?!"

The blonde smirked, "Oh I'm definitely calling her."

 _I think._

##

Callie sighed, hoisting the little girl into her arms, "Sofia, it's okay baby. It won't even hurt."

"NONONONONO, I DON'T WANNA SHOTTTT," she wailed, tears streaming down her face.

"Sweetie you have to. I don't want you to get sick. It's to keep you healthy," she reasoned.

The girl sniffled, "You promise it won't hurt?"

"Just a little pinch, I promise," Callie answered, looking into big brown eyes so similar to her own.

"I want Mama, too."

"Mama's coming, she should be here any minute," she said, looking around the wing for any sign of her ex wife. The Latina received a call this morning from one of the nurses of the Peds Ward, informing her that Sofia was due for her booster shot. It had apparently slipped both mothers' minds, and the little girl absolutely hated shots. Her reactions to them were similar to her blonde mother's. Every time Arizona got her annual flu or pneumonia vaccines, Callie always had to hold the blondes hand and then feed her doughnuts for the rest of the day.

It was funny how much of a kid Arizona could be. Callie didn't mind though, it was second to the cutest thing she'd ever seen. First being when she cried when she got mad at people of authority.

"Hey guys, what's going on?" a voice said behind them. Speaking of Arizona.

"Sofia's due for her booster shot," Callie stated, motioning to the still upset little girl in her arms.

"Mama!" Sofia exclaimed, her little arms already reaching out for the other woman.

Arizona took the girl carefully from her ex wife's arms and wiped the stray tears from her face, "Oh come on Sof, we already talked about this. You need to get these shots. I thought you were a big girl, huh?" Sofia was twirling blonde hair between her fingers before looking up defiantly.

"I am a big girl!"

"I don't see any big girls around," Karev joked, walking up to them. He was met with glares from the two doctors, and a giggle from the little one. She raised her little hand, "Me!"

Alex flinched, "Oh there you are! You know, only big girls can get this shot. And after, you get a sticker AND whatever candy you want."

"Not too much candy," the mothers said in unison.

"Can you give me my shot, Uncle Alex?" Sofia asked sweetly, batting her eyelashes. The little girl had grown smitten with the male surgeon when Arizona had been living with him. As far as her young mind was concerned, Alex was the coolest thing around. And he was quite fond of her as well. There wasn't a single person in this hospital that wasn't fond of Sofia Robbins Sloan Torres.

"You're in luck, Miss Sofia. I have a little bit of time before me and your Mami have surgery," Alex answered. "We just got some new stickers in too; you'll be the first to get their hands on one." Arizona set the girl on the floor, and she immediately latched onto his hand.

"Okay, let's go!" she began dragging him down the hall.

Callie chuckled, "You don't want us to come with you?" It was a pointless question, really. Sofia loved Alex and the thought of hanging out with him with her moms tagging embarrassed her already. Callie didn't even want to think about the tough teenage years they had ahead of them.

"Nope, I'm a big girl," Sofia threw over her shoulder. Arizona snorted. There was way too much personality in their daughter already. Some days that little face was the only thing that got her up in the morning, that made her laugh, that made her function.

"I'll drop her back off at daycare when we're done," Alex said.

"Bye, mommies!"

"Bye!" they both yelled.

"Alex don't forget my charts or my money!" Arizona tossed in last second. He threw up hand up lazily before disappearing around the corner.

Callie looked at her, "Karev's doing your charts?"

Arizona nodded casually, grabbing a tablet from behind the desk and flipping through it. She didn't need to look anything up; she just needed to be doing something with her hands and eyes. The blonde found that doing that helped immensely when around her ex-wife. Less eye contact, and usually if she looked busy enough Callie would just leave her alone.

"Yeah, we made a friendly wager at Joe's last night and he ended up on the losing side."

The brunette narrowed her eyes, "Joe's? I thought Alex was helping you with Sofia's bookshelf?"

"He did, and then we went to the bar and had a couple of drinks. Dr. Deluca ended up joining us later," Arizona stated. It was more than a couple, but her ex wife didn't need to know that particular detail.

"Oh," Callie blinked, "I guess it didn't take that long to put the shelf together if you had enough time to go to Joe's."

This time she had to look up to meet the woman's stare. The brunette's voice was laced with passive aggressive insinuation. The blonde narrowed her eyes, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," she replied briskly. "I just figured you wanted me to take Sofia because it was going to take awhile. I didn't know you were going to get wasted at the bar."

 _Oh no, this is not how this is going to go_ , Arizona thought. She set the tablet back into its dock roughly before turning to the other woman, "And what makes you think we got wasted?" The ortho surgeon wasn't wrong. In fact, she was right on the money. But Arizona wasn't going to tell Callie that.

"I saw Karev's car still parked outside of Joe's this morning on my way in. I'm assuming you two got too drunk and had to take a cab home." _Grrreaat. Now you look like an obsessive stalker ex wife_.

The blonde surgeon scoffed, "So you already knew I must have been at Joe's, and yet acted surprised when I just told you I went there. Were you trying to see if I was going to lie or something?"

"No." _Yes._

"Really, because it kind of sounds like you did. I asked you if it was okay if you took her last night and you said it was."

Callie rolled her eyes, "It sounds like you're overreacting. It's fine." _This is not your problem, Torres._

"I don't like you insinuating that I don't want to spend time with my daughter," Arizona shot back.

"That's not what I was saying!" Callie exclaimed. "I was just a little surprised that you guys went out." _Shut up, shut up now._

"You think it's surprising that I would go out and have a social life? That I have friends? Could you be any more insulting?" Arizona really didn't think she could at this point. It was pathetic that this was probably the longest conversation they've had in a year and a half. A casual conversation that turned into an argument in about 2 seconds with an ' _Oh'_ attached to it.

Callie snorted, "I'm being insulting? You're the one that started this-"

"And this is Dr. Torres and Dr. Robbins, they're heads of their department, as well as sitting board members," the unmistakable voice of Chief Bailey interrupted. Arizona closed her eyes and mentally groaned. Great, just great. Bailey already needed to talk to her about something, and now she was probably going to get an earful about inappropriate behavior.

Because _nobody_ brought their personal business into the professional spectrum. It was pretty much mandatory if you worked at Grey-Sloan Memorial.

"Ladies, this is Dr. Castro, our new neurosurgeon. We were just checking in on our MVC patient from this morning."

Arizona reluctantly turned around. She wasn't going to look like a rude asshole just because Callie wanted to be. But her friendly grin turned into complete shock. Her eyes bulged out of her head at the sight of _Dr. Natalie Castro_ standing next to the Chief of Surgery and across from her ex wife. She wanted to pinch herself, but she was pretty sure what she was seeing was actually real. She also wanted to laugh, because this was just too ridiculous but yet too believable.

 _Seriously? SERIOUSLY?_

Callie smiled, "Dr. Torres, welcome to Grey-Sloan. We're happy to have you," she stepped forward and stuck her hand out.

Natalie shook her hand firmly, "Likewise. I've heard great things about your cartilage research and the veteran's project you're working on."

Dr. Castro turned her attention to the blonde, who had been on her mind way too much than what was normal, "Dr. Robbins, nice to see you again." It was professional and platonic to the chief and ortho surgeon, but Arizona caught the glint in her eye. It was like last night; the two couldn't help but stare at each other. The neurosurgeon's poker face was apparently way better than hers. The lingering handshake, on the other hand, might've given them away.

Due to the fact that the fetal surgeon could literally feel her Callie's gaze burning a hole into her temple.

"Oh, you two have already met?" Bailey asked.

Arizona nodded, her stellar smile on display, "Yeah, yeah we met… earlier." Which wasn't really a lie.

"Yeah, we met briefly before I got paged to the ER this morning," Natalie added. Which wasn't really a lie either.

"Okay, good then. What are you two doing up here anyways? Torres don't you have surgery soon?" Bailey turned her attention to the Head of Ortho.

"Yeah, I do. We just came up here because Sofia is due for her booster shot, she was upset about it at first but Dr. Karev offered to do it before our surgery, so apparently we are no longer needed," Callie chuckled. "Anyways, I'm heading down to the OR floor now. I'll see you around, Dr. Castro, Chief." She turned on her heel and began making her way to the elevator.

She pressed the button before glancing back. "Dr. Robbins, you'll be taking Sofia tonight?" The brunette asked innocently.

Arizona nodded slowly with a smile on her face and steel in her eyes, "Of course, Dr. Torres." The elevator door opened and she was gone. Inside the blonde was seething. Callie Torres was the only person in the entire world who could make Arizona this angry. Callie's friendliness made her angry. Callie's passive aggressiveness made her angry. Her plastered fake smile made her especially angry.

The Latina made her bloodstream hot instantly. Before Arizona considered it in a good thing, passionate, but not anymore. The good heat for one Callie Torres had long burned out, and all that was left was a big iceberg. Well, maybe just a medium one. They did share a life together at one point.

Bailey looked on at the exchange between the two women. Here she was, the new Chief of Surgery, trying to run a hospital for God's sake, and these two fools were acting like immature teenagers. She did not have time for this nonsense. Another issue she would have to address.

The ringing of a pager broke the two women from their thoughts.

Natalie read the pager from her waistband. "911 from the ER, again. Chief, it was a pleasure scrubbing in with you today. Dr. Robbins, I will definitely see you around," she grinned before running to the stairs.

Bailey turned her attention to the blonde, who all of a sudden found the extra insurance forms sitting on the nurses' station very interesting. The shorter woman's eyes narrowed, "Dr. Robbins."

Arizona looked up nonchalantly, "Chief? You need me for something?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact. Meet me in my office before you leave here today. We have a few… things, to discuss."

"Oh it's my turn with Sofia tonight, Alex and I finished putting together a new-"

"This won't take long, Robbins. Just stop by before you pick her up," Bailey answered quickly before making her way to the elevators.

Arizona groaned before making her way to the practice lab. She had a couple of hours before she was due back in surgery, and there were a couple of new techniques she had been tossing back and forth in her mind. Just another couple weeks of testing and Arizona would update her paper and hopefully publish it in a few months. Then she had to return some calls about consults and the like. So far today her voicemail had been left with messages from Cleveland Clinic, Mass Gen, Johns Hopkins, AND Jackson Memorial.

This right here, her career, this she could control. Arizona would not lose this.

##

 _Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. STUPID._

"Dude, are you talking to yourself?" Alex asked, looking up Kate Monaghan's liver bleed. It had been a weird first hour of surgery. The patient had taken a fall off her horse. The accident had caused a minor liver bleed but a major broken elbow. Torres had met him in the scrub room, tore open her package of soap just a little too roughly, and began scrubbing her hands and arms with even more gusto. Voice sharp, moves sure.

This was good, typical for a surgeon, but the surgeons that occupied this hospital didn't do typical.

Callie shook her head defiantly, "Um no." She refused to meet his gaze. If you knew the Latina you knew that her eyes gave everything away. Arizona used to tell her that all the time. Not one emotion, whether real or fake, could be hidden by her eyes.

That was a lie. It was a task in med school that she learned to master eventually.

Callie could school her expression to portray anything to anybody really, but not when it came to things that _truly mattered_. This was one of them, and she didn't want to divulge _this_ to anybody.

"Whatever, you were definitely talking to yourself."

She sighed. Arguing with Arizona left a bad taste in her mouth, in her gut, in her _soul_. Always had, always will. But the nerve of this… Dr. Castro, to blatantly compliment _her_ , and then shoot bedroom eyes at the blonde, in front of the Chief of Surgery. It was, unsettling. That's what she was feeling, unsettled, and a little pissed off at the argument that had transpired briefly between the two women.

Why couldn't they just… get along? _Because you love each other so much that you hate each other…?_ Callie blinked, her breath quickening. That couldn't be it, could it? They had been over for some time now. Had their own places, Sofia was on a schedule. Both of them had dated others. They had moved on. It was just inappropriate, that's what it was. That love was… gone.

It was just a bad day. That's right. Sofia had been cranky as hell this morning, her coffee had sucked, the board meeting almost put her to sleep, and Arizona was being a jerk. It was just one stupid day. Tomorrow would be better. She had to believe that.

"You about done, Karev?" The sooner Alex got out of here, the less she would think about his mentor/friend.

"Yep, everything looks clean. Edwards, you can close up for me?" Alex asked.

The resident looked at him, one eyebrow raised, "Did you really just ask me that?"

"Well, considering you're a resident and I'm your attending, yeah, I just asked you that," he answered before stepping away from the table and making his way to the scrub room. "And when you get done closing you can finish up the rest of those charts I gave you earlier."

"Seriously?! Those aren't even your charts!"


	4. There's An Energy

AN: Soooo it's come to my attention that some people really hate this fic lol. I've gotten numerous requests to untag Callie, and that's just not going to happen, sorry. I appreciate respectful comments on the subject, but I'm not going to do that just so I don't get rude reviews anymore. In my opinion, and I've been reading Calzona stories for years, there have been hundreds of other stories published that made Callie look a lot worse than I have. There have been other pairings that have been a lot more ridiculous (although I do love a good Arizona/Amelia pairing every now and then). There are some people that don't even want the two together anymore, which I find weird because they're still reading Calzona stories. Go figure.

Fact of the matter is, I don't care that Callie's bisexual, or that Arizona is a biphobe. That doesn't have anything to do with my writing process. It doesn't even cross my mind. Callie _will_ get her turn, trust me.

Not gonna lie, I had Major Lazer's 'Powerful' playing in the background, and the last part of this chapter goes along with it perfectly. Pretty good song so if you haven't heard it yet, check it out.

Anyways, I think after this chapter and maybe the next one you'll start to see where I stand with the pairing. So I'll stop rambling, but before I do once again thanks so much for the kind words. They really keep me inspired.

* * *

Arizona paced anxiously on the catwalk, the click clack of her boots the only sound heard. It was dark already, and she really wanted to grab Sofia and get home. After showing her daughter the newest additions to her room, they were going to feast on spaghetti and popsicles. Bath time was next, followed by Hotel Transylvania on DVD. And if little miss didn't pass out by the end, a bedtime story.

But at this rate, it didn't look like she would be getting out of here anytime soon. Why would Bailey wait until the end of the work day to talk to her?

"Thanks for waiting Robbins, this will just be a second," Bailey said, breezing past her and unlocking her office.

"No offense Chief but we couldn't have talked about this earlier?" the blonde answered, following the shorter woman in and taking a seat across from the desk. Bailey snorted, removing her lab coat and placing it on the hook.

"We could have, but then you wouldn't be sitting here with that terrified look on your face."

She straightened up, "I-I'm not, terrified. I just don't know why this had to wait until now. I just wanted to get home and spend time with Sofia."

 _Terrified, ppfftt. Maybe a little, like, scared. But definitely not terrified._

Bailey sat down slowly in her chair, "Don't try and hide behind that little girl. You're nervous and look like you're about to cry." Arizona opened her mouth, "Robbins I have no time for the waterworks, I just thought we needed to discuss some things, just between me and you, without any eavesdroppers. We both know how things get around."

Arizona nodded, "Umm, okay. Soooo, what's up?"

The Chief of Surgery sighed, "Since I've been running things I've received 4 different calls from 4 different hospitals trying to figure out how they can whisk you away from here. And I know Hunt has gotten similar inquiries while he was Chief."

 _Really? This is what this meeting was about?_ "Bailey, I know, they've call-"

"And I know that you've turned them all down, for now. You're a brilliant surgeon and a wonderful teacher, I know these facts personally, and all those other hospitals know that and want that. I just want to know where your head is at. We can't lose you. I can't lose you, Arizona."

The blonde leaned back considerably more relaxed in her chair. Okay, so this wasn't how she initially thought this was going to go. But Bailey was looking at her, almost pleading, and she hadn't seen the woman like this since she wanted that surgery for Glenda Castillo. It was, weird, to say the least. But it showed just how serious Miranda was.

It wasn't like she didn't think about accepting those job offers. She thought about it each time she got a call. Arizona wasn't naïve; she knew she was in extreme high demand, partly because of her notoriety in pediatric surgery, her Carter Madison Grant, and the fact that Herman had spread the word about her great prodigy, essentially an extension of her own genius. She was being courted on almost a daily basis, and it felt good.

"Miranda," she started, "I would be lying if I said that they weren't generous offers. The gift baskets alone were pretty enticing, and it'd be pretty nice to win a Harper Avery… But you don't have anything to worry about, at least not any time soon. My life is here, I'm committed to this hospital. My daughter is here. I'm not just gonna pick up and leave. I won't do that to her."

"Is Sofia the only thing that's keeping you here?" Bailey asked.

"Absolutely," Arizona answered a split second later. "You think I wouldn't love to just pick up, start over, and never come back to this place? If it wasn't for Sofia, I would've already done that a long time ago. But," she wiped her hands on her jeans, "I'm still here, and if I decide to make a change, trust me Miranda, you'll be the first to know."

Bailey fiddled with her ring finger, "You think Torres would try to take Sofia away from you if you left?"

The blonde winced, "I don't know what she would or wouldn't do. And this isn't about Callie, it's about me." She knew deep down that the Latina wouldn't intentionally keep their daughter away from her. That wasn't Callie; that much she gave her ex credit for. But she was aware of the strong possibility of only getting holidays and/or summers. That wasn't enough, and Arizona refused to not have her daughter a mere 20 minutes away at all times. Sofia needed her, and her mother needed her, too.

"Okay, I'm going to trust you."

"Okay," Arizona repeated, standing up and adjusting the strap of her bag, "Are we good?"

"Not quite," Bailey said, standing up as well, preparing to leave for the night herself. "Don't think I didn't see what went on earlier, on the Peds Floor at that. You and Dr. Torres need to cut it out with the bickering. Like I told Dr. Castro, you both are heads of your department and board members. You can yell and scream and throw insults at each other somewhere else, not in this hospital."

"I know, and I'm sorry. She's just…" Arizona trailed, and then sighed. There was really no point. "You're right, it won't happen again."

"Please make sure it doesn't. I'll be sure to let Callie know that as well," the Chief nodded.

One more step and the blonde was home free; away from the authoritative nature of Miranda Bailey and towards Sofia and a night of mother/daughter bonding time. She meant what she said. Sofia was the only reason she was still at this cursed hospital.

"Oh Arizona one more thing."

 _You've got to be freaking kidding me._

"It took a lot of courting and negotiations to get Dr. Castro to Grey-Sloan; as of right now she's on a 3 month contract til I can convince her to extend. She's an outstanding surgeon in her field and will be an asset to us." She slid her jacket on, "Derek actually used to call her for advice and they worked together quite a bit when he was living on the East Coast."

Arizona raised both eyebrows, "Wow, that's impressive, I di-"

"But that ain't the point," Bailey interrupted.

She left the door open for the blonde to exit. Bailey quickly locked the door and they began their journey down the catwalk.

"The point is that she's an official member of the staff. I'm not going to act like I know or want to know what's going on with your personal business. But once again, she is a member of the staff, and so I'm asking you to treat her as such."

Everyone could smile, laugh, work, and act like everything was fine, but Miranda Bailey knew better. And she wasn't trying to be bossy or the _Nazi_. No, she was trying to save these damn people from themselves. Time didn't matter; they were all just as jaded as they were. Like before. Bound by their surgical brilliance, heavy emotions, and private parts.

Arizona blinked, stopping, "If you're insinuating that I can't be profess-"

"I'm not saying you can't." Bailey turned around and began walking backwards, "As a matter of fact you're one of the more professional doctors here."

"Okay then-"

"I'm saying, don't forget. I'm Bailey, I know everything."

##

Arizona did kind of forget. It was pretty difficult to get anything over on Bailey. But honestly, how was she supposed to know that goddess-from-the-bar Natalie was actually Dr. Natalie Castro, neurosurgeon extraordinaire? The blonde racked her brain from the night before, trying to remember any mention of being a doctor on either ends. _Nope, I got nothing._

From what she could recall, they spent most of their meeting that night throwing compliments around, trading

embarrassing stories, and geeking out over World Wars 1 and 2. Completely innocent conversation. Not once were their jobs mentioned. For all she knew Natalie could be straight. Okay, definitely not straight. But the woman could have like a bajillion kids, some weird foot fetish, or just certifiably crazy. She rolled her eyes, watching the numbers go by in the elevator.

 _You have 1 kid, 1 leg, and an intern living with you. You've also survived a plane crash, a shooting, and a car crash. You also broke like a dozen HIPAA violations not too long ago. You're not that far off._

"Hey, I was hoping I'd see you again today." She was jerked from her thoughts by the hot doctor. Natalie was also in her street clothes, heading out for the night. She stepped into the elevator.

Arizona smiled, "Hey, how was your first day at Grey-Sloan? Ready to run for the hills?" It was a valid question, honestly. They both leaned against the far side of the elevator, facing each other.

The brunette laughed, "The exact opposite actually. I kind of hope I get paged later, unless you wanna grab dinner?"

 _I'm Bailey, I know everything._

"I would love to," she began, "But I can't. I actually have my daughter tonight."

"Oh Sofia's your daughter? I was wondering who Dr. Torres was talking about."

"Yeah, Sofia," Arizona added lamely. Did this elevator just get really slow all of a sudden?

Natalie smirked, taking a step forward, "You can talk about your daughter in front of me, Arizona. I like you, and I'd like to see you again. You could have 10 kids and I'd still want to take you to dinner."

"It's not that I don't want to talk about her," she answered, scuffing her boot against the floor and running her hand through her hair hastily. "It's just that…I know how weird it can get when dating someone with a kid and we just met last night for like 2 awesome seconds and now we're working together. Not that that's your fault, neither of us talked about our occupations. And I know it's a big hospital and everything but we're both surgeons which means we're on the surgical wing. And I know that it's your first day and you've probably heard everything about my li-" she was cut off by one soft finger resting on her lips.

"You're cute when you ramble," Natalie husked. "It's not weird. Like I said, it doesn't bother me. And you're right, people talk, a lot here, and I've heard things about you. But…I'd like to get to know you for myself. If you want me to."

Arizona swallowed. She wasn't quite sure if the woman was saying all the right things for the sake of having good game, but there was something so…genuine about her. Natalie was fresh and new, and apparently didn't care what she _definitely_ heard about the blonde. She was actively pursuing her, that much Arizona was sure of. Why shouldn't she try?

"I…I want to know you too."

The brunette exhaled, beaming, "Okay good, because this makes what I'm about to do a lot less awkward." Arizona didn't even have a chance to react before she felt soft lips press gently against hers. The blonde froze briefly before reciprocating. It was weird, going so long without physical contact from an adult. Contact like this had been nonexistent for way too long. It was like symphony, really. Starting out slowly, tentatively.

Natalie curled her hand around her neck, thumb stroking a porcelain jaw. Arizona turned her head to the side, deepening the kiss. Her hand crawled up the brunette's hip to her ribs, slowly dragging it back down, her nails scratching gently. The blonde ran her other hand up her back, reaching the luscious hair of the other woman.

Alright, so this was inappropriate. And unprofessional. And the elevators were going to open any second. And Bailey was going to kill her. But Natalie kept on biting her lip before trailing her tongue around the blonde's mouth, with her hand reaching dangerously close to the fetal surgeon's ass. It was maddening, this feeling of being wanted by another person. It was too old of a feeling, but yet… _so new._

They pulled apart just in time, the elevator dinging, signaling their destination. The two women giggled, hands reluctantly leaving each other's bodies.

"Stupid elevator," Natalie muttered, adjusting her shirt and straightening up her hair.

"Hey don't knock the elevator; you'll learn to love it, especially the slow ones." The doors opened, and because nothing in their lives was ever simple, there Callie Torres stood, holding her scrub cap in one hand and phone in the other.

She raised one eyebrow, "There you are. I went to daycare looking for Grey and Sofia was still there. You get tied up in surgery?"

 _Now you look like an even bigger stalker checking her schedule, dumbass._

Callie kept eye contact with the blonde. Arizona stepped out of the elevator, Natalie trailing behind her.

"I was just on my way to pick her up actually. Bailey wanted to see me about something," the blonde answered.

"Oh, okay. Dr. Castro, you enjoy your first day?" the Latina asked briskly.

Natalie smiled, "Yeah, I think I'm going to like it here."

"I bet," Callie trailed, looking between the two. "Okay well, have a good night. Arizona, don't forget its Sof's turn for snack time tomorrow."

"Got it," Arizona said as her ex stepped into the elevator. The doors closed and she was gone.

"I don't think she's gonna like me."

##

"I don't like her."

"Really? Amelia can't stop going on about her and I sat in on her surgery with Bailey. It was just a craniotomy but she seems pretty talented. I read up on a few of her surgeries that she's done. Did you know that-"

"She's inappropriate."

Meredith shrugged, "Okay, then she should fit right in."

"I mean, do we really need another surgeon with a big ego that flirts with everything that moves?"

"Do we even work at the same place?"

Tequila shots littered the bar, along with empty plates of demolished burgers and fries. Maggie was babysitting the kids, so Meredith and Callie decided to grab a late dinner, with tequila.

Callie shrugged, "I guess she just didn't make a good first impression on me, that's all."

"What happened? You didn't walk in on her going at it in an on call room, did you?" Meredith asked, munching on a left over fry. "Because that would be great, a little awkward for you, but great."

The Latina snorted into her shot glass, "Might as well have. She was all over Arizona in front of Bailey, and me." She cursed her friend in her head. She didn't get that far yet in her Arizona/Castro scenario.

"Seriously?" That didn't sound like Robbins.

"Okay maybe she wasn't all over Arizona. But they were looking at each other all ready to pounce. Apparently they had already met."

Meredith hummed. Alex had mentioned something about Arizona meeting a woman last night at this very establishment. She made a mental note to ask her person more about that subject later.

"That would explain why they were friendly. Why are you acting so offended? You both seem happy lately."

"I am," Callie started, running both hands through her hair. "It's been over for a long time. I just can't figure out why this is bothering me so much." It had been on the brunette's mind all day and literally driving her crazy. So she had gone to the daycare to drag Grey out with her to help push it out of her mind.

And then she met them in the elevator. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened in the metal box. Both women had been a little flushed. Arizona's eyes had darkened immensely, and she had that sexy look on her face. Callie knew that look. That look used to make her clothes just magically disappear more times than she would like to admit.

"I can answer that for you," Mer replied, grabbing fresh shot and scooting another one towards her friend. "You're jealous."

"I am not jealous!"

The blonde tossed the tequila back, "You're definitely jealous. And it could be because of 2 reasons. One, Dr. Castro is pretty hot, and you don't like that you had to physically see with your own two eyes another woman express open interest in Arizona. Which brings me to two, that apart of you doesn't want her to move on with someone else, because you still love her."

"That's…." Callie trailed. "Not true. Yes I will always love her, that's not going to change. But we can't go down that road again. That's not an option. I've moved on."

Meredith laughed, "Yeah if you say so. I'm just saying you need to figure out what exactly you're upset about." She shrugged, "I know that it was hard for me to see Derek with Addison, and even Rose. Which was because I still loved him and wanted to be with him. Not because of who he was with, but because those women weren't me."

"I get what you're saying, but that doesn't really apply. Arizona's dated already, I know she has." Mainly because she heard it through other people, but still, Callie knew that there had been other women.

"But you never saw anything. I'm sure it wasn't easy for her when she saw you sucking face with that crazy blonde chick," Meredith pointed out, ordering two more shots from Joe. He poured the clear liquid into two more glasses and brought them over. At this rate, the doctors were going to run him out of tequila by the end of the week.

"God she was crazy," Callie moaned. Both women tipped their tequila back.

"Maybe I did use all my happy up and now it's gone and there's just…this." Meredith turned her glass over while the other woman stared deeply into hers.

"Callie, your happy never left."

##

Arizona sat down tiredly in her new wingback chair, taking a long sip from her beer. "This day went on way too long."

Alex shrugged, "It wasn't that bad. After my first surgery I started feeling a little better. Better enough to be drinking this anyway," he raised his own bottle.

Sofia was knocked out in her room after their evening activities. After devouring their dinner, they took a walk, checking out the new neighborhood. One of Arizona's neighbors were actually surgeons at Seattle Pres and had a little girl of their own. After talking with the parents and Sofia playing with her new friend, they came back home and had bath time. The little brunette had passed out the first 20 minutes of the movie.

Alex had gotten off work a little later than expected and shown up at her front door with a 6 pack and $36.01.

"You still have a balance of $13.99," she mentioned.

He rolled his eyes, "You drank almost half of these."

"Okay, let's say 7 bucks flat then."

"Whatever."

Arizona giggled. It was too easy to annoy him sometimes.

"And my charts? Are those done?"

"There's a couple more," Alex smirked. "I'll have Edwards finish them in the morning."

She glared, "Cheater."

"Anyways, what made your day so long today, Dr. Robbins?"

"Well, Dr. _Karev_ ," the blonde started, "I had an easy first surgery, didn't have to lift a finger. But then I got paged 3 separate times for emergency pediatric surgeries because apparently you were 'backed up,' got into an argument in the actual pediatric wing with my ex-wife, got praised and scolded at the same time by Bailey, oh and the best part, the woman I met last night is the new neurosurgeon."

Alex barked with laughter, "Okay first of all, I _was_ backed up. It's like every kid that came through the doors needed surgery. Because if that wasn't the case, I would've loved to hear about that last part!" He had heard there was a new surgeon, a Dr. Castro starting today. She was the first neurosurgeon hired since Derek had died, so it was kind of a big deal around the hospital. But from everything he had read Castro was an excellent surgeon.

"It's really not funny."

"It actually is. Wow that must have been a shock."

Arizona took another swig from her beer, "I can't believe you didn't see her today. She and Bailey operated on a kid this morning."

"I probably missed her," he shrugged.

"That's not even the best part. After you left with Sofia me and Callie were in the middle of an argument when they walked up."

"Holy crap," Alex mused. "That probably explains why Torres was so uptight in the OR today. I swear she was talking to herself." Not only was the ortho surgeon doing that, but in between the surgery he could feel her glaring at him from under her loupes.

"Probably figuring out the best way to decapitate me."

"Or decapitate Castro," he chuckled.

"Either way, it was awkward. And then me and Natalie were in the elevator at the end of the day and started making out. Then the doors opened, and poof there was Callie, again."

"Poof?"

" _Poof."_

"On second thought, she was probably figuring out how to decapitate both of you."

"That is…highly accurate," Arizona agreed. "She was just so, bitchy about it, too. It's none of her business who I see. Plus I just met Natalie last night; it doesn't mean that it's going anywhere."

"She's proba-"

"And she's being so, weird about it," she said, running a hand roughly through her blonde locks. "It's not like we just broke up or got divorced. She even got mad that me and you went out last night."

"Look you can see whoever the hell you want. You're a grownass woman who can make your own decisions." Alex had a pretty good idea why Torres was so pissy with the blonde, but he was going to sit on that thought for a little bit. "So how was the make out session? She blow your mind?"

Arizona chuckled, "Those elevators should be considered an aphrodisiac. And it was," she sighed, "awesome. It's been a long time since someone has kissed me like that. She already knows about Sofia, and probably Callie. Probably the leg, too. Aaannd, she wants to know me."

"Maybe just let her take you to dinner first," he joked. Arizona threw her coaster at him when the doorbell rang. They looked at each other questioningly. Alex stood up first and made his way to the door, Arizona behind him. He glanced through the peep hole before snorting. _This should be good._

"Who is it?"

"You'll see," Alex muttered before opening the door. Callie was standing, well, leaning against the threshold. Arizona looked over her friend's shoulder, raising an eyebrow. Callie had that glazed over look and was swaying slightly. Yep, she was definitely drunk.

"Callie, what are you doing here?"

"I had to tell you something," the Latina slurred, tripping over her own feet. Alex rolled his eyes before looking down the driveway. There was a cab parked behind his car, with a head peeking out the window.

"I told her not to do it!" Meredith yelled.

"Sure you did!" Alex replied. "Pay the guy and get in here!" Meredith threw some money at the driver before getting out and stumbling into the house.

"I'm sorry, I know it's late and Sof is probably asleep." Arizona led Callie over to the living room and plopped her down on the couch. She rolled her eyes and walked into the kitchen, grabbing two bottles of water. The blonde sat on the coffee table and thrust one bottle into her hands, "Here. Drink."

Callie grabbed it from her hands and after some difficulty, unscrewed the lid and took a sip. She winced, "Ew that's gross."

"Its water," Arizona deadpanned. "How much did you guys drink anyway?"

"Probably not as much as yyouuuuuu," Callie trailed, bopping her ex-wife on the nose. Meredith laughed as Alex dumped her onto the couch next to her drinking partner. The blonde stood up and handed the other bottle of water to Meredith.

She and Alex stood in front of the two drunks, arms folded across their chests.

"What do we do with them?" Arizona asked.

He shrugged, "I can take them home?"

"No!" Callie said. "I have to talk to you!"

"She really does," Meredith slurred, tipping sideways in the couch, water sloshing onto the carpet. Arizona closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.

 _I do not need this right now._

She exhaled sharply before squaring her shoulders. "How about you just take Grey since it's on your way home? Callie can sleep on the couch and then I'll just call her a cab in the morning or drop her off, if I don't strangle her first."

Alex glanced at her, "Are you sure?"

"No, but go before I change my mind," she sighed. God only knew that the Latina had to tell her.

"Alright, let's go, Mer," Alex said, pulling her up from the couch and hoisting her onto his shoulder. "You better not throw up on me."

"Bbbyyeeee," the general surgeon laughed, her hair covering her face while waving her hand. Alex opened the front door, closing it quietly behind him. Callie remained on the couch, laughing hysterically. Arizona went to a closet in the hallway and grabbed a pillow and blanket. She came back to the living room and set the items on the couch.

"Your house is nice," Callie commented, her head hanging almost upside down over the arm of the couch. "How come I've never been here before?"

Arizona rolled her eyes and sat back on the coffee table before pulling the brunette's boots off her feet, "Because I just moved in."

"Hmmm." She sat up suddenly, watching the blonde's movements. "I'm not jealous."

"What?" Arizona asked, setting the shoes aside and quickly removing Callie's leather jacket and throwing it on the other end of the L-shaped couch.

Callie leaned forward, "I'm not jealous of what's her nuts. Ummm….shit-"

"Dr. Castro," the blonde corrected. "Why would I think that?"

"Because I acted like it," she burped noisily, "and I've been an asshole all day because of it. But I'm not."

"You're not?" Arizona grabbed the items from the chair and set them accordingly before sitting back on the table. She began removing the other woman's earrings and necklace. Her ex-wife slept like a madwoman, her jewelry would definitely fall off in the middle of the night.

"I. Am. Not," Callie declared triumphantly before sighing sadly, emotions swirling behind chocolate eyes. "It's just hard…"

"What's hard?" _Girl shut up, let her sleep it off._

The Latina shrugged, scooting closer and running her hand up the other woman's arm before gripping a forearm.

"What's hard, Callie," Arizona asked again quietly. The brunette's hand was like a hot brand on her skin. It had been so long since she had physical contact with Callie, but yet, so familiar. Yep, this too was not going how she thought it was going to go.

Callie closed her eyes and leaned forward all the way, resting her forehead against the blonde's. "Seeing you…with her. And I know I shouldn't," she looked up and smiled sadly into cerulean eyes that _still_ made her heart beat faster and slower at the same time. "But…it still hurts, you know?" A small tear had formed in the corner of her eye before slowly trickling down onto a tan face.

Arizona inhaled deeply, she just couldn't help herself. She wiped the tear away with her thumb gently before putting her hand on the brunette's chest, feeling a slightly elevated heart rate. The blonde pushed slightly, settling her drunk ex-wife back into the couch cushion. She picked up her legs next, laying her horizontal, Callie never leaving the fetal surgeon's face. Arizona grabbed the blanket and unfolded it before draping it across the Latina's body.

She turned and was about to walk into her room to contemplate _what the fuck_ had just happened when she felt Callie grab her arm. Tears were already threatening to spill down porcelain cheeks, so she squeezed her eyes tightly before opening them. She looked back reluctantly.

She knew that most likely Callie wouldn't remember this at all. Tequila and God knows what else she drank would cloud it all, leaving the brunette with a parting gift of nausea and a killer headache. She also knew that this would probably never be spoken about again, and that they would continue their days with awkward silences and arguments, throwing back and swallowing their bitter pills.

But _this_ , the emotion and feelings swirling around them, this would always be chasing them. All the words that couldn't be expressed they somehow both _knew_ in that moment.

"You know?" Callie asked quietly.

Arizona nodded, staring into brown eyes that used to encompass her whole world. Maybe always would.

"I know."

* * *

Annnyyybody smell what I'm stepping in?


	5. Hammer Time

AN: Basically a filler chapter until I get to the good stuff.

* * *

"He said our marriage wasn't worth saving."

"Are you sure that's what he meant…?" It was a dumb question, since she had once been told basically the same thing. But, this wasn't about her right now.

April rolled her eyes, "What other way is that supposed to mean?"

Arizona shrugged helplessly. She didn't miss those days, wondering what the next day would bring for her marriage. "I'm sorry April; maybe he just needs some time to get used to you being back."

"I don't care what he needs, I'm not giving up on us…I can't." They had taken their lunch to Arizona's office, and April had been furiously stabbing into her salad bowl before the blonde finally addressed the issue. What'd the lettuce ever do to her?

"I know, I get it, I really do. Don't give up, at least not yet."

"What's scary is that it kind of feels like it's over, he doesn't want anything to do with me. And I keep on remembering all the good times, even standing in that smelly church and getting married. Even when we didn't tell anyone, and when we found out we were preg-"

"Keep on thinking about them," Arizona interrupted. "Don't ever stop thinking about the good times."

April looked up at her desperately, "Did that work for you?"

 _What do you think, Kepner?_

The blonde chuckled bitterly, "It worked…til it didn't."

After guiltily opening up her window and smoking 2 and a half cigarettes the other night, Arizona had brushed her teeth extensively before removing her prosthetic, trying to hold back the tears. Callie was in her house, probably passed out by now, but not before confessing that it was hard to see the blonde with another woman.

It's not like the Latina had walked in on anything inappropriate, but she said it still hurt. And that hurt Arizona, as much as it pained her to even admit to herself.

By the time she made it to sleep and woke up the next morning, Callie was already gone. The blanket and pillow had already been put away, and the leftover six pack that had been sitting on the coffee table was in the fridge.

It had already been almost two days and she hadn't seen the brunette since. Arizona knew that Callie had been off that day, and was currently in back to back to back surgeries since arriving earlier this morning. Not that she looked or anything.

And she didn't expect an explanation from Callie. She really didn't. Maybe a 'hey thanks for letting me into your house in the middle of the night to sleep it off,' but not an explanation as to why she said what she had said. Arizona didn't even know what to say about it, other than 'oh boy.' Pretty short thought for someone who rambled on a daily basis.

She kind of wished that Callie had never said anything. Maybe now she wouldn't have this dull ache in her chest. The truth was, Arizona didn't want Callie to feel like this. At first Arizona wanted Callie to be happy with the blonde, but she had received a reality check, and decided that if the Latina couldn't be happy with her wife, Arizona at least wanted her to be happy, by herself, or with, whoever.

If the fetal surgeon thought too much about it, her hand would start itching for a brick so she usually stopped there.

##

 _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. STUPID._

"Wow Alex is right; you really do talk to yourself."

She rolled her eyes, "Karev needs to mind his own business. And who doesn't talk to themselves?"

"Everybody talks to themselves, it's just that when you're insulting yourself you kind of want to do it in your head," Meredith commented, updating her chart before setting the tablet into a dock.

"Yeah, I'll try to remember that for next time," Callie answered dryly. The two surgeons finished up at the nurses desk before making their way to the attending's lounge to refuel on caffeine, especially the brunette. She had intentionally put herself in back to back to freaking back surgeries and was regretting it right about now. Callie was absolutely exhausted.

She had pathetically sneaked out of Arizona's while the blonde and Sofia were still sleeping, without an explanation. And at the time, Callie honestly didn't have one. Showing up there in the middle of the night wasted was embarrassing, and what she said before passing out was even more mortifying.

It was the truth though. It _was_ hard seeing Arizona with someone else. Should she have admitted that? Fuck no. But she was drunk, and Arizona was there, still taking care of her and making sure she was comfortable for the night. Callie would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed, but still, now things would be even more awkward and fake than they already were.

And still, she couldn't figure out for the life of her what exactly this meant now.

Meredith handed the Latina a cup before reaching for the coffee pot, "You're so lucky you were off yesterday. I was paged 3 hours before my shift because of that accident on the highway. I definitely can't drink like I used to."

Callie chuckled, "Yeah, it was definitely a good thing I was. We're getting old. At least we're still hot," she shrugged, pouring a generous amount into her cup.

"Yeah, but now instead of being considered just hot, we're MILFs, or cougars, which still just means that we're old."

"Well when you put it that way," the brunette rolled her eyes before plopping down onto the couch. She inwardly groaned, her legs turning to jello. "Where did all the time go?"

"To this hospital."

Callie nodded slowly, "Yep, and each other."

Meredith eyed the ortho surgeon, "You talk to Arizona yet?" The general surgeon vaguely remembered that night. It was kind of hazy after she threw up in Alex's car and then passed out, but before, she definitely recalled cabbing it to Arizona's and Callie demanding to talk to her ex wife. And sloshing water all over the place.

"No, but I need to," the Latina sighed. "I just don't know what to say. I'm embarrassed that we even showed up there. I can't believe you talked me into that."

"Seriously? I did not talk you into anything. I was trying to talk you out of it!"

"Well my drunken state told me that it was a good idea."

"And my drunken state told you it was a bad idea." For some reason knocking down a wall in her house sounded like a good idea, but even drunk Meredith knew that the Latina showing up at her ex-wife's house was a big no-no.

"Whatever, I still need to talk to her. I sneaked out early that morning and I've been in surgery all day today to avoid her. What the hell do I say to her?"

Meredith shrugged, "I don't know, sorry I showed up at your front door and confessed that I'm still in love with you?"

"I didn't actually say that I was still in love with her. I just got all emotional and admitted that it was hard for me to see her with Dr. Castro."

"Define emotional."

"I think I might have teared up a little, and there was some…touching," Callie winced. She downed her coffee and stood up, her limbs protesting. "I have to go talk to her before I lose my mind."

Meredith held her cup up, "See you later, try not to look like a crazy person again."

Callie groaned during her walk to the elevator. She smacked the button aggressively before groaning again.

"Geez, what'd the elevator ever do to you?" Owen asked.

"Apparently not move slow enough," she answered, stepping in.

He eyed her warily, "Um, are you okay? Did any of your surgeries go bad?"

"No," Callie sighed. "All of them went great."

"Then what's wrong with you? And why are you heading to the Peds floor?"

"Because….I'm an idiot and need to apologize to Arizona for making a complete ass of myself the other night," she stated reluctantly.

"Riiigghhttt," Owen trailed. "Joe's."

"Wait," she turned to him. "What'd you hear?"

The redhead shrugged, smirking, "Nothing, just that you and Grey had quite the time there. By the time I got there you two were already gone, but Joe did fill me in on your antics. But what does that have to do with Arizona?"

"Me and Mer took a cab to her house and I insisted on informing her that I was not jealous."

"Ohhhh," he answered thoughtfully, "Dr. Castro, yeahhh, she's-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm all done hearing about the sexiness of Dr. Natalie Castro this week."

"I was going to say she's a great surgeon, but now that you mention it…" Although he strictly had eyes for another neurogoddess lately, it honestly couldn't be denied. It seemed like this place definitely wasn't short on attractive surgeons.

"Um what did I just say?" she exclaimed, slugging him on the shoulder.

Owen flinched, "Okay, okay. You do sound kind of jealous though." The Latina groaned for what felt like the thousandth time today. She exhaled thankfully as the door opened onto her floor. She breezed off the elevator without a backward glance. Callie cracked her knuckles, forcing one foot in front of the other. Her heart was racing, palms sweating, and all of a sudden she had a sudden urge to pee.

"Get your shit together, Torres," she muttered, stopping. Arizona's name hung brazenly on the door. Callie took one more deep breath before knocking on the wood firmly. She heard a perky 'come in' through the other side. The brunette smirked slightly before turning the knob and opening the door slowly. She peeked her head in before entering.

Arizona was seated behind her desk, books, magazines, and random papers scattered across it. The blonde's attention was focused on the computer though, black framed glasses perched on her nose. Her eyebrows were scrunched as she perused the screen thoughtfully. Callie had always thought it was impossible to be sexy and adorable at the same time, until she met Arizona Robbins. She honestly didn't know how she did it.

"Hey." Callie blinked before meeting questioning blue eyes. Arizona was looking up at her expectantly, a small smirk forming on her lips.

The Latina cleared her throat before taking a seat across from the fetal surgeon, "Hey."

Arizona leaned back in her chair, "Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah, yeah I'm fine," Callie nodded before shaking her head. "Actually, no, I'm not. Arizona, I'm so, so sorry about the other night. I-I don't know what came over me."

Arizona sighed before removing her glasses, "Callie-"

"I'm sorry you had to take care of me. It was inappropriate and psychotic coming to your house in the middle of the night. I'm an adult, I shouldn't have been getting so drunk on a weekday and just showing up like that." The blonde scrutinized her slowly.

 _God I hate when she does that_ , Callie thought. It had always left her unnerved, like her ex-wife was deconstructing her layer by layer. It was extremely exposing but kind of comforting at the same time. Like Arizona _knew_ what she was leaving out, but still acknowledging it.

The two women continued to stare at each other intently before the blonde shrugged slightly, "Its okay."

"Okay…?"

Arizona nodded, "It's okay. We've all been drunk before."

"Soooo, that's it?"

"That's it," she answered before standing up, placing her hands in her pockets. "Look yes it was a little strange. But, we share a child, we run and work in a hospital together. Things have been weird between us, but that doesn't mean I'm going to kick you out when you're too intoxicated to make it home on your own.

Callie stood up, "Thanks, I guess. So we're good?"

"Yep," Arizona answered, her dimples on full display.

"Okaygreat," the brunette sputtered before turning robotically and reaching for the door handle.

"Actually, one more thing Callie."

Callie sighed before turning around. She eyed Arizona carefully, who still wore a playful smile, her blue eyes twinkling mischievously. "How exactly did you know where I live? You haven't been there before."

"Um, well, you see," Callie mumbled, wringing her hands. "Deluca was at Joe's too…so…I demanded he tell me where you live or else I'd put him on explosive diarrhea patients for the next month." She had to hand it to the intern though, he tried desperately to withhold the address, his loyalty to the blonde was actually kind of sweet for not even being officially moved in yet.

"Wow," she chuckled, "sounds like you were on a mission."

"Yeah, well…I get pretty determined when I need something, especially with all that tequila I went through, you know…" Their eyes met, and there it was again. _That feeling._

Arizona nodded, "I know."

##

"It looks like he's got a huge epidural hematoma, somebody page neuro. Wilson get the head prepped and shaved," Maggie directed before putting her attention back to the table.

"Yikes," Arizona commented, carefully repairing a kidney laceration. "Bet he'll twice before doing that again."

The two surgeons were currently in the middle of an emergency surgery including a 16 year old Max Bridges. Apparently the kid thought it would be a good idea if he took his dad's prized motorcycle on a joy ride while his parents were at work. Slick roads, inexperience, and plain stupidly resulted in heavy internal bleeding, cardiac wall rupture, a broken leg, and now a brain bleed.

"Yep, although I'm not sure his parent's will ever let him out of their sight, let alone drive anything like, ever."

"I had a boyfriend who rode a motorcycle. He was super hot but an even bigger jerk," Jo said, flipping on the shaving clippers.

"Oh my god, if Sofia ever did something like this I would actually kill her myself," Arizona shook her head, stitching the kidney.

Maggie chuckled, "No, she'll be smarter than that. By the time she got on a motorcycle she would have already done extensive research on all the mechanics of it. Then she would form her own biker gang and none of us would ever know."

"That is…horrifyingly accurate," the blonde answered, her face paling. "But not if I can help it. I remember when me and my brother used to ride dirt bikes when we were living in San Diego. We had been riding every weekend for 2 months before my parents found out. Man they were pissed."

"You on a dirt bike?" Maggie asked, looking up from her site.

Arizona laughed, nodding, "Don't sound so surprised. I actually won a few races before we got caught. It was pretty exhilarating, the adrenaline rush was so addicting. Not quite like operating, but definitely a close second."

"Hey guys, what do we got?" a voice said. Arizona looked up briefly. Natalie exited the scrub room and was drying her hands. She made her way to the row of light boxes, examining the scans.

"From the brief look I got, CT shows an epidural hematoma. Motorcycle accident," Maggie answered.

Natalie nodded before getting gowned and gloved. "Geez, well I'm going to need loupes and head lamp please."

"All internal bleeding looks controlled, just got to remove the spleen but other than that I should be done soon."

"I'm almost done too," Maggie said. "Wilson, are the patient's parents here yet?"

"Yeah they just got here a few minutes ago."

"Great, hopefully we'll have some good news for them."

Natalie nodded. "I should be able to get this bleeding under control and hopefully we get some brain activity in his EEG. What made this kid think this was a good idea?" she asked, removing part of the skull and dropping it into a pan.

"I don't know, why don't we ask Dr. Robbins?"

Arizona groaned, "It was a long time ago."

"You used to ride motorcycles?" Natalie asked, looking up from the brain briefly.

"Dirt bikes."

"So what exactly did your parents do when they found out?" Maggie asked.

"Well for starters, they dragged me and my brother off the track by the ear, literally. Then we got our doors removed from our rooms, our car taken away, a ridiculously early curfew and we had to get up at the crack of dawn every morning for PT with my dad. For 6 months."

Natalie whistled while Maggie laughed, "Wow, 6 months?!"

Arizona nodded, "Yep, the Colonel runs a tight platoon. It was Tim's fault anyway. First he thought he'd challenge me, that there was no way I would be able to get on a bike and actually be good. Then he convinced me that bikes were a real chick magnet."

"Was he right?" Natalie asked.

"Pretty much," the blonde smirked. "I got 6 dates out of it."

"Did you at least get a girlfriend?" Maggie asked, running staples down the patient's chest. "I mean, 6 dates in 2 months, you had to have been official by then."

"No I meant like 6 separate dates," Arizona answered, examining the entire area, checking one last time for any stray bleeders.

Maggie gawked, "With 6 different girls?"

##

"So you were always this charming," Natalie commented. Pierce had already left, which left the two attendings and resident in the scrub room.

Arizona chuckled, wringing her hands, "My moves were definitely a lot smoother back then."

"I'm not so sure about that. You're doing pretty good from what I've seen," the brunette answered, wiping her hands off.

"I'll take your word for it."

"Please do."

Jo looked up slowly from the sink. Apparently the two women had forgotten she was still in the room. Alex was right; there were some serious suggestive flirting between the two. Jo had to give the blonde props though. Since she split up with Callie, the resident hadn't seen Arizona this carefree and fun before. It was a good look. It seems her boyfriend had been onto something, placing that bet with his friend.

"Alright, I'm going to go update the chart before checking in on him," Jo stated, flashing an awkward grin before leaving.

Natalie laughed nervously, "That wasn't appropriate, I'm sorry." She fiddled with her scrub cap on her head.

"No it's okay. Jo's good, she's not going to say anything. Plus I've seen her naked so she has no room to give me crap ab-" Arizona stopped abruptly. The neurosurgeon was eyeing her questioningly.

The blonde mentally face palmed herself, "I mean not on purpose. We used to live together and I was about to get in the shower one morning and then she walked in…aaand I'm not making this sound any better, am I?"

Natalie shook her head slowly, smirking, "No, but that's okay since I already know she's in a relationship with Dr. Karev."

"Right, I probably should have led with that," Arizona chuckled as they exited the scrub room.

"Probably," the brunette agreed, laughing with her. "So do you have your daughter tomorrow night? Because I was thinking if you're free…I could take you to dinner."

"Yeah," the blonde blurted out. "I mean-yeah, that'd be great. And no. I mean-no I don't have my daughter and yeah to dinner."

 _Oh my god shut up._

Natalie laughed again. She was really too adorable. "Okay great. Eight o'clock tomorrow night? Just text me your address and I'll pick you up."

Arizona nodded, "Okay, sure. That sounds great."

"Great."

"Great." _Seriously?_

"Do you have time for lunch?"

The fetal surgeon chuckled, eyeing the brunette slyly, "You don't give up, do you?"

Natalie shrugged. "If you read my credentials, you'd understand."

Arizona nodded, grinning, "I did, and I do…" she faltered, "But I can't. I've been on my feet too long and I need to go sit down and rest my…my-uhh-my leg." Arizona had accepted the fact that she had one leg. Yep, she was all done with that. But it didn't make it any easier or less awkward divulging that fact to someone new. And sure, the hot surgeon probably already knew about it, but actually saying it, out loud, was something that made the blonde a lot more uncomfortable than she thought it would.

But, as she looked up, she didn't see any awkwardness or hesitation, or her favorite, pity. Natalie looked a little concerned, sure, but other than that, she kept direct eye contact with the blonde, her green eyes never wavering.

"Okay, yeah of course, get some rest," Natalie nodded, giving her a warm smile, "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," Arizona said before tilting her head and making her way to the elevators. She only had to wait a second before the doors opened. She exhaled gratefully before selecting the button for her floor.

 _Sooo, that went well. I guess. I mean, she didn't start stuttering or run away to a nonexistent meeting…_

"Dr. Robbins."

Arizona looked up expectantly. Natalie held her arm out, preventing the doors from closing. They shared a long look, almost sizing each other, considering the other's next move. The brunette slowly brought her arm to her side. She sighed slightly before giving Arizona a small smile. Small, but nevertheless, sincere.

"I don't care about that either."

##

Most surgeons hated labs. Absolutely hated them. They hated research labs, skills labs, anything that wasn't an operating theatre was just, _irrelevant_. They even sound boring. You go to a skills lab to learn surgical techniques, hone in on your medical genius, but not actually operate. It drives them crazy until they get gowned and gloved and actually _do_.

Research labs are just a snooze fest. They're definitely necessary, but strongly avoided until the absolute late minute. You look through a microscope half the time you even spend in there, and when you actually find something worth reporting, you just note it and go on to the next piece of the puzzle. But Callie absolutely loved the lab.

It was kind of nice because it was practically empty most of the day and she didn't have to worry about anyone bothering her or wanting something. Because it was a lab. It was her quiet space. Her time out corner. Sometimes she would sit on a stool and just make things. Weird contraptions out of scraps of metal that made no sense, but somehow still held answers. She hated that people referred to ortho surgeons as carpenters, but on occasion, they were right.

But this, the robotic leg she had put literally her heart and soul into, this wasn't it. This wasn't carpentry, or a god forbid, a hack job. This was…something. Callie wasn't quite sure even now what it was, but it was definitely something else. It was different than anything she had ever done, ever.

Derek came up in her mind quite a bit every time she looked at it. Although she was kind of a bitch and he was kind of an ass about it, Callie couldn't help but cry when Dan Pruitt took his first steps with the leg. She and Derek used to sit in this lab for hours, before it was even real, giving everything for the look on Dan's face, for the looks on others faces.

Owen came to mind, too. And of course, he was an ass as well. Tunnel vision and compartmentalizing weren't always a good thing. The trauma surgeon had his own ulterior motives, whether he knew it at the time or not. But, so did Callie. She needed something to be good too.

"Don't stare too hard, you might break it."

"And ruin years of money and hard work, not a freaking chance," Callie snorted. When she was still growing cartilage, Arizona and Mark used to occupy her lab. The blonde would bring Chinese food and casual conversation, maybe a little second base every now and then. Mark would bring his big head and bullshit problems. There was that one time with Bailey, but Callie was sworn never to speak of it again.

Then it was Derek, and Owen, sometimes Jackson. And now, Amelia Shepherd. Amelia wasn't quite as well versed on the project as her late brother, but still just as innovative and nuts enough to want to pick it up and help in any way she could. The hard part was basically over, and now all that was needed was more funding, and some tweaks every now and then to fit the patient.

Amelia tossed her salad and bottled water on the table before inspecting the leg up close. Her eyes glanced back and forth, up and down. Callie could practically see the brain activity coming out of her ears.

"I remember Derek telling me about this thing," the neurosurgeon mused. "At first I thought he was just pulling my leg- no pun intended. Buuut; he was right, it's just, extraordinary. I'm honestly surprised you were able to get this working so fast."

Callie smirked, "Yeah, I had a lot of time on my hands. It was a group effort though, I couldn't have done it without him."

Amelia nodded before grabbing a stool and popping open her late lunch. "So you got any new patients getting fitted?"

"Yeah actually. There's a couple of vets coming in sometime next week for tests. Then I have others who already have the leg coming back in the week after that for follow-ups, just to see how everything feels and if there are any changes I have to make."

"Cool, I'd like to be there for them if that's okay."

"Yeah that'd be great. You sure you have time though? You don't have any inoperable brain tumors to resect, do you?"

"Haha," Amelia deadpanned. "But no, not at the moment. It's weird, not having to do everything."

Callie rolled her eyes, "That's what happens when you're a department head. Everything you don't have time to do, or don't need to be there for, you just palm off to your attendings."

"Trust me, I know. I read through every single one of Derek's research notes today with no interruption."

"Wow, I just left the OR like 20 minutes ago and I've been here since 7."

"I did a couple of consults and one basilar skull fracture but other than that, nada," Amelia commented, taking a sip from her water. "Which tells me two things. One, I need to get a life, seriously. And two, Natalie's stealing my thunder."

"I don't think it's considered stealing if you gave it to her," Callie answered nonchalantly, bending a small piece of sheet metal into a startling 90 degree angle. She threw it back in the bin before grabbing a hammer and crushing dried cast plaster. Powder and pieces flew in the air, scattering her work table and onto the floor. The other woman looked on in surprise.

Amelia eyed the ortho surgeon slowly, a mischievous smirk forming on her lips, "So it's true."

Callie scoffed, "What's true?"

"That you hate our wonderful new addition to Grey-Sloan." There were some other things that were looking more factual by the second, but Amelia liked to let shit hover in the air for awhile before beaming it at somebody.

The Latina dropped her hammer before reaching for another empty leg cast, "What makes you think I hate her? She's great, right? You can trust her to handle surgeries that you can't do yourself. And apparently she's like, a badass surgeon or something, and everyone else loves her."

"Mmhmm. You loved her too at one point, since you and everyone else on the board approved hiring her."

"I wouldn't say love," Callie muttered, the table shaking as she continued crushing plaster after plaster. "Her resume spoke for itself."

"I know," Amelia answered, throwing away her trash. "And I know you hate her and all, but she's going to be a big help to me as far as neuro funding and cutting edge surgery goes. Along with the fact that I actually have the time to sit here and eat my meal without getting paged. She could be a big help to you too, you know."

"Don't see how but I'll take your word for it."

"If there's anyone that understands nerves the way my brother did, it's her."

Callie chuckled sardonically, "Well she's got enough of them."

"Okay, really?" Amelia snickered, "what is it with you? We were having a normal conversation and ever since I brought Castro up you've been going all Thor on inanimate objects."

"Nothing's wrong with me. If I want Dr. Castro's opinion about this project, I'll ask her. But I don't need to, because you're doing it. Not her."

"Right."

"Right."

"Rrriiiiiiigghht."

"Can we talk about something else, please?" Callie asked desperately, tossing her hammer aside and looking up into innocent eyes. There was just something about Amelia Shepherd that spelled out trouble. Not trouble really, but the woman always looked like she had something clever up her sleeve. Like there was always something amusing going on behind those blue eyes just begging to be released.

Amelia blinked before standing, straightening up her lab coat and making her way to the door. She shrugged, "Nope, I think I'm going to get back to doing absolutely nothing with the rest of my day," she pulled open the door, "Oh and you might want to get laid or something, because this whole," gesturing to the Latina's face, "jealous look you got going on isn't really working for ya."

A retort was useless, because just like that the neurosurgeon was gone. Callie huffed before cleaning up the table. She really needed to snap out of it. She thought after her visit to Arizona's office earlier she would feel just a little bit better about herself, but apparently that was to be determined.

Their conversation had been, good. Or maybe not. It had been a typical situation where they both said too little and not nearly enough of what needed to be aired out. Callie mumbled and sometimes stuttered her way through, and Arizona stood there, accepting anything and everything just to get out of the situation; all the while flashing her perfect smile to manifest some sort of friendliness and understanding.

Everything had changed, but some things were still the same.

The brunette gave the robotic leg one more inspection. She thought of Arizona too.

##

Absolutely nothing actually turned into a good thing. Amelia strolled through the hospital, taking in things she had never paid attention to in her time here. There were people walking around in scrubs that she never recognized, and vending machines that she had never noticed. The art on the walls were, well they were ugly. She made a mental note to mention this Meredith later. Amelia even had enough time to stand in line for coffee.

Which worked out perfectly, because just as she made her way up to the counter, she recognized her newest co-worker off to the side, waiting for her own hot beverage.

"Dr. Castro, you're a busy bee today, I'm surprised to see you here."

Natalie chuckled, "Yeah well call it your lucky day. I got 2 more hours and then I'm tapping out."

"That's nice, working the rest of your shift before running before the hills," Amelia paid for her caramel macchiato before standing next to the other woman.

"Wow you're like the 5th person to bring up 'running for the hills' since I've gotten here."

"Yeah well," she shrugged, "it's a valid comment. I had to visit here like twice before actually signing a contract."

"I'm happy to be here," Natalie replied, "honestly. I never thought I would say it, but this totally beats brain mapping for the president."

"I never thought I'd hear someone say that, aside from Derek," Amelia said. The two women smiled to themselves.

Natalie grabbed her coffee from the barista, "He was definitely right. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was a big honor to be asked to step in like that, and Derek did give them a great recommendation, but he was right. It's a great project, but surgeons aren't built for that."

"If you're not cutting, actually saving a life with your own two hands, nothing ever really feels right," Amelia commented, taking her coffee as well. Out of all the reasons she had to get sober, that was definitely an important one. No one likes junkie hands, and Amelia didn't like not operating.

"You got that right." The two neurosurgeons stood at the elevator briefly before the doors opened. Natalie selected the Neuro floor.

Amelia glanced at her co-worker before looking ahead, that same shit eating grin on her face. "So, it was your number on Arizona's arm." It had taken all of one work day before hearing the news through the grapevine. Amelia simply put two and two together.

"Does everybody know about that?"

She laughed, "Yep, there's no reason to be embarrassed. Everybody knows everybody's business around here."

"I'm learning that. I honestly didn't know when we met that she worked here, though."

"That's okay, too. For what it's worth," Amelia started, the two stepping out of the elevator onto their floor, "Arizona needs her mojo back, and, if you're the girl to give it to her, have at it."

Natalie laughed, "We haven't even gone on a date yet."

"So? You will go on a date, and pretty soon you'll be swooning over her crystal blue eyes and perky disposition…if Torres lets you live that long." There was no soon though; the swooning had already commenced.

The other woman sighed, "Yeah she really doesn't like me."

"She might be picturing your face when she smashes cast plaster."

"That's just…great."

"Don't take it too personally, it's new for Torres to see Arizona like someone else," Amelia said, walking into the lounge. "Look, we're kind of a family around here. Everyone's been through a lot the past few years, and Callie will come around eventually, as long as you know that Arizona's part of that family, too."

Amelia's relationship with the blonde was pretty casual. A surgery here, consult there, random conversations sprouted along throughout the years. There was that one time at a fellow resident's house party that made the brunette realized just how wild the fetal surgeon could be. But she would save that hat trick for another time.

Arizona had definitely changed since their time at Hopkins. Before Amelia used to find her somewhat peculiar, although she had no room to talk. But her former chief resident was an outstanding surgeon, and from what she had seen so far, a woman who had been through a lot and was just trying to make her way back to the surface again. They all were.

Natalie nodded, "I understand. And I like her, I really do."

"Even though you might know her life story before the first date?"

"Even though I might. But like I told Arizona, I don't care."

Amelia evaluated the woman before her. She saw nothing but honesty in the other woman's face. It seemed that Natalie already knew what she was getting into, and was willing to jump right in.

"Damn. Well…this should be interesting."


	6. Somethin' Bad

AN: I'm glad that some of you are liking Natalie; it was kind of the point lol. She wasn't created in my head for everyone to hate, technically there's nothing wrong with her at the moment and she really is sincere in wanting to date Arizona.

Thursday's episode was just, painful to watch lol. I had a feeling they were going to do something like that, but, hopefully that will set it up for a Calzona reunion. And I pray for more April/Jackson moments.

I kind of like to keep up with the pace of the show, so there are some moments that are the same in this story but tweaked a little bit to fit where I'm going.

* * *

She was…nice. Yeah that's a pretty general word for describing a new relationship, but it was true. Penny was nice. She was a doctor as well, so she understood the demands of the job. For the most part they got along pretty well. The two found themselves even finishing each other's sentences and thinking the same thoughts. Penny was soulful, definitely, and wasn't afraid to express what she was feeling in that very moment in time.

Penny also had beautiful eyes that Callie found herself just staring into for no reason at all. She could look into her eyes for a while. The relationship was new, definitely. But still, it was nice to finally meet someone that made her excited for the next day. And with the funk Callie found herself in lately with her ex, the new thing she was starting up with Penny was perfect timing.

Her and Arizona had been, definitely better since she night she made a fool of herself. So far there had been no arguments, no hostile glares from across the room. There had been a few mornings where the pair were caught at the coffee cart around the same time. Polite conversation, a couple of mentions of Sofia, and a clever joke about the weather by Callie had occurred. All in all, not bad for the two.

The Latina had even asked about the blonde's date that had occurred last weekend with the new neurosurgeon. Arizona said it had gone good, and that they had made plans for further outings. Callie smiled and nodded her head enthusiastically, even recommending some restaurants and events that were coming up in the Seattle area that the couple might be interested in. Arizona agreed to look into them, thanked her, and they dutifully made their way into the OR.

It still felt a little weird. Maybe it would always feel weird, but Callie had other things to worry about, other _someones_ to concern herself with.

The fact was, she didn't feel…unhinged with Penny. The woman didn't make her question every truth Callie believed about herself, didn't make her feel like she was standing naked and alone in the middle of Time Square. When they were together Callie felt…safe. Safe was good. Safe was exactly what she needed.

"Hey Mer, what's your theory on introducing people you're dating to friends?"

The general surgeon glanced at her before directing eyes back to her phone. Callie snapped her fingers.

"Hellooooo? Anybody home?"

"No I'm here I just can't believe you think I'm the appropriate person to ask that question."

"I need your opinion."

"No one in this hospital has the credentials to answer that question."

"I want to introduce you guys to Penny, I think she could really fit in but I don't know if it's too soon."

Meredith shrugged, "Okay well if you think it might be too soon than just wait a little bit longer."

Callie groaned, "But I'm really excited about this. She's great and I want to show her off."

"I'm sorry, are you talking about a pony or a show dog?" Amelia asked, dropping her pager on the coffee table, plopping down next to her sister in law.

Meredith smirked, "Not sure yet."

Callie rolled her eyes, "My girlfriend Penny. I want us all to hang out but I'm wondering if it's too soon."

"Girlfriend? There's already a label involved?" Amelia asked, eyeing her slyly over her coffee cup.

The brunettes face paled. "So it is too soon?"

"Okay," Meredith started, standing up. "If you want to invite her out with us next time, then just invite her. If she ends up not cowering in fear for her life, than you'll know it was too soon."

"I second that."

"Thanks for the help," Callie answered dryly. "You know what, I'm just going to ask her."

Amelia snorted, "So you wanted our opinion just to not take it and do the easiest thing, which is to just freaking ask her?"

"When I'm with her Coldplay songs ring in my head, okay?!" She had noticed it after their first date, although she hadn't meant to admit that out loud. It was stupid, really, but she really did hear the musical stylings of the group playing in her head when around Penny. It was like her own personal soundtrack for the woman. There were a few times where she wondered if it was all too good to be true. That she would ever feel anything like this again.

Meredith eyed her friend warily, "What exactly are you talking about?"

Amelia shrugged, "I like Coldplay."

"I just don't think you two understand the gravity of the situation here…Penny is the first person I've dated that actually means something to me. I want to introduce her to my friends, who I consider family…And I want you guys to like her."

Meredith stood up, "Okay, you're right. Ask Penny if she would like to join one of our get togethers, and if she agrees…than we'll be nothing but welcoming and friendly." She looked at Amelia, who continued to stare off into space before Meredith raised her eyebrow and gestured to the Latina.

Amelia nodded, "Yep. I mean we have natural bitchy and inappropriate dispositions, but we can put that aside for a friend, right?"

"That's all I'm asking."

##

"So she freaked out because she thought that you wanted kids with Izzie, but not with her?"

"Pretty much," Alex shrugged. "She just didn't understand the situation that I was in."

"Huh," Arizona mused, scrubbing out. "Wow…that was a lifetime ago." If she closed her eyes and backtracked her mind far back enough, her and Callie had just started dating, barely having sex at that point.

"Who are you telling?" The two made their way out of the room. "You heading to the cafeteria?"

"Yep, I haven't eaten since breakfast. I'm so hungry I might eat my other leg."

Alex stared, "That was a horrible joke."

The blonde shrugged, giggling, "I'm working on some new material."

"Nothing about that is funny."

"Whatever, Natalie thinks I'm funny."

Alex smirked, "We're going to have to go out to Joe's again. Maybe that way you'll finally be able to tell me how it's been going." The two had barely spoken the past couple of weeks. Alex had been tied up with Jo and surgeries, and Arizona had been busy with Natalie and surgeries. Aside from her genuine and sweet pep talk to her prodigy, they hadn't had the chance to talk about anything else other than medicine.

"Sure, but no more tequila. I can't let you get me that drunk again," she agreed, reaching for a salad. She loved hanging out with her protégé and forgot what it was like to have fun, but that had been a hangover from hell.

"You got yourself drunk. But seriously though, how have the dates been?"

To sum it up, the dates had been…awesome. Like almost too good to be true. First date was at an intimate Tuscan restaurant in downtown Seattle. Over mouthwatering cuisine and deliciously expensive wine, Arizona had learned that Natalie had previously been working in D.C., taking over the brain mapping project by the strong reference of Derek.

" _I didn't know you knew him like that," Arizona had said, somewhat surprised but at the same time not at all. The surgeon world, especially surgeons that were as published or as brilliant as they all were, was pretty small._

 _Natalie nodded, "Yeah when he was in New York we saw each other a lot. I was at Mass Gen and we were always battling for surgeries and the prestige on the East Coast. The past few years have been phone calls and emails, but yeah, I knew him. Addison too."_

She learned that the reason the brunette left D.C. was because she found, after some time, the project boring, which was baffling.

" _No offense, but I couldn't sit in a research lab day in and day out. After a while, it didn't make me happy anymore. I was itching to get back in an OR and it was literally driving me crazy…so I left."_

" _You never regretted it?"_

 _Natalie shook her head, tracing the rim of her wine glass, "I made this promise to myself in med school to not regret anything...to never look back. I've lived by that my whole career."_

" _So…you just…don't look back?"_

" _I don't look back."_

On their second date, at Dave and Buster's awesomely enough, Arizona also learned the story behind Natalie's scrub cap. It was an intricate pattern of jewel tones with elephants adorned all over. The woman had actually spent 3 months in India. She credited Eat, Pray, Love as her inspiration. She had volunteered in hospitals during her travels in that country, and the scrub cap was gifted to her by the staff of the last establishment before she went back to the States.

She also learned that the neurosurgeon had no kids, had never been married, although she was engaged once. Arizona thought it appropriate to change the subject after that. Natalie was close with her parents, who retired to Florida, and a brother who was a detective in Chicago. She had a niece and nephew, twins, who she absolutely adored and made no hesitation before whipping out her phone and swiping through adorable photos of the duo.

She laughed as Arizona told stories of Sofia growing up during the years; of how the child possessed the sassiness of Callie but the quirky mannerisms of herself. Natalie was especially entertained at the Mark/Arizona tales, and the blonde had to admit, co-parenting with Mark had definitely been a story to tell. It made her heart clench and swell at the same time.

The third date, on the other hand, Arizona learned different, more intimate things about the brunette. They were starting to come to a more…physical understanding of each other. Their kisses were explosive, their touches even more dangerous. Arizona knew that if she ran her tongue lightly along the back of her ear, Natalie would emit a husky groan, like a sweet, tortuous symphony. And Natalie figured out that the blonde would gasp erotically with just a gentle pull of the hair. Arizona was a fan of the other woman's soft pliant ass, Natalie was enamored with her boobs, cautiously but slyly always running her fingertips along the edges of her bra before going in for soft but dominant grasps.

Nevertheless, Arizona steal had not sealed the deal. They were adults, and if they wanted to sleep with each other, they damn well could. But Arizona had not been with another woman in what felt like forever. There were still insecurities and a large dose of anxiety about the whole thing; and so the two had teetered almost past second base before Natalie sensed her nervousness and chivalrously pulled away.

" _It's okay," she assured the blonde one night, "I'm ready when you are."_

The other woman was just…awesome. That's the only other way to describe it. And Arizona was happy and enjoying her time…finally.

"Dude!"

The blonde jerked, "What?!"

"You've been staring off into space for the last 5 minutes," Alex pointed out.

"Oh," she chuckled, "sorry…I was just thinking about this case that Cleveland con-"

He smirked, "Save it. I know what you were thinking about."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Uh-huh. You were definitely day dreaming about Castro. You had your sex eyes."

She quirked her eyebrow, "And how would you know what my sex eyes look like?"

Alex raised his own, "I know what sex eyes look like in general. Please tell me you took it there already."

Arizona squirmed uncomfortably in her seat, scratching the back of her neck. "That's really none of your business."

The male surgeon eyed his friend/mentor. "So you didn't have sex."

"Alex!"

"There's no way you two had sex…second base maybe…but if you really had sex you would have no problem divulging that piece of information. Seriously? It's been like a decade in sex years!"

"Don't remind me," she grumbled, picking through her salad.

"Well what's the hold up? She's into you, like… _really_ into you."

"I don't know," the blonde sighed, "she's great. She really is…but I guess I'm just, nervous or something. Like you said, it's been two years, and before that I was with the same woman for a lot longer."

He rubbed a comforting hand on her shoulder before reaching for his lunch, "You'll get there. A few more dates and you'll be good as new. Just think of it as…foreplay before the gigantic climax. Who knows, you might pass out or something."

"Okay, we're done talking about this."

"Hey I know what I'm talking about. I have a track record, you know," he said smugly.

Arizona smirked, "Yeah? So do I. I don't need help in that area; I just need to like…get there."

He shrugged, "Sounds like you need help."

"Shut up, Alex."

##

"Hey."

Callie looked up brightly from her phone. After two phone calls and a string of text messages throughout the day, she had convinced Penny to come with her to Meredith, Amelia, and Maggie's dinner party. The other woman had been freakishly nervous and resistant to the idea, but Callie had won and Penny was now coming to dinner.

"Hey, you going to the dinner party tonight?"

Arizona nodded, "Yeah, actually that's what I wanted to talk to you about. My neighbor's next door have a little girl who's having a slumber party and her parents wanted to know if Sofia could go. I said I was okay with it but I just wanted to check with you too."

"Oh right, I remember Sofia gushing about her new friend. If it's okay with you then I'm fine with it."

"Okay cool," the blonde grinned.

"I'm bringing Penny," Callie blurted out, her self conscious shaking its head.

 _There you go with the word vomit again._

"Ookayyy," Arizona trailed, "Is that like a brand of wine or something?"

"No," the Latina grimaced. "It's the woman that I'm dating. Her name's Penny."

"Oh, okay…?"

"I just wanted to let you know so you're not…I don't know, uncomfortable…or…something."

Arizona smiled, "I appreciate you letting me know before hand, but its okay."

"Okay," Callie nodded.

The blonde tilted her head, "You must really like her, to throw her to the wolves so soon." From what she gathered so far, everyone in their dysfunctional family was attending. She kind of felt a little bad for Callie's date. It was bound to be intimidating for her, being around that group of people. Maybe Penny felt just as nervous meeting her new girlfriend's ex-wife. The thought made Arizona feel a little better.

"I do. I really like her and I really think you would like her too," she explained, fiddling with her phone.

"It'll be fine, Callie," Arizona assured her, signing off on one of her post op patients.

"Right…So is Dr. Castro going to be coming?" she asked, leaning against the nurses station.

"No, one of her surgeries got a little dicey so she's staying here overnight to keep an eye on the patient," Arizona answered. That fact was even more disappointing than it had already been. Now that Callie was bringing her new girlfriend, Arizona wished that Natalie was coming to distract her from the weirdness of the situation bound to take place. Her ex-wife already looked nervous about the upcoming affair, and reassuring her that it would all be fine was the least she could do, but Arizona was now NOT looking forward to this dinner party. She made a mental note to buy an extra bottle of wine to bring with her.

"Oh, that's too bad," Callie commented nonchalantly, returning back to her phone, scrolling through already opened emails.

Arizona smirked, "Hey if I get to be in a room with Penny tonight the least you can do is make nice with Natalie. I really think you would like her," she emphasized, mirroring the brunette's previous statement.

Callie chuckled, "What? What makes you think I don't like her?"

A blonde eyebrow raised, "You paged neuro into your OR the other day and then sent her back out in exchange for Shepherd." Amelia had practically screamed at her in delight after during coffee. Although it was nice seeing everybody happy and laughing again, at her expense was not too pleasing. She felt even worse for Natalie, who genuinely enjoyed the hospital and admired the caliber of surgeons who surrounded her.

It wasn't fair to the other woman. And since they were…dating, then it was her responsibility to nip this in the bud with her ex-wife.

"That was…different. The patient was stable enough to wait and I feel more comfortable with Amelia."

"Mhm," she hummed. Callie sighed and looked up, preparing for an argument.

But she didn't get one. The blonde was looking at her, but not in anger. It was like she was…teasing her. Which was weird, considering that there had been no teasing in a very long time. Blue eyes that were usually blank or cold when pointed in her direction were now bright and free. If Arizona was okay with joking and talking, like friends, than who was she to disrupt the apple cart?

"Okay…I was being a brat," she gave in, following the other woman down the hall towards the elevator.

"Ya think," Arizona answered, pushing the button. "How about this: I'll give Penny a chance…if you give Natalie a chance. Deal?"

"I don't _hate_ her."

"Yeah but you don't necessarily like her either."

"I just…I don't want you to get hurt," Callie said timidly. "And how do I know if she's good enough for you?" So she had been a little…bitchy towards the other woman. Every time she met Natalie in the lobby, or the cafeteria, or in a consult, or _anywhere_ , she was usually short and direct before escaping, or…like the other day…simply kicking the neurosurgeon out of her presence. She interrogated the neurosurgeon about her surgical techniques and plan A's all the way to Z's. Natalie wasn't mean about it either, simply following Callie's lead. It made Callie mad, because from what she had seen, she had no reason _not_ to like the other woman.

 _This elevator was not moving fast enough._

Arizona sighed and turned. This was the stuff that she absolutely hated. When they first separated, she could deal with the silence and fakeness more than this right now. At least before, there weren't conversations and overprotectiveness about other people in their lives. Arizona could just go on with her days convincing herself that Callie wasn't off falling for someone else. That there wasn't someone else loving Callie the way that she once did, or maybe better. That there wasn't someone else at all.

"Callie," she said gently, "You don't think those things cross my mind? All I ever wanted for you was to be happy. And…if Penny makes you happy, than that makes me happy, and I'll give her a chance."

"Ariz-"

"And Natalie makes me happy," she finished lightly, "so I'd really appreciate it if you'd get off her ass."

Callie exhaled abruptly, "Okay, you're right, I'm sorry. I'll be nice. Although, I'm not really on her ass."

The blonde rolled her eyes, "Yes you are." The doors opened finally and the pair made their way out towards the attending's lounge.

"I'm not!" she exclaimed. "I'm not on her ass, I barely think about her ass…I mean I noticed it one time and thought 'wow that's a great ass' but other than that there have been no thoughts about her ass or any other part of her boddyyy," she trailed realizing the blonde wasn't in step with her. She turned around slowly. Arizona was 6 steps behind her with a puzzled, mortified look on her face. Callie winced.

"Too soon?"

##

"Stop fidgeting."

"You stop fidgeting."

"How about we both stop fidgeting?"

"I need a drink," Arizona groaned. Thankfully April had decided to go to the dinner party too, so the pair decided to ride together. Arizona had gotten nervous all of a sudden on her way home from work, and that feeling had not gone away since. It wasn't like the first time, when Callie had been dating Heather. Arizona had been more worried than nervous then. Heather was nuts, and she didn't want Callie to be subjected to a steak knife, or any other pointy object. There really wasn't room for _this_ feeling.

April was a constant mess since the situation with Jackson had not gotten any better. The redhead didn't know if Jackson was going, clearly hoping he would but not wanting to face another argument with words that she was not ready to hear, would ever be ready to hear. The two women were clearly frazzled at the moment.

"Okay, we can do this," April said, putting the car in park. She turned to her friend. "We are surgeons for god's sake, we hold lives in the palm of our hand on a daily basis, we bring people back from the dead. You freaking hold babies before they're even born. YOU. CAN. DO. THIS."

"I can do this," Arizona nodded, her eyes shooting in every direction. "Callie's involved, I'm involved, its fine. We're fine. I'm going to meet this-Penny character, who I'm sure is lovely, and we're going to have dinner with our friends, and it's going to be fine."

"Yeah, I mean why wouldn't it be? Callie has someone, and you have a smoking hot woman at the hospital right now saving temporal lobes or something as we speak." The two exited the car and slowly walked to the front door.

"You think she's smoking hot?" Arizona stopped, looking at her friend in confusion. Not once had she ever heard those words come out of the redhead in reference to a woman.

April shrugged, pulling on the lapels of her coat, "Well yeah. I mostly spend my time in the ER and making sad eyes at Jackson, and I don't even swing that way but even I've noticed how hot that woman is. And she seems like she really likes you."

"And you're just relieved that she's gay?" Arizona smirked.

The other woman nodded profusely, "Yeah that too."

The blonde chuckled, "Okay, let's just get this over with."

"You're going to be okay right?" April asked, hand paused in front of the door.

Arizona sighed before nodding and raising her own hand, ringing the doorbell.

"I am okay, and if for some reason I'm not, we have extra wine."

April looked at her puzzled before glancing at the bag in the blonde's tight fist, "Really? Because there's only-"

"If I start teetering towards the deep end there's another bottle in the backseat of your car," Arizona interrupted as they heard footsteps getting closer. She turned to her friend.

"Don't judge me."


	7. Bad Blood

AN: Just caught up on Thursday's episode and dammit, I kind of like Penny lol. Aside from the fact that I cringed during the bench scene. I'm not saying this because I ship Calzona, but I honestly don't think they visually fit together, just my opinion. Hopefully Jackson and April make more progress, and I'm interested to learn more about Nathan. But anyways, excited to see Arizona back in the dating scene next week, and wondering who her wingman is.

Still contemplating writing intimate scenes. I want to, but it's something that I've never done before, so I'm a bit nervous to write it. But I'll get there, just bear with me. I know how frustrating it is to read stories and wait and wait for those parts lol.

So I hope you all enjoy. I would've posted it sooner but life has been hectic. In the past week I received a promotion, took a little vacation, and got engaged, so I'm kind all over the place.

Take a few minutes, this is a bit of a long one. It was longer, but I decided last minute to cut it in half and next chapter will be kind of a part 2 to this one.

* * *

It was quiet, certainly too quiet.

Quite frankly the only thing that could definitely be heard was the clock ticking by slowly but surely on the wall. Leather chairs squeaked with every uncomfortable shift. Jackson cleared his throat. Amelia cracked her knuckles. Meredith stared absently at the table in front of her. Callie stared at the spot on the wall just to the right of Maggie's ear. Arizona didn't like quiet. It reminded her too much of home. Her first home.

When her and Tim used to get in trouble, or their dad was having one of his episodes, the house was quiet. There was some movement, quiet words exchanged at the dinner table, but for the most part, it was dead silent. The Colonel would sit in his den with a two finger serving of scotch and try to fight the demons that wormed their way into his soul deployment after deployment. Their mother wandered all over the house, picking and cleaning at things that were better left alone, waiting out the storm before she got her husband back. The siblings would retire to their rooms, staring at the ceiling side by side and wondering why the world existed the way that it did.

The second place she considered home had been that way too at one point. Although Arizona didn't resort to alcohol, she had spent a long time, in a hospital bed, quenching down insufferable anger towards her wife. She cried and threw things in anguish over what she had lost. So there wasn't silence all the time, but there was certainly enough. Callie would take care of Sofia while Arizona stared aimlessly at nothing. Sofia went to bed. Callie went next door to Mark's, and Arizona remained awake, staring at her ceiling and wondering once again why the world existed the way that it did.

So she didn't like quiet so much, which was why she was now resorting to a catchy Taylor Swift song that had been stuck in her head since this morning to escape the awkwardness of the room. Her head hurt and it was all too much. But she could have had it worse.

The scheduled head of department meeting at started roughly 12 minutes ago. All the doctors were prompt and on time, lab coats on, pagers ready to go, and hands definitely itching for a scalpel and blood.

Coffee and pastries were scattered on the long table against the wall, untouched. The blonde wanted to grab some, coffee and doughnuts sounded pretty good right about now. But she didn't even want to move, she couldn't.

Arizona could count a dozen things off the top of her head that required some attention, including budget updates, incoming fellowship resumes, and equipment deliveries that were due to arrive by the end of the week. There were numerous high priority surgeries scheduled the next 3 days, requiring a high body count of surgeons and specialists. But yet...no one said a word.

What could they say, really?

Bailey sat at the head of the table, inspecting each and every face seated before her. This was not how she planned on starting her tenure as Chief of Surgery. Every fear, every worry that ran across her mind before getting the position had somehow come to life at the drop of a hat. She glanced again at Meredith, who looked calm to anyone else, but to the doctors in the room knew she was anything but.

Amelia was practically humming in her seat, and Torres didn't know where the hell to look. Pierce was doing what looked like a pee dance in her chair, and Robbins was moving her head subtlety to a beat that wasn't playing.

Bailey sighed, "Okay, let's begin…"

Callie's direction had moved finally, this time to the sheafs of paper in Bailey's hand. Her phone was steadily vibrating in her pocket every 5 minutes and she was expecting a slap to the face any minute by either woman seated beside her.

The other shoe had dropped. This was no new thing for her. If she thought back long enough, this had been the one consistent rule of her life. The other shoe always dropped, usually right on her head.

She grasped at her waistband, checking her pager who had decided at this very moment to go off. The other occupants of the table turned to her. She held the device in her hand, reading the page before looking up at the Chief. Bailey sighed again before nodding.

"I'll fill you in later, Torres." The Latina shot a grateful smile and stood up, practically running towards the door that would take her out of that horror show.

Arizona didn't grab her doughnut until 15 minutes later. Setting a French crueler and a cheese Danish onto a little plastic plate, she made her way to the coffee. Some surgeons surrounded the table with her, while others stood in different parts of the room talking to each other. She glanced towards Bailey, who was in a calm but somewhat tense conversation with Meredith.

Amelia walked into her line of vision, grabbing a Styrofoam cup from the stack. She used excess force to press on the dispenser, silently watching the hot liquid fall into her cup.

"Doughnut?" Arizona asked meekly, lifting the platter of baked goods.

The neurosurgeon gave her a look, before smirking and grabbing a jelly doughnut from the spread, "Thanks."

"Yep," the blonde answered, watching the other woman cautiously. "I know this might sound like a really dumb question...but are you okay?"

"Considering the fact that I'm praying for this coffee to turn into whiskey, probably not so good," she answered, taking a long sip from her cup.

"Probably not…" She struggled for a moment. "Are you and Meredith not talking?" Amelia shrugged before pulling out a chair from behind her, Arizona following her lead, but not before grabbing the plate of doughnuts.

"We're talking…just not about that."

"No one's talking about that."

"I'm considering that a good thing," Amelia nicked at the lip of her cup in concentration before looking up. "How am I supposed to work here, with that _fucking_ woman who killed my brother?"

For as far back as she could remember, Amelia Shepherd was loud, almost too loud. She was brash and cocky and a plethora of other things. She was crazy and free and talented…she was like a wild horse that just couldn't be tamed. Arizona remembered a lot of things about Amelia Shepherd, but not once did she ever remember hearing the smallness in her voice like she did now.

Arizona sighed, "I could give you a generic answer, but I honestly don't know."

"I keep on wondering if this is some sick joke from God, that somehow I might find a way to forgive her and let go. But I can't forgive her just because her and a team of doctors were too stupid to do their jobs."

"Maybe you won't forgive her," the blonde said, "Maybe you will. But the best thing for you to do right now is to keep on being a great surgeon. And you need to work things out with Meredith."

"Me and Mer can get past this. Me and…Penny, on the other hand, not so sure," Amelia stated, taking a large bite out of her doughnut. "And Mer and Callie, not so sure about that either."

"Callie obviously had no idea," the blonde said, "Meredith has to know that."

"She knows that…but since Torres is still probably with her…"

"Yeah," Arizona nodded, "that might be a problem." The two women stood up from their chairs, refilling their coffee cups and throwing their trash away. They both shot one last glance at Meredith, who was still talking to Bailey, who looked like she was trying to calm the other woman down.

"No offense to your ex-wife, but I can't believe her. How can you even lay down in bed with someone that incompetent?" Amelia said. Arizona winced. She tried to make it a point to not think about Callie with anyone, let alone in bed with someone.

"Like I said, their relationship formed before she even knew about this. She had no idea. It's not her fault, Amelia."

"I know it's not her fault, but what is her fault is the fact that now she knows, and instead of maybe, I don't know, being considerate of her friendship with Mer, she's going to be gallivanting around the hospital with her."

"Callie's not like that. I'm sure her and Meredith can work it out."

"Could you work it out?" Amelia asked, hitting the button to the elevator. The doors opened immediate and the two stepped in.

The answer was…probably not any time soon. A few hours ago and Arizona was just as confused and shocked as the next person. But after her buzz had worn off she found herself feeling quite sorry for everybody else instead of herself.

She honestly thought Penny was great. Callie seemed really happy from what she could remember. Her brain was a little hazy with all the wine and minimal food at the time. Arizona had felt bad for both women.

"Okay, I'm not discounting anything that happened the other night, but Penny works here now. She is officially a resident at Grey Sloan, and it's our job to teach her what we know and make her better. Better than what she was that night."

Amelia huffed, scuffing her foot along the linoleum. She looked up desperately, "What if I can't?"

The blonde tilted her head in sympathy, "It doesn't feel like it now, but you can. You're stronger than this, don't let it consume you. And if for some reason you really feel like you can't, come find me." The two walked out of the elevator and to the nurses station. It was the least she could do since everyone was probably feeling a lot worse than she did about who Callie was dating.

From what she had seen Owen had become someone special to the other woman. Of course she could confide in him, but Arizona thought it couldn't hurt to leave her door open for the other woman as well. As opposite as her and Amelia Shepherd would seem, in all actuality, they weren't that different at all.

She knew what it was like to lose a brother; to feel absolutely helpless. Tim had died because there weren't enough doctors. Derek had died because there weren't good enough doctors. Arizona liked to think that if she would've been there, her brother would still be alive, and she knew that Amelia would forever feel the same way. But Arizona couldn't save her brother, or Nick; and Amelia couldn't have saved Derek.

"I might come find you a lot then," Amelia grumbled, reaching for a tablet to go over her schedule for the day.

"That's fine," Arizona answered simply. "Then I will be there to remind you to keep your head on straight, otherwise Natalie will _really_ steal your thunder and become head of your department and then you'll be only the _second_ hottest neurosurgeon in the building," she joked, scrolling through her emails on her phone.

Amelia glanced up from her tablet, eyebrow raised, "So I'm currently the hottest neurosurgeon in your mind?" _There_ she was.

Arizona smirked, tapping her friend on the shoulder before heading towards the lounge, "I'll let you think that."

"Woah hold on," the brunette exclaimed, jogging to keep up with the blonde, "So am I? I don't think your girlfriend would appreciate that comment."

"I was trying to make you feel better, but now I'm seriously regretting it. And she's not my-fuck I don't know what she is. We haven't talked about it." Thankfully the lounge was empty. Arizona needed a moment to chug a ferocious amount of water and pop an ibuprofen. There were too many thoughts percolating in her head, and she had a strong urge to track down Callie and make sure she was okay. She also had a phone call scheduled with Herman in 20 minutes and a preemie with its heart literally halfway out its chest to operate on in an hour.

"Oh come on, I won't say anything," Amelia teased. She leaned forward slightly, "Don't think I forgot about that one time."

THUD.

Arizona turned slowly, meeting clever eyes and a sly smirk, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Dr. Robbins, have you turned into a prude in your old age?"

"Okay seriously, you did not just call me old?!" she groaned, smacking the other woman on the arm.

Amelia cackled, "Fine, play dumb. But you and I both know that secrets don't stay secrets for long around here."

"What kind of secrets are you guys talking about?" Natalie asked, breezing through the lounge straight to the coffee maker. Arizona glared at the head of neuro, silently demanding no response from the woman.

Amelia chucked, "Oh nothing important really. I'm sure you'll find out soon enough."

"Dr. Shepherd don't you have surgery soon or…something?" the blonde offered sweetly. Amelia shrugged.

"Dr. Castro, are you going to let me in an OR today or what?"

Natalie chuckled, pouring cream and sugar into her cup, "OR 4 has your name all over it."

Amelia winked at the blonde, "I'm on it. See you guys later."

Arizona grinned, "She's great, huh?" Natalie laughed and nodded, taking a sip from her hot beverage.

"Well she's looking better than when I saw her earlier. I take it the dinner party didn't go too well?"

The blonde narrowed her eyes playfully, "That's sweet of you to act like you didn't hear all about it."

"Well," she trailed, walking closer, "I'd much rather hear it from you."

Arizona sighed and plopped down onto the couch, Natalie taking a seat next to her. "Well it wasn't good. Callie brought her new girlfriend, who ended up being on the team of doctors who operated on Derek. Aaannd Penny, the girlfriend, is now a resident here."

Natalie whistled, "Wow, that's terrible. How are you feeling about it?" She turned to face her on the couch.

The blonde shrugged, "I'm just worried about everyone else."

"Well it must be weird for you, having to teach and work with Dr. Torres' girlfriend?" Now usually when a question like this comes up, Arizona would anticipate insecurity or jealousy on another woman's part. But not this one. It was almost ridiculous how cool and understanding Natalie could be. The brunette would do or say pretty much the right thing all the time, it made Arizona want to jump up and down; asking the universe how the heck someone like this existed.

"Penny's nice, at least drunk me thought she was great," she chuckled. "I wish you would've been there though," she added sweetly. Natalie grinned, glancing at the door briefly before leaning forward. Arizona smiled against her lips, running her hand up the other woman's leg. It was usually around now that she would wonder why she had not engaged in the horizontal tango with the brunette yet. Her libido wasn't the problem, that was definitely awake and kicking. It was the over processing mind of hers that would not let her move forward.

A few moments later she felt a hand grasp at the back of her head and a warm tongue enter her mouth. Arizona groaned as she continued to massage Natalie's thigh.

 _God just do it already!_

Now if she could just move her hand a little higher…

 _BEEPBEEPBEEP_

Arizona huffed, pulling away and glancing at her pager. Her eyes narrowed. The blonde definitely had to take this emergency…or whatever it was. She looked up apologetically.

"Sorry, 911. I'll come find you later?" She was already up from the couch and quickly made her way to the door.

Natalie nodded, "Yeah, that's fine. Are we still on for the movies tonight?"

Arizona winked, "Duh."

##

Callie exhaled loudly, sending off one last text to Penny before tossing the phone onto the bed. She continued pacing, running her hands furiously through her dark locks.

How did her life manage to turn upside down…AGAIN? It was almost laughable, although a bitter one. She was literally at a loss as of what to do. She had Penny on one side, her girlfriend. Since the dinner party Callie had been at a loss. There were a mixture of feelings stewing within her. How could Penny think that she wouldn't ever see Meredith Grey? Yes, Grey Sloan was a huge hospital, but on the surgical wing, you knew who everybody was.

And why didn't Penny mention anything? That was even more puzzling. She didn't doubt the other woman's guilt; Callie saw how awful she felt about Derek's death. The Latina felt even worse. She had gone into the dinner party practically blind, and now she was stuck with a girlfriend who kept a huge secret from her so soon into the relationship and a very old dear friend who had closed her bedroom door on her and could barely look her in the eye.

Callie could find it in her heart to forgive Penny and put this past them, she knew she could. She felt like they had a good foundation and could work through it. She could forgive her. That was just the kind of person she was, and the brunette had forgiven worse in the past. But right now she didn't know how long it would take to salvage her friendship with Meredith. She didn't even know where to start. What could she even say to her?

 _Hey I'm sorry that I'm seeing the woman who couldn't save your husband's life, but would it be okay if she came with us to Joe's after work?_

She snorted. Yeah that probably wouldn't work out for her.

And then there was Amelia. Her friendship wasn't as seasoned with the neurosurgeon, but the look of anguish and resentment in her eyes had been enough to make her feel like crap. That was another situation entirely that she would have to try to rectify.

This was just not fair, and Callie didn't even know where to begin to fix it.

So this led her to pacing in an on call room after her emergency consult. Turns out it wasn't an emergency at all, and now she was hiding out before her next surgery. It had been absolute torture sitting in that conference room. She had been walking tall for a good while, just to be knocked down again. Knocked down a few inches maybe, but nevertheless, Callie felt just a little bit shorter.

No one was really talking to her, not knowing what to say. Meredith and Amelia for obvious reasons. Bailey was busy being the chief. Owen was busy comforting Amelia, and Maggie was constantly rushing off to the bathroom for some reason. Penny had begun her first day as a resident, and from what the redhead had texted her earlier, she was on Meredith's service.

Everything was too messed up.

"Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid-"

"If you say it enough times it might start to stick."

Callie swung her body around abruptly, almost losing her balance. She gasped slightly, although not surprised.

So she might have paged her ex-wife to an on call room…

Callie had convinced herself that this wouldn't be weird, that it was okay to do that, because they were friends. And on call rooms were good for private conversations more than any other place in the hospital. Aaannd so far Arizona was the only one so far that hadn't looked at her awkwardly. The blonde had walked into the conference room earlier and had shot the Latina a supportive smile before sitting down. Callie wasn't sure at the time if it was fake or sincere, but one thing she had learned about Arizona was that the woman hardly ever judged. And if she did, it was kind of hard to tell, even for Callie.

The other woman looked at her expectantly, hand still on the doorknob, "Is everything okay?"

The Latina blinked, nodding, "Yeah, I just…didn't know if you would come or not…"

Arizona chuckled, "Well, 911, right? You always answer 911, even if it's to an on call room." She shuffled her feet a couple of times before sticking both hands in her pocket.

Callie laughed nervously, "Yeah, yeah I guess."

And now it just got weird, which the blonde must have sensed.

"You want to talk about it?" she asked quietly.

"No…yes…god I don't know," Callie answered frustratingly, pacing again.

"Well," Arizona trailed, "if you want to, do it now before you start rambling in Spanish and I won't be able to understand you."

"You took Spanish lessons."

"Yeah but you talk too fast, I can only figure out every other word." Unless it was dirty, those words she definitely remembered.

"True," Callie agreed.

Arizona stared at her a second longer before taking another few steps forward. She shrugged a shoulder, "Penny seems nice."

The brunette sighed, "Yeah…she is."

"How's her first day going so far?"

"Well," Callie started, sitting down on one of the twin beds, "I don't know, I haven't really asked. But from my most recent text from her it's about to get a lot worse. She's on Mer's service."

Arizona nodded, sitting on the opposite bed, "I figured as much. How's she doing?"

"Terrible. Penny's terrible, Mer's terrible, Amelia's terrible, and I feel like shit."

"Callie it's not your fault. You didn't know the story," the blonde said softly, reaching across and rubbing her arm comfortingly. Even through her lab coat and scrub shirt, she felt the heat from the other woman. It was foreign, but somehow familiar. Like before.

"I know that. I know that part has nothing to do with me…but how am I supposed to fix this now? Meredith won't even look at me, let alone speak to me. And Penny is convinced I'm about to end it with her."

"Are you…ending it with her?"

Callie chuckled laconically, "That's the million dollar question, right? Everyone expects me to I guess."

Arizona shook her head, "But what do you want?"

"I…really like her," the Latina admitted, "I mean it's still new, but I really do like her, enough to want to bring her that night. And I still like her. But I don't want to lose my friendship with Meredith over it either."

"Meredith needs time. She was just getting back on her feet and seeing Penny again probably set her back, made it all fresh again. I can't speak for her, but when the edge starts to wear off, I'm sure she'll be ready to talk."

"I just wish I could fix this," Callie answered.

Arizona sighed, standing up, "Some things can't be fixed." The brunette looked up. There it was…AGAIN. "But I hope this is something that can. With Penny and Meredith."

 _These feelings have to stop meeting up like this._

Shaking her head of other thoughts, Callie cleared her throat, "So how are you? You must have had a killer hangover."

The blonde rolled her eyes, "I was just fine, thank you. I thought I was going to need it, but I got off easy."

"You needed to get drunk in order to meet Penny?" She was a little surprised to see her ex-wife so hammered at the dinner party. It didn't happen often, but when it did it was certainly something you didn't want to miss. The blonde was painstakingly funny when intoxicated.

Arizona shuffled her feet again, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly, "I well…I might have psyched myself up for it or something…I guess I didn't really need all that wine after all."

"Okay," Callie answered slowly, not really sure where this was going.

"It's going to be fine, Callie. We've all been where Penny's at, wishing we could've done things differently. She'll move past this," Arizona stated, hands back in her pockets and perfect smile on display.

"Okay," the brunette repeated. "Thanks again for coming. No one's really talking to me so…"

Yeah, this might not have been the best thing to say at this point, because all of a sudden the blonde's eyes narrowed. Blue eyes pierced through her and Callie almost winced. Definitely not the smartest thing she's ever said.

"So you paged me 911 to an on call room not because you wanted to talk to me, but because no one else would?" Arizona asked.

Callie stood up, "That's no-"

"So I was your last resort?" she interrupted.

"Okay tha-"

Arizona scoffed before closing her eyes and exhaling through her mouth. When her eyes opened, she had sufficiently calmed down, which Callie was thankful for. Too many emotions were being tossed around in the tiny room, it was becoming hard for the brunette to keep up. It was making her head hurt even worse.

"Alright," the fetal surgeon started slowly, "I'm going to go. Give Meredith some time; she'll talk to you when she's ready. And if you like Penny…if you think that you could eventually-" she blinked, "love her…then make it work."

They could move on from this, that much she was certain. It was whether or not she should was the problem. And could she love Penny? She liked to think that she could over time. The feelings that she developed so soon for Penny were strong and magnificent really. Admitting that to Arizona? She wasn't sure sharing that was the best idea under the present circumstances. Apparently she was all out of bright ideas lately. The blonde was already to the door.

"Arizona," Callie called out, "I didn't mean to-"

The door swung open and her ex-wife turned around, giving her a small, but kind of sad smile.

"I know."

##

"I need your opinion on something."

Owen looked up from his chart. Accidents had been occurring left and right all day, prompting his attention all over the ER. He and Kepner were handling it with ease, but the trauma surgeon had just got out of surgery and was looking forward to getting something to eat and maybe check in with Amelia. Apparently that would have to wait a minute…again.

"Okay, you need a consult?"

Callie shook her head furiously, "No, a different opinion."

The redhead sighed, handing his tablet to a nurse, "Torres I don't have time-"

"I just need to talk to you for a second…just a second."

"Alright," Owen nodded, scanning the ER before walking to an empty exam room. Callie was hot on his heels and promptly shut the door behind her. He sat on the corner of the exam table. The Latina continued to pace back and forth, giving him glances every few seconds.

"Am I an idiot? Like just, a completely big moron or something? Answer honestly," she asked, bracing her shoulders.

Owen blinked, "Um…well are you referencing to anything in particular…?"

She contemplated, "No, just in general."

"I _don't_ think you're an idiot…?"

"Are you sure? I mean did you really think about it? Because every decision I've made seems to be a stupid one and I don't know how to just, stop doing it."

Owen shrugged, "Callie you didn't know-"

"Yeah yeah I'm well aware of the fact that I _didn't_ know anything. Penny's told me, Arizona's told me, you've told me. Hell even I have told myself that I had no idea this was going to happen. What I need is someone to tell me that I'm not making a mistake by forgiving Penny."

"You're conflicted," he stated, "because Meredith is your friend but you care about Penny. I know it feels like either way you're losing someone that you care about…but give it time. Meredith will come around."

Callie grunted, tracing her shoe along the linoleum, "Arizona said that too."

"Give Meredith some space and when she's ready to talk, she will."

"Arizona said that too."

He chuckled, "Well what did you need me for then?"

She ran a hand through her hair, which had gotten quite messy after the day she was having, "I don't know. I needed another third party for something else…" She sighed before looking up. "I might have paged Arizona 911 to be my friend for a few minutes."

He shrugged, "You guys are friends now right?"

"Yes, well, kind of. We've been more friendly with each other and…it's not how it used to be. Well it kind of is, but not as weird. The point is I paged her to an on call room to listen to my problems. She was understanding, and nice about it. Until I told her that I might have paged her because everybody else was pissed at me."

Owen rolled his eyes, "Okay that might have been a mistake."

"Right?!"

"So is she mad at you, too?"

"Kind of, I guess. I don't know, I can't read her as well as I used to. I guess that's what happens when you divorce somebody, you don't really know them anymore…at least not like you used to I think…" she trailed, eyes squinted in thought.

"Callie you're going to have to get to the point. Did you want to talk to me because of Penny and Meredith, or you and Arizona?"

She faltered for a second before shrugging one shoulder, "Both?"

Owen sighed again, "Give Meredith time, work it out with Penny, and apologize to Arizona." He stood up, breezing past the ortho surgeon.

"That's it?" she asked weakly, both hands in the air.

"That's it," he answered, opening the door, "And stop creating more problems where there doesn't need to be."

"You're kind of not helping me right now," she grumbled.

"Okay now you're an idiot."

##

"Cause baby now we got bad blood, you know it used to be mad love," she murmured into her cosmo. "Thanks Joe, I was trying to get this song _out_ of my head today."

The bartender chuckled playfully, "I'm going for more diverse music lately. I figured you out of everybody would appreciate it."

"I do," she answered, rubbing the stem of her glass, "Me and Sofia were listening to the radio this morning on her way to school, and since then I haven't been able to stop singing it. In my meeting this morning, during surgery, aaannd now."

He set a fresh cosmopolitan in front of her, "I'll try to add some One Direction in there for ya too."

"Gee thanks," she giggled, nodding to the new beverage, "And thanks." Joe made his way to the other end of the bar, tending to new customers. She swiveled around in her seat. So far she had been here for about 15 minutes. Natalie had got called into an emergency surgery before their shifts ended, promptly ending the movie portion of their date tonight. They still had time to make dinner, and so Arizona decided to wait for the brunette at Joe's.

Which was okay, she understood the iron fist of a surgeon's pager. There were just a few people in the space that night, and none of them were the usual crowd from the hospital.

She downed her first drink and grabbed the new one, taking a gentle sip. The blonde shrugged a little and took another sip.

 _It's so sad to think about the good times, you and I…_

"Easy killer."


	8. I Apologize

AN: Happy Thanksgiving to all those that are celebrating. Sorry it's taken a bit longer than expected to get this one out. I have the next chapter almost done, and boy it's a doozy, so I'll try to update that a lot sooner. Lines are starting to get a lot more blurred. Once again thanks for all the great reviews and encouragement.

Side note: How awesome was that firefighter? Can't remember her name but I know her from Awkward. I'm proud of Arizona for putting herself out there, too bad she was taken. They had pretty good chemistry surprisingly so I got my fingers crossed that we'll see her again. And I keep hoping that this whole thing with Jackson and April will have Callie start to rethink pretty much her whole perspective on the split with Arizona. A girl can dream, right?

* * *

Arizona carefully set down her glass and looked over.

"I knew I smelled something."

Something being _deliciousness_ , of course she would never divulge that now. Every time Callie was in close proximity, Arizona always knew it before even seeing her. She had a certain scent, and the blonde was never able to figure it out if it was her lotion, shampoo, or perfume. Maybe it was all three. Either way, her ex-wife always smelled exquisite.

After the separation, the scent would pretty much make her burst into tears, knowing that her nose would never be buried in luscious dark hair again, or between the crook of the Latina's neck. She didn't get as sad as she used to.

Callie chuckled nervously, nodding in thanks to Joe, who mysteriously appeared with a dirty martini and two tequila shots. "You're mad, I know."

Arizona shrugged casually, "I'm indifferent."

"You know that's the same thing, right?" she downed both shots.

"Indifferent is indifferent, mad is mad, _Calliope_ ," the blonde replied.

Callie froze. She was used to hearing her full name as of lately, her and Penny adopting that as their own little joke to call each other by their full names a lot of the time. But it had been ages since she had heard it come from Arizona's mouth. It was the same name, but just, different coming from her ex-wife. Like a lot of things with Arizona, it was the same, but yet, so _not_. The Latina turned her chair to face the blonde.

"I owe you an apology…" she trailed, inspecting the other woman's face. Arizona continued to stare ahead at the numerous bottles of liquor behind the bar. She was never really a fan of gin, but that bottle of Bombay sapphire was pretty…but she didn't really want to be sloshed before dinner.

 _You say sorry just for show._

Arizona snorted, "Are you going to give me one or is this just a heads up?"

The Latina sighed, "It was the wrong choice of words, and since we had a silent agreement to try and be friends, I thought that we could talk…like friends. I don't want you to think that you were my last choice, because you weren't. Out of everyone that night you were the most…nonjudgmental, and I really appreciate that."

So she might have overreacted, she accepted that. But Arizona honestly thought Callie wanted to talk to her. Whether or not it was professional, or concerning Sofia or something else, she thought her ex-wife intentionally chose her to reach out to. To find out that wasn't the case was a little, irritating. Especially since it had been a 911 page. She didn't come first on Callie's list anymore, she knew that, but being reminded of it was just, un yay.

Arizona blanked before chuckling, "That still kind of sounds like I was your last resort."

"Okay seriously I'm trying to apologize here," the other woman whined. "Are you going to accept it or not?"

"Depends, do you actually mean it?"

"I mean this. It wasn't my intention to hurt you like that. Seriously."

 _Woah._

The blonde smirked, clinking her glass with her new found drinking partner, "Then I forgive you," _no use crying over spilt milk_ , "so, since we're friends, I might find it appropriate to ask…did you talk to Penny yet?"

Callie giggled, "You realize this is extremely adult of us?"

Arizona glared, "It's because we're adults, this," she gestured to the space between them, "is how we're supposed to act apparently…" she trailed, "or so I've been told. And stop trying to change the subject."

"And so you've been told?" the Latina pushed, munching on her olive.

"Focus. Penny." _Ugh._

Callie sighed, "No, not yet. She's on call tonight but we're supposed to meet here after she gets out of the OR. I think she's in surgery with Dr. Castro. Sofia at Mer's already?"

"Yeah Amelia picked the kids up. Well they should be done soon then, I'm meeting Natalie here after too before dinner. At least you know she's not being hazed right now," Arizona shrugged.

From what she had gathered, Pretty Perfect Penny had officially begun her unraveling today. Apparently there was nothing pretty or perfect about it. The blonde actually felt bad for the other woman. Which just made her like her more. She scrunched her nose in thought.

"I hope not."

Arizona nudged the other woman, "Shut up, it's Meredith and Amelia you have to worry about."

"I know, and I don't want to seem like I'm defending her because she's my girlfriend, but I can't help it. She deserves her spot; she should be treated just like every other resident in her year."

"She should," the blonde replied simply, "and she will, over time, because Meredith and Amelia are still royally pissed off. But hopefully, they won't be, and maybe we'll get to see what this Dr. Blake is really made of."

Callie groaned, "Please don't tell me you're going to start hazing her too, because if you do-"

"Woah I didn't say that," Arizona interrupted. "Fetal surgery is still very new, what Penny learned so far is just an inkling into what the specialty actually entails. So, if she ends up on my service, I'll be up her ass just like I would with anybody else." She was never opposed to teaching, she loved it. She was all about being supportive and encouraging. But it was known that when somebody screwed up, it was pretty much off with their heads.

Callie tilted her head, taking a sip from her second martini, "Why is it that we keep referencing to our girlfriends' asses?" The two looked off into space for a moment before looking at each other. Arizona broke first and started laughing. The pair continued to smile and chuckle for a moment before a silence descended upon them.

 _See?! Friendly laughs!_

 _Or awkward ones…_

The blonde glanced out the window, noticing a redhead pacing back and forth on the sidewalk. Further back she noticed the silhouette of what looked like Natalie, exiting the sliding doors hastily while checking her phone. Right, their date. She looked somberly to her ex-wife, "Were you happy with Penny…before the other night?" She couldn't stop asking questions she did not want to know the answer to.

Callie sighed, nodding slowly, "Yeah," she chuckled, "yeah I really was." _As happy as I've been in a while anyway._

"Then you need to make it work," Arizona stated, dropping a few bills onto the counter and standing up. Callie looked up at her. "If you're happy, if she makes you happy, then you two need to move past this. Don't let one mistake ruin something special."

What exactly was she referencing too? Arizona wasn't quite sure. But all she knew was that she was slightly buzzed and sitting intimately at the bar with her ex-wife, begging her to not make the same mistake twice…or something. She also knew that she needed to get out of there before she never left. That was one thing she always knew…she couldn't ever _really_ leave Callie.

But she needed to this time. Penny and Callie needed to talk, Natalie was waiting. Arizona needed to leave.

The Latina's expression softened, "You think we can work it out?"

Arizona shrugged, "For your sake, I do."

Callie turned her chair around so that her jean clad knee touched the blonde's thigh, "But do _you_ think we can work it out?"

What did she think? Or what did she want to think? _Did it matter?_ Probably not. Penny made her happy, that was supposed to make herself happy for them. The blonde felt her throat close up and her cheeks flush. There was a pressure in her head and eyes. A hand gripped her handbag tightly.

Seems like Pretty Penny wasn't the only one unraveling lately.

Arizona smiled grimly, gritting her teeth, "Yes, I do."

Callie straightened, _"Do you?"_ Was she baiting the blonde? Was she…trying to get a reaction or some sort? Did she want validation that she was doing the right thing? Was it, _all three_? Either way, it seemed to have an effect. The air was hot, her breath was shallow, and no matter how deep she inhaled, it just wasn't enough.

Callie always believed in the theory that it's hard to look away from a train wreck. There were piles upon piles of train wrecks that she had witnessed in her life, and there wasn't a single one that she couldn't look away from. She knew what was happening, but there wasn't a force in her body or mind that could stop it.

Arizona understood that sentiment as well. And for some unfortunate reason, the shambles of their marriage was something that neither could've seen. That was one disaster. But this right here; the eye contact, the close proximity, the alcohol, the _energy_ …this screamed 'GTFO NOW.' But nevertheless, neither could look away.

The blonde blinked, eyes boring into her soul, "Stop it." _Please._

"Stop what?" _What, exactly?_

"Callie…" Arizona breathed calmly, resting her left hand on the edge of the bar counter. She didn't know what she was doing, or why she leaned in as far as she did. This was the closest she had been to Callie in years. The alcohol burned her stomach, along with that _fucking ache_ in her chest. She swallowed heavily, pursing her lips before opening her mouth again.

Callie leaned forward slightly, her body once again acting on its own accord, her brain screaming at her to do the opposite. Arizona's eyes perused her face for what felt like forever. She tilted her head. Callie closed her eyes, reveling in the blonde's breath washing over the side of her face.

And when Arizona finally spoke, her voice was small, but nevertheless, controlled, "You're not the only one who still hurts."

There was no room to respond, to think, to even breathe. Callie's heart shot through her chest and her panties were painstakingly soaked and by the time she opened her eyes Arizona was already gone.

 _Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes._

"Callie? Are you okay?"

She blinked, looking in the direction of the voice that invaded her ears. Penny was standing where Arizona had just been with an anxious look on her face. She looked around the bar; a few more people had entered since she did. It didn't even feel like she had been in the same place a second ago. The music had somehow gotten louder, the smell of fried food and faint cigarette smoke taking over her nostrils.

"Calliope?" Penny asked again, resting a hand on the Latina's shoulder.

Callie shook her head, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. How was the surgery?"

Penny sighed, smiling, "It was great. Dr. Castro's amazing; it was definitely the silver lining to my day, that's for sure."

"That's awesome," Callie answered, "I'm glad she was good to you. You want something to drink?" she asked, motioning to Joe.

"Yeah a beer, or twenty, but I'll stick with a Diet Coke," the redhead joked sarcastically, "I don't know if I can do this again tomorrow. Dr. Grey wants me on her service for the rest of the week…And I feel terrible that I'm coming in between your friendships with everybody. I don't know if I can do this." The woman took a sip from her soda and cradled it gently in her hands. Callie scooted closer, rubbing her hand soothingly over the other woman's thigh.

This wasn't the shittiest situation she's ever been in, but it was definitely the shittiest she's had in a while. It didn't help that she called Meredith a bully earlier and stormed out of the bathroom. She had already run out of comforting words. Squinting, she saw the blonde with Castro through the glass, holding hands as the pair made their way to what looked like Natalie's car. The brunette held the door open, the two sharing a sweet kiss, Natalie cradling her face passionately, before Arizona got into the passenger seat.

When Arizona had slept with Lauren, Callie had reacted instantly. She cried and yelled and left, then she drank and yelled and cried some more. She was not short on emotions at the time, that was for sure.

What she would do and how she would react when Arizona moved on had crossed her mind a time or two. Maybe she would binge eat and watch sappy lesbian movies, maybe she would act like she didn't care all the while caring too much. Or maybe she wouldn't feel anything at all.

It definitely wasn't the last one. A numbness came over her, she could feel it travel from the top of her head all the way down to her toes. She could feel her heart pulsate throughout her body, and she couldn't even breathe. It was really over it seemed.

Callie turned her head back to her girlfriend, gripping her shoulder with her other hand, "We'll get through this. You have me. I'm here."

Penny looked at her, unsure.

"I'm here," Callie repeated, "Okay?" Penny nodded, relieved. The brunette pulled her closer, sealing her declaration with a kiss. Penny grabbed her face, deepening the kiss. From the intense response she was getting, Callie guessed that Penny was pretty convinced that the conversation was not going to end up like this. And honestly, she didn't know if it would either.

But Arizona was her past, and Penny was her future.

Penny was her future.

##

"I have to ask; how did you end up living with an intern?"

Arizona chuckled, "He was kind of the only person that wanted to live with me."

After power walking out of Joe's and meeting Natalie across the street, they picked up dinner at a Thai restaurant a block away and brought it back to the blonde's house. The brunette had actually never been inside the humble abode yet. They were filling plates and wine glasses when Natalie had noticed some presence of male company. There was a burly jacket, along with Deluca's pair of boots in the foyer.

"Please," Natalie scoffed, setting napkins down onto the breakfast bar, "who wouldn't want to wake up and see you first thing in the morning?"

"Haven't you heard? I'm immortal," the blonde whispered before taking a sip of her wine. She was still mildly tipsy, but she need this to stay in the present ironically enough. Natalie had asked her more than once if she was okay. Arizona had profusely assured her that she was, but she wasn't. She was not okay. But the other woman didn't need to know that.

"You're going to have to elaborate."

"Well," she started, tearing the wrapper off her chop sticks, "I was looking for a roommate and no one wanted to live with me because I've survived so many ridiculous things in my life that it freaked them out. Deluca was the only one who didn't care. He's not creepy, Sofia likes him, he picks up after himself, and doesn't smell."

"Why did you want a roommate in the first place?"

"I had been doing too many pro bono procedures, it kind of took a hit to my paycheck. But, things have been a lot better. Plus, I didn't really want to live alone."

She really didn't want to live alone. Arizona didn't even want to get a house in the first place; but she wanted to have a yard for Sofia to be able to play in and to possibly make friends with other kids in the neighborhood. So she had gone with the rental with the possibly intent to purchase later. But if she really thought about it, it was all an act. Maybe she just wanted to appear like she was moving on.

"It sounds like you've been getting back on track. You've been pretty busy. You were saying Mount Sinai wants to fly you out for a surgery?" Natalie asked, grabbing a pork wonton.

Arizona nodded, "Yeah, next week. I'll be gone for 2 days, maybe 3. I was going to fly out earlier to prepare but I have so many other surgeries scheduled here, I can't push any of them back either."

"Speaking of," the brunette started, "Shepherd wants me to fly out for the Neuro conference in New York next week, see if I can procure some more funding for the hospital."

The blonde smirked, "Oh what a coincidence." Normally the head of the department would be the one to fly out for things like this, but it seemed that Amelia was playing it smart with this move. Amelia was no amateur, but she knew that Natalie had a lot of more contacts on the East Coast and would be flying back to Seattle with more than enough money for the department.

Natalie met her look, "Yep. Sooo, I was thinking if you had time we could meet up in the city. Like a vacation without it being a vacation since we'll both be working," she played with the other woman's hands, "I know you'll be busy, but if you have time…"

"Yeah," Arizona answered, "If we both have time, I would love that. Or maybe," she thought, "why don't you just stay with me?"

"Stay with you…?"

"Mount Sinai's paying for my first class flight and five-star hotel," she shrugged casually, "you can just stay with me. That way if we are too busy, at least we'll still see each other." It seemed that that hospital's chief of surgery made it a huge point to roll out the red carpet. She had a meeting with him her first and last day there, followed by a dinner with the rest of the heads of department. It didn't take a genius to figure out what they were trying to do.

It happened almost every time Arizona flew out somewhere to lend a hand on a surgery or project. The old her would've jumped at the chance to be at any of the hospitals. Like she told Bailey, it was very enticing. But she found it hard to think clearly about the possibility of working somewhere else. Maybe one day she would make the plunge. Maybe.

Until then she was perfectly fine to be pampered by the most awesome hospitals in the United States, as well as share the hospitality with her…someone.

Natalie tilted her head, "Are you sure?"

 _Yeah, are you?_

Arizona stuck her tongue out at herself. She had to be sure, she offered. Right? "Yeah, of course."

"Okay," the other woman replied, content to leave it at that. "Are you sure you're okay?" she joked, placing the back of her hand on the blonde's forehead.

"Seriously," Arizona laughed, "I'm okay, really. I just thought it would be a good idea. You've been so amazing to me, and I think this would be good for…us."

"I haven't done anything; your worth it, okay?" Natalie asked, raising her wine glass. Arizona grinned and held up her glass as well, an unspoken agreement…of whatever they were, established.

"Okay."

##

"We haven't gone out in a while."

"We're out right now."

Penny rolled her eyes, "I mean like a date, with dinner and wine…and other stuff."

"Well let's change that. I will take you out next week on a proper date to celebrate your first week at Grey Sloan," the brunette stated. The redhead was right; it had been awhile since they had been out together like that. Aside from sitting at Joe's currently, the last time they went out together was the dinner party from hell, and Callie wanted desperately to wipe that experience from both their minds.

The other woman nodded in agreement, "Okay, if I'm still alive by then I would love for you to take me out."

"You'll be fine," Callie assured breezily, bopping her head lightly to Elle King playing on the stereo. The bell above the entrance jingled. Both women turned and saw Alex and Jo enter the bar. Callie waved them over.

"Hey you guys just get out of surgery?" Jo nodded.

"Yeah, I need a drink," Alex answered gruffly. "Can I get two beers and two shots of Jack, Joe?"

"How'd your surgery go?" Jo asked Penny politely.

"Good. How about yours?"

"Good."

"Good."

 _Ooookay…_

Alex rolled his eyes, "Is Robbins still here? I was hoping to catch her before she left." He turned his body, scoping out the bar before looking to Callie.

She shook her head, "No you actually missed her a while ago, she had a date or something I think," shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. "If it's about work you can always call her…?"

He smirked, "No I think I'll leave her alone for the night." Callie glared at Alex, who met her look in challenge. Jo smacked his arm lightly, "Knock it off."

"It can wait anyways," he began, "I had a few questions about her cases I'm watching over while she's away."

"Where's she going?" Penny asked, interested.

"Yeah, where's she going?" the Latina demanded. "Joe can I have another shot of tequila please?"

"New York," Alex answered, "She was asked to join the team for a huge surgery Mount Sinai's doing…as if that'll convince her to take their job offer," he grumbled.

Penny whistled, "Wow they offered her a job?"

Jo snorted, "Yeah them and every other hospital in the country. I heard Bailey practically begged and groveled for Arizona to not even think about leaving."

 _Say what, now?_

"Who'd you hear that from?" Callie asked, throwing back her shot while contemplating another one.

"Everybody knows that, it's not really a secret, as much as Bailey tries to hide it. Where the hell have you been?"

 _Where_ _have_ _you been?_

Callie was about to answer with her own retort when a pager erupted next to her. Penny groaned, checking her bag, "Damn, I have to go check on all the post ops."

"See lookie there now you can go call Arizona," Callie offered to Alex gleefully.

"Not for Castro, for Grey. I'll call you tomorrow," she said, planting a kiss on her girlfriend's cheek before heading back across the street.

Jo sighed, "I feel like I'm about to get paged in a second too so I'm going to go back just in case. I'll see you at home."

"Wow, that's commitment," the Latina chuckled as the resident trudged out the door, her beer and shot untouched.

Alex shrugged, "Her and Stephanie got into it and now Jo thinks she's got to get ahead of her at work." He slid his girlfriend's abandoned drinks closer to him.

"That's part of being a resident, believing that you're the best."

"I don't think that ever goes away."

"It kind of does," Callie replied, throwing back another shot, "because when you're an attending, you ARE the best."

"That I can agree with," he said, knocking his beer with her freshly made martini.

She sighed, turning to face the peds surgeon, "Does Meredith hate my guts? And don't give me the generic answer to give her time." The head of general wasn't necessarily not speaking to her, but she wasn't talking to her either.

"When have I ever given you generic answers?" he asked rhetorically. "She doesn't hate you, she just wants to maybe bitch slap you a couple of times."

Callie shifted straight ahead, "I don't know if that made me feel better."

"You asked," he grumbled. The brunette nodded. Maybe everybody was right. Maybe she just needed to keep her head down and mouth shut and give Mer some more time to cool down. Hopefully she would adapt to Penny being around and it could be like nothing happened even though everything happened.

 _Yeah, right._

"You think she would leave?" she asked somberly. Now, at the bar with none other than Alex, she could contemplate this information. It was borderline insanity, Arizona wouldn't go to another hospital? Right? She was co-owner of Grey Sloan, Sofia was here, her…friends were here? Callie wasn't familiar with the blonde's current group of friends, if there even was a group. As a matter of fact, she didn't know a lot of things about her ex-wife.

 _You're not the only one who still hurts._

Yeeaahhh. Except for that. She had confirmation of that fact.

Alex glanced at her, "Do you?"

"I…don't know," she confessed. "I don't know what she would do anymore. I assume she would stay here for Sofia. And Natalie too, I guess." There were two other things she knew. Arizona would never, under any circumstances, abandon Sofia. It didn't matter that they weren't biologically related, Arizona was her mother, too. Sometimes in more ways than Callie was. It used to make her jealous, the bond that Sofia had with the other woman. But after a minute, she found the relationship absolutely beautiful. Callie didn't regret that for a second.

She also knew that Arizona was hands down probably the most outstanding surgeon she had ever worked with or even known. And no, Callie wasn't just saying that because she was married to the woman once. The blonde's mind was just, extraordinary. She thought outside the box and saw things that nobody else did. Her instincts were almost creepy and in her hands, every life had a chance. Every single patient was _somebody_ to her.

"Please, they've been seeing each other for two seconds. And there's always custody arrangements."

"Really?! How could you even say that?" she spat. Just the thought of it made her want to throw up. Her head had become dizzier by the minute and her chest had that familiar burn she just couldn't place.

"Because it's reality, Torres. You need to wake up. If it wasn't for Sofia she would've already bailed a long time ago, and we both know that."

"She just…she can't leave," Callie stated, "She just can't. Do you think she would leave?" she asked again.

"I hope not."

"She owns the hospital, she can't just drop that, you know."

Alex shrugged, "Yang did."

"Well that's not what's going to happen. If she was even considering an offer, she would've told me." _Right?_

"Maybe, maybe not."

Callie scoffed, "Okay do you want Arizona to leave or something so you can completely take over the department that _she_ built?!"

"Are you serious right now?" At first he thought it was the slight buzz he was experiencing, because there was no way the Latina was accusing him of trying to take _anything_ away from his mentor. It wasn't true, and on top of that, very insulting to the pediatric surgeon.

"It makes sense. If Arizona goes across the country, she'll shell out all the recommendations and praises to her prodigy. There won't be a single family on the West Coast that won't come to you to treat their child."

Alex swung his stool to face her, his face inches away, "You think I want her to leave? She _made_ me, do you understand that? She was one of the only people in my _entire life_ who believed I could amount to anything, let alone a surgeon. She believed in me so much that she intentionally screwed with my fellowship offers and lost her fucking leg because she cared so much."

"Alex…" A definite low blow that she was strongly regretting about…now. Her word vomit wasn't exactly her finest trait. But the thought of now seeing Arizona, not having the blonde in Seattle, made her nervous. Like scared, worried nervous.

"So if she wants to leave, if she wants to be happier than what she is now, then I'll be happy for her. But don't throw accusations at me because if she does decide to leave Seattle, it'll be on you, not me."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you," he answered sarcastically. "You two need to quit screwing with each other. You can't just end your marriage, move on with everyone under the sun and then get mad when she tries to do the same. And she can't keep wallowing alone, feeling sorry for herself, making sad eyes at you when you're not looking, hoping that one day you'll want her back. You wanted to be free and she needs to let you go, so let her."

Callie blinked back her tears, her head in full on migraine mode due to the multiple shoes that dropped on her head the past couple of minutes. She wanted to say that Alex didn't know what he was talking about. But did he? After recent events, it was becoming more and more apparent to Callie that maybe, things weren't as, finished. It wasn't done, and the thought terrified her.

This couldn't be happening. She had walked away from that therapist's office a long time ago. So why did she feel like she was still sitting there? It had been years already, practically a lifetime! These, feelings, don't just crop up over a span of a couple of weeks.

 _Not if they never left._

 _Oh what would you know?_

 _Seriously?_

She really needed to stop having conversations with herself. And she needed to stop this, whatever it was. Karev was right. Arizona was right. They needed to stop.

"I –" she exhaled shakily, before chuckling bitterly. "I…don't know how to let her go either."

"You haven't even tried," Alex replied, sticking his tab behind the counter and reaching for his jacket.

"Not so freeing, is it?"

No. No it was not.


	9. Irresistible

AN: Sorry it's been awhile. Holidays and work got away with me. I've been slowly working on this chapter. About halfway through I kind of lost inspiration and had to sleep on it for a bit. Doesn't help that GA is killing me slowly these days. Anywho, this chapter is pretty long, with A LOT of dialogue. Next chapter is ridiculously long as well to make up for the months I've been MIA. Enjoy…

* * *

For somebody that moved around quite a bit, Arizona Robbins hated unpacking. Like, seriously, she'd rather have a root canal. 10 root canals. It didn't matter how little she had, whether it was putting away groceries or clearing out her suitcase, it the woman could avoid it, she abso-freaking-lutely would.

Every time the Robbins clan had ventured into a new state, she would mysteriously fall 'under the weather.' Her parents initially thought it was something she had come down with during the trip, therefore she was exempted from the heavy unpacking.

After a couple of days, she would feel better, which just left her to put together her room, which to her, was the only fun thing about moving. Tim knew what she was up to the whole time, glaring at her as she lounged on the couch under blankets, smirking triumphantly when their parents weren't looking. It wasn't until she was 16 that the whole sick act didn't work, but by then it was the last time she would unpack her room in a new state, under her parent's roof.

She hated the fact that although everything was neat in initial placement, clothes and shoes would be thrown all over the place after a couple of flights and a few turns on a conveyor belt. And if those clothes were clean, she would still end of washing them due to the wrinkles they had acquired.

So she hated packing. So she was avoiding it.

Due to her exhaustion from the flight back to Seattle, her suitcase had been left abandoned in the foyer when she got home. Then, she had rolled it into her room to grab the necessary toiletries before she went to bed. After a few hours of tossing and turning, she had gotten up and decided to head to the hospital. The suitcase remained on the floor, at the foot of the bed.

Her shift wasn't scheduled for at least another few hours, but with the present and very full suitcase along with a ton of other grievances, she needed something to do.

Which was why she stole Karev's neuroblastoma kid.

It was juvenile and completely beneath her, but she needed this.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

She winced, "Good morning Alex, miss me?"

"You're just going to steal my patient from me?" he asked, stepping up to the table.

She rolled her eyes, "Wonder where I got that idea?"

Alex paused. The blonde might have had a point there.

"Figured you'd still be at home. You just got in last night."

Arizona sighed, "Yeah, I did. I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come in early."

"And steal my patient. As if there's not enough people kissing your ass you need one more family to think you're Mother Teresa?"

"You're lucky we're in an OR right now, Karev, and that I'm almost done. You have some explaining to do once I get out of here."

He shrugged, "I don't know what you mean."

Alexander Michael Karev knew exactly that she meant. And her piercing blue eyes said as much as she glared across the table at him for a second. The actions or…words, of her friend was a heavy contribution to her bad mood as of lately. Mainly because he had to open his big fat mouth.

It wasn't entirely his fault. Hell it wasn't even his fault.

Five days earlier…

" _You can't just let me know these things last minute!"_

" _Well I'm telling you now, and I haven't seen you in a couple of days," the blonde commented._

 _Callie scoffed, "You saw me the other night."_

" _I forgot." Sort of. "Anyways what's the big deal? It's not like I'm vacati0ning in Cancun. It's for work."_

" _I don't know," the brunette shrugged, "I guess I just wish you would let me know stuff like this sooner. If we're going to co-parent, we need to communicate."_

 _Arizona considered the other woman, something just wasn't adding up. "I get it, and I'm sorry that this was so last minute. But it's happened before, why are you now all of a sudden so pissed about it? What aren't you telling me?"_

 _Callie sighed, "Nothing, it's nothing. I'll take Sofia tomorrow night. Enjoy being wooed by Mount Sinai." She made a hasty attempt to escape her own office, but she wasn't that agile. Arizona grabbed her arm, turning the Latina's body to face her own. Someday, maybe, their business wouldn't circulate around this place. But today was not the day._

" _Where'd you hear that?"_

" _Arizona…"_

" _No if that's what this is about then you need to tell me."_

 _The brunette sighed again, rubbing her forehead lazily, "Stupid Karev. Why didn't you tell me that you've been getting offers? I'm not surprised, I just…I didn't know."_

" _That's because you don't need to know, because I'm not taking any of them."_

" _Why?"_

 _She chuckled, "Because, well…because I'm not leaving."_

 _Callie squared her shoulders, "But why aren't you leaving? It's not like you couldn't do better things elsewhere."_

" _And leave my daughter? Is_ _that_ _what you want me to do?" Arizona asked quietly._

 _The Latina shook her head slowly, "Of course that's not what I want you to do. But if Sofia wasn't in the equation, you would, wouldn't you? You'd leave?"_

" _If Sofia wasn't in the equation, and we were, like this, yes. I would leave." She perused her ex-wife's face, trying to decipher what this now meant. "Is that what you would want me to do?" Arizona let go of the other woman's arm, realizing that she had still been holding on._

" _I-I don't know anymore, and that's the problem," Callie stated, stuffing her hands into her pockets._

 _Arizona sighed, "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not leaving. I don't know what Alex said to you but I have no plans of leaving Seattle." She leaned on the edge of Callie's office couch. Something told her she might be here for a little bit._

 _The brunette hesitated. Her conversation with Alex had been on her mind since Joe's, slowing eating her alive. She felt like she was leading two lives. One where she was happy and fine and over it. Generic and free. The other…she was confused and mad. This needed to stop._

" _We…we can't keep doing this. This…thing," Callie gestured to the space between them, "keeps happening and I don't know how to stop it."_

 _Arizona blinked. Well there it was. She was wondering when this was going to happen. Not that she wanted to talk, because she didn't. Because if she did, she would get pissed, and she liked to keep her arguments with Callie down to one a day._

 _But it seemed like this is where it was heading. Arizona couldn't act like this was no longer getting in the way of everything. Because Callie was, pretty much_ _everything_ _. Still. And Arizona was here, still, at her complete mercy. She felt really stupid right about now._

" _It wasn't really a problem before, was it? Back when we weren't talking? God," Arizona chuckled, "we were so much of_ _nothing_ _."_

" _I wouldn't say that."_

 _The blonde hummed bitterly, "Then you're just as big of a fool as I am. You know, I used to watch your every move when I thought you weren't looking. I would look for literally anything, that would let me know you were dying inside just as bad as I was. That you were sad, or hurting; just anything that let me know that you at least missed me. But I never saw it. I kept on wishing and hoping that it was all an act or something. I looked for a long time and then eventually just…stopped. And right when I stop, here you come like a bat out of hell. And for what? Because you finally saw me with someone else? You don't get to do that."_

" _I wish it didn't sound so selfish of me, but yeah, that's what did it. Arizona it didn't look like it, but I was dying inside. I didn't have my wife, my family, anymore. I did that. I made my bed and I had to lie in it. So I…went on with my life. And nothing about that was easy. I thought about you all the time. I surged forward with the veteran's project and I missed you. I started dating again and I missed you. I even chopped off my hair and I missed you because I remembered how much you loved it short. I missed you every single day. But I ended it, so I tried to make the best out of a bad situation. That doesn't mean I didn't miss you." She wiped carelessly at the lone tear falling down her face._

" _You're right. You ended it. YOU. You decided to end our marriage and just walked out. It wasn't fair. I didn't get a say, or an opinion. All I got was a good-bye fuck. And what made it worse is that I didn't even see it." Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose, cursing her tear ducts._

" _I didn't plan it like that." A lame excuse, but she hadn't planned it like that at all. She was just as excited to end the session with their marriage very intact. But it wasn't, it was still the same old song and dance they did with each other. And she knew, that if they continued, it would be fine, until something else happened. Whether it was a hard day at work, or another discussion about having a baby, or even what they were going to do for Sofia's birthday party. It would always be fine until something else happened._

 _Callie needed to break the cycle, once and for all. She didn't like it, and she felt terrible afterward, but it was necessary._

" _Which makes it even worse. You didn't even need a day to come to the conclusion that you wanted out."_

" _It didn't take you long to cheat on me either, so go figure."_

 _The blonde didn't really have an excuse for that one, nor could she claim the moral high ground._

 _Callie sighed. She had forgiven that, she really had. Didn't mean she wouldn't use it in this situation. But…_

 _She was always a sucker for Arizona's sad eyes._

" _I'm sorry. I had a realization and just…I don't know, acted on it in that moment. And now, here I am, gritting my teeth and smashing old cast plaster because I'm so pissed off that I did it in the first place."_

 _Maybe she had always known the truth. It had been staring her right in the face and she refused to see it for so long. There was no project, no man or woman that could make her forget either. She had tried, and failed. Again._

" _You can't be mad, not now. I can't be mad at you either and I can't keep wishing that you'll come back to me."_

 _Callie took a staggering breath, "I wish I knew how."_

 _Arizona rubbed her sweaty palms on her pants and stood up. Not only had she made herself look like an ass by sharing how pathetic she was, but the blonde was even more confused than she was to begin with. "Be happy. With your career, with Sofia, with…Penny, and maybe over time you won't feel so mad anymore. That's what I have to do."_

 _She breezed around the other woman, her desperate need to get out of the room too great. It was already dark and there were last minute arrangements and paperwork that needed to be dealt with before she left for New York. But right now all she wanted was a cigarette (or 10) and an hour to cry and wallow in her self-pity. Again._

 _Slowly Callie felt Arizona slipping, bailing. "No…I wish I knew how to come back to you."_

 _Arizona almost made it. She was right there, hand on the door knob, ready to bail. It would have been so easy to just throw open the door and never look back. She was heading to New York, with Natalie, and never speak, or think, about this again. But she couldn't, because Callie had just opened up Pandora's box, and she felt that pull, that…shackle, that just wouldn't let her move. All she could do was lean her head miserably on the door._

" _You don't mean that."_

 _Callie shrugged helplessly, "I tried, I really tried to not mean that. For both our sakes. But I can't keep lying about that anymore." She wringed her hands, shuffling closer. "We've hurt each other more times than I can count, and I have a strong belief that we were a walking, breathing train wreck at one point in time…but that doesn't change how I feel about you. That never changed. I tried, but I can't."_

" _You don't mean that. You have Penny."_

 _She did…she had Penny. Callie knew that it was completely unfair what she was saying right now. Her feelings for the resident were real…that much she was certain about._

 _Compared to what she felt for her ex-wife? Two entirely different platforms. She didn't want to hurt the other woman; Penny didn't deserve that. Did she want to be with Penny? Yes. She could have a nice, easy life with her, despite the recent turn of events. That would be all though. Could she have just nice and easy?_

 _It would be a stretch from her previous one, that's for sure. But Callie did know that she didn't want to hurt anymore. She didn't want to suffer, or cry (although she was now), or feel like she was walking on a tightrope in the middle of a hurricane. So why wouldn't her mouth or feet stop moving?_

" _I know, and she's helped me a lot, she's great, despite what Grey and Shepherd say. And I'm sure Natalie's…great," she winced. "You seem happy when you're around her, like when I first met you. You look like you again."_

 _Callie inhaled, running her hands through her hair before dropping them, "I guess I just have to accept that no matter who I'm with, or how much time goes by, or how much we hurt each other…you are always going to be so much more than anyone else."_

 _It was a, relief, knowing the truth now. To actually being honest about how she felt all along. But, as much as it hurt, it didn't change that right now, they were divorced, dating other people. Maybe it was best to stay that way. But it was comforting in a sick way, knowing that Arizona would always be the love of her life._

 _It was that difficult, but yet, that simple._

 _Her nerves were getting the best of her. It had been a good few minutes, and the other woman still had not said a word. Callie expected her to bolt a long time ago. Maybe they both had grown out of some bad habits after all._

" _Can you say something, please?" the Latina asked gently._

" _I know this is…a lot to take in, but could you just…"_

 _Arizona had not turned around once, which made it a little better for her word vomit. The blonde stood still as stone, with one hand on the knob and her head leaning against the door. The only part of her that moved were her shoulders, due to the deep breaths that she had been taking. Her hair was almost white in the moonlight streaming through her office, and it cascaded down her back in waves._

 _She used to love playing with Arizona's hair. It was always so soft and smelled so good. On their lazy days off they would just lounge around the house and the Latina would run her hands through her hair for hours. Callie loved it straight, wavy, in a stylish up-do, in those cute little braids, messy, after-sex hair; she loved it all. She hadn't seen it short in a while, but Callie liked the length that the blonde was keeping it now._

 _A tan, shaky hand raised, tracing over the soft tendrils. Strawberry shampoo hit her senses. It was too much but yet not enough._

 _She gained the strength, extending her hand, running her palm along the blonde's back before gripping the woman's shoulder, "Arizona-"_

 _Callie never got to finish. She gasped in surprise, her heart beating faster than it had all night…which was pretty freaking fast._

 _In a matter of seconds, Arizona had whipped around, grasping her wrist tightly in her smaller hand. It was like déjà vu, like that night in the elevator all those years ago. But it wasn't, because the blonde had not kissed her this time. Instead, she was just a breath away._

 _Arizona's eyes were a glassy, crystal blue, and like always, Callie just couldn't look anywhere else if she tried. The blonde perused her face, every inch of it, but never let go of her wrist. Her other hand came up, grasping her jaw gently. Both chests were heaving, brushing against each other with every breath. This was the closest by far they had been to each other in years._

 _Callie was drowning in it, sobbing quietly, wanting and hating it all at once._

 _10 kids, the shooting, Africa, Mark, the plane crash, the leg, the cheating, a baby, therapy…she could keep going._ _Everything_ _had torn them apart, but absolutely nothing had made them love each other any less._

" _Calliope?"_

 _Her voice came out quietly, but like a song. Callie always did wonder how she was able to do that._

" _Yeah?"_

 _Arizona leaned forward an inch closer, nuzzling her nose into a tan cheek. Her pink lips brushed over Callie's, breathing in the other's own breath. The blonde opened her mouth wider, barely closing the distance. Callie had broken down already, she was completely and utterly ready. And so she closed her eyes, waiting._

" _I love you, too."_

Arizona rubbed her forehead, picking up her pace to the salvation that was her office.

Unfortunately for the blonde, Alex was quickly by her side, "Dude, are you okay? Did something happen in New York?"

New York. Another problem on her very long list of shitty shit shit problems.

"No, it's nothing, Karev," she answered, stuffing her scrub cap in her scrub pocket.

Alex rolled his eyes, "Where'd you buy that lie? Seriously though," he tapped her elbow gently, "do you want to talk about it?"

Arizona sighed, "I just…" she pulled her key from her fob and unlocked the door, "Maybe later? But just, not right now."

He nodded solemnly, "Okay, yeah. I'll come find you later?"

She smiled briefly before disappearing behind the door. He rubbed the back of his neck, extremely confused.

"What the hell happened?" he mumbled to himself, walking back to the PICU.

She turned in place before free falling, thankful for her office couch. She was jetlagged and un-caffeinated, along with everything else. And everything else was a lot.

In hindsight, it was a bad idea trying to be friendly with Callie again. After all, they had managed to avoid this for a very long time. It should've stayed that way, Arizona should've continued to avoid close quarters, and things would have been fine.

Now, it was anything but fine. It was hell on earth.

She had been here before. With the car accident, the plane crash, the cheating, the breakup…god she had been there so many times. This was different though. She was different. Arizona liked to think she was still that same woman somewhere inside, rolling her way around the hospital, a kick ass surgeon who kissed random girls in bar bathrooms because they looked like they needed it. That person was slowly making her way back, but different.

Key word being _was_. There had to be some way to just, stop making the same mistakes over and over again. A way to stop looking back.

But she couldn't, because she was here, in this hospital, saving lives, raising a child, and still madly in love with a woman that she couldn't make stay. The past few days had proven that inevitable truth.

It was her own fault. She had screwed it up. Arizona could be mad at Callie all day for leaving, but it didn't change the fact that Arizona had lit the curtains on fire first. Callie had simply, extinguished it. With Lauren, with the blame and hate that she showed for losing her leg, for maybe not finding the strength within herself to try for another baby.

So now she was here, in the same place she thought she had crawled out of a long time ago.

The truth didn't just hurt, it _fucking sucked._

##

"Talk to me Wilson."

"28 year old female, crushed pelvis and broken femur. I've got her injuries stabilized and ready for the OR," Jo spat out breathlessly, holding the trauma room door open. She had taken the resident under her wing the past few weeks, and so far the other woman had showed real promise. Hopefully this time she wouldn't wander over to another specialty. It had been a long time since she had someone that was interested in ortho.

"Nice," she murmured under her breath. This was just what she needed, a nasty injury to take her mind off things. All she needed to do was assess what was done here and then get right into-

"She's hemorrhaging, her right pupil's blown," Castro stated, shining her pen light through the patient's eyes. "Blake have those scans taken to the OR, we got to get in there now."

Callie shook her head. This could not be happening right now.

"Dr. Torres, you'll be scrubbing in?" Natalie asked, kicking up the breaks to the gurney. Penny and Jo brushed past both of them to hold the elevator. The Latina attempted to meet her girlfriend's eyes, to no avail. Things had been a little rocky with the redhead lately.

She cleared her throat, "Um yeah, yep. Uh-huh."

"You okay?" the neurosurgeon asked as they all broke into a run towards the elevators.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Callie answered, holding onto the head of the gurney. The group of doctors and nurses rushed into the metal box, Blake hit the OR floor…and then silence. She almost wanted to laugh at the awkwardness. But it really wasn't funny.

Jo looked around the tiny space. There was a patient in critical condition taking up most of the place, two nurses mushed into a corner, Callie standing in front of the doors, Natalie on one side of the patient, Blake close behind her. The elevator was moving painfully slow for such an urgent cause. Penny cleared her throat, a nurse sniffled, Callie stood ramrod straight, tapping her foot impatiently.

She wasn't an idiot; she knew how extremely uncomfortable this surgery was going to go. The patient would be fine, that was for sure, but standing in an OR with these three was not going to be fun.

"How's the weather outside today?" she asked casually.

Penny shrugged nonchalantly, "Like it always is."

"How was the weather in New York, Dr. Castro?"

"It was a nice change."

Jo nodded, sighing in relief when the doors opened. OR nurses were already there waiting and brought the gurney into the room. And so they transferred from one small space to another.

The resident scrubbed her forearms efficiently, "So did you get to do anything fun while you were there? You must have had some time in between the conference." She saw Callie pause in the middle of scrubbing before furiously going to town on her wrist.

Natalie laughed softly, "Yeah, you could say that."

"I've been to New York a few times but never got to really explore, you know? Like stroll through Central Park, see the Emp-"

"Wilson I think Dr. Castro made it clear that she did indeed have fun."

Yikes.

"It's alright Wilson, although you might want to get in there," Natalie commented, nodding forward. Jo agreed heavily, quickly drying her hands and following the ortho goddess.

Penny scoffed, shaking her head while still scrubbing. The neurosurgeon eyed the other woman carefully before grabbing a hand towel.

"Are you guys okay?"

The younger resident wasn't quite confident in how to answer that question. On one side, she got along fine with the attending, having scrubbed in on a few of her surgeries. They had coffee a few times and shared a couple of jokes. Natalie was cool, great even compared to the treatment she was receiving from the head of general surgery… and pretty much everyone else in the hospital.

The neurosurgeon was one of the very few attendings that didn't roll their eyes or huff and puff over having her on their service.

On the other hand, Natalie was also dating her girlfriend's ex-wife. Penny wasn't completely blind, Callie had been too distracted lately by the other woman's arrival to Seattle, and she knew why.

But Callie had yet to admit anything to her. Adding the drama with Meredith and Amelia, they could barely have a conversation without awkward silence or short bickering. The polar opposite of when they first got together.

They just had to get past all this crap that was stock piling against them. That's all.

"Yeah, it's just been a busy few days."

Which was a serious understatement.

##

"I'm really sorry Arizona, er-Dr. Robbins. I called a plumber and he'll be by tomorrow morning to take a look at it," Deluca said, trying to keep up with the blonde.

"It's alright, Andrew." The fact that the intern was doing dishes and broke the disposal was the least of her worries.

"No seriously, I'll pay for whatever it's going to cost."

"How about you get the estimate from the guy and then we'll discuss it?" Hell, she'd pay for the whole thing outright if it meant him going away, and fast.

"I can pay for the repair."

She quirked an eyebrow.

He nodded nervously, "We'll discuss it."

Arizona smirked, "Good, now I have to take this page from Dr. Karev. Shouldn't you be in a skills lab with Dr. Grey?"

He nodded again, "Yeah, I'm just gonna-" he jerked his thumb in the opposite direction. "I'll see you at home?"

"Yep," she answered before disappearing into the gallery. Why Alex had paged her here, she had no idea.

Karev was the only one, seated in the middle row in the very middle seat, holding a bag of potato chips. Her eyes narrowed.

"Seriously? You page me here," she started, making her way into the seat next to him, "to what? Share your inner most secrets?"

Alex snorted, "No, for that," he nodded forward. Arizona rolled her eyes before facing the operating room. She literally felt the color drain out of her face. "Oh god."

He smirked, "Yep."

"I hate you."

"Pretty sure they hate you, too."

From the looks of it, the surgery had been going well. Patient's stats were good, Wilson was assisting Callie, while Blake stood at the head with Natalie. Surgeries like this could go on for hours, depending on how bad the patient was, but it looked like all surgeons were trying to wrap this up as fast as possible. For good reason.

Aside from comments here and there between Castro and Blake not a word was murmured between the doctors.

Penny continued to suction, throwing a glance in Callie's direction every few minutes. Jo threw awkward looks at pretty much everybody, and every time Callie looked up to stretch her neck, her eyes would land on the neurosurgeon, glaring at her intently.

"This is a disaster," the blonde whispered.

"You can't really look away though."

"Okay it's nice to know that my life is entertaining for you." She stole a chip from the bag.

Alex shrugged, "Well while we're here, you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

She chewed slowly.

"I don't think this is the appropriate place."

"The intercom's off."

Arizona rolled her eyes. "Not the point. I just...I need time to get my thoughts together. It's been a crazy few days."

She needed eons of time to sift through the madness that was her life.

"Don't do that." She looked up questioningly.

Alex rolled his eyes, "That thing where you bottle things up and refuse to share a single thing you're feeling. There are times where you can't deal with your issues on your own. Not talking to somebody about it when you need to will just screw you over in the end. Trust me, I know."

"Wow," she breathed, "You have not shared one tenth of that level of maturity in all the years I've known you."

He was kind of right, too.

"Thanks," he answered flatly. "So are you going to talk to me or not?"

Arizona sighed, "Okay, but not here."

"Joe's?"

"I have Sofia, but you could come over later?" she suggested, standing up.

Alex nodded, "Okay, text me what you want and I'll pick it up on my way." Arizona smiled before turning back to the OR. Callie, coincidentally enough, decided in that moment to look up.

They hadn't laid eyes on each other since that night, for good reason. Arizona couldn't avoid her forever, she knew that. But there wasn't a single word in the English language that she could say to the Latina to brush everything that had happened aside.

She felt like an asshole, to put it simply.

And from the looks of her ex-wife, she wasn't the only one. Even through the mask and the loupes, she knew that Callie was in the same boat. They both knew that too much had been said way too soon. It was abrupt and unexpected, at least to each other. Normally there were things that led up to the confessions that had spilled from their stupid but very beautiful mouths.

Callie and Arizona obviously didn't do normal, and they both knew that conversation was certainly not over.

And there was still a suitcase back home, waiting to be unpacked.


	10. Speak Low If You Speak Love

AN: Too many ideas of what I want to happen is resulting in this story being dragged out a little longer than anticipated. So yeah lol. And not too sure how I felt about Arizona ratting out April to Jackson. Hopefully the ladies can work through it and not have it ruin their friendship, since they both collectively have like two friends -_-

Enjoy!

* * *

"Ha! I win again!"

"That's because you play like 1,000 games a night."

"Maybe, but you also suck at darts no matter how drunk you are. Your precision is terrible, how are you a double board certified surgeon?"

Apparently alcohol made the good doctor a little rude.

Arizona rolled her eyes, "I'm trying to be an awesome friend here."

April took her seat and downed the rest of her beer, "And I appreciate you going along with my pathetic-ness. This is what I do to avoid being divorced."

The blonde didn't want to actually agree with her, but yeah, this could look pathetic.

…Or it was pathetic.

Arizona was also not in the position to be calling the redhead for what she was, when she in fact herself, was utterly pathetic.

"It could be worse," she shrugged.

"How could it be worse?" April asked. In her mind, nothing could be more terrible then divorcing her husband.

"Trust me, it could," Arizona murmured cryptically, licking remnants of salt from her empty shot glass.

"I guess I'll have to take your word for it."

"That would be in your best interest."

"I thought Natalie would be joining us?" April asked, signaling another round to the bartender.

The blonde eyed her, "I figured you would feel like the third wheel. I told her I would just meet her for coffee tomorrow."

Her friend had been really down in the dumps since Jackson voiced his desire to get a divorce instead of working it out. Arizona had kind of been MIA lately as far as a support system went. It was also better to hear about someone else's problems for a change instead of wallowing in her own. Asshole move, maybe. But nevertheless it was effective.

"Well as long as you two didn't start making googly eyes and canoodling in a corner booth I wouldn't feel like the third wheel," the redhead replied, gratefully sipping her fresh draft beer.

Arizona watched her friend down half of her frosted mug in one gulp.

"You might want to slow down. You're running the ER in the morning."

"I'll be fine. I run the ER everyday now."

"Yeah and it's starting to show. You look like crap." Arizona rolled her eyes at her friend's crass comments. Alex's asshole tendencies were something that she realized early on that you just couldn't tame. Unless you were Jo Wilson, and even then it really depended on the day.

"Karev, if you're going to be a butthead then you can just go sit over there with Cross and that other weird intern," Arizona announced.

He chuckled, "I'm just messing with you, Apes. And you," he narrowed his eyes, "butthead? Seriously Robbins? No one's called me that- except for you- since the second grade."

"Maybe not to your face."

##

"We need to talk."

It took all her energy to refrain from rolling her eyes. _Now_ she wanted to talk.

"I'm a little busy here," she replied, her eyes and fingers running across her computer. She was currently in the lab, inputting some new data for the veteran's project. It was also time for her to grab Sofia and head home, 30 minutes ago.

"This is the least busy you've been all day. And you can't even look up to talk to me?"

Callie huffed, closing her laptop and meeting the eyes of her girlfriend. Or at least she thought they were still together. "Just because I'm not in the OR doesn't mean I'm not busy." She gestured around the room with a flourish.

"Listen," Penny started, making her way further into the room. "I know I haven't been the best to you lately. I shouldn't have been avoiding you. I just felt like not talking to you would've made being on Grey's service a lot easier."

Callie nodded pensively, "And how did that work out for you?"

"I know you wanted to help. But instead you made it worse. I had to make her trust me, or at least tolerate me, on my own. That had nothing to do with you and I didn't want you involved."

It was bad enough she omitted sensitive information from a girlfriend long enough to be outted in front of everyone at the dinner party. It was something that Penny was constantly paying for, rightfully so. But the last thing she needed was her attending girlfriend telling them all to stop picking on her.

For lack of a better word, it was embarrassing.

"One thing you need to know about me is that I want to help. That's just the type of person I am. And," she sighed, scratching the crown of her head, "I'm sorry if I overstepped. I just didn't like seeing you get bullied and yelled at and overlooked. I don't know everything about you yet, but I do know that you know what you're doing. You're going to be a great surgeon someday. I just wanted Meredith to know that too."

Penny nodded, "I know you wanted to help. I told you about my days with Grey because you're my girlfriend, not so that you could turn around and scold her for how she teaches. I get that I screwed up with keeping all of this from you, but you're making this more difficult for me."

Callie narrowed her eyes, "Oh I'm making this harder for you? Meredith is still barely talking to me. And everyone else just gives me the side eye as I walk down the halls."

"I understand. I know where you're coming from and I appreciate it you sticking up for me, I really do. But in this situation Callie, I really need you to just butt out."

The Latina blinked. Well, she didn't see that coming. The two women hadn't really talked in a while, although they were still supposedly together. Which was not the normal behavior of the brunette. She was a talker, she liked to hash things out and get to the root cause. But lately she found herself relishing in not talking. Maybe she was all talked out. Or maybe she knew that extra space was needed.

Or maybe she needed to take a step back and not try to fix things all the time.

Penny was a big girl, she could take care of herself.

"Okay. I will butt out," Callie finally said with conviction.

Penny was the one to blink in surprise this time. "Uh-okay."

The other woman grinned, "I know. Where's the easy button when you need it, huh?"

"I'm actually not done."

Callie eyed the redhead warily, watching her slowly make her way around the lab table. The woman was fidgeting with her hands inside her lab coat, and she was bouncing on the balls of her feet. Penny was conflicted, and a little nervous, that was for sure. She looked up, clearly uncomfortable.

"Is there something going on between you and Dr. Castro?"

…

The brunette snorted, the beginnings of a giggle about to leave her lips before she realizing that no, her girlfriend was not kidding. Her smile fell.

"…Seriously?"

"Are you going to answer me or not?"

"Well," she started slowly, "I don't know, because that is a ridiculous question to ask. What makes you think there's something going on?"

Penny sighed, playing with the black strap of her watch, "I don't mean romantically. It's obvious to everyone that you can't stand her. What I want to know is why."

The attending shrugged, "I don't hate her. I just don't trust her with my patients 100% yet."

 _Lame excuse, Torres._

"Callie…just stop." Penny ordered, clearly annoyed at this point. "I thought you would actually be honest. I know it's because of Dr. Robbins, okay? You're not very subtle."

"Arizona is with Castro, yes," the brunette answered simply, flipping her laptop back open.

"And that bothers you," her girlfriend stated.

"Are you trying to create another fight?"

Penny shook her head, "I might be just a resident, and the pariah of this hospital, but I know what jealousy looks like."

 _Fight or flight?_

The brunette continued to stare at the data spreadsheet on her computer. There was never a time she wanted so badly to teleport somewhere, anywhere, away from this room, which used to be her sanctuary. It felt like a courtroom right about now.

What could she say? If she was honest, really honest, there was not a doubt in her mind she would break Penny's heart. And if she lied, Callie would be wasting her breath.

Somebody somewhere should have written a book for situations like this.

Callie sighed, finally looking up. "I worry."

"What?"

She rubbed her palms on her thighs, standing up from her stool, "I worry. About Arizona. That's something that will never change. And we didn't work, but I still want the best for her. So I guess," she sighed again, "I've been giving Castro a hard time because I still have this knee jerk reaction to protect her."

It was kind of the truth. Like, a third of the truth. The sudden dose of guilt that dropped into her stomach was not lost on her. Callie knew that she was lying, omitting information that would pretty much affect her current relationship. She was better than this, and more honest and adult than how she was currently acting. But she just didn't know how to stop.

"Is that all it is?" Penny asked carefully, watching the flood of unsaid thoughts behind her girlfriend's eyes. The Latina blinked, her eyes refocusing to her girlfriend.

"I need to work on it."

"Okay."

Callie nodded, "Okay."

Okay.

##

"You think she made it okay?" the blonde asked worriedly, munching on a French fry. April had departed Joe's a few minutes earlier. The trauma surgeon had decided to spend the night at the hospital, again.

"She's across the street, not on the other side of town."

"She also managed to drink her weight in lager."

Alex shrugged, "She'll just pass out in an on call room."

"She better text me like I told her to," Arizona grumbled, sipping her white wine.

"Stop worrying, you'll give yourself wrinkles."

"Hey where's Jo tonight?" she asked pointedly.

Alex glared at her, "At home, with her friends."

She snickered, "And you weren't invited?"

"I don't know, she wants to try and keep her relationships separate…which makes no sense because we all work together," he complained. "What are you still doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be rolling around in the sheets with a hot neurosurgeon?"

 _Not again._

Arizona rolled her eyes, "I was here for April."

"And now April's gone."

"You're here now. Besides April you know you're like my only friend," she added sweetly, batting her eyelashes.

Alex chuckled. He would never admit it, but she was just too cute sometimes.

"Seriously, how's it going with you two?"

Arizona sighed. The two had hung out a few nights ago, and the blonde had told him everything. It was painful to share, but she had to. And Alex wasn't nearly as inappropriate as he could have been.

But since that night there had not been a chance for the duo to speak any more on the subject.

"She's great. Honestly," the blonde smirked bitterly. "And I don't know what my problem is," she got Joe's attention for another glass of white. "It's like I love making things harder for myself."

There had been other women, of course. Nobody that really mattered though. Most first dates never led to a second. In hindsight maybe she wasn't quite ready to move on. Maybe she had to find herself, get back into her groove, first in order to date someone else.

In a way she wished that Natalie wasn't so great. The more she got to know the other woman, the more she realized that this woman was damn near perfect. Sure, everyone had their issues. The brunette had this weird obsession with snakes, which Arizona absolutely deplored. And her laugh always lingered 5 seconds longer than was appropriate.

But once again, everyone had something.

It would be easier if the neurosurgeon wasn't amazing. It would be easier if she was a bitch or jealous and irrational. Those would be reasons to not completely dive head first into a relationship, the beginning of a life together.

But Natalie wasn't a bitch, or jealous. The only form of irrationalism she had possessed thus far was taking her coffee with no sugar.

She was in a way her perfect match. And she still couldn't find it within herself to stop thinking about another brunette beauty.

"You deserve somebody great, you just have to decide whose greatness you want to have," Alex said softly.

Arizona nodded, "I had greatness one time. And I screwed it up," she glanced at her watch. "Shit I'm going to have to go check on April." A normal person might not have been that worried, but Arizona had been involved in enough disaster to want to make sure. The chances of April getting attacked by a polar bear in the 5th floor on call room by the stairs sounded believable on some days.

"I'm sure she's fine. You don't need to go check on her," Alex insisted.

"No I really do. It's going to bother me the rest of the night," she threw some bills down on the bar top. "Rain check?"

Alex nodded helplessly as he watched the blonde exit the bar, "Just come back here so I can take you home."

##

She was a horrible mother.

This was a theme going on lately.

After her talk with dear Penelope, she had run through her data updates. She had been so wired from the conversation with her girlfriend, she grabbed some tools and started adding some tweaks and updates to the newest leg she was working on for a former Navy Seal. Before she knew it an hour and a half had gone by.

Not only was she at the hospital later than she was supposed to, so was her daughter.

God she was losing her shit. And this elevator was slow as hell. She mashed her thumb repeatedly over the down button.

Callie breathed a sigh of relief when the doors finally opened…before it was knocked right out of her at the sight of her ex-wife in the metal box. It seemed that Arizona had not noticed her yet, she was pouting while looking down at her phone. The blonde was swaying slightly, most likely a tipsy. She stomped her foot, mumbling something under her breath, still oblivious to Callie staring at her.

The Latina cleared her throat. Arizona looked up suddenly, her blue eyes wide with surprise. Callie couldn't help but smirk. She was so adorable sometimes. Or all the time.

"Calliope," she blinked. "What are you still doing here? Is Sofia still here? Because I coul-"

"I know I was in the lab and the time just got away from me," Callie interrupted, adjusting the strap of her purse. "What are you doing here?"

Arizona gestured to her phone, "I was at Joe's with April, who then decided to crash in an on call room and failed to let me know she had made it safely. So," she huffed, "I leave Joe's and am in the process of looking for her when she finally texted me to tell me that she is fine. A crying mess, but fine. She also won't tell me which on call room because she wants to be alone in her self-pity."

Callie nodded, "Well at least you only went across the street…?"

Arizona smirked, "I guess you're right. I kind of bailed on Alex though," she added solemnly.

"He'll get over it. Did you already call a cab?" she asked, eyeing the way the blonde was struggling to stand still.

"I was going to go back to Joe's and have Alex take me home. He's on call tonight so he's good to drive."

The Latina bit her lip nervously. It was obvious her ex-wife was a little bit inebriated, her defenses down.

"I can take you home," Callie offered meekly. "That way you don't have to walk across the street again." She eyed the blonde's leg briefly. Arizona had adjusted immensely to life with her prosthetic leg, but they both knew that the soreness and the swelling usually cropped up after a long day.

"Okay."

 _Huh?_

Callie blinked, "Okay…?"

 _Seriously, somebody get me an easy button._

Arizona shrugged, leaning against the elevator railing, "Who am I to turn down a ride home?" She rolled her head to look at the other woman, smirking casually. A sober her would most likely feel just as awkward as Callie probably was right now. But the tequila and wine did a number to her inhibitions.

She also did not want a ride home from Alex. That would entail talking about her feelings.

And his car still smelled weird.

"Alright," Callie replied slowly, "Let's just go get Sofia."

##

Having both her moms pick her up- together- for the first time in years ended up being a big deal for the little girl. The duo strolled into daycare, and it was like Sofia was meeting Santa. Callie just hoped that their daughter wouldn't get the wrong idea.

The two didn't really spend all that much time together with Sofia since the split. There was the last couple of birthdays, but holidays and the like were completely separate. And that had worked for them. It was easier for Callie at least, to not celebrate holidays with the blonde, she didn't have to think about what once was.

Either way, after settling Sofia into her booster seat, the little girl asked Callie if Arizona could have dinner with them.

She asked sweetly, and the inflection in her voice just couldn't make the adult Latina say no. And Arizona could never deny sad brown eyes. Like ever.

They stopped by their local pizzeria, ordering a large pie to go. Arizona had been quiet half the time, trying to sober up enough to enjoy an evening with her daughter…and Callie.

Now that her semi-drunk haze was going away, Arizona was contemplating how she even considered accepting Callie's ride home. She even offered to have the Latina duo have dinner at her place.

"Where's Deluca?" Callie asked, hanging her jacket and Sofia's by the front door.

Arizona shrugged, "Somewhere. Probably at his girlfriend's. I've never seen her and she's only been over while I was here once, definitely heard her, but didn't see her. Wine or beer?"

Callie hoisted Sofia onto a chair, "Beer please." The blonde grabbed two pint glasses from the cabinet and popped the tops off two bottles. The brunette watched in amusement as Arizona performed the perfect pour to each glass.

"Thinking about working part time at Joe's?" she asked jokingly.

"Haha. I had to hear Alex lecture me for 5 minutes on how to pour a beer."

Arizona handed out the plates and napkins. After that the trio engaged in pretty normal dinner conversation. The normal before everything happened. Sofia was excited to have both of them with her for a meal, and ate up all the attention she was getting. Both women took turns wiping off their girl's face with a napkin and making sure she didn't tip over her juice cup.

And it wasn't as weird as it should've been.

There was one bout of awkward silence and a few times where looks lingered a little too long, but Callie found for the most part it had gone well.

It wasn't until after dinner that she felt somewhat misplaced.

Where Callie had planned to leave after dinner and cleaning up, Sofia had other plans. Now that she had her moms together, she wasn't about to just 'go home.' The dish washer wasn't even on and the little girl was zooming around the living room.

"Mija get your shoes on, we're about to go."

"Mami we have to dance it out first. Duh," Sofia deadpanned. "Momma can I use your iPod?"

Callie blinked while Arizona snorted.

"Okay ONE dance, and we're going home."

"Yes," Sofia hissed, fist pumping the air. Carefully she unlocked Arizona's iPod touch and began scrolling through the device, searching for their special playlist.

A familiar but very, very corny chorus began. Callie rolled her eyes at first, but couldn't help smirking at the blonde.

 _You're all I ever wanted_

 _You're all I ever needed_

 _So tell me what to do now_

 _When I want. You. Back._

Arizona smiled bashfully, ducking her head and hitting the button for the dishwasher.

"Really?"

"Don't act this doesn't make you all giggly inside," Arizona laughed, joining Sofia in the living room. Callie snickered, taking a sip of her beer. It was hard fighting the urge to dance along, but she enjoyed where she was. It was a written rule that a few minutes after dinner, it was always dance time. That part of the routine didn't change for the little girl.

She really didn't want to mess it up with any serious talk. On one hand she felt inclined to. But with Arizona and Sofia bopping around, matching each other's moves, laughing together, Callie couldn't. Not now.

"Mami come on!"

##

"How did she talk me into this?" she murmured.

"She used your super powers against you."

"I don't have super powers. Obviously they skipped over me and passed down to her."

"No, you have the super powers. Trust me."

Callie smirked. The one dance had turned into several, and before she knew it the three of them were lounging on the couch, watching a movie. Sofia had already had her bath after 'dancing it out', with the intention of heading straight to her bed at her Mami's. Callie was having way too much fun with them, and Arizona was never good at playing bad cop.

"She's going to throw a fit if she wakes up," Callie commented, slowly sitting up from the couch. Sofia was lodged between the two women, having fell asleep half an hour ago.

"I wonder where she gets that from," Arizona grinned, her smile faltering for a second. She was enjoying the company of her ex-wife and daughter. It was almost like all the other crap never happened, and they were a real family again. She brushed wisps of brown hair away from the little face. Sofia scrunched her nose briefly, before continuing to dream.

"Stay."

"What?"

Arizona met her gaze, "Stay. It's late already, and Sof's already asleep."

"It's fine, Arizona," Callie urged, "It's not tha-"

"It's okay. Neither of us have to be in until later. That gives you enough time to run home and get ready," the blonde offered again. Not that she still memorized her ex-wife's schedule or anything. She had already texted Natalie earlier to just pick her up in the morning before their coffee date.

Callie sighed. It did make sense. Sofia was already in her pajamas and had clothes here. Her place was only 15 minutes away. And last but not least, her first surgery wasn't even scheduled until noon.

"Okay," she replied slowly, "Thanks."

Arizona nodded briskly, grabbing Sofia and carrying her up the stairs. The Latina sat dumbly on the couch, Despicable Me playing in the background. The house, from what she had seen so far, was pretty well furnished and decorated. Surprisingly she didn't feel like she was in an Easter basket. But, Callie had only seen the living room and kitchen area so far.

"Here's a couple of pillows and some sheets and blanket. I grabbed some shorts and a T-shirt for you to sleep in. And there's extra toothbrushes under the sink in the bathroom," Arizona added, nodding to the bathroom across the room.

Callie smirked, eyeing the materials, "Those are my shorts and T-shirt."

"Might have gotten thrown in with my stuff during the move," the blonde shrugged. _Keep telling yourself that_.

"Mhm."

"Calliope..." she started, causing Callie's heart drop, bringing her back to that night. It wasn't nearly as heartwarming now.

"I'm glad that we can do this, be a family with Sofia," she remarked, placing the pillow next to the arm of the couch.

Arizona nodded, "Me too. But…that's all. We will be friendly and loving, like a family, when we're with Sofia. Otherwise," she shook her head, "me and you…it's not a good idea."

Like the brunette always liked to remind herself, they had split up a long time ago. That was a known fact, and she had the emotional scars and paperwork to prove it. So why did she feel like she was getting left in an airport? Again?

"Umm. I don't understand. I know that the other night was really heavy, but…you don't even want civility between us?"

Arizona sighed, "I want to be civil with you, but," she leaned on the arm of the couch, "I'm trying to be more honest with myself now, instead of just, telling myself lies to put up a front." The blonde chuckled bitterly, "I guess I'm years too late, but- if I'm honest with myself…I can't be civil with you without wanting more. More than you or I can give each other."

Honesty. The Latina had to blink a few times to actually grasp what Arizona was trying to say. It usually took months of goading before the blonde would admit to something as serious as this. And that was when they were still together.

It was times like this where Callie was hit with the deep realization that maybe Arizona did learn. Maybe she did change. It was refreshing, and it made her so happy inside to know. But this honesty right now. This just wouldn't do.

"We were honest with each other that night, Arizona. That's what we _can_ give each other, more now than when we were together. I hated when we weren't speaking. It was the most awkward and awful thing ever. How can you want to go back to that again?" Callie didn't want an argument, she really didn't. But what was Arizona even saying right now?

"I don't want to go back to that. But I can't love you any more than I already do. Because if I do," Arizona smiled sadly, "I just…I can't go back to that place again." That place of self-loathing and misery over things that the control freak like herself just couldn't control. Watching the love of her life skip through the halls with her new found freedom, getting reamed day in and day out by Herman and learning a year's worth of medicine in less than 6 months. Her stress during the day certainly didn't help her terrors at night either.

Callie sighed gruffly, rubbing her forehead. She didn't want to cause her pain. She never wanted that at all, no matter what happened between them. But she also didn't want to act like they never had a life together either. "What happened though? We were kind of friends, or at least getting back to that before the other night. Did something else happen? I mean, is it Natalie? Is she uncomfortable with us being friends?"

 _I knew she was a bitch._

Arizona blinked, "No, Callie, no. Natalie has been nothing but kind and accepting. But it's not fair to her, and not to Penny either." Natalie didn't deserve to be with someone who was pining for someone else. Neither did Penny.

"It can't be this black and white."

"But it needs to be."

"We were fine just a few minutes ago without Sofia!" Callie hissed.

The blonde stared at the ceiling, this wasn't how she wanted this to go. "Callie, I feel – that I can't be friends with you. It's as simple as that."

"Well Arizona…I _feel_ that I can't just be a stranger to you again. It sucked."

Arizona had to smile at that response. Of course Callie would argue with her. She wouldn't be Callie if she didn't. "I won't treat you like a stranger, but not like a friend either. We're still parents to Sofia, after all."

The brunette breathed out roughly. It was apparent to her that she was losing this battle. And it just made her irritated. "Okay," she shrugged. "I can't convince you how stupid this decision is, so fine. We won't be friends." Callie proceeded to unfold the sheet and stuff it around the cushions before grabbing the blanket, not even bothering to change.

The blonde didn't want to be friends, but yet, here she was, offering her couch to her ex-wife. It was so ass backwards and just, _unfair_ that it took everything she had not to argue that point.

Arizona couldn't help but look on in amusement. Callie was really good at being pissed off. It was kind of cute if it wasn't aimed at her. But, she had convinced herself for almost a week now that this is what was best.

Callie maybe didn't know it right now, but in the end, it was necessary.

She shook her head, standing up straight. She was on the first step up the stairs before the Latina finally spoke.

"Arizona?" Callie was already spread out on the couch and she was only able to see to see wisps of dark hair on the pillow.

"Yes?"

"I know we're not friends anymore, but can I tell you something?"

"What is it?"

"Goodnight."

Arizona paused a beat before grinning. "Goodnight, Calliope."

Crap, she loved her a little bit more.


	11. Honey or Fire

AN: Holy crap this was a pain to upload lol. For some reason it wouldn't upload on the doc manager from my MacBook so I had to email and access it from my old PC laptop, which worked flawlessly. Go figure lol. Anyways, another long chapter for you guys. This and next chap gave me the feels and maybe some of you will be able to tell. Chapter's named after Andra Day's song.

Side note: Can't wait for the next few episodes. Meep.

* * *

"So it's true? Amelia Shepherd is dating?"

The neurosurgeon rolled her eyes playfully, "Yeah yeah yeah."

Arizona giggled, "Well for what it's worth I'm happy for you. Both of you. Hunt's always so grumpy and sullen, even more so since Riggs got here."

Riggs was nice, and a good surgeon. It made Owen very mad, and aggressive. The trauma surgeon was always on the brink of something. He buzzed, a lot. Amelia didn't buzz that much anymore.

"Tell me about it. Riggs' arrival didn't help the matter. But we've decided to make an effort this time around with a fresh start."

The two women paid for their coffee, settling down at a small table.

"How's the patient doing from that MVC earlier this morning?"

"Baby's fine. I'll page you later to follow up on that concussion."

"Torres taking care of the wrist?" Amelia asked, eyeing the blonde over her coffee cup.

"Mmm yep."

"And is she still jealous out of her mind?"

"Amy…"

The brunette cackled, "What? I'm just asking even though I know the answer."

"I don't know what Callie is feeling. I don't even think she knows," Arizona shrugged, unwrapping her pound cake. Feelings were natural. There were no 'right time' for feelings. And sometimes, you don't know what it means. Her and Callie were good at not knowing their own feelings.

"She knows. She's just in denial. Her aha! Moment will happen soon enough, and I for one cannot wait."

The suspense was killing her slowly. It wasn't a nice thing to wait for, but Amelia didn't think of herself as a nice girl. Owen thought she was, but he was just a messed up as her.

"I'm glad we're able to amuse you."

"I'm a recovering addict, I got to find my fun somewhere," Amelia smirked.

"I thought that was what sex with Owen was for," she grumbled.

"Speaking of sex, tell me you sealed the deal in New York, otherwise Natalie's shit eating grin she's had on her face makes no sense!"

Arizona had always admired Amelia Shepherd for her spunk and outspokenness. Right now- not so much.

Her relationship with Natalie had percolated through the halls and made its way all over the place. Everyone knew they were together. And it didn't cause as much outcry as she had expected. Her and Callie had been separated long enough, so the fact that they were both moving on with other people wasn't a shock. It relieved her, she didn't want the drama. Ironically.

The blonde's lack of sex was something that only a select few were knowledgeable about. It was embarrassing and pathetic; something that she wasn't willing to share with other people….

So it was just like Amelia to bring that up before lunch time. She didn't tip-toe.

"She looks pretty normal to me."

"Please," Amelia scoffed, "Don't give me that avoidance crap. I am happy, nothing can get past me."

"Apparently…"

"At least tell me it was good," the brunette whined.

"What was good?" Maggie asked breathlessly, pulling up a chair from a neighboring table. Arizona winced, knowing that this was something she might not be able to get out of now. Wonderful.

"Robbins' sex-filled vacation in New York."

"It wasn't a vacation, I was there for work," she clarified.

Amelia rolled her eyes, "You had one highly publicized surgery, big whoop. I have those all the time."

Maggie smirked, "So…was it sex-filled?"

The blonde chewed slowly, her phone serving as a prop to scroll through emails, "It was…it was fine." She was able to skin through an email concerning Sofia's dance class before looking up. The other two women were staring at her, obviously, with a mix between petrified, confused, and disbelief.

"What?"

Maggie cleared her throat, "Umm…fine?"

"You've got to be shitting me," Amelia responded flatly.

Arizona blinked, "I've never understood that expression."

"I think what she's trying to say is…that- that's it? It was fine?" the cardio surgeon asked.

"That's what I said, fine being the operative word."

"I feel like there should be more words," Amelia trailed.

Arizona chuckled, "Okay, I don't have time for this, I have surgery," she pocketed the other half of her pound cake and rose her from chair. "You guys need to get your head out of the gutter."

The seated surgeons continued to watch the other woman as she walked away.

Maggie scratched her head, "Fine?"

"There should definitely be more words."

##

"Are you sure about this?"

"Didn't I just say that?"

"What happened?"

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Nothing happened, Alex. I just feel like throwing a party." Sometimes she wonders who's more put together. Most days, her bet is on Alex.

"Do you remember what happened last time you did that?"

"That was a dinner party. This is a house party…like old times."

Alex eyed his friend warily. It came as a huge shock when Meredith revealed that she wanted to throw another shin dig at her house. Come to think of it, it had been years since then notorious frat house reached maximum capacity.

And the fact that the general surgeon was now all gung-ho about a party was weird.

"I don't get it. You want everybody to leave you alone, and now you're saying you want a crap ton of people in your house, drunk and all over the place?"

Meredith sighed, handing her tablet to the desk nurse, "I'm done wanting space. It could be fun, just like when we were interns."

"Except the fact that Izzie and Yang are gone, and George is dead…and everyone hates each other…"

The two shared a look.

"Okay, well maybe not exactly like when we were interns. Except for the booze. There will be lots of booze."

"Amy doesn't drink."

"Everybody else does."

"Once again, everybody hates each other."

"That's what the alcohol is for."

"Is therapy giving you these weird ideas?" He smacked the button for the elevator.

Meredith shrugged. There was no way anybody was getting out of this.

"Therapy gave me a lot of ideas, but not this one. I'm starting to feel normal again, and I want everyone together and having fun. And if you don't show up we're no longer friends."

"Is it going to take hours before food appears?"

"I'll order pizza."

"Fine. Are you inviting the whole hospital?"

Meredith shrugged, "At least the entire surgical floor. But, if it ends up reaching the entire hospital, then I do not care." The two stepped out of the elevators and ran right into Bailey.

"Chief, just the woman I was looking for," Meredith grinned.

Bailey eyed the pair warily, "Well what is it?"

"Grey's having a party at her place."

"…Seriously? You want to have a party, when you've been kicking everybody out of your house left and right?"

"Yep."

Bailey propped a hand on her hip, "What happened?"

Alex snapped his fingers, "That's what I said!"

"I'm considering retracting my invitation to you both," she grumbled.

"You just said I had to go or else we weren't friends."

"You're both going."

Bailey scoffed, "What if I'm busy? I do have a hospital to run you know."

"Please, you're the Chief. You're not that busy. And you accepted Blake into the program. You owe me."

"You don't hate her anymore." And she didn't. Maybe it was Derek. Maybe he came to her in subconscious and made her not hate Penny. That's what she likes to think…that Derek is still guiding her. Derek was good with emotions.

"But I did. And I'm teaching that stupid class to all the interns. You're going to my house and you're going to like it," she jabbed the shorted woman in the shoulder before retreating down the hallway.

"It might not be that bad." Alex rubbed his chin. He was used to his friend doing weird things. They all were prone to questionable actions. It was their normal. And they dove in head first every single time. Depending on the day, it made them brave, or stupid.

"No, it'll be bad," Bailey insisted. "But it wouldn't be normal if it wasn't."

"Fifty bucks says somebody cries?" the peds surgeon proposed.

"That's too easy. Somebody's definitely going to throw in the water works."

"How about, fifty bucks says somebody reveals a super duper secret, and then cries?"

"Add closet sex to that and you have yourself a bet," Bailey stated. She was good at winning bets.

Alex smirked, shaking hands with the Chief of Surgery.

"Deal."

##

"Alright Avery, we're ready for that skin graft."

"Nice, just in time for the end of your shift, huh?" he joked, accepting the skin graft from his resident and applying it to the patient.

"Heck yes. I have two more patients I have to look in on and I am done for today."

"Got a hot date?"

Callie shook her head, adding her notes to the patient's chart. "No, Penny's on call tonight. Again. So no it's just me." And she was honestly looking forward to it. There was just one more stop after the hospital and she was free. Maybe if she played her cards right, and the music was acceptable, her pants might come off.

Dancing in her underwear always made her feel better.

She sighed happily through her mask, the hum of the machines in the OR a soothing balm over her body. Callie was ready for this day to end.

"Did you ever get lonely?" She looked over from the computer. The plastic surgeon was still working carefully over the patient, his eyebrows knitted. After being a surgeon for a certain period of time, feeling and operating go together. It's like you don't know how _you_ feel until you're cutting someone up.

"After the divorce?"

"Yeah."

Callie sighed, "Yeah, it does get pretty lonely sometimes. You realize there's all this time that is available to you, and for awhile…you don't have a single clue how to occupy it."

"I'm thinking about buying a boat."

"Okay that's a little too much," she snickered.

"I need something. I can't work myself into oblivion. We're already running the place. I just-" he looked up, "I need to just do something else except think about how April's being all casual and friendly about everything. Callie she looked at me across that table and it was like I literally felt both our hearts breaking at the same time."

Woah. She blinked. Jackson wasn't a very personal guy, at least not to her. But ever since April had gotten back from the Middle East, the two found themselves talking about their respective splits. It was a little bit of a downer, reliving the moments leading up to the end. But Callie found herself thinking about it anyway, regardless if Jackson was there or not.

"Do you…think you made a mistake?"

"No," he sighed. "No. There's no way we could have gone on like that. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt. And she's acting, happy. Like we didn't just get divorced, when before she was fighting me tooth and nail."

Callie shrugged, "Maybe she finally accepted it."

"There's something else going on," Jackson insisted. "It's not like I can ask her about it either…because we're divorced."

"That doesn't mean you stopped caring about her."

"Well how did you do it?" he looked up from the patient, his green eyes piercing through her, begging for an answer.

Callie cleared her throat, sweaty palms grabbing at the door knob.

"Page me when she's in post-op."

She didn't have an answer. Tugging her mask away from her face, Callie began to scrub out. The sooner she was out of there, the better. She could still feel Jackson's eyes on her. But nope, she was not looking up.

"Hey."

The brunette glanced to her left.

"Hey, how's your day been?" she asked brightly.

Penny sighed, "This is the first surgery I'm going into all day. It's driving me crazy."

"Well hopefully you'll get something fun later tonight."

"Are you going straight home after this?"

"Uh-no," she threw her used towel into the waste bin, "I have a couple of patients to check on before I head out. Arizona's got Sofia tonight so I'll just likely be curled up on the couch watching Great British Bake-Off with a glass of wine."

Callie tried not to sound so excited about it. Things between the pair had kind of gone back to normal over the past couple of weeks. Callie had tried and succeeded in letting the resident fight her own battles. It had been a learning curb for sure, but nevertheless, she had done it.

Her relationship with Penny was a lot different than Arizona's. The two weren't even on the same spectrum.

For one, both sought their own independence. Penny was still working resident's hours, and primarily stayed put at the hospital. Her career was her main focus, which Callie admired immensely. Callie's career was her focus as well, but Sofia always came before anything else. When there was time, the couple would get together and enjoy each other's company-sometimes, and it worked for them.

Perhaps their lives weren't as intertwined yet, as it was with Arizona. Penny and Callie weren't necessarily serious enough for that to be the case. But since Arizona and Callie had entered each other's lives, it had been full speed ahead and before the brunette knew it she was talking about spending the rest of her life with her.

There was that brief time they were apart when Arizona was in Africa. But even then Callie could not for the life of her diminish the blonde from her mind and heart. Maybe certain people hit you at different times.

Penny groaned, following the attending out of the scrub room, "I don't understand how you can watch that. It puts me straight to sleep."

"There's not much that doesn't put you to sleep these days," Callie chuckled, searching through her patient charts for today.

The redhead shifted a little closer, "We're both off tomorrow night, so I was thinking we could have dinner and then…"

Callie looked up to meet the sly eyes of the resident. "And then…?"

"It would be inappropriate to say it out loud."

The brunette nodded slowly, "Oh." And sadly enough, her first thought was her grocery list for that Chilean sea bass she really wanted to make.

"Is that alright with you?"

"Sure."

Penny blinked at her girlfriend's response, along with the manic smile on the other woman's face.

"Try not to sound too excited."

"I'm sorry," Callie chuckled, "I just-didn't expect you to say that. Of course, we'll have dinner tomorrow night and then…yeah. That'd be great. I'll cook."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I found the recipe in this magazine fo-"

"I was talking about sex."

"Penny-"

"Are you sure about the sex?" the redhead asked bluntly.

Callie looked around the room before grabbing Penny's elbow and dragging her to an abandoned hallway. Not like everybody didn't know her business since residency anyway.

"What is going on with you?" Callie whispered harshly, checking over her shoulder to make sure nobody was paying attention.

"What's going on with me? I just offered sex on a silver platter and you're acting like you couldn't care less!" the redhead hissed, shrugging off the Latina.

"That's not what I was doing!"

"Really Callie? Don't lie to me."

"I was surprised! We haven't done it in awhile so I wasn't expecting anything."

"Yeah because we haven't talked in awhile."

"Okay and whose fault is that?"

Penny crossed her arms, glaring, "That's not the point."

Callie scoffed, "Okay then what is your point?"

"I want to have sex!" Penny exclaimed, "with my hot brilliant girlfriend. I want to have a nice dinner, drink exquisite wine, make out on the couch with a cheesy movie playing. Then I want to have sweaty, crazy sex in your bedroom. And it seems like you couldn't care less, let along want that too."

Callie exhaled before closing the distance, gently pressing the resident against the wall. She leaned in, "I'm sorry. Okay? I was just caught off guard. I would love nothing more than to have dinner, and then slowly-" she kissed the side of her mouth, "drive you out of your mind. _Is that alright with you?_ "

Her sexy voice always worked wonders on well, everybody.

Penny gulped, "Uh-huh."

The brunette winked and pecked her cheek, "Good, now run along, your surgery starts in 10 minutes." She ushered the redhead back down the hall.

Callie waited until Penny was out of sight before leaning her own body against the wall. Tugging her scrub cap off her head, she pocketed it with one hand and rubbed her forehead with the other.

 _How did you do it?_

She didn't.

##

"I…really…need…to go."

"Did your pager go off?"

A husky chuckle traveled through the room.

"Well no but-"

"Then what's the problem?" She nipped the other woman's earlobe and ran a tongue over it, soothing the bite.

"I have to call McHale back- at Hopkins about that…congenital diaphragmatic her-hernia."

"You make that sound sexy."

Why she was thinking about anything else other than getting the beautiful specimen in front of her naked was beyond her.

This right here…this was how she _knew_ she was not back to her old self. Because her old self would be making absolute good use of her time, among other body parts; not worrying about, well…anything else.

She had been walking through the halls after her surgery, wiping the strain from her eyes when she had been gently grabbed around the waist and steered into the nearest on call room. Natalie had her against the door within seconds, engaging her in a heated kiss and locking the door at the same time.

Like most women, she _really_ knew how to multitask.

That was pretty much her number one requirement.

She had been surprised of course, and then a little uncomfortable. But her body was really starting to betray her. Again. Natalie was touching and kissing her in all the right places. She was nibbling on her pulse point just right and a thumb was circling around her hipbone. Arizona could do nothing but grip the brunette's waist helplessly.

They were about to reach the point of no return. But…

Her mind was going a thousand miles a second. She thought about that surgery that she _really_ needed to call Hopkins back about, she needed to take Sofia shopping this weekend; the girl was growing like a damn weed. There was that message she had to return from Herman.

There was also that pound cake currently being squished in her pocket.

"Are you okay?"

Arizona blinked. Natalie was still up close and personal, but had pulled her face away from the blonde's neck and was looking at her in questionable concern.

"Yeah," she chirped. "I'm sorry, it's just a lot of stuff to do today…and to be honest _this_ -" she gestured the between them, "hasn't happened _here_ \- in awhile. I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a little-"

Natalie exhaled, taking a step back, "You're uncomfortable. I'm sorry."

"No, it's not you, seriously. I was just surprised, not in a bad way." It was _definitely_ not in a bad way.

"No I'm sorry. It's just that…I thought we had a really good few days in New York. I tend to get ahead of myself," the brunette smiled sheepishly. "It's just…are we okay? I feel like ever since we got back you've been kind of - stand off-ish. Did I do something wrong?"

"No! No. You didn't do anything wrong," she grabbed the other woman's wrist insistently. "It's me," the blonde sighed. "I had an amazing time with you, and you're great, honestly. It's just that it's been so long since I've done this, it's going to take time for me to get used to it. That's all," she declared.

Planting a confident kiss on the other woman's lips, Arizona couldn't help but smirk, "Trust me. There's _nothing_ wrong about you."

It was one thing to gallivant around in a foreign city where nobody knew your personal life. It was another to be back at home, with everybody that knew everything about you. She liked just the two of them. There was another kind of intimacy, without it being physical. It was like a secret that only they knew. She thinks that maybe she's felt this before. Before Callie. But…there's no precise woman she remembers before Callie.

Arizona would get used to it if it was the _last_ thing she did.

Natalie nodded, "Okay. I understand, you don't have to explain it to me. You're worth it."

Arizona tilted her head, "You're always telling me that." And it made her feel good. Really good. And it always brought a smile to her face like now. The blonde thought she was worth it in her profession. She was that good. But for anything else it now left her insecure and scared. Natalie wasn't insecure, or scared. She was sure, about everything, and when she was sure, she was mostly right.

And it made Arizona feel right, too.

Natalie placed a small kiss on one of her dimples, "Because you don't believe it yourself, so I need to remind you."

"Why?"

Callie had spent the last of their marriage trying to do the same thing and it only brought an inkling of self confidence back to Arizona's psyche. Could Natalie really surpass her ex-wife's progress? It was pathetic, thinking of herself as a science project of sorts. But even Arizona could admit to herself that she was hard work.

Callie had tried, so hard to put her back together, and in the process the Latina had broken.

"I think that you've beaten yourself up enough. I know I just got here and there's still so much I don't know about you. And that's okay, because I can't wait to find out, because you're worth getting to know. So," Natalie stated, straightening the blonde's lab coat, "as long as you allow me to, I will continue to prove to you that you are much, much better than you think you are."

"But what makes you think that? Like you said, you don't know me all that well yet."

The neurosurgeon shrugged casually, "You know when you meet someone and you can't quite place it, but you know that they're something special that you can't help but want to be apart of?"

She knew that feeling all too well.

"I know."

##

"Okay, and how did that make you feel?"

"It made me feel like crap."

"Can you elaborate?"

Callie couldn't help but roll her eyes a little.

"It made me _feel_ …bad; like she was rejecting me."

Dr. Dawson nodded empathetically, notating something on her legal pad. Callie always wanted to know what therapists wrote down. Maybe they wrote down all the answers and referenced back to them when their clients finally figured it out. It made her want to tackle Dawson and pry the pad from her bony hands.

The ortho surgeon sighed helplessly, rubbing the back of her neck. That glass of wine couldn't have come soon enough.

"How did you respond?"

"I-I didn't understand why she was doing this. We haven't talked, like really talked since Herman's surgery…and even then it was brief. And we had such a good time with Sofia together, like we were an actual family. So when she said that-I was blindsided."

"But what did you say?"

"I argued my point, but she was pretty set in her decision. It was like, she…didn't understand. She said she would still be civil, but she didn't want to be friends. She didn't want…more. And then I slept on the couch and she went upstairs."

Therapy had gone on with Dr. Dawson since the split. It had taken her a couple of months to go back, but after the dust had settled, she had made the effort to schedule another session to the one other person who literally had a front row seat to their demise.

It was ironic that she was even sitting there. She had been opposed to therapy a lot more than Arizona had been, when it was their sessions that made her realize that she wanted to separate. Her one on ones with Dawson now had helped her immensely in moving forward and finding herself again.

She was beginning to think she didn't _find_ anything.

The therapist had heard a lot of things from the brunette over the years, but Arizona had not been involved in that much of the conversation until now.

In hindsight she might have been intentionally leaving the blonde out.

"So why is it affecting you this much?"

"Me and Arizona haven't really been friendly with each other until recently. I guess I forgot what it was like to hang out with her without all the other…stuff."

Most people found Arizona annoying. She was too perky, too smiley, too-blonde, but Callie loved it the moment she saw her. She was like a rare creature that she had never really seen before. She was positive, where Callie had been negative. There would be days where they did nothing but talk. Arizona could talk about anything, and Callie would listen for once.

She liked to think Arizona was still the same person. Things had changed her. They…had changed each other. But every once in awhile she would see it. The surgeon who never wanted to grow up. It made her happy. She missed her. But Arizona wasn't hers to miss.

Maybe that's why she sought her out in the beginning. Asking about her dates with Natalie. Suggesting cool places to go. Her words were helpful, conversational, just so she could keep the blonde there that much longer. Maybe that's why she paged her that morning, to amaze her one more time.

There were a lot of maybe's to figure out. But Callie knew she missed her.

"Tell me about Penny."

Her girlfriend's become a mere afterthought, sadly. She doesn't think of Penny often, not unless she redhead is right in front of her. Even when she is brought up in conversation by somebody else, Callie has to think for a second. It makes her feel bad sometimes, and maybe that's why she's still with her. To make up for her emotional shortcomings.

Things aren't always dull. They have good times, good conversation. But Callie finds it hard to remember what they actually talk about now. All she remembers from today is Chilean sea bass.

Penny wasn't a bad person.

Her eyes narrowed. "What about her?"

"How are things going in your relationship?"

Callie shifted in her seat, "Well we're actually speaking to each other now, so I'd say that's an improvement."

Dawson smirked slightly, "As opposed to avoiding each other, I would have to agree. Have you two spent quality time together?"

"Not really. She's a resident you know, so she's pretty much in the hospital all the time. We go to lunch sometimes, the occasional dinner, sometimes she spends the night…"

"How about your friendship with Meredith?"

She smiles at this, "It's good. Not as...open yet. She's going through some things herself…since the attack and all. But we're speaking and hanging out. I think we'll get there eventually. She even likes Penny now."

"So all in all, you're satisfied in all areas of your personal life?"

Penny's fallen down on the list of people she thinks about. But she doesn't find it, unsatisfying most of the time. It doesn't bother _her_. Sofia not wanting to put her shoes on in the morning, that bothers her. When the cafeteria is out of butterscotch pudding bothers her, too.

Natalie, and her flawless face, who looks at her ex-wife like she's the answer to life, that really bothers her. Arizona, and her porcelain skin and cerulean eyes bother her. Her self-righteousness and dimples make her want to scream.

But Penny…she doesn't bother her. She needs to work on that.

Callie shrugged, "Except for Arizona, I guess."

"Okay, so let's go back to that," she scribbled, "Your interaction was very limited since the split. And recently you've become-friendly, with each other. There was a heavy moment between you before she went out of town for work. And now she tells you that she doesn't want to be friends anymore. You feel rejection because you missed spending time with her. Did she tell you why she didn't want to be friends?"

"She said that it was hard," she picked at the stray thread attached to the throw pillow in her lap, "to be friends because she still loved me…" The words came slowly out of her mouth, processing what that really meant. The fact that Arizona even admitted that, twice now, was hard for her to wrap her head around. Arizona didn't admit anything. She was a mystery like that.

Maybe it's what kept her interested all these years.

"So she wants distance…because of her feelings?"

"Yeah."

"And how do you feel about that?"

That was the million-dollar question, right? But honestly, it was pretty simple.

"I love her, too," she stated obviously. She found it very easy to admit it to other people, except for the ones that mattered. Arizona…and herself. There was a lot of time spent trying to decipher the feeling it gave her. She felt settled, resolute, almost, lighter, knowing that she was free now…but still loved Arizona anyway. It also made her furious, because this was not what was supposed to happen.

She wasn't supposed to love her, like this, anymore. Feeling like you, belong, to someone and not being with them, that bothers her too. Callie was a spur of the moment kind of girl. She didn't plan things out. But she had planned this.

Not that her life worked out as planned at all in her years of living.

"Did you tell her that?"

"Kind of, not in those actual words."

"Why?"

"Because that's still not enough."

"Why do you think so?"

"Because…" she trailed, "Just because it's not!" The Latina popped out of her seat, tossing her pillow to the other end of the couch. "We're both in relationships with people…It's been way too long to just say screw it! Let's try this again!"

Dawson followed her every move as she began to pace back and forth. Callie's heart felt constricted, her hands were clammy, and she felt a strong urge to start ranting in Spanish. Some sessions gave her immense clarity, and others made her even more confused. She wasn't sure the direction that this meeting was going to go. And she really wanted to steal that legal pad. At this point she was convinced it had all the answers written down.

All she knew was that she didn't want to be nothing again, and Arizona wanted nothing because she wanted more. They were good at the push and pull. One wanting the opposite of the other. Being at opposite sides. It was complicated.

 _Did Callie want more?_

"Just because isn't an answer."

"I don't want to feel stuck again. I don't want to go back. And I don't want her to go back either."

Maybe that was why she gave up and went along with this…arrangement that Arizona was so adamant in having. The blonde didn't want to go back to that place of hate and depression and negativity. And it wasn't all about the leg. It was the miscarriage and the infidelity. It was insecurity and trust and communication. It was more than the leg.

Callie didn't want Arizona to go through that again. It didn't matter if they were talking or if they never had a friendship again. The brunette meant what she said in that last therapy session. She wanted so much more for Arizona than what they had then. And maybe the blonde was getting that now. Which…didn't make her feel any better.

Dawson let the brunette soak in her thoughts for a moment. The therapist was used to this kind of erratic behavior from the ortho surgeon. She had seen it before, and she most certainly would see it again. From their sessions, it was plain to see that the woman was her own worst enemy. In reality, Callie already knew the answer. It was just a matter of time before she realized it.

"Callie."

Dawson took a sip from her glass of water off to the side.

"Callie."

It took a few tries to bring the woman back down to Earth during moments like this.

The Latina was still pacing back and forth, rubbing her shaking hands together and mumbling to herself every few seconds. She had kicked her heels off half an hour ago, and the rug felt soothing under the bottoms of her feet. She had also taken her hair out of the stylish bun and would run her hands through it as well. The wheels were turning, apparently very _very_ fast from the looks of it.

Dawson sighed, leaning her torso forward.

"CALLIE."

This time the woman flinched and stopped in her tracks. She looked towards her therapist who broke the trance she had been in. It was almost like she forgot where she was. Thinking about Arizona did that to her sometimes.

Dawson relaxed. The two women continued to stare at each other. Callie, waiting for…something. Her therapist, making sure her client was present and more importantly, listening. Dawson licked her lips before quirking an eyebrow and shrugging.

"What makes you think you _have_ to go back?"


	12. Bad Romance

AN: I want to head butt Callie. I'll also accept help with hanging her upside down by her ankles.

* * *

"Hey."

Callie glanced up to meet a pair of blue eyes. She returned her gaze back to her tablet. Her day was already crap, why not make it worse?

"Yeah?"

Arizona cleared her throat, "So Sofia's birthday is next month, I was just checking in to see if she told you anything about what she wanted to do?"

"What did she tell you?"

"She said she wanted to go to that kid's center with the go carts and games and laser tag."

Callie slumped forward, "She told me she wanted to go to the zoo." _Omg it's like Halloween all over again._

"Well we obviously can't do both."

"You can take her to that on Saturday and I'll take her to the zoo Sunday. It's less crowded. Problem solved."

"I thought that we could do this together," Arizona stated, shrugging in her OR gown.

The brunette scoffed, "Now you want to do something together?"

"I specifically said when it comes to Sofia, we need to be civil. You want to mess that up?" Arizona shot back.

"I'm not messing anything up. She wants to do that fun thingy with you and go to the zoo with me. It's what _she_ wants."

"Callie she's a freaking kid, she doesn't have the attention span to know what she wants. When it comes to her birthday, she wants to do everything."

"She obviously thought about it enough to know what she wants."

"If we do things separately, she's going to expect that from now on. Like we can't be in the same room with each other. The only reason you're even going with that plan is because you're mad at me."

"Who says I'm mad… _I'm indifferent_ ," Callie smiled sarcastically, brushing past the blonde.

Arizona chuckled bitterly. She was not about to let this go. Turning on her heel, she picked up her pace to keep up with the ortho surgeon. Having just finished up on a six hour surgery, her leg was close to throbbing. But that could definitely wait.

"Oh that's real mature. I'm trying to have a conversation with you about _our_ daughter and you want to be a brat, seriously?"

Callie shook her head, "I'm not being a brat. I'm just trying to make this easier for the both of us and avoid a meltdown when she doesn't get what she wants."

"Wow and you say I coddle her," Arizona mumbled.

"I'm sorry if I want to go out of my way to do nice things for her when her little life has been uprooted enough."

"And whose fault is that?"

If looks could kill, Arizona was pretty sure she'd be a melted puddle on the floor.

"Do you really want to go there? Because I'm pretty sure I'll win," Callie bit back.

The blonde rolled her eyes, "Might as well, seems like you're just raring to go!"

"The only reason I'm like this is because you want to bug me right when I get out of surgery!"

"You've been avoiding me all week and this is something we need to plan ahead of time. This _last minute_ shit that you like to do isn't going to cut it."

Callie ran a hand through her hair, "I'm not avoiding you. And not all of us are control freaks."

"You are avoiding me and it needs to stop. I thought we were on the same page with all of this."

##

Maggie rolled her neck between her shoulders. She was glad to be out of surgery. Far away arguing was interrupting her post-op meditation but she was determined to remain relaxed. At least, that's what her book on anxiety said.

"Hey we're having a party tonight."

The cardio goddess opened her eyes. "Huh?" She eyed her sister, who was seated at the bench, pulling covers over her Converse.

Meditation over.

"Not a dinner party. A party party. At the house. Tonight. This is my last surgery for the day and then I'm going home to get everything ready."

"When did you decide this?"

"A few days ago." At this point in their relationship she was used to the random plans that would erupt from her half-sister's brain. It was exhausting to keep up with on some days.

Maggie chuckled, "And you're just telling me this now? What are you going to do about food?"

"I'm just ordering everything. But if you could stop by the liquor store on your way home, that'd be great. We might run out."

They were definitely going to run out.

"And all the kids?"

"I invited Linley from Plastics and he said if we rounded up enough babysitters they can all stay at his house."

"Doesn't he have a gigantic mansion?" Maggie asked warily.

Meredith shrugged, "Well yeah. But he also just had another baby last year, so it's all baby proofed. Him and his wife were really looking forward to a night out."

"And they decided to spend it with drunk co-workers?"

"I've known him since residency, before the marriage and babies. Him and his wife actually met at one of my parties. He almost cried when I told him I was throwing another shin dig," the blonde answered, tying her ferry boat scrub crap.

Maggie blinked, "How crazy do these things get?"

Meredith smirked, "You'll see. Make sure you let Deluca know."

"Right. Andrew. Exclusive."

Meredith eyed her sister carefully, "Are you okay?"

Maggie nodded, continuing to take deep breaths. "Yep, I'm cool. I'm great. And where is that noise coming from?" she whipped her head around the floor. It was generally quiet around this section of the hospital. Whether it was the death or the blood, or the concentration it was usually serene.

Meredith nodded her head towards one one of the hallways, "I think I found it." Maggie followed her gaze.

"Geez, did they always go at it like that?"

Meredith snorted.

"They barely talked before. I'd consider this an improvement."

"There's something wrong with you." Meredith patted her thighs before standing up.

"I told you we were all messed up."

##

"You assumed that we were. Aannd I'm just doing what you asked…"

"Callie you know I never said that."

"But kind of, you did," the Latina deadpanned. "I will handle it. We'll figure out her birthday. Just, get out of my face."

"Get out of your face? What are you, 16?" Arizona remembered the phrase. She had used it herself frequently. When she was living at home, with her parents.

"Right now, yes, because you're annoying the hell out of me."

Arizona shook her head, glancing at her watch, "I don't have time for this, I got to run for lunch. I'll ask you the day before Sof's birthday, maybe then you'll have a clue."

"Run along, it'd be a shame to miss your lunch date," Callie mumbled. She knew it was the wrong thing to say. She really could have said anything else and it would've been better. But she was an idiot. Dawson called it emotional confusion.

Dr. Dawson was also being paid.

Arizona inhaled deeply, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

"You know, instead of worrying about my relationship, you should focus on yours."

"Okay…what's that supposed to mean? I don't give a rat's ass about your relationship or whatever the hell it is."

"It sounds like you do. Once again, focus on your own relationship," Arizona leaned forward menacingly, "From what I hear, things are a little – _dry_."

Callie looked up from her phone slowly. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. She felt her face get hotter every second she didn't respond. She was going to file her teeth down if she didn't stop. Callie honestly couldn't remember the last time she was this mad. But she did know that whenever it was, it had been aimed at the same insufferable woman in front of her.

All her most positive and negative feelings usually did.

Arizona raised an eyebrow smartly, her blue eyes challenging her ex-wife to argue that piece of information.

The brunette licked her lips, her hands gripping the device dangerously tight. She took two steps forward.

"You don't know what you're talking about." The blood was rushing to her head and she felt her face get hotter with every breath.

At first Arizona felt kind of bad for the pair. A boring or non-existent sex life was a big no-no. She knew that first hand at one point. But after the shock wore off, it left the blonde surprisingly smug and comforted in the news.

When mean thoughts trickled into her head she would feel guilty and expel it from her mind. People didn't view Arizona as somebody who had dark thoughts or malicious words. So she tried to keep up with what others expected. But lately she had felt compelled to rebel against it. And it was exhilarating.

It made her wonder if this was why everyone was so unstable. It kind of felt good.

"I don't, but it's not my fault Dr. Blake likes to share her…grievances in line at the coffee cart."

Callie was seething. "My relationship. My business. I don't go sharing things that I know about you and Castro."

"Go on Calliope, what do you know?"

Callie chuckled, shaking her head. She didn't know shit, at least nothing bad, which pissed her off even more. But Arizona was apparently feeling extra bitchy today.

"I'm not going to go there, because it's obvious I'm the better person here," she stated, crossing her arms.

"Sure, it's because you don't know anything. Natalie doesn't run her mouth all over the hospital. That's what happens when you date a mature adult."

"Is that so? Does she know you're prone to running your mouth, among other things, all over-"

"TORRES. ROBBINS."

##

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure I had this conversation…with BOTH of you not too long ago," the woman stated, flipping through some reports before looking up at the two in front of her. She raised an eyebrow.

"What? You don't feel like talking now?"

Callie grumbled and Arizona had an obvious pout on her face that might have worked with Richard, or even Hunt, but not Miranda Bailey. It was cute, but not even her own son was that good.

She had been feeling good today. She started out with a nice breakfast with her family, made it to work on time, and managed to get in on a trauma, which was very rare for her nowadays. She scrubbed into that trauma surgery and saved a life, all before lunch time. In Bailey's mind, it was going to be a good day.

Until she rounded the corner of the scrub room, heading downstairs to talk to the family while the patient was in post-op. That was when she heard it.

The yelling, the insults, the seething. You could feel it before you heard it actually.

"Miranda, is this really necessary?"

"Well Dr. Torres, when two grown adults and surgeons of this hospital are arguing on the OR floor, it is necessary."

"Okay let's not act like you did this when surgeons were punching each other," Arizona interjected. Bailey glanced at the blonde briefly in shock. Apparently Arizona was still on a roll. Callie couldn't help but smirk a little. It seemed she had out grown those authority issues.

"Is what Sofia wants to do for her birthday really something to argue about…where everyone can hear how stupid you two are?"

"Bailey it really wasn-"

"That doesn't sound like an answer to my question," Bailey cut in.

Arizona fed her a look. Callie still knew what that look meant.

 _Calliope…shut the fuck up._

Bailey relaxed, reading the faces of the two women in front of her. "We dealt with Hunt and Riggs. And now, I'm dealing with you two. I'm only going to say this once…GET YOUR CRAP TOGETHER. I don't care what you two argue about, although I heard everything, do it somewhere else, where nobody can see or hear you. Especially me."

Callie sighed, "Okay. I'm sorry." She had a lingering memory of sitting in the headmaster's office when she was 13 after punching a girl in her Physical Science class. Katie Mullen had it coming, but the Latina ended up getting in trouble and apologizing for something she didn't feel sorry for. Like now.

Arizona stood up, grabbing her pager from the conference room table.

"Robbins," Miranda started, standing up as well.

"Bailey I get it. We're done here."

"Arizona what has gotten into you?" Bailey exclaimed. The fetal surgeon had been dismissive and cold ever since she ushered them both into the nearest conference room. Her stare was ice cold, and when her eyes weren't rolling they were glued to the Chief of Surgery, as if she was trying to freeze her on the spot.

Needless to say, it wasn't like her.

The blonde chuckled, one hand on the door, "What's gotten into me is that I am so _sick_ of you acting like everyone else in this hospital doesn't yell or scream or get angry. That for some unfair reason, it's not okay for me. I have tried and I have bitten my tongue while everyone else lashes out and still get a pat on the back. _I'm not doing it anymore!_ "

Callie couldn't help but look on in wonder and shock. Arizona was probably still pissed at her, but it was a nice change to see this directed at Bailey for once. Speaking of, Miranda's jaw had pretty much hit the floor once Arizona started yelling. It made her stomach flutter strangely enough.

Arizona exhaled loudly, "So I'm done. If I want to have a conversation with my ex-wife-" she glanced at Callie "about our daughter and she wants to turn it into a fight, then that's what's going to happen. But don't try and berate and scold me like I'm a fucking child. It's not happening anymore. I didn't vote you onto the board and then Chief of Surgery just so you can lecture me."

Bailey sighed, "Arizona..."

The blonde raised a hand, "Save it." She looked again to her ex-wife, "Callie we will have Sofia's birthday party at the fun center that Saturday and then Sunday we are taking her to the zoo together. If you'd like to argue and embarrass each other over it some more today I'm here until six."

A whisk of golden hair later and the door shut. Hard.

Callie blew out a breath, "Well…that escalated quickly." She was still kind of reeling from her showdown with Arizona. Dry? What the hell? She was definitely having a talk with her girlfriend.

"I don't understand," Bailey said flatly.

"I think her point was pretty clear."

"And what would that be?"

"From now on she's going to start handing you your ass," Callie smirked.

Bailey glared, "It's not like you had that much of a defense either."

She sighed, "That's neither here nor there."

"You're right, it's everywhere with you two. Look, I never said anything, because I don't like getting in the middle, but I still don't get why you two split up in the first place. And you can give me the generic answer that you try to tell yourself at night but I know better. You two went years without having a real conversation unless it involved Sofia or work, and even then it was painful to watch. But this. This is worse, Torres."

"I don't know what you want me to say. I can't…I don't go try to fight with her. It's just - she's just - I don't know anything anymore."

"This was more than just Sofia's birthday party. That much you have to know."

"I knew it would be hard, but this is different. I thought it would suck for a long time, and then I would just glide through the rest of my life," Callie smiled bitterly. "And now, I'm just mad, all the time. It wasn't supposed to be this way." It was supposed to be forever. But things didn't last forever for her.

"I'm sure Arizona didn't plan it this way either."

"She didn't want any of this, it was all me," Callie murmured numbly.

"That's life, Torres. You got to live with the choices that you make. Even the wrong ones."

"You think I was wrong?"

The Chief shrugged, "It doesn't matter what I think."

Callie sighed, leaning back in her chair, "I guess it doesn't." Her fight with Arizona had taken all the energy out of her like it always did. No wonder she was tired all the time when they were together. She tilted her head. It could've been all the sex too. After the amputation it had taken months until Arizona had felt comfortable enough, but once they did, it was full steam ahead. All the time. Everywhere.

Callie had rallied and taken Penny to bed the other night, like she had promised. Apparently she wasn't convincing. Another item on her very long list of issues. When did everything get complicated? Penny wasn't supposed to be complicated. Their relationship was supposed to be easy and fun and new. This…this wasn't any of those things. She grumbled stubbornly. She still had to talk to her.

Bailey straightened out her papers and brushed past the ortho surgeon, "You going to Grey's party tonight?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Apparently I had no choice."

Maybe she was the complicated one.

##

Amelia Shepherd strolled through the halls with the ever present shit-eating grin on her face. It was Friday, and she was coming off of a 48 hour shift with the weekend off. Owen had taken her on a date, and he was an absolute gentleman. Almost too gentleman-ly. She shook her head. _Get over yourself._

Sex wasn't everything. But it was a lot.

There was just one more tumor resection on her schedule and she was home free. Ideally she'd prefer to soak in the tub with Owen, but instead she was going to Meredith's house party.

As a recovering addict Amelia made it a point to avoid those kinds of things, but her presence had been demanded, and she didn't have it in her to deny Meredith's request. The two were still on somewhat shaky ground these days.

Derek would have uninvited her. He was an ass like that sometimes.

So with Owen by her side, she would make an appearance at the party and not drink. Or do drugs. Or have sex with anybody.

Rolling her eyes, Amelia opened the door to the attending's lounge. Lots and lots of caffeine was necessary if she was dealing with inebriated individuals tonight. She glanced at the only other occupant in the lounge.

Pouring a cup from the fresh pot, Amelia continued to stir in the cream and sugar, all the while observing a blur of blonde hair zooming back and forth between the couch and coffee table. She couldn't understand what Arizona was saying, there was too much screeching and grumbles to decipher anything.

Blowing gently, Amelia took her first sip. She didn't care what anyone said, coffee was the shit. It wasn't vodka by any means, but it would have to do. A few more gulps later and she was ready to go.

Arizona on the other hand, looked like she was in the middle of a breakdown.

"Should I page Psych or are you going to calm down any time soon?" she commented.

The blonde finally stopped pacing long enough to glare at the neurosurgeon. "Didn't you get in trouble for that?" She vaguely remembered the female Shepherd doing something like that to one of her fellow residents back at Hopkins.

Amelia smirked, "Oh please it was a joke like 10 years ago. Suspended from the OR for a week and I was good to go. Everyone else thought it was hilarious."

Arizona couldn't help but giggle. The other Dr. Shepherd was funny. That was one of the things she had always remembered about her. Aside from being an outstanding party girl, and the newly famous Derek Shepherd's little sister. Arizona remembered being in awe of the fact that her whole body could be moving to her own beat inside her head. But her hands…her hands were steady. They didn't waver, or flinch. Her hands were the only thing stable about her.

"Good to know. You going to Mer's tonight?"

"Yes, and before you give me a look or lecture…I will be fine."

"I know," the blonde replied simply. "You'll always be okay."

Amelia grinned. Arizona did too, but it didn't reach her eyes. Come to think of it, her smile rarely reached her eyes. The dimples were out in full bloom and her white teeth shined brightly. But her eyes remained almost dim, like a teaser of what was to come that never did. At least, not lately.

She saw it sometimes. When Natalie brought her a coffee. When she saved a patient, or when she was with Sofia. They were bright then, if only for a moment. Amelia used to see them all the time at Hopkins. Along with her hair, her hair bounced a lot too. Maybe it was the wheelie sneakers. Maybe her eyes twinkled because she was fresh and young and brilliant. Regardless, they were beautiful then, and now they were just, dim.

Glancing at her watch, the brunette leaned against the counter. "You want to talk about it?"

Arizona deflated, her right shoe thumping against the leg of the coffee table, "There's nowhere to start."

Callie drove her crazy. It was that simple. But along with Callie brought a slew of other thoughts that reached across the entire emotional spectrum. There were feelings that Arizona didn't even think were real until she met Calliope Torres. She used to think it changed her for the better. But now she thinks it ruined her. How do you explain that to someone?

Amelia eyed the other woman carefully, "Penny's a neurosurgeon."

The blonde looked up, "What?"

"Penny's a neurosurgeon. That's her specialty. Castro knows it. I know it. I also know," she dropped her body on the couch, "that I have to teach her. But I don't want to."

Arizona hummed distastefully, sitting down next to her. "That's a problem."

Amelia nodded, taking another sip from her coffee, "It is. And I know what I have to do. I know it's the right thing to do. And I will teach her…I don't know how to take her out of that box that I stuffed her into but I need to, because she could be great."

"Is it a tiny box?" Amelia looked at her incredulously. Arizona Robbins was a funny girl, too.

The brunette cackled, "It's like, the tiniest fucking box you've ever seen." The two women continued to laugh. Why and what they were laughing at, neither of them were too sure. It probably wasn't even that funny either.

Arizona wiped a stray tear from her eye, inhaling short breaths. Amelia had her head hanging off the back of the couch, still chuckling.

"I needed that."

Amelia raised her head, suddenly contemplative, "Callie put you in a box."

The blonde sighed, "Yeah, maybe."

"I don't think it was that small though, maybe a shoebox," Amelia commented. "She put you in a box so that she could move on. So that she didn't miss you, or think about you. When you do that, the pain- it's less shitty. It doesn't, consume all your thoughts and feelings. You still know it's there, but it's like you don't see it so it's not at the forefront of your every thought. And if you're good, you forget all about it."

When she thought about it, the brunette had gone through quite a few boxes, she might have been able to fill a storage unit. People had come in and out of her life who weren't necessarily good. Some were good, but she wasn't. At least not at the time. It was a method that worked very well, helped her separate. Helped her _think_.

"It wasn't as big a deal to her as it was to me. I realized a long time ago that…maybe it meant more to me than her. And now," Arizona gritted her teeth, "I can't talk to her, we can't be friends, we can't even co-parent at this point. I-" she shook her head, "I don't know what to do anymore. It's like every single decision I make just blows up in my face and then by the time I regain consciousness I don't even know what the hell happened or how we got here…"

Amelia nodded, knowing all too well what that felt like.

She rubbed the spot where her wedding ring used to be, "When we were at Hopkins, all I wanted was to be a surgeon and to have my brother come home safe. Marriage, commitment, babies, I actually used to have nightmares about things like that. And then Tim died and I buried myself in this hole for so long and left Maryland."

Amelia smiled sadly, "I remember." Not only was the blonde not perky, she was lifeless. A shell of who she used to be. A surgical shark who cared about nothing but the pounds of ruined flesh in front of her. Sometimes she thinks Arizona's still a shell, but not like before.

"I was…dark. I had gotten better over time at work but once I got home I couldn't even look myself in the mirror. It was just a blur of dying kids and random women. It was my personal nightmare, the first one at least," she rubbed her thigh, "I needed to leave Baltimore to start over, and I was better, back to my old self. And then Callie happened and…everything just turned into a dream. She was like this…bright light and before I knew it I was out of my mind in love. I was blinded by her light for years but - I didn't even care because I had the woman of my dreams."

It was hard not to hang onto to every word. Amelia had to refrain from holding her chin in her palm and sighing wistfully. There was a certain tone in the blonde's voice, like she was in a trance with every word that left her pink lips. It made her feel what she felt. And it made her chest bloom and ache at the same time.

Arizona smiled bitterly, "And if I wasn't such an idiot and didn't go on that plane, we would still be together and in love. Maybe have a couple of more kids. But I did get on that plane, and Mark died, and I screwed some woman who's face I barely remember," _miscarried their child_ , "And now I guess I've been confined to a box. A box that Callie apparently likes to kick, a lot, because she's a jerk."

A mystical, beautiful creature of a jerk.

"Are you sure you're not drunk? Because you're sharing an awful lot of information to your former resident." Amelia was starting to realize that the fetal surgeon was a lot more messed up than people realized.

The blonde playfully glared at Amelia before chuckling, "What? This wasn't your plan?"

Amelia grinned devilishly, "Oh it was." She drained the rest of her coffee, "You spent a lot of time beating yourself up that it didn't work out. Maybe," she shrugged, "maybe it's time for you to put her in a box? It's only fair, right?"

Callie had been happy the whole time leading up to Arizona's new found happiness, or…whatever it was. Amelia didn't really find it fair that the Latina chose now of all times to have a problem with it. They had hung out in a group with Mer and Maggie, and Callie had always seemed very - casual about the whole thing.

To be frank Amelia found it unpleasant.

Maybe she was one of those women that had delayed reactions. Very delayed from the looks of it.

Amelia liked to cheer for the underdog. The neurosurgeon was one herself, and it seemed like everyone had put Arizona into that category when she wasn't. Like she was the pathetic and sad half of the former couple. It made the blonde look weird to her.

"I tried to put her in a box at first, and then I realized that it was pointless. What we had and how I felt about her is far too much for me to just put her in a box. Callie," she looked up, "was more to me than that."

The blonde's eyes twinkled then, and it was the same pair of eyes that Amelia remembered.

"It's not pointless if it affects your happiness. In another life, she meant more to you. But…you can't keep her in your line of vision. So, I understand that it'll be hard, but you got to force it," Amelia said helplessly.

Arizona raised an eyebrow, "Did you get in a fight with her too?"

The brunette chuckled, "No…but she left you, right? Ended things? Callie Torres should no longer dictate your happiness, or mood for that matter. And you shouldn't control hers either. I get she's a pain in the ass for you now, but only if you let her."

"I have to force it…" The words felt surprisingly foreign. Instead of succumbing to feelings that weren't realistic, she would, force it? That wasn't honest though. At least not yet. Maybe she had been going about this all wrong. Maybe she needed to take a page out of Callie's book.

"Yeah," Amelia said softly. "You can't just watch life go by, Robbins. Seriously. Let Torres go already."

She had to force it.


	13. At Least We Stole The Show

AN; Was sitting on this for another couple of days for some fine tuning, but I couldn't help it, plus can't stand the way the show is going now. It pretty much gave me the push to complete it and change some stuff around.

Still planning on updating If I Go; that story is mainly for me to get out my feelings on current SL lol.

Hope you all enjoy this one...put a lot of time and late nights writing it. If it doesn't gel for you, I understand, but ever since I had this story planned, there's been a reason for pretty much everything. So if you can hang in there with me you'll get the happy ending. Contemplating splitting the story, opinions?

* * *

Bodies. There were bodies everywhere. And liquor. Lots of liquor.

And loud music. The kind of music with bass so strong you feel it in your chest. And… a lot of bodies.

"Somebody's calling the cops."

"We've saved half the cops in this city."

"True."

Meredith leveled her face with the display of red cups in front of her. With one last glance, she tossed the ping pong ball in the air. The group watched carefully as it soared and landed right into its destination. Beer splashed out of said cup, and Alex groaned before picking it up and downing it.

Jo cackled while pointing at her boyfriend, and Meredith fist bumped Maggie, who was three sheets to the wind.

It had only been an hour and a half and everyone for the most part was absolutely sloshed. Except for Amelia, who was in the kitchen talking to Richard and Ben, who was nursing his one beer for the night since he was driving. Occasionally she would focus on Owen, even just for a moment. He was in the living room, somehow finding a guitar and strumming away, a case of beer in his system.

There were way too many people at Casa de Grey. People were sitting on the stairs, flooded the hallways. In the front people were playing drunk Frisbee from the looks of it. And in the backyard people were seated on lawn chairs, the older crowd puffing on cigars. As if it would make them the classy ones. Taking a sophisticated puff before dipping their noses into a red Solo cup.

It made Amelia laugh.

Meredith and Arizona had tried force feeding the neurosurgeon the kids' candy stash. Their reasoning was that a sugar rush was like being drunk, and Amelia would still be able to keep her sobriety. The brunette didn't have the energy to explain to them that it was absolutely not the same thing. But she continued to munch on Nerds and lollipops.

"Robbins, you guys are up," Alex burped, flopping onto a bar stool next to the dining room table that was serving as a beer pong table.

Natalie chuckled, eyeing the peds surgeon, "Are you okay?"

"He's a wuss. Let him be," Arizona smirked, patting her prodigy on the head. It had been eons since she'd played the game, but Maggie had thrust jello shots into her hand once she walked into the door, and she was feeling pretty good. Natalie was apparently a very high functioning drunk, which was good because the blonde did not like losing. At anything. Even drunk beer pong.

She shook the tension out of her arms before picking up the ping pong ball, giggling. Adding some dramatic flair, she rolled her neck from side to side. Natalie participated by lightly massaging her shoulders.

"Focus. You got this," the brunette whispered, her breath washing over her ear.

Arizona tiled her head to meet the other woman's eyes, "And what do I get if we win?"

Natalie smiled, leaning in closer, "Win and you'll find out." Arizona smirked. That she could definitely do. She liked having another woman against her like this. It made her feel safe. She glanced towards the living room. Callie was seated on the arm of the couch, singing away to a made-up song with Owen, other inebriated doctors surrounding them. They were all laughing hysterically, leaning against each other.

Apart of her wanted to be in on the joke, to know what as so funny.

Their eyes met, and for a second all the noise died down. But only for a second.

Arizona blinked before looking to the neatly arranged red cups in front of her before making the shot. Her blue eyes watched proudly as it landed into the very middle. Natalie laughed next to her, throwing an arm around her pale shoulders.

Maggie squared her shoulders, grabbing the cup and chugging. The taste was really starting to get to her. Which was weird, because the cardio surgeon was pretty sure her tastes buds were shot about half an hour ago.

So was Andrew. He was getting to her too. So far he had kept his distance, hanging out with the other interns. Basically acting like he didn't know her at all. Like he hadn't spent the night here. Like they were nothing.

She pursed her lips and squeezed her eyes shut. Everyone watched in amusement as the cardio surgeon jumped up and down and flapped her hands about.

Meredith patted her on the back roughly.

Maggie moaned, "That might come back up."

##

"Torres start at the beginning!"

The Latina shook her head in amusement before downing a shot of tequila. Penny patted her thigh, a big wide grin on her face. She squinted slightly. A conversation, apparently a very important one, should've taken place before all the tequila. At least, that's what Callie remembered. Kind of.

Bailey snapped her fingers in front of her face, "Come on, from the beginning." The Chief picked her glass up from the coffee table and took a heavy sip. It had taken three Facetime calls and five text messages before Christina finally responded, listing the exact ingredients to Early Onset Alzheimer's.

Bailey smiled smugly, smacking her lips. It was totally worth it.

Callie smirked at Owen, who downed his bottle of beer and started plucking the guitar strings. Jackson, Stephanie, and a few other doctors on the couch nodded their heads at the beat making its way into the room. The plastic surgeon waved Richard over. The senior surgeon sat on the neighboring couch, his fancy glass of club soda balanced on his neatly pressed slacks.

Tonight being his first ever 'frat party,' the older man wasn't expecting all this. He was old enough to be their father's, he was a father figure to almost everyone there. But his wife was across the country and surprisingly, he wasn't on call. So this would have to do.

"I've been drinking…I've been drinking…I get filthy when that liquor get into me, I've been thinking, I've been thinking…" She moved her body side to side, letting the tequila and music lead her.

Callie always loved to sing, but not in front of people. How she felt about singing was similar to public speaking. But when she was drunk, singing and dancing was a no brainer.

Sofia loved it when she sang to her. Arizona used to love it to.

"Cigars on ice, cigars on ice. Feeling like an animal with these cameras all in my grill. Flashing lights, flashing lights…"

It seemed like Arizona was winning…with Natalie. Maggie looked like she was about to throw up, and Meredith was too busy taking side swigs from her _own_ bottle of tequila. The blonde was laughing, truly laughing. Her eyes were bright, making eye contact with everyone that surrounded the table.

Arizona was a 'look me in the eye' kind of girl. It made up her confidence. Her gaze looked past everyone though, at her. Again. Her eyes dimmed. And then her smile faded.

She didn't make Arizona smile anymore. She made her frown.

"We be all night, love," Callie trailed, Owen keeping up with her. "Love. We be all night, love." The brunette blinked, smiling in thanks at everyone who began clapping. She couldn't help but chuckle. It took Bailey a few tries before her hands actually made contact, and Stephanie was cheering, loud. Really loud.

She stared at Penny while taking a sip from her newly poured tequila. Cross was stumbling around, pouring the clear liquid into everybody's cups, or clothes, or shoes.

Meredith wasn't kidding when she said she invited everybody.

The redhead had become subdued by the end of the song. Well, both Penny's looked subdued, and a little mad. Callie squinted. Okay, no. Just one Penny looked pissed. At least that's what she thought. It was hard to tell what Penny was feeling. Maybe it was because the resident's facial expression hardly changed, ever. Or maybe Callie just never paid attention.

"You okay?" she asked gently, rubbing her girlfriend's thigh.

Penny shook her head, "I'm _fine_ , Calliope." The Latina watched dumbly as Penny stood up and made her way into the kitchen.

Owen laughed, "I think you're in trouble," he slugged her shoulder roughly.

Callie's torso jerked, tequila spilling out of her cup, "What's new," she mumbled, "and you have no room to talk. You're in the dog house too, _Major Hunt_." She stood up from the couch slowly and stumbled after her girlfriend.

Jackson snorted, "I think she's right."

Stephanie rolled her eyes, "So are you."

"I believe it's _April_ that's in the dog house," Richard chimed in.

Jackson sighed, leaving them to wander outside. Buzz killed.

##

Callie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Wilson has turned up the music, making it difficult to get her thoughts together. Her body was soaking in liquor, which didn't help matters. 'Work' by Rihanna was playing, and her unintelligible lyrics weren't helping the matter.

"If you would just tell me why you're so mad, I can fix it," she said slowly.

"It doesn't matter." Penny dropped fresh ice cubes into her cup before preparing a vodka cranberry. A little heavy on the vodka.

"Uh-yeah. It does because we're together. That's how this works."

Penny chuckled bitterly, "You don't know the first thing about how _this_ works!" she gestured at the space between them.

Amelia and Ben glanced in their direction before clearing out to the living room. Sober people were smart. Callie, not so much.

" _What_ ," she sighed, "are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you can't keep your eyes off of your fucking ex-wife!"

"Woah, hold on. I wasn't looking at her."

"Seriously, stop with the lying. You're making this way harder on yourself."

Callie rolled her eyes, "I looked in that _vicinity_ , where there were dozens of other random people. It's not my fault Arizona was a part of that mass of people in one freaking area."

"I tried to be supportive. I tried to understand. Hell, I even told myself that I was the jealous and crazy one. You actually made me _feel_ like the bad guy. It's not me Callie, it's you. I heard all about your fight on the OR floor today." She took a sip from her drink, daring her girlfriend to challenge her on that fact.

Callie groaned, leaning her hands on the kitchen counter. The room was spinning. She wasn't going to throw up, she wasn't at that point yet. Taking deep breaths, she faced her girlfriend. Slowly, she tilted her head and glared. It was like the extra oxygen brought it all back. Before the shots and the music, and the dancing on the table that Meredith and Maggie had talked her into. Before the Early Onset Alzheimer's.

"You said it was dry."

Penny squinted, "What?"

Callie pointed her finger, "You called us dry, to your friends, at the _coffee cart_!" She hissed out the last part, taking another sip from her cup, hoping more liquor would make her forget that embarrassing fact. Her girlfriend's face drained of all color.

"Yeah, that's right. And Arizona heard you. So before we get into that, let's talk about what _you_ said," the brunette shot back.

Penny sighed, "I- I didn't mean- we were just talking…"

"Is that what you really think?" Callie asked incredulously. "Are you that unsatis-"

"You never want to have sex anymore!" Penny spat. "Every time I even bring up spending the night you look like I just asked you to marry me. You tense up every time I touch you, what do you expect me to think?"

"We just had sex the-"

"I had to practically force you to."

"We had sex… _for three hours_! Either you're exaggerating on our bedroom issues, or you must be a really good faker."

"Apparently not as good as you," Penny answered simply. Callie opened her mouth, ready to unleash. It was hard for her to understand what Penny's deal was. Maybe if she thought about it, sober, in a couple of days, she could understand. Movement in the corner of her eye stopped her retort.

Penny smiled at the newcomer, "Having fun, Dr. Castro?" The ortho surgeon glared at her girlfriend making small talk with the other woman.

Natalie returned the resident's smile in kind, "We're not at the hospital, you can call me Natalie. And yes actually. I haven't been to a party like this since med school, but yeah, it's been fun. How about you guys?"

The couple looked at each other briefly. Natalie was clearly going to act like she didn't catch that last part.

"Good."

"Fantastic."

Anyways…

"You're a really good singer, Dr. Torres," Natalie commented, pouring cheap beer into her cup from one of the many, _many_ kegs strategically placed throughout the house.

Callie mixed a rum and coke, needing to take a break from the tequila. "Thanks," she grumbled.

Penny eyed her with a raised brow, solidifying her point. Shaking her head, she grabbed her cup and left the kitchen.

"Really? You're just going to walk away?" Callie called out. Sighing, she rubbed her forehead. Maybe she should have stuck with water.

She didn't even get to really yell at her either. Callie couldn't really remember about what. That conversation could wait some other time. The counter felt good against her palms, cooling her skin when the rest of her was flushed. She contemplated resting her face on it as well. That might make her feel better.

Penny's voice could stop ringing in her head. That might make her feel better too.

Natalie was mixing a vodka cranberry, being surprisingly careful with her pour, making sure she got it just right. Probably for Arizona. Penny had one of those too. Penelope was mad at her.

Callie eyed the neurosurgeon intently. From the cashmere sweater that molded around her breasts just a little too perfectly to the tight black jeans that were illegal. She had nice calves, legs in general.

Those legs had probably been wrapped around her ex-wife. Tangled in her ex-wife's bed sheets. Draped over her pale shoulders.

Now she was starting to feel sick.

Draining half of her fresh beverage, she stood up straight.

"I don't like you."

Natalie looked up before throwing away the bendy straw she was using as a stirrer. Wiping the counter of any stray drops of juice, she threw that away as well before meeting Callie's eyes again.

"I figured."

"Am I that obvious?"

Natalie couldn't help but smirk, "Yeah, kind of."

Callie bit her lip, "You don't like me either."

"I actually do like you."

"Are you sure?"

The neurosurgeon laughed, "You know, I've asked myself that same question? And I do. I wasn't kidding when we met. I was- I am…impressed with your work. I wasn't trying to kiss your ass when I said that."

Callie eyed her warily, "You weren't?"

"Nope," she answered simply. "But I get it. Why you don't like me…and it's okay. If it helps you to hate me, it's okay."

"You must have me all figured out…" The Coke fizzled down her throat and into her stomach, churning. Burning.

Natalie shrugged helplessly, "I'm not trying to step on your toes here. But I do, because you're not very subtle. Neither is Arizona."

"What?"

"It's hard, watching someone move on. Especially someone with your history," Natalie stated, leaning against the counter. She traced a piece of tile with her peep-toe pumps.

"Just because it didn't work out, doesn't mean you still don't care. I get that. It's even harder watching that person with someone else. You worry and judge…and dislike – and it makes it easier. But I'm telling you that I like Arizona. And I care about her. I find her…amazing, and beautiful, and kind. There's just…there's no bad intentions on my part."

Callie gulped, "Is this supposed to make me like you? Telling me how much you care about her? As if that's going to lead me to believe that you're even good enough?" She was looking Natalie right in the eye. Right into her strangely hypnotic eyes. She wanted to clock her right between them.

What was worse is that she didn't have a right to _that_ feeling.

"No," Natalie shook her head, maintaining eye contact. "But it's also not your call. This is a formality."

Callie scoffed, her molars crunching an ice cube loudly, "I'm honored."

The woman had been nice, almost too nice. It wasn't in her DNA to take as much crap as she did. She didn't become one of the top neurosurgeons in the country by taking anyone's bullshit. But Arizona was worth it. And Callie Torres really liked dishing out the bullshit. The glares, the passive aggressive insults, the _blatant_ insults, the cold shoulders. Natalie had taken them all in stride.

"Arizona's a grown woman. She can handle herself. And from what I hear, you're the one who ended things. So just…let her be happy. She doesn't want to fight with you."

"You don't know anything about her, and what goes on between me and Arizona really isn't any of your business."

"I know enough at this point. So you can hate me, and that's fine. But as long as she wants me to, I'm going to be there for her. I want her in my life. And I'm not going to let your jealousy get in the way of that."

Callie's eyes narrowed, "Who do you think you are? You don't know Arizona, and you sure as hell don't know me."

"Dr. Torres," Natalie sighed, taking a step back, "I know jealousy when I see it." She grabbed the two drinks. "We're both surgeons, _outstanding_ ones, so you should understand when I say that when I want something, I usually get it. Every single time."

##

Too many bodies in one space meant it was hot. Really hot. And loud. And gross. Really gross.

The front yard was still filled up with people, but the fresh air made it better. Kind-of fresh air. There was the occasional person off to the side smoking a cigarette, something that came along with having a drink in your hand.

Cigarettes were gross too. But when you're drunk, it's kind of the best thing ever.

Arizona eyed the guy from radiology with disdain. He had a cigarette. She wanted to bum one from him.

The lights that had been streamed along the porch were twinkling brightly. Ironically it made her drunk brain focus. Natalie had been gone a little longer than usual, and Arizona didn't have the patience to wait inside anymore. Meredith had insisted that she help polish off her bottle of tequila before grabbing a fresh one. Under the china cabinet of all places.

Jackson was sulking in the corner, staring off into nothing. She didn't have the heart to go and talk to him. Sometimes people just needed to be alone.

Her shoulder was brushed roughly. She looked up.

"Oh my god, Dr. Robbins. I'm so sorry - I didn't see you sitting there."

Arizona scooted more towards the end of the step, shaking her head, "It's okay Blake. I probably shouldn't be sitting in the middle anyway."

"Are you okay?" Penny asked timidly. The blonde eyed the resident. Her face was blotchy. It could've been from the alcohol, or she could be mad. She should stop caring.

" _Are you?_ "

The redhead sighed, plopping down next to the attending.

"No."

Arizona looked straight ahead. How the neighbors hadn't complained yet was beyond her. Cars had taken up the entire street, and front yards. She didn't want to sit here with Callie's girlfriend, while Callie's girlfriend was mad at Callie. She should've made some excuse and went back inside. But she didn't.

Instead she wanted a cigarette.

"I uh…I can't - compete with you."

The blonde inhaled deeply.

"What makes you think you have to?" she picked off a piece of lint from her jeans.

"Because that's what I've been trying to do since I got to Grey-Sloan."

"For what though? You got the girl."

"But I don't," Penny sighed, "not really anyway. I thought I did. But it's become more apparent that I don't."

"And you're okay with that?"

"No, but…I love her."

She couldn't help but eye the redhead. She looked so sad. So young. She didn't know Penny that well at all, but it was obvious that she knew nothing. She didn't understand herself yet. Penny didn't know who she was, or where she fit in the world. She was too young to understand.

But apparently she knew that she loved Calliope. It was hard not to.

"Did you tell her that?"

"No. I want to, but I don't think she feels the same way. Not with the way she looks at you," Penny stated, staring at the woman next to her.

It intimidated her, being near Arizona. She had heard about the surgeon before ever meeting Callie. She knew pretty much everything about the woman's professional career before Grey-Sloan. And she lived up to her reputation every single time. It unsettled her. At first she felt like Callie had taken a huge step down by dating a resident such as herself.

Hearing tidbits of their love story was even more unsettling. It was like a sad, heart-wrenching novel that you couldn't look away from, even though it brought you to tears. She never thought about how or why it ended, she was just happy that Callie even noticed her.

It made her insecure, and maybe that's why she mentally overreacted sometimes in the beginning. But not anymore.

"I'm sure it's difficult, with all the – _history_ ," Arizona began slowly, _like that even summed it up_ , "but one thing that I've realized is that love isn't enough to make…anything last. I get it, it's weird for you and I'm sorry if I've made that worse. But if you love her, like really love her, then find a way."

"But I can't compete with you."

"There's no competition. I'm not in this game with you two."

"Are you sure about that?"

Amelia's words rang through her head in that moment. She needed to make a choice, needed to…force it. She thought she had already did that. But Arizona had lied to herself before. She had told herself that she was fine, that her and Call-

No. She couldn't think about the past anymore. She couldn't rehash old choices that she should have taken back. In her drunken daze, maybe Arizona found the answer. And it wasn't sitting on a stoop, talking to a young resident whose heart lived in Callie's vagina.

Her subconscious shook her head disapprovingly. Okay _maybe_ she actually loved her.

"You don't need to worry about me," Arizona finally answered, standing up. "We're co-parents, and co-owners. That's it. Everything else…that's over. So take it from someone older and wiser than you…if you love her like you say you do, then do something about it."

Preferably where she couldn't see them. Some things were just not okay.

And as the blonde walked back inside, to the monstrosity that only successful high-functioning adults could create, she didn't feel sad. She didn't feel like a cheater. She didn't feel like she betrayed anyone or anything.

Maybe a part of her was lying, but if she tried, really tried…that box could get just a little smaller. Arizona realized that now.

And strangely enough, she felt in control.

##

The party wasn't a good idea. In fact, it was one of the worst decisions she had ever agreed to. Hindsight was never good to her. If she would've followed Penny like a good girlfriend she could've avoided learning the fact Natalie was serious. That she was true, and honorable, and apparently falling for her ex-wife.

It was hard not to.

If the thought didn't almost bring her to tears, she wouldn't have stumbled across the bodies and cups to the bathroom, only to find Maggie and that intern with the good hair occupying it. She never understood why people did that. Maggie had her own bedroom after all. And there were those things called _locks_.

So instead she was drying her tears in Meredith's bathroom, a rubber ducky taunting her with its beady little eyes.

Callie was jealous. That was the truth, the entire time. Why and how were questions she was still working on. It wasn't fair, it didn't make sense, but she felt it, deep within her heart. And it made her mad, because in some ways…it still didn't matter. It wasn't enough.

Looking in the mirror, Callie didn't know who was staring back at her anymore.

She had been okay, for a long time. She was never okay for long, though. And it wasn't fair, for her, or for Arizona. Maybe she was a glutton for punishment. Maybe she liked that burn deep in her chest. It let her know she was alive.

She was hurting the one person she tried so hard to protect.

"Hey."

The cadence made her spine tingle. Clearing her throat, she turned around, leaning against the sink. A strong sense of déjà vu penetrated her stomach.

"Hey," she wiped any stray tears she might have missed, "Having fun?"

"Look we don't have to do this – I just needed to use the restroom."

Arizona couldn't do this. Not after chatting with Penny, and not after that drink Bailey had thrust into her hand as a peace offering from earlier. She didn't even know where the brunette was. She didn't go looking for her, but she always found her eventually.

Callie licked her lips, "No - no I do. Because I'm - sorry…for fighting with you…at work."

The blonde nodded pensively, "Okay."

"Oh…okay?"

"I don't know what else you want me to say, Callie. I told you how I felt, I was honest, and you still just – can't understand. There's not much else to argue with."

Shuffling her feet, Callie realized that there was a lot she didn't understand.

"I'm sorry for that, too. And… for – everything else."

"We shouldn't -"

The Latina shook her head, "No, I need to, because it's not fair. We've been horrible to each other, me especially. And I don't want to do it anymore."

Arizona shut the door and leaned against it. Her heart was pounding profusely, and her vision was getting blurry. They had the worst timing.

She couldn't help but smile, though sadly. "We have two women, who want to be with us, but yet…here we are, torturing each other slowly."

"Yeah…" the Latina rubbed her forehead, "that may actually be one of us, now." That was another subject entirely.

"No. Penny loves you. She told me."

Callie scoffed softly, "What?" Her ex-wife and girlfriend had limited interaction. Maybe purposefully, but either way, very limited.

Arizona shrugged a shoulder, "She told me, earlier. She loves you but…she doesn't think it matters. You should talk to her."

Penny loved her. That was kind of…not what she was expecting. The brunette felt bad, she knew what it was like to love someone who didn't love her in return but who loved another.

"Well, I might have been a bitch to Natalie in the kitchen. So, sorry," she shrugged.

Arizona sighed, watching the other woman's movements, her features, her eyes.

"You may not know anything about…my relationship with Natalie. So…for the sake of being honest – again, I think I should tell you some things," she crossed her arms over her chest, feeling suddenly exposed.

Callie shook her head, "Arizona I really don't -"

"No, I do, so that you can understand, even if it's just this one time."

She didn't want to hear anything about their relationship. She didn't want any more sadness, any more memories or wishes of what she would have done better. Or even made an effort to do. But she didn't want to face Penny, or anyone else. She just wanted to curl up in Meredith's bed and not come out.

"When I was in New York," Arizona began, "after the surgery…it was our last night in the city before coming home. We uh – we spent the night together."

Callie looked off to that same stupid rubber ducky. So the rumors were true. Yeah, it didn't make her feel better.

"I'm sure you've heard but…that was the first time I had been with anybody since that night…with you," the blonde said slowly. "Up until then there wasn't anybody that I felt I could do that with. I used to take sex with a grain of salt, I didn't really think it was a big deal until you."

"Do you really -"

"Please, just listen," Arizona interjected. Callie sighed, not wanting to hear anymore but nodding anyway. Arizona made her contradict herself.

"For a long time I thought it was about the leg. That that's why I couldn't do it. Because I was afraid of not being – whole enough for someone. For someone to look at me as not being enough. But she doesn't make me feel that way. She makes me feel – _more_ than what I am right now. And I trust her enough to be with her…like that. But ever since then, I feel guilty, every time. Because I feel like I'm cheating."

Callie blinked.

"You're not – cheating. It's been years."

"I know how long it's been, and I know I have every right to move on, but I still felt," she shook her head, annoyed with herself, "I still think about you – after."

The brunette's eyes widened.

"Oh."

"I know," Arizona said flatly. "It's terrible and I have been carrying that around with me. But…I'm not doing it anymore. We haven't been together in a long time, and I can't keep you – in me anymore."

Callie would probably always be somewhere inside her. It's scary, feeling like you _belong_ to someone like that and then losing them. But she couldn't do it anymore. It hadn't ruined her completely, but Arizona knew in her soul that eventually it would.

Her heart constricted, Callie understood that feeling all too well. Maybe she had numbed her pain because it was easier at the time. If she entered the situation just thinking about the sex itself, that it would eliminate all the other feelings. To have it just be sex. And it had worked to a point. Only Arizona had been honest enough to _know_.

"I know. I get it. I do. I meant it when I said that I want so much for you. And I've been so proud of everything that you've done. There's no one in this world that could have done what you did. You're uh…you're one of the good ones," Callie admitted, shuffling closer. "And I want you to have someone that makes you feel like that. Whether that's with Natalie or someone else…I know you'll find them, because you _are_ worth it. You deserve someone who makes you feel like that. And I really am sorry if I've made it worse. It's uh – it's just been harder than I thought. It kind of didn't really hit me, and that's my problem…I shouldn't have said everything that I did. And I'll stop."

Arizona nodded, "Please do. I will _always_ think the world of you and then some…but I need to put you in a box. And I need you to _stay_ there."

The Latina inhaled slowly. She understood now. She could stay jealous, but she couldn't do… _this_. She couldn't go back and forth with the blonde anymore. It was wearing both of them down. Her feelings were her own problem, and she should have dealt with them instead of lashing out.

It didn't make her feel at all more settled on the matter, but…that was hers alone to deconstruct. And she didn't want Arizona to feel _bad_ about being about someone else. Caring about someone when there was nothing wrong with that.

She just…she didn't feel like it was _finished_. There was more she could have said, more truths that she held in for so long. But she couldn't say them. Not without rehashing everything all over again. So she didn't.

"Okay." Callie couldn't help but smile. It was sad, and morbid, and a bunch of other things. But Arizona was one of the good ones.

Maybe they both were, or would be when things stopped hurting so bad. They would be good. They had to force it.

Arizona met her smile too. As much as they had said to each other, there were other things that had no words. But all the other stuff was just, stuff. This was what was important.

Her feet brought them toe to toe. Some things couldn't be helped. Leaning her forehead gently against a pale one, Callie breathed in her scent. It hit her like a ton of bricks, it was like home. Hands shakily grasped the blonde's arms, forcing them to part across her chest. And for the first time in a long time, Callie hugged her. Without abandon or anger or anything else that wasn't love.

And it was…peaceful.

"I love you, Calliope…and I'm sorry," Arizona whispered, nestled in the crook of her neck. She held her desperately.

They allowed their tears to fall. Just this once.

Callie nodded, stroking her hair tenderly, "I love you, too. I'm sorry, I'll stop. I promise. I'll – I'll go in a box."

 _I love you_ – that was the only truth worth telling.


	14. Call Up The Locksmith

AN; Might be what some of you were waiting for ;) And thank you Grey's Anatomy for making me age 5 years with that last episode, geez. Another long one so plan accordingly. Don't be upset some of you; it'll all be okay...eventually lol.

Lyrics by Travie McCoy's 'Need You.'

* * *

 _I know it's not your fault, but I'm a locked door._

"So, New York."

"Yeah," Penny sighed. "New York."

Callie twiddled her thumbs behind her head. It didn't get awkward til…now. It actually should've been weirder, since they were both naked on the floor of her room. She had no other excuse except that she really, _really_ , loved morning sex.

And Penny had won the Preminger Grant, and she was proud of her. She really was. It was a great opportunity and to be a resident and to get that chance was once in a lifetime.

But it was still weird, because it was in New York. And Callie was in Seattle. Along with the rest of her fucking life.

"That's," she licked her lips, "that's great. I'm proud of you."

Penny smiled, "Thanks, I just decided last minute to apply. I honestly didn't think I would get it."

The brunette nudged her with an elbow, "Don't sell yourself short."

"They're giving me a deadline to accept."

Callie snorted, rolling onto her side, "Why wouldn't you accept it?"

Penny mimicked her move, resting her head in her hand, "Well…it's a big change. I'd be…moving."

"Yee-ahh." Duh.

"I've made some friends here, and nobody treats me like the plague anymore. Plus Grey-Sloan's still the best teaching hospital. And you're here."

"I am – here."

"You are…unless you don't want to be."

She had known this was coming. Of course it was kind of out of left field in a way. Like Penny said, she wasn't planning on applying, and surely didn't think she would win. But hearing those words that she won, and knowing what the grant entailed, it left a weird feeling in her stomach. Because she knew what the next step was.

Callie sighed, "Penny, I'm not going to ask you to stay. I can't."

"Why not?" the redhead insisted.

"Because – it's a great opportunity for you. You can't just let shit like this go by. You're still a resident, you have to grab your career with both hands. Always."

"So you want me to go?"

"I want you to do what's best for you. I want the best for you and I think this could really be something you'd rock at."

It kind of surprised her in the…honesty that she felt. Callie really did want what was best for her girlfriend, although they had hit that rocky patch. She had been better. _Let go_ , so to speak. It didn't surprise her. Right when she was balancing out, something came out of nowhere, throwing a wrench into her plan for emotional stabilization.

"Where does that leave us though?"

Callie sat up, running a hand through her hair, "I – I don't know. My life is here. I own a hospital. I have a daughter. I have a lot of things that keep me here."

"So…if I asked you to go with me…you'd say no?"

She didn't want to laugh. But, really? Even though she knew her feelings were true, although confusing at one point, she knew that she cared deeply for Penny. They had a lot of good times and she learned a lot from their time together. It was a give and take, and Callie had done a lot of taking in the process. She took control when it wasn't her right, and Penny had taken it back when necessary. It was kind of odd, learning things about herself from someone younger than her.

The resident had definitely known when to put Callie in her place; when to call her out when she was wrong. She made her look at things in a different light.

Maybe it was the perspective of someone new coming into her life. Or maybe she was different. Or better. Or smart enough now to recognize her faults.

It also made her realize she had a lot of issues. Issues that she still needed to work through. But could she work through them in New York? Could she uproot herself? She had been willing to once before in her life. But then she didn't.

The difference was she went in knowing it was for love. Was this love, too?

Running a finger through red locks, Callie smiled sadly.

"Please don't ask me."

 _And inside I'm a mess by someone before._

###

Sharing a bed with someone…it was a concept that was still foreign to her.

She had done it before. With Sofia, when the little girl had a bad dream or just wanted to be held by her mommy. She'd even shared a bed with April on those nights when the redhead was so broken and alone. As friends of course, with enough space separating them to make it seem like she was alone though.

It was still weird to her now, with Natalie spending the odd night or two at her house. Arizona always found herself waking up way earlier than her alarm, and she was always surprised to find that there was someone…there. Maybe she was used to being alone for so long in her big bed that just feeling someone there with her woke her from her sleep.

The blonde propped her head in her hand. It didn't feel as weird now as it did in the beginning. It was comforting and…safe. She smirked softly. It was alluring, as well. Natalie was on her stomach, hugging the pillow closely to her cheek. Blue eyes wandered over her relaxed face. Her subconscious patted her on the back. The brunette really was beautiful.

Pristine white sheets covered the middle of her back, leaving the rest of her bare. Natalie had her right leg hiked up, exposing those killer legs.

Arizona bit her bottom lip, weighing her options. Glancing at the clock on her phone made the decision. They had more than enough time.

She scooted closer, leaving lazy kisses starting at the base of her neck. She had gotten down to the middle before Natalie began to stir. The other woman groaned euphorically before chuckling.

"I thought I was still dreaming."

"You might be," Arizona replied slowly, trailing her tongue down a quivering spine.

"Ei – either way it was k-kind of like this."

Shifting until she was sitting flush against a firm back, Arizona leaned over a shoulder. "What happened next?"

Natalie carefully turned around, meeting a sexily raised eyebrow. "I think you know."

Arizona shrugged, leaning closer, "Was it…this?" She dipped a pink tongue into the brunette's waiting mouth. Natalie ran her hands through blonde hair, angling her head to get as much as she could. One thing she realized though was that it was almost never enough.

"Something like this," Natalie sighed, looking up into ridiculously blue eyes that she saw grow a shade darker.

Arizona hummed, shifting lower. She took a nipple into her mouth, sucking softly while palming the other. She felt Natalie's other nipple harden under her touch. It thrilled her. She switched off, giving each breast the attention it deserved.

The blonde left open mouth kisses down her flat stomach, nibbling on defined hip bones.

"Lower. Go lower," Natalie moaned, scratching her scalp. The brunette had shifted onto her elbow, begging her with her eyes.

Arizona rubbed her hands over smooth thighs, her mouth always going almost where it was supposed to. She kissed higher up and bit down. Hard.

Natalie hissed, dropping her head between her shoulders. "Arizona," she gritted through her teeth. A muscular thigh quivered against her cheek.

The blonde smirked, watching the pain and pleasure wash over her exquisite features.

She wrapped her hands around those same thighs, eyeing her next objective.

"Like this," Natalie whispered, "It was definitely like this." Arizona started from the bottom, licking up her slit, separating her folds. She twirled her tongue around a clit before wrapping her lips around snugly before sucking. Natalie moaned, painfully arching her back. Arizona held one thigh tighter, her other hand reaching up and pinching a hard nipple.

The blonde hummed, letting her clit go with a pop and pushing the tip of her tongue into her slit. She poked in and out before making a firm swipe up, collecting a downpour of juices. Natalie was gripped hair even tighter and moving her hips desperately to the rhythm.

She went back to drawing tight circles around a now swollen clit, the sounds of praise coming from the head of the bed making her legitimately wet.

"Oh g-god, Arizona, I'm – I'm gonna – fuck!"

Arizona hummed encouragingly one more time before Natalie gasped in euphoria, her body jerking as the blonde caressed her with her tongue, slowly bringing her back down to earth. Arizona took one more swipe before hoisting herself higher, rubbing her own heat against the woman under her.

She moaned, finally feeling relief downstairs. She held herself up with both hands and began moving slowly, knowing the brunette was still sensitive. Natalie gripped a hip with one hand and grabbed the pillow next to her head to prop the blonde's stump.

Arizona laughed breathlessly, her pace quickening, "Did you like that?"

"What do you think?" Natalie's nails were digging into her ass in the best way, causing her to move faster. The blonde dropped to her elbows and thrusted her tongue back into her mouth. Both moaned as their sweaty bodies moved effortlessly.

Natalie gripped her thigh before flipping them over. She kneeled over the blonde, spreading both of their folds. Arizona gasped as Natalie lowered herself over her and began moving.

"You feel so good," Natalie murmured, licking the shell of her ear. She laced a pale hand in her own. "You're gonna make me cum again."

Arizona groaned, "Faster, please. G-go faster" Natalie rolled her slick hips faster. She took the blonde's bottom lip between her teeth and bit down.

The tingling feeling that had been in her body a few minutes ago suddenly erupted. She arched her back, the pain serving as a catalyst that spiraled her into one strong orgasm.

"Fuck! Don't stop!"

"Ugh – oh my god," Natalie moaned, following through with her second orgasm of the morning. They continued to move their hips, prolonging the earth shattering feeling for as long as possible. It was mind-numbing.

Finally their hips stilled, the ringing in their ears subsiding.

The brunette rolled off, tipping onto her back. Emerald and cerulean eyes stared up at the ceiling, catching their breath.

Natalie cleared her throat, "This was much better than the dream."

Arizona chuckled hoarsely, "I'd be offended if it wasn't."

Two pairs of eyes continued watching the ceiling fan. That peaceful silence descended on them. That feeling of not needing to say anything at all. Arizona liked those moments. She used to be chatty, and a part of her still absolutely was. But she had found silence to be a necessary part of her day. She didn't have to say anything and everything, all the time.

They could just…be.

Natalie flipped onto her side, "I have a question."

The blonde rolled her head to face the other woman, smirking, "I have an answer."

"What's the story behind the Heelys?"

Arizona groaned playfully, covering her eyes, "Let me guess. Shepherd?"

Natalie chuckled, "She mentioned it in passing, and then Dr. Webber said something too in surgery the other day. Did you really used to roll around in those?"

"Yeah. I did. And it was awesome."

"Why'd you stop?"

Arizona rolled her eyes, "I thought it was obvious."

"I'm sure it's not easy by any means, but it's not impossible. Did you ever try?"

She licked her lips, "Yeah, I did. For a little while, and then I just…stopped I guess. And then I started my fellowship and never really found a reason to try again."

The brunette grinned, "I wish I could've seen that."

"Yeah…" Arizona trailed, smiling, "everyone used to tease and give me funny looks. But you should've seen the kids' faces when I'd roll into their room with them on. It was like they were kids again, without the hospital beds or the pain, or without seeing their parents worried sick. It was worth it. Plus I was pretty good, I only managed to fall like once a month."

She watched in amusement as Natalie burst out into a full-bellied laugh. It made her laugh too. It was funny talking about herself like that. It was like she was talking about someone else. Like a long lost friend or something. Memories were ironic like that.

"That does sound like it was worth it," Natalie bit her lip. "Do you miss it?"

"Every day," she answered simply. Heelys weren't a big hit with the fetal crowd, but she did miss the way it made her feel. Rolling through the halls, fresh out of surgery, the wind in her hair. It wasn't a big deal, but it helped make her who she was back then. Maybe who she still was sometimes.

"Can I help you try again?" the brunette asked delicately. "I mean, only if you want me to. You just…you got this look on your face just then, like it really meant something. It didn't just make the kids happy, it made you happy."

It did mean something. Something so little made her heart swell.

"Okay."

"Really?"

Arizona grinned.

"Yeah."

 _Let me open up and start again._

###

"What does that even mean?"

She turned slowly. "Exactly what I said."

"But how can you tell someone not to ask you something. How did you know she was going to?"

Callie shot her friend a look, "Stop. She was definitely going to ask me."

"And then what did she say?" Meredith asked, taking a sip from her hot beverage.

The brunette broke off a part of the pound cake she had just bought, "Nothing. I pretty much hopped up off the floor and into the shower."

Meredith quirked an eyebrow, "You seem pretty blasé for having your girlfriend taking a job across the country." She honestly liked Penny. It took her awhile, but the resident was a good doctor, and from what she'd seen, a good person too.

It might have taken the brunette some time to let go of her issues, but she didn't really seem fazed.

Callie shrugged, "It's not that I'm not sad or anything. It sucks, I like her. But I can't do that, move to New York. I'm the head of my department, run this hospital, my life's here. Maybe if I was younger and didn't have Sofia."

"Or Arizona?"

"I don't have Arizona – not anymore. And I'm not going to put all of us through back and forth trips. That's – just no, I'm not doing it."

Meredith shivered, "Could you imagine? Who would have her full time? And there's all those plane rides and holidays…"

"We'd probably end of killing each other," Callie chuckled, checking her phone. Three missed calls and 5 texts from Penny.

"Well you can't take Sofia away from us."

"Um – why not?"

"Because _we're_ her village. You can't just take her away to New York to be around stuck up rich kids at whatever fancy prep school you enroll her in."

"What makes you think I'm enrolling her in a snobby school?"

"Because it's New York City; they're all snobby."

"Whatever she's not going to turn into a brat."

Cross approached the pair, "Dr. Torres here's those CT scans and medical file you asked for from Seattle Pres about Dave Zink."

Callie rolled her eyes, "Thanks, it only took them all morning." Cross nodded awkwardly before scampering down the hall. "And why are we even talking about this? I'm not going anywhere."

Meredith smirked, "I'm just saying. If you're not going you should probably talk to Blake. Resident hearts are sensitive."

"Whatever," she grumbled, "I have to go check these out, see you later." She swung open the door to an x-ray exam room. _Great._

Callie inwardly groaned, which was better than her usual response. Natalie swung her head in the direction of the sudden intrusion. There were several scans already taking up all but a couple lightboxes in the room and a patient file that looked like a phone book.

"Sorry, I didn't think anyone was in here. I'll just –"

"No it's fine. If you don't mind waiting a couple of minutes," the neurosurgeon replied.

"Okay…" Callie cleared her throat before closing the door softly. She had steered clear of the other woman since Mer's party. It was surprisingly easy, except for the occasional pass in the hallway or odd consult. She was painfully embarrassed at the situation that she had intentionally started. From what she had seen, there wasn't anything _wrong_ with her. The only thing wrong was that she was, for lack of a better word, perfect.

Of course there's no such thing, Callie was sure she had a flaw somewhere. And she had been a grade A bitch, just because she was dating her ex-wife, who she still had deep, colossal feelings for. Maybe they would never truly go away, but over time she would just – learn to deal with it. Like PTSD. Arizona Robbins single handedly given her PTSD…out of all the other crappy things that had happened in her life.

So this was her putting her best foot forward. She scooted a little closer, her palms sweaty with her own patient's scans in her hand.

"Crap…is that a butterfly tumor?"

"Yep."

"And…you're operating?"

Natalie smiled, "Yeah, I think so. Usually if the edges are jagged it's pretty impossible…but the edges here – they're smooth, defined. I could probably resect the entire thing as long as I can keep within the margins."

Callie blew out a breath, "Wow." Walking up to the lightbox a little closer, she could see what the neurosurgeon was talking about. She wasn't a necessarily that into neuro, but her specialty did cross paths with it frequently. She knew tumors and this one was fatal.

"Everyone else gave him a year – at most."

"He either gets the rest of his life or he dies on the table," the ortho surgeon stated flatly.

Natalie nodded, "Yep. He's talking it over with his family but if he gives consent we'll operate probably tomorrow – maybe even tonight."

Callie scratched her head, "Don't you need time to prep?" She wasn't trying to be a bitch, but usually with something like this there's a _plan_ going in. Weeks of practicing and studying and then practicing again.

"I can't wait any longer," the other woman sighed. "I know what I have to do to remove it. There's no Plan B with this; I either get it or I don't and he dies anyway."

She really seemed fearless. Callie liked to thing she was as well when it came to her job. When you've been operating for long enough, you don't get as scared as you used to. Of course there's that nagging feeling in the back of your head where you're not sure if you're good enough but you tamp it down.

She took a moment to glance at her profile. Natalie's eyes were kind of hypnotic anyway, but now they were strangely bright. Like deranged, or psychotic. Only Callie didn't see it as crazy. It was a look that most surgeons had. That look and feeling when you're about to prove everyone else wrong and hand a human being their life back. There was no other feeling like it.

"You know you really remind me of Derek," Callie chuckled. "I swear he got aroused looking at hopeless cases." Her laugh trickled off, at the inappropriateness of the comment and the thought of her late friend.

But Natalie didn't seem to notice. One corner of her mouth curled into a small smirk.

"Yeah. He was something else…it's a shame. He wasn't uh – he wasn't done."

Callie sighed, "No he wasn't."

Natalie nodded solemnly before clearing her throat, "Anyways, I'll be out of your way." She plucked each scan off the boxes and neatly slid them back into their respective envelopes. Callie had to give it to the other woman…she was very good at acting like nothing was wrong. Or maybe she just didn't care. After all, Natalie wasn't the one who acted like a drunk babbling idiot.

She wasn't sure how to incorporate an apology into their very brief conversation, but she felt she had to do something here. It wouldn't matter either way. Things were still how they were and weren't looking to alter any time soon.

"Hey, umm," Callie started before sighing. "Good luck – although I don't think you need it."

Natalie gave her a grateful smile, "Thanks."

She nodded as the door closed. Callie let out a breath before clipping her own patient's scans to the now empty light boxes. This was good…she wished good luck to another fellow surgeon. She could do this. It actually wasn't as painful as she thought. She pulled the rest of her wrapped pound cake out of her pocket. She broke off another piece and chewed slowly. Wasn't a bad reward for not embarrassing herself…again.

The door swung open again. She glanced over her shoulder, expecting to see Natalie again, or even Meredith. She choked the buttery treat down. Some short hacking and coughing filled the silent room. The remaining piece of cake in her hand crushed.

"Please don't ask me? What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

Callie sighed.

Reward over.

###

Blue eyes perused her lack of lunch selection. For some reason there was not a single appetizing thing in the hot meal section. She made a mental note to bring that up in the next board meeting. The jambalaya was resembling something she hadn't had to deal with since Sofia was in diapers. She huffed before grabbing a pre-packaged salad from the salad bar. After a brief thought she tossed another packet of ranch dressing onto her tray.

Amelia slammed her tray down next to her in line. "What's cookin' good lookin'?"

"Nothing appetizing," the blonde replied.

"Ew," Amelia gagged before grabbing a salad as well. "Makes me want to bring my lunch from home."

Arizona smirked, "Do you even know how to cook?" She grabbed an empty cup before filling it with ice and soda.

" _Do you?_ You lit a toaster on fire trying to cook pop tarts your fourth year."

"That – that was a long time ago. The instructions were misleading. And I'll have you know that I do know how to cook. Just…not often."

"At least Natalie knows how to cook. She was telling me about this recipe for mushroom risotto. No wonder you're sleeping with her," Amelia commented, plucking a straw into her own to-go cup.

The cashier at the end of the line raised her eyebrows carefully before slowly handing Arizona back her change. The woman had no shame.

"Really?"

"What? It's not like everybody doesn't know," the brunette smirked before paying for her own meal.

Arizona scoffed, "Doesn't mean you have to just say things like that out of the blue." Amelia shrugged before picking up her own tray.

The two surveyed the room for an empty table and walked briskly towards one nestled on the outside next to a group of interns. It wasn't ideal, since they were currently in a competition of who could stuff the most tater tots into their stupid mouths, but Arizona didn't have the energy to look anywhere else.

"The future of medicine."

"Getting dumber every year."

The two women toasted their drinks before taking loud slurps. It was hard to believe that they were interns at one point. Arizona chewed thoughtfully – was she that immature during her internship? She supposed she couldn't blame them; they were probably operating on coffee and whatever they managed to get from the vending machine in the middle of their 48 hour shifts. Anything from the cafeteria was a 5 – star meal at that point.

"Has Deluca mentioned Maggie to you?"

"Uh – no, actually. He didn't tell me they stopped seeing each other, I heard about it during rounds with the other interns. Although –" the blonde tilted her head, "I haven't heard any sex noises…so I guess that should've been an indication."

"Maggie was so much more fun when they were sleeping together. Now she's all uptight again; talking about being empowered and not needing a man, blah blah."

"Well, he's still young," Arizona reasoned, glancing over at her roommate, "He'll figure it out eventually. He really is a sweet guy."

Despite his charming looks and good heart, the intern did have a lot to learn in the ladies' department. He didn't even know how good he was. And for someone who wasn't that fond of kids, him and Sofia were two peas in a pod.

"Geez, well why don't you just adopt him too," Amelia snickered.

Arizona glared, "I might."

" _No way you heard that right."_

" _I'm serious! Torres is running off to New York with Blake."_

" _What about her little munchkin?"_

" _Taking her with them from what it sounded like. Her and Grey were talking earlier. I heard Grey say something about a fancy school."_

She wasn't quite sure what happened here. It was like all the background noise just stopped, making the words of the sticky, smelly interns ring even louder in her head. Glancing up, she met Amelia's shocked expression. A greasy ball of worry formed in her stomach. It might have been the masticated lettuce and vegetables, but it really didn't matter. There was no thinking or logic. Only the rapid heartbeat in her chest.

The neurosurgeon must have sensed the blonde's destruction because in one swoop she was up and in the neighboring seat.

"Robbins, just…calm down. Don't listen to the ramblings of stupid interns." Amelia watched carefully at the series of emotions flipping behind cerulean eyes. It was one thing to hear rumors about yourself, or your relationship. But it was another when it involved your child. Moving away. _Away from you._

"Just – just talk to Callie later and I'm sure this will all be one big misunderstanding."

A plastic fork snapped in half a second later. Amelia didn't see it coming.

The blonde stood up so fast her chair almost flipped over onto the linoleum floor. She took a moment to straighten her lab coat before briskly walking the few steps over to the next table.

Cross was stuffing greasy fries into his mouth when he felt a distinguished presence behind him.

"Dr. Cross?" He turned slowly and met the sweet smile of a very pissed off woman. The intern swallowed heavily.

"Hey," he cleared his throat, "Dr. Robbins. Having a good day?"

She giggled, "Just fine, thanks. Sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't help but overhear your conversation a second ago."

"We – we were ju – just, well I was just sayin –"

"I don't have the time or the patience for all the stuttering, Cross. I just want to know exactly how you stumbled upon that information and thought it smart or appropriate to share with your fellow chicks and ducks?"

"Um…what are chic –"

"That sounds more like a question than an answer," Arizona interrupted coolly. She loved interns, she really did. But this one…

"Answer the woman, Cross," Amelia piped up, finally making her way to the table.

Cross looked between the two attendings. Amelia was unamused. Arizona had the crazy eyes on full blast, but she was smiling. The creases that made up her dimples were deep and her smile was sincere. Like…she was going to sincerely _kill_ him if he didn't answer the question.

"I was giving Dr. Torres the patient file she requested and I overheard Dr. Grey telling her that she couldn't take Sofia away to New York. Something about a village being here and holidays…a – and planes, or…something."

Hearing it again didn't make anything easier. Arizona thought that maybe if Cross repeated what he had overheard it wouldn't sound so bad. That the second time around would give her time to dissect and pin point where she overreacted. But it didn't happen. She was even more furious. And even more than that, she was scared.

Things had been a lot better since their last heart to heart. They weren't arguing, which was a big improvement. It was better. Which made this _a lot_ worse. How could Callie be planning this and not tell her?

"Come on." Amelia's voice broke her trance and she felt a hand gently grab her elbow and steer her back to their table. The blonde paused and glanced back over her shoulder.

"Cross, you're on my shit list," she hissed. "And if I hear you breathe another word about it I'll make sure you don't see the inside of an OR til your balls finally drop."

 _Well alright then._

"Woah, put that potty mouth away," Amelia chuckled, forcing her to sit back down in her own chair. "Save it for the bedroom."

"This isn't funny. It's one thing for Callie to move away, but the fact that she's discussing taking our child with her, without even discussing anything with me is such bullshit, Amy."

"You don't even know if it's true. Talk to Callie first before getting your panties in a bunch." The brunette reached over and stabbed a tomato from Arizona's tray.

Arizona inhaled, "You're right. I need to talk to Callie and tell her that she can take her inconsiderate plans and shov –"

"Dr. Robbins," Deluca interrupted quietly.

"You need something Andrew?"

"Well I just wanted to tell you not to take anything Cross says seriously. He's…well he's kind of a moron."

"See," Amelia pointed, "listen to your son!"

Deluca shifted awkwardly in front of the table. He glanced at his roommate questioningly.

Arizona sighed, "She thinks that I should adopt you."

The intern blinked before clearing his throat, "Oh okay…but you're kind of – too hot to be my mom…with all due respect," he added.

The blonde pushed her tray away and rested her head on the table, muffling a groan.

Amelia grinned.

###

"Well? Are you going to at least explain yourself?"

Callie usually didn't have a problem talking about things. Some would say she said too much. Mark used to call it verbal diarrhea, a disease that he possessed as well. But she didn't know what to say. Scratch that. She did…but she didn't want to hurt anyone. She had done enough of that already.

"I'm sorry," the brunette sighed. "You deserve a lot more than an explanation or an apology – for everything. I don't want to hold you back from something you need to do…for yourself."

"Is this your way of saying that you…don't want to be with me anymore?"

"It's not that. We've been in a good place lately. I was better. But – I can't move, Penny. And I don't want you to give that up for me."

She was done being selfish, of only thinking about herself, and what she wanted. It was easy to go down that rabbit hole. After being hurt by people she loved for so long, it was almost a desperate need to do something for herself, to think of herself…what made her happy. Callie had been stuck in that place for a little too long. But one thing she'd come to terms with was that it wasn't all just _her_ needs that brought happiness.

"I put you through so much, so early in our relationship. And it's not your fault. _None_ of it was your fault. It was – my own issues and I didn't handle it the right away. And that's my fault. I never wanted to hurt you or make you feel like you weren't important. But the more I tried not to – and deal with it on my own, I just pushed you farther away."

Penny stood there helplessly, and Callie knew that one way or another, she was going to hurt this woman, no matter what she said.

The redhead inhaled deeply.

"Someone told me that if you really love someone, you find a way… _you do something about it_. This is me – doing something about it. This is me _finding a way_. I know you were going through some stuff, but I loved you enough to not give up, even if you didn't want to work through it together. But, I don't want to go to New York if I don't have you."

"You can't not go, Penny. Do you have any idea how many people who kill to be in your position right now? This grant doesn't just come around to just anybody, a resident at that."

Which left them at a standstill.

"Why don't you want me to ask you?" the resident asked simply.

"Because…I'm going to be sad thinking about you leaving, and then I'll consider moving because I don't want to lose you. And then I'll _stop_ thinking. And I _need_ to think, because I'm a mom."

"Do you think we could at least do long distance? My schedule's not going to be as crazy here, it's more fixed…we could take turns visiting each other."

The Latina sighed, "I…I honestly don't know. Maybe."

Penny blinked, "Do you want to make it work?"

Could they survive that? Sure it wasn't forever, but could they base their relationship off of phone calls and visits for an entire year? Things had just gotten good again, before everything happened. Was it worth it? Could that be enough?

"I don't know."

The redhead shuffled her feet. "Do you love me?"

"I – I do."

"Just – not enough," Penny stated. She didn't need to ask; she knew deep down that there was that one part of the brunette that she could never touch. That part Callie could never give her. But she couldn't help it…she just loved her enough to accept it.

Maybe that was her own fault, for getting in too deep with someone that wasn't digging down with her. But it was hard to not fall in love with this woman. Her beauty, kindness, talent…it was entrancing.

But this woman wasn't in. She wasn't going to go the distance; she was emotionally incapable right now. There was too much to figure out behind those brown eyes, and Penny wasn't the woman to sort it out with her. The young doctor realized she wasn't _that one._

Callie didn't need to say anything; the truth was written all over her face.

"I'm sorry."

Penny smiled sadly, "Me too. So…I guess this is it? I'm going to go…and you'll just – stay here?"

As horrible as she felt; it was nice – handling something the right away.

Penny might never understand it, but Callie was done dragging other people down with her, especially people that she cared about. Penny deserved someone who loved her enough to walk through fire and Callie just…wasn't the person to do that. Maybe if the redhead stayed, perhaps she could get to that point. But that wasn't in the cards. That wasn't reality.

"You'll go to New York…and be happy. And I'll stay here…and be happy."

Callie's reality didn't look so dark anymore.

 _And when you know, you know._


	15. We Ain't Kids No More

AN; In case it wasn't obvious, I'm still writing lol. Just needed some time to get over the finale (which was so stupid), and mourn SaRa's exit. I'm still holding out hope for Calzona, but I know IF it does happen, it's not anytime soon. I can accept that now and just look forward to what the show can bring next season with all hope but very little expectation.

I've got a few more chapters outlined for the rest of this story, then starting a sequel most likely a little more into the summer. So no, I'm not done lol. And if you haven't checked out my other fic, If I Go, please do. It's of course Calzona, but with a different vibe. I've gotten some messages about writing an AU and I'm interested but have NO idea where I'd start. Any storyline ideas?

Enjoy.

* * *

Twenty-four hours. That's how long Arizona had decided to wait before talking to Callie. If Callie didn't talk to her first. Which had not happened. It made her anxious. And even more worried. She barely slept that night. Natalie was operating into the night and Sofia was with Callie. Deluca could only do so much shoulder pats before it became annoying.

This was the right thing to do. She couldn't just fly off the handle and overreact, even though a part of her really wanted to. The part of her that didn't learn her lesson in anything. So Arizona was trying to remain calm and logical.

Callie would never decide to just…move, right? There was no way the woman that she knew would make a decision to move Sofia away with her.

And wasn't Penny's grant for a year? What was the point in that, right? That really wasn't that long. And it was in New York, not like it was out of the country. Like Africa. Not to be judgmental, but a three-year stint in Africa made sense. Not a one year grant in New York.

The blonde paused, gripping the soapy glass in her hand. That couldn't be why, could it?

She needed to figure this out.

For the most part things had settled down substantially. Was Callie setting them up for another war? An even bigger battle?

"Dude, you just leave your door unlocked? What if I was trying to rob you?"

Arizona rolled her eyes, "It's a good thing you're not."

"Quit winding yourself up and just talk to Torres, already," Alex stated, leaning against her dining room table.

"I need to think. Because if I talk to her I'm going to be irrational and start yelling and possibly cry. The woman's seen my crying face enough when she was married to me."

"Well if she's actually thinking about leaving then you need to say something."

She dropped the squeaky clean glass into the drying rack, "Did you talk to Meredith like I asked?"

The blonde had managed to get through the rest of her lunch with Amelia reassuring her to not worry, and then proceeded to internally and externally freak out. Alex had been the next person she had run into that day. And since he was Mer's 'person,' it was his duty as her friend and protégé to find out what was actually going on.

Alex snorted, "No, you asked me when she was in the middle of surgery, and when she got out I was already home."

Arizona rolled her eyes, "It's called a phone, Karev."

"Keep your pants on. And I'm not gonna ask Mer. It's funny when you're like this."

"This isn't funny!"

"You're right, so be an adult and say something to her."

Alex already had an idea that Callie most likely _wasn't_ leaving due to the fact that Jo found Penny crying in a supply closet earlier. A part of him wanted to ease his friend's worries a little by telling her, but the other half knew there was no point. Arizona was going to believe what she wanted unless she heard from Callie herself.

"I can't."

"Why not?" he asked softly.

The blonde sighed, dropping her hands helplessly, "I don't know where to start."

"Start at the beginning."

###

It was times like this when Callie remembered why all the play dates were always at Mer's house. Her house was big and spacious, and the clutter was kind of what made it home. Callie's place, on the other hand, was not suited for multiple children running around. Most days it wasn't suited for her either.

First off, it wasn't as big, and although the brunette didn't mind clutter, some would say she was a messy individual, but this was just too much.

Plus Penny had yet to come by and pick up the stuff that had filtered in throughout the months.

"Okay," Callie exclaimed, "I think it's time for you guys to go tear up Zola and Bailey's house now!" She clapped her hands enthusiastically. Sofia, Zola, and Bailey continued to zoom through the house, knocking over half the fort they had built out of sheets and chairs.

Children's laughter had a sentimental effect on her. Crap all over her place, not so much. Somehow Bailey had gotten ahold of some candy in her pantry and methodically handed it out to the two girls when the adults weren't paying attention.

Meredith smirked, "Let's go guys. Maggie's making ice cream sundaes after dinner."

A truckload of cheers followed the general surgeon's statement and the three musketeers ran to the front door, each putting their own shoes on.

They were hyper, and loud, and sometimes completely messy. But no one could say they weren't well behaved. Even though Bailey had managed to put his shoes on the opposite feet again, prompting Zola to fix it.

Callie grabbed Sofia's overnight bag and handed it to her friend.

"Same time next week?" Meredith asked, pulling the bag over her shoulder.

The brunette laughed, sarcastically, "Oh sure."

"Bye mama," Sofia said.

Callie pressed a kiss to her forehead, "Bye baby, I'll see you tomorrow, okay? We'll go get some pudding at the hospital after Claudia picks you up from school."

"Awesome," Sofia nodded, grabbing onto Bailey's hand dutifully as the group made their way out the door.

Meredith chuckled, "That is _awesome_ , huh Sof?"

"OkayBYE."

Callie closed the door finally, resting her head against the cool wood. Squaring her shoulders, she turned around to face the absolute mess that three tiny humans managed to do to her living room. She didn't even want to know what Sofia's room looked like.

Sighing, she began tearing down the fort and pulling the chairs back to the dining room table. She tossed the sheets in the washer. They were originally clean, but after several grubby, chocolatey hands had gotten ahold of them, Callie knew it was best to just wash everything.

Then she picked up all of Sofia's toys and put them back in their place. Since Penny had come around there had been a lot of new additions to her daughter's collection. Callie thought it was sweet that the redhead payed attention to things that interested Sofia. In hindsight maybe Penny had been trying too hard, but either way it didn't matter. Because they were over.

Truthfully she knew the breakup could have been worse. She could've been cold, or lashed out. But Penny didn't deserve that. Callie had handled it the best way she could, and she still had to say she was a little proud of herself. No doubt it was still awkward, and sad.

The resident still had a few days before she was off to New York City, and Callie hadn't talked to her since. There was text she had sent out yesterday, telling her to let her know if she wanted to pick up the last of her things. There were some clothes, toiletries, and other little things still placed around the house. But there had been no response yet. Penny was still hurt perhaps, or going the normal route…of completely hating her guts.

Which was understandable.

They had crossed paths in the hall, in the cafeteria. It seemed their breakup didn't create the scandal that she originally thought. When they had first gotten together it was kind of a big deal, with Penny being one of the doctors on Derek's case. But after Meredith had come to accept the resident, things had died down. And people had just…accepted it.

Come to think of it, they weren't really all that interesting anyway. At least to the hospital's standards. Which had been what Callie needed at the time.

Usually she'd grieve and mope for a couple of weeks before snapping out of it. But there wasn't really anything to snap out of in this case. Penny was moving, and Callie simply couldn't turn her back on her responsibilities here.

She was 'adulting', as Owen had put it. The trauma surgeon had done some adulting himself; selling the trailer and finally buying a house. It was honestly about time. And it seemed that him and Amelia were getting on some sort of solid ground. As solid as it could be with those two.

Honestly Callie was too wrapped in her own life to consider anyone else's. It scared her at first; the thought of starting over and doing some soul searching. But she found herself a little excited to be by herself. This was what she essentially ended her marriage over, but realistically she didn't accomplish _anything_. She had been superficial and went through the motions, without growing.

Her work as a surgeon was something she was excited to immerse herself into again. It never actually went away, but it was like her brain opened up, bringing in new ideas and projects that she had shied away from for so long. All possibilities felt endless.

There had been so much time she had wasted fighting what she really needed to do, which was love herself. And forgive herself.

"Fuck!" she exclaimed, a stray Lego piercing the bottom of her foot. The brunette tossed the object somewhere behind her. Hopefully she wouldn't step on it again.

She was never inviting the Grey brood over ever again. The doorbell rang, and she outwardly groaned.

"Please don't tell me you got paged," Callie began, swinging the door open.

"So picture this: I'm in the cafeteria having lunch and I have to hear from an _intern_ that my ex-wife is taking our child across the country with her resident girlfriend and didn't even have the decency to talk to me about any of it. And I literally feel my insides coming apart and it takes Amelia… _Amelia_ of all people to talk me off the ledge before I completely go crazy and like…yell at you or – something. And so I decided to give it some time, I figured that you would find me yourself to explain. But you didn't, so I've been thinking not so nice things about you and Perfect Penny, who by the way I don't like anymore. So I've talked myself into a tizzy and still not one word from you. And now I'm standing here, like a crazy person, demanding an explanation."

At this point the blonde was almost gasping for breath. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were as bright as can be.

Callie blinked, "You're not Meredith."

Arizona squared her shoulders snootily, "And you have chocolate on your nose."

The brunette self-consciously rubbed her nose, finding a smear of chocolate on her finger. She casually wiped her hand on her jeans.

"Um – Mer and the kids were just over…"

"I figured."

Callie sighed, "Get in here before you have a heart attack."

"I'm glad you think this is funny," the blonde huffed, breezing past her anyway. _Why did everyone find this amusing?_

"It kind of is, considering the circumstances," Callie stated, walking into the kitchen. She grabbed two glasses out of the cupboard and a bottle of white wine from her fridge. All the red had been drained the night she ended things with Penny. She had planned on having a glass or two anyway with the rest of the night to herself, but it seemed the blonde had in fact talked herself into a tizzy.

"Really Calliope? You think serving me wine is going to make me less calm?" She set her purse down on the coffee table.

"No," the brunette handed a glass over, "but you will once you hear what I have to say."

Arizona eyed her skeptically but accepting the wine anyway. They both took a sip. Callie hummed at the fruity tones of the liquid.

"Well?" the blonde demanded. If she was any more impatient she'd be tapping her foot.

Callie sighed, sitting on an arm of her couch. "I'm not going."

Blue eyes blinked, "You're not going."

"Nope. Penny wanted me to go with her. But I said no."

"But…you and Meredith were talking about schools and traveling back and forth for Sofia…"

Callie rolled her eyes, "We were just talking about how much of a pain in the ass it would be if I did go. Cross must have caught the tail end of the conversation."

Arizona sighed, "That…kind of – sounds right." She took a long sip of the wine.

The Latina smirked, "You calm enough yet?"

"Well can you blame me?"

"Arizona there was nothing to talk to you about, because going to New York wasn't even an option. I thought," she shrugged, "I thought that'd be pretty clear. So I didn't see the point in discussing something that wasn't happening."

"So…long distance then?"

Callie shook her head, "Nope. We broke up."

Now she felt kind of dumb. Of course the thought occurred to Arizona that Callie would never do that. Maybe she should have said something first. But…things were just – confusing. Perhaps when it came to your child, rationality went out the window.

The blonde smiled sympathetically, "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

"You know what, I am? At first it was sad, it still is, but she needs to be selfish and Sofia's home is here. So…it's okay."

"So you're staying for Sofia?"

Callie nodded, "For Sofia, and for myself. My life's here."

Arizona nodded pensively, taking another drink from her glass, "Okay." With a second thought she drained the goblet.

The Latina stared into her glass.

"Do you really think I would just – take Sofia?"

That, strangely enough, bothered her more than anything. Sure, they'd have their disagreements, but Callie would never…do that. She wasn't just playing house when she said all those years ago that she wanted Arizona part of the plan. And she wasn't kidding when she had her lawyer at the time draw up papers for adoption. Sofia might not have been biologically Arizona's, but the blonde was a part of that little life from the beginning.

The three of them were all a part of each other.

"No…at least not truly," she sighed. "I guess I just got ahead of myself. I let the rumors get to me."

"You're her mom, too. And if I ever thought for a second about moving, believe me I would talk to you first, no matter what."

"Well, it wouldn't matter. There's no way in hell I'd let you."

Callie blinked. "What…let me move?"

Arizona pursed her lips, "Ye – take Sofia with you. I'd have to fight you," she said with conviction. She had already thought about it. Of course she didn't actually _do_ anything, but the wheels had already been turning out of fear. The blonde breathed a sigh of relief, _thank god_ she didn't take it further. Because _that_ wouldn't have been awkward.

It made the other woman smile.

"That would be one messy ordeal," Callie stated, emptying her glass. "But…we don't have to worry about it. You want another?"

"Sure," she replied lightly. Arizona handed her glass over. "So…are you sure you're okay?" she asked, perusing the living room. Pictures lined the walls and shelves, some she had seen before and new ones. The fridge opened and closed, with no response in between.

There was something she was missing in this very complex puzzle that was Calliope Torres.

"I mean, you guys were kind of – serious, right?" She winced. Okay, so she might have been fishing for information. But she couldn't help it. This was a woman that she knew inside and out at one point. Callie couldn't have been as okay as she claimed to be. The woman wore her heart on her sleeve, a lot of the time it destroyed her.

 _No thanks to you._

"You don't have to talk me off a ledge you know," Callie called out.

"I know you're not on a – ledge. But still it's got to be hard for you. That's…one of the reasons why I thought you'd go with her." She accepted the now full glass.

Callie hummed, "You thought I'd go because of Africa."

"In hindsight I don't know what I thought," the blonde ran a hand through her hair, "Maybe you…didn't want to go through that…again."

"Those are…two different situations. Sometimes I wished that I did go with you, maybe I would have loved Africa in the end. And we wouldn't have to go through…everything else. Like…literally _everything_ else."

"It was better, for you to stay. And, Sofia wouldn't be here if you'd gone. But…Callie a year isn't that long. Surely you could make it work. New York is what – a 6-hour flight?" The blonde took a seat on the couch. Girl talk with her ex-wife wasn't as weird as it was supposed to be. Maybe this was what good co-parenting was. Maybe. They were still figuring it all out.

"True, but I just…I don't want that," Callie confessed, "and she's young, she needs to be all about herself, like we were."

"You – you're really okay, aren't you?" Arizona asked skeptically. It just…it wasn't normal for her to see. Callie didn't actually seem heartbroken after their split, but Arizona was going off of the premise of Penny being her ideal relationship. At least that's what she heard.

Callie chuckled, "Yes Arizona, I'm okay. Penny wasn't the one."

"How do you know? It's only been a few months."

"When you know you know," Callie answered simply. "She was great, easy to get along with. Funny, smart. But she didn't make me – well, she didn't –" she stopped. A leg curled under her on the couch. "You know that feeling? Like the one where you can't eat, can't sleep, all you do is think about that person and it's scary and embarrassing but you're in so deep that you don't even care. You don't even remember your life before them. Like you're…walking across a tight rope in the middle of a Seattle rainstorm –"

"But you feel safe," Arizona finished. "I know."

The feeling was stifling. It was safe, crazy, and calm. Love was one big contradiction. Where it complimented one, it decimated the other.

"Well, yeah. I mean, of course you – you know. Natalie's like that, right?" Callie stammered. She rubbed her free hand on her jeans and set her glass of wine down. It was best she refrain from that at the moment, before her verbal diarrhea came back full force.

"Right," Arizona smiled tightly. "I – I better go." _Far, far away_. She swiftly stood up and set her glass into the sink. Grabbing her purse, she swung it over her shoulder. Callie was still seated on the couch, watching the sweat from her own abandoned glass form a ring around the base.

It wasn't her right. Not her place anymore. She wasn't going to be _that_ ex-wife.

"Box…right," Callie mumbled under her breath. "Okay, yeah. Of course." She stood up finally, following the blonde to the door. Callie was too preoccupied to notice the bright red, devil of a Lego. Arizona's heel to her left boot landed on the piece, throwing her balance off just as she reached for the door knob.

She gasped surprised, using the door to stable herself. Callie blinked, grabbing onto Arizona's arm as extra support.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I stepped on it earlier and should have picked it up," Callie said apologetically.

Arizona chuckled, feeling balanced enough to take another step, "It's okay. It happens from time to time."

Callie cleared her throat, letting go of the blonde's arm, "Yeah," she picked up the Lego and placed it on the side table where her keys were.

"I'll see you at work," Arizona said, making it across the threshold.

Callie smiled, "See ya." She leaned against the door frame, watching Arizona make her way down driveway. A clicking noise made its way into her body. It started out softly, like a song, and worked into a crescendo. She had ignored it long enough. But no. She would sit on it for a bit. Weigh the pros and cons. Talk about it to the people that mattered. Run it up the old flag pole. And then maybe, she could go there. But not yet. It wasn't ready yet.

To her, it was a secret that held everything. It was a slippery slope of jagged edges and discrete crevices. She had to be careful, controlled… _box-like_. And she could do it. Just not right now. Right now it was hers alone.

"Callie?"

She looked up, smiling questioningly.

"Yeah?"

"I –" Arizona sighed, "I'm glad you're not leaving."

"Me too."

###

She squinted her eyes. Arizona was confused. Very confused. Which didn't happen often. Of course, no one knew everything. But this was…something else. Had she been that preoccupied with her own insane life? Did she get sucked through a time capsule and just now thrown to the other side?

"I thought you guys just got back together?"

"We did."

"…and you're getting married?"

"Yep."

Nope, she was still equally as perplexed.

Amelia looked up from the exposed brain, "You're confused." Amelia didn't really like questions.

"Um – no." She drew her eyes back to the liver, even though she _knew_ there weren't any bleeders. It was a standard peds surgery on her part, while the neurosurgeon performed a craniotomy. There were 3 very pregnant mothers under her care, but so far none of their babies' showed signs of distress, which led her to an OR with a 12-year-old.

"Robbins…"

"Alright," the blonde shrugged, "I'm a _little_ confused. Doesn't it seem, sudden? Why rush things?" She glanced up, "I'm not trying to be unsupportive. If you're happy, then that's all that matters. I just want to make sure you're not just being reckless."

It wasn't really her right. After all, Arizona wasn't known for making stellar decisions all the time either. But Amelia was her friend and had been there for her in times of need, most often when Arizona didn't know she needed it. Maybe this was her turn.

"I thought I was, maybe it was being an addict but…I didn't want to just jump into things. I wanted to take my time, feel things out, do what I didn't do back then. Be careful. But, what's the point? _We see people die_ – every day. I don't know when that stopped being enough. Life is too short to just take your time. I'm still an addict, that will never change, but I just…I just want to do this. It's not me being a reckless junkie. This is me living my life. This feels right."

Due to the spiel Arizona guessed that the Shepherds weren't too happy about the upcoming nuptials. And if she had to guess Meredith probably wasn't too happy about it either. It was like your birthday without the cake. Sex without an orgasm. Surgery that led to time of death. Which just…sucked.

She couldn't imagine her family not having her back. When the decision to be a part of Sofia's life first came about, her dad wasn't all that supportive but eventually he came around, which was what mattered in the end. And he was accepting from the beginning when she came out, along with her mom and brother. Not having family support was foreign to her, like a different language, and the blonde had heard many.

Not having that…she didn't know what she would have done.

But it seemed that Amelia didn't need advice. Amelia Shepherd was sure, like always.

Arizona grinned beneath her mask, "Okay."

She blinked, "Okay?"

"Yep, I just wanted to know you were sure. And it seems like you are." She stepped back, letting her resident close up for her.

"So does that mean you're coming?" the brunette asked, snapping off her gloves. Everyone was stressing her out, this wedding was giving her nightmares. She loved Owen, she wanted to marry him. But it seemed like everyone was determined to tell her how much it _wasn't_ going to work out. Maybe nobody really knew them at all.

"Of course I'll be there. I'll be the one dancing my ass off."

Amelia chuckled, "Callie said the same thing. Which is good. She seems happy even though Blake's gone."

"Yeah, she does," the blonde nodded, lifting her foot off the sink pedal. Penny had pretty much vanished after her last week at the hospital. One minute she was there, and then she wasn't. After all that drama and tension when she first arrived, it was like the redhead was no more than a second thought.

When it was all said and done, it was ironic to believe at one point it was a big deal. Where did it all go?

"Is it weird now, you two getting along? Because it's kind of weird to watch."

Arizona rolled her eyes, "Why does it have to be weird? It's how it was supposed to be."

"I guess, it was fun while it lasted," the brunette sighed.

"You have an illness. Your wedding present is looking cheaper by the second."

"Please," Amelia scoffed, "I don't need a present. Just show up without a judgmental look on your face."

The OR floor was full of surgeons in different shades of blue, with the occasional pop of color of a distinct scrub cap. It was almost the weekend, which meant everyone was trying to fit in all the scheduled surgeries and procedures. People were moving, talking, writing fast.

Sometimes people just go – all day, without really thinking about much else. Just wanting to get to the next phase of whatever it is they're entering. It seemed like Amelia and Owen were the only ones thinking about the 'in-between.'

"Noted. But, I'm happy for you, really." That's all you can want in the end, right? To just – be happy. It didn't matter if it was by yourself, or with others. If you're happy, then that's it.

Amelia wasn't an emotional person, at least not outwardly, but even Arizona could catch the relief in her eyes. And she didn't need to say anything, Arizona knew what it meant.

Sometimes you don't have to say anything at all.

"I got to run, I'll check in on the kid in an hour after my meeting with Torres and…yeah," Amelia stated with a sincere smile.

The blonde perked up, "Oooh do you guys have another patient in mind for the robotic leg?"

"Yeah, we're just meeting to go over it and make sure they're a candidate."

"Nice, well I'm in surgery the rest of the day so I guess I'll see you at the church tomorrow. Yay!" Arizona yelped, clapping her hands. She couldn't help it, she loved weddings. It was like a scoop of hope for people to hold onto. Weddings were true and powerful to her. Even if it was nothing but darkness and pain after, that moment was light.

Amelia rolled her eyes.

"I almost thought we'd get through this conversation without a 'yay.'"

###

This wasn't looking good. Sure, it's Seattle; it always rains. But this was a torrential downpour, in the middle of the day, the day of a wedding. It's not really a bad omen, because once again, it's _Seattle, Washington_. The rain just…wasn't helping the matter. The bottom of her dress was weighed down by the puddles she had to maneuver through, and she felt like her feet were sinking into her heels.

Callie heard something about missing rings and a missing Kepner. Meredith had been a bit of a bitch leading up and Maggie was being a little too extra to make up for her sister's shortcomings. There was also the fact that no one from the bride's family was in attendance.

It made her wonder how Owen could be so…calm.

"It's okay, April will be back with the rings and then it'll be fine."

"I know, Callie. I'm not worried."

"And that's worrying me. You're so – relaxed. You're not nervous?" She avoided Richard's penetrating gaze. A gaze that told her to _shut it_. But Callie couldn't help it. She was notoriously known for her verbal diarrhea. It seems her newfound self couldn't erase that trait. Perhaps someday people would find it endearing.

Owen shrugged, pulling at the lapels of his suit, "Not really. We're ready, it's not nerve wracking to me. Maybe no one can understand, but it's right, Callie. I'm…excited for this. She makes me excited for the future."

It made her blink for a second. Not that Owen wasn't that kind of guy. He wanted commitment, a family, he wanted _more_. And he never got it. But maybe this time he would. That's all anyone can ask for.

"I knew you still had some happy saved up somewhere."

Owen grinned, placing a hand on her shoulder, "You do, too." And the Latina would scour the Earth for it if it was the last thing she did.

"Hey Callie, could you help me with something?" Three heads turned at the voice behind the cracked door.

Arizona had stuck her head in. There was a frozen smile on her face and her eyes were like saucers. Most people would think she was just excited, but the Latina knew better. Something was not right.

Callie cleared her throat before making her way across the room and following the blonde out into the hallway. She couldn't help but drink her in slowly.

It had been, well, _years_ since she had seen Arizona in a dress like this. It was a slate gray number, the material rolling off one shoulder and clinging snugly all the way down. A slit ran up mid-thigh, exposing her right leg. Her hair was curled and twisted off to the side and all Callie could think about was how the dress made her eyes even more blue.

"Amelia's gone."

Callie blinked, "Huh?"

"I can't find her. She took off with Meredith and Maggie," Arizona sighed, "I don't know if she's coming back." Her sad painted mouth didn't make her any less beautiful. And although Callie's dress was a deep burgundy that caressed all the right places, she still felt inferior. Arizona made her feel like that sometimes.

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"Can we call her?" she asked dumbly.

"I tried calling all of them a dozen times already. Natalie's in the other room trying to call them now." She turned to another door further down the hall. There were floating umbrellas rushing into the church, harboring well-dressed guests trying to avoid the rain. There was no avoiding it though.

Callie exhaled, "She's probably just nervous and needed some time. Mer's not going to let her miss her own wedding."

A blonde eyebrow rose, "Are you sure about that?"

"…no."

"So…what do we do? We should do something, right? I mean, we're not exactly part of the wedding but we're also the only ones standing here."

"I…don't know."

"Me neither."

"The only thing we can do I guess is, wait and hope they come back."

Arizona sighed, "I know." That's what she was afraid of.

The other door down the hall opened and Natalie closed it behind her. She was wearing a deep green number that had absolutely no back. Needless to say, it wasn't acceptable for all of them to look this good for an event that was looking more questionable by the minute.

It also wasn't okay for the man on the other side of the door, with hope in his heart that things could still be okay. It made Callie's stomach hurt.

"So, they're still not answering," Natalie stated awkwardly, locking the screen to her phone.

This should have been weird. At one point it would have been. Maybe it was because of the runaway bride, or maybe enough time had passed, but Callie didn't feel uncomfortable to be standing here with her hot ex-wife and her hot new girlfriend. Sure, it gave her certain feelings, but that had been acknowledged going into this whole 'box' arrangement.

It was just…how it was. That also made her stomach hurt, but not in the bad way that it hurt for Owen.

"She'll come back," Callie stated. "She has to…?" It came out with conviction at first, but somewhere along the way it turned into a question.

"Right," the blonde agreed. "So we just – wait?"

A silent agreement was made between the women that they all, guests included, would just wait. No one wanted to tell Owen that, from the looks of it, Amelia freaked. And so they stood in the hallway, dressed to the nines, for a wedding. Or maybe just a reception.

Natalie perked up, "The bar's open?"

A part of Callie couldn't help but grin.

Arizona hummed, her eyes glowing.

"This is true."

###

"The next time you wanna do that, at least let this one know first," Natalie nodded to the blonde, "I thought she was going to have a tantrum at the thought of no wedding." And it was true. As worried as she was about Amelia's whereabouts, it was a serious disappointment in those short hours to think that there would be no nuptials. It was almost a crime to go through all the trouble and not bear witness to any union.

"Let's hope there's no _next times_ ," Amelia smirked, drinking from her flute of sparkling cider.

Sometimes things work out. And even though Ben had apparently delivered April's baby, Riggs was here, and Amelia had drops of blue slushy on the bottom of her dress, the wedding had happened. All was well.

"I wasn't going to have a tantrum," Arizona stated, all three women pausing for a picture for the wedding photographer. "I was just worried. You don't run away from your wedding as a joke."

"I got scared…and then I – didn't."

"That's one way of putting it," Arizona murmured into her glass of champagne.

"Anyways," Amelia interjected, "where's Torres?" Both neurosurgeons met the other's eyes briefly.

"On the dance floor," the blonde answered. "Where else would she be?"

In the thick of it was the Latina, along with Sofia, Zola, Meredith, and everyone else it seemed. The music had been turned up after the dinner and the lights had dimmed. To all in attendance, it was perfect. This was how all major events ended, with everyone happy. The beginning and the middle were questionable and almost dreary, but in the end, it was just like this.

"It can wait," the bride shrugged, flipping a tendril away from her face.

"What can wait?"

"Nothing," both women replied simultaneously. Arizona narrowed her eyes. Amelia looked mischievous, which wasn't anything new. Natalie looked somewhat uncomfortable, secretive even. That was new.

"What's going on?"

"We'll…talk about it later," Natalie set down her wine glass and grabbed a fair hand, "I have yet to check out your dance moves." The blonde allowed herself to be pulled along with Amelia to the dance floor as well. Hoots and hollers were shouted with their entrance into the mob of well-dressed people.

Richard had Callie in a gentlemanly dip, her smile like a burst of light coming off her face. Owen and Amelia were on the outside, slow dancing to a fast beat, on their terms like always. Today was a pause in the midst of everything else.

Sofia was twirling around in her dress and laughing, a sound that would never get boring.

Arizona would table it for now.

Meredith grabbed her hand, throwing the blonde in front of her, the beginnings of a very dysfunctional conga line starting. And she would go along with it, because it was a happy moment and she felt good in her dress. The heels were starting to get to her, but whatever. Amelia and Owen had gotten married. April's baby was healthy. And strangely enough, Callie and Natalie were showing Richard and Nathan how to salsa.

Everything else could wait.


	16. Help Me Polarize

AN; Just a heads up, long chapter. But I couldn't help it.

* * *

Chapter 16: Help Me Polarize

Truth be told, she didn't really need to be here. Callie had a car. It was efficient, spacious, got her from one destination to the other. And, the most important, it was paid off. No monthly payments for three years now. It wasn't the first love of her life, but it did the job. The Thunderbird was still with her, with its own parking spot. She only drove it when she was by herself, or with a friend or two. It wasn't kid-friendly and she didn't want Sofia spilling anything on the upholstery.

This could have been a mid-life crisis, or just a life crisis, but Callie woke up Friday morning and decided that maybe…she should get a new car.

Money wasn't an option these days, and it might have been a little irresponsible. But damn't, Callie was ready for change.

So here she stood, at the dealership on a Saturday morning with Sofia by her side. The girl held onto her mom's hand, staring up at the floor to ceiling windows, the shiny new cars sparkling in the show room.

"Mama are you sure you need a new car?" Sofia asked skeptically.

Callie couldn't help but roll her eyes a little. Seriously, it was like Arizona was speaking to her.

"Well we've had our car for a while now, mija. I feel like it's time for an upgrade."

"Will it have a TV in the back, too?"

###

The process didn't take long at all. Callie went into it already knowing what she wanted, had already researched all she needed to know the day before. It was spontaneous, but still planned. Callie was an adult with a kid, after all. Safety features were a big factor, along with space and necessary features. Including a TV in the backseat.

It took only four test drives before the brunette had made her decision. After a brief goodbye to their old vehicle, Callie was driving out of the lot, Sofia playing around with all the buttons and switches in the back.

"Do you like the new car, Sof?"

"Yep. Can I eat in here?"

"Well, carefully." Which meant, most likely no.

"Okay," Sofia replied, satisfied with her answer. "When's mommy getting a new car?"

Stopping at a red light, Callie looked in the rear view mirror, "Probably not for a while. She just got a car not too long ago, remember?"

After the accident, the two had shared Callie's car. There was really no need to get another one. They were together all the time and went to the same places. Arizona didn't get her own car until they split up. Arizona's car made Callie giggle every time she saw it parked at the hospital, or pulling up at her house to gather Sofia.

It was a powder blue mini Cooper Countryman, and it suited her without a doubt. Arizona claimed it was 'badass' based off the specs and color. Callie still thought it very un-badass and it was in fact, baby blue. It was a long standing argument that would probably never go away.

"I guess," Sofia drawled before perking up. "This reminds me of Miss Natalie's car."

If the vehicle wasn't already at a complete stop, it would have been.

"You've uh – you've been in Natalie's car?" she asked lightly. Not that she had no idea. Callie knew that at some point, Arizona would want to introduce Natalie to their daughter. It wasn't off limits. Penny had met Sofia, they all hung out when it was Callie's days. So it was only fair.

But that doesn't mean it _doesn't_ hit you like a train. This must have been, on some level, how Arizona felt. Things had been over for a long time, so there's that level of maturity and logic. On the other hand, you don't want to feel _replaced_. It's almost unreasonable, a preposterous thought. Neither woman would do anything to replace the other, they knew that. But still, the thought is there.

"No, just saw it. It's kind of like this, just a different color." She pressed on the gas gently, silently hoping that she did _not_ just buy the same car as her ex-wife's girlfriend.

Because that wouldn't be weird.

"Do you hang out with her a lot?"

Sofia shrugged, "I guess. We went to Trampoline Nation with mommy and she taught me how to do a backflip…and then we got frozen yogurt." She remembered pictures and videos that Arizona had sent her from that day, although none included the neurosurgeon.

"Do you like her?"

"Yeah! She's funny. And pretty. I like her shoes."

"Hmm, she does have good shoes." Which was true, the woman pulled off heels like no other. Callie herself knew that she could rock a good pair of heels, but it was almost _not okay_ every time she would see Natalie walk through the halls in her boots or peep toe's before or after work. She liked her, but that one little fact kind of made her well…still hate her.

"Yep. Mommy just watched and took pictures and ate all the French fries. I wish she could've jumped too."

Callie exhaled through her nose, biting her lip.

"She would if she could, mija."

###

She shook her head, irritated. She knew this was a bad idea. At least, it was a bad idea at the hospital. She was an adult, a surgeon for crying out loud. An image of a disapproving Colonel shaking his head made its way into her mind. The blonde huffed.

"Didn't I just tell you to stop moving?" Natalie asked, holding down the intercom button. "Do I need an orderly to hold you down?"

"This is ridiculous. I don't need to be in here. This is a complete waste of resources."

"You fell. I wanna make sure everything's okay."

It was a very _light_ fall, to be exact. Natalie had taken the whole ordeal seriously. Arizona had simply been skating around an empty hallway down in the basement, the neurosurgeon holding onto her arms securely. Slowly she was establishing more control with her left leg. Well, as controlled as she could be with a prosthetic leg. They had been trying out turns and little loops…and she was getting pretty good.

Until she slipped.

The breath had been knocked out of her to be quite frank. And a sharp pain shot to her tailbone for the first ten minutes. Natalie had responded instantly, asking her where it hurt and conducting a neuro exam within seconds. After assuring her over and over again that she was fine, it was just a simple fall, the brunette proceeded to drag her up to CT.

Where she now was, for no reason.

"My head didn't even hit the ground," she rationalized.

"You still fell."

Arizona rolled her eyes, "I'm gonna kill you."

Natalie hummed, perusing the finished scans. Satisfied, she inserted the scans of the blonde's brain into an envelope and pressed the button that would shift her out of the small tunnel.

"Everything looks good."

Arizona grumbled, sitting up, "If you had listened to me the first time…"

Natalie chuckled, helping the blonde stand, "Are you mad that I wanted to make sure you were okay?"

Pink lips pursed. Okay, it was kind of sweet. And annoying. But mostly sweet…maybe.

"I just…I don't like being fussed over," she grabbed her lab coat. It reminded her too much of before. When people would look at her in pity, or awe. Wondering if or when she would completely fall apart. Whispering with every robotic step she took. Asking her _how things were going_ …as if they cared. They only cared about one particular thing.

"You know when people stop fussing? When they stop caring," Natalie answered.

Arizona sighed, "I'm sorry."

The brunette smirked, "I know. Now let's go, ice cream should calm you down."

"I'm not a child."

"So you don't want ice cream?"

Arizona glared playfully before accepting the proffered hand.

"Only if it's chocolate."

###

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this."

"Seriously? We're already here."

"It's a bad idea. I need more time. Page her and tell her never mind."

"Not happening. We've gone over all options, like you demanded, and came up with a plan. Stop being a chicken shit."

Callie glared, "I'm not a chicken shit."

Amelia waved her hand, "Yes, you are. What are you so nervous about now? It's just your ex-wife," she snorted, flipping through all the files and scans that they had gone through over and over and over again for weeks now. Briskly she clipped the necessary scans to the lightboxes.

Which was exactly why she was so nervous. She had been here before, many times. And each time, something stopped her. What exactly it was, she couldn't recall now. It felt like a lifetime ago. But this was right. There was nothing left to lose and everything to gain.

The x-ray room door opened, revealing Arizona still in her scrub cap. Callie imagined a deer-in-headlights look on her face, because that's exactly what she felt like. This was not her. She was Callie Torres, freaking badass. But right now, with her hands sweaty and her knee bouncing excessively, she felt scared.

"Hey," the blonde chirped, closing the door behind her. "What's up? You guys need a consult or something?"

Amelia cleared her throat, "Well, kind of…" She chanced a look at Callie, who remained seated with a now blank look on her face. The neurosurgeon rolled her eyes. Clearly she was going to have to do all the work here.

"We have a proposition for you," she continued confidently, leaning against the table.

Arizona blinked, shuffling her feet. "I don't like how that sounds…"

"Calm down Robbins, we're not asking for a threesome," Amelia smirked, tilting her head, "although that'd be pretty funny, considering –"

Blue eyes widened, "Please stop talking."

"Wait, what?" Callie asked.

"I'm just saying it'd be ironic –"

"Amelia," the blonde hissed.

"Whatever," she replied lightly.

"Webuiltyoualeg," Callie exclaimed, shooting up from her chair. It rolled across the room before hitting the wall, the only sound heard in the room aside from the clock. Its ticking taunted them. Making apparent the seconds that continued to go by with no response.

Amelia felt like nothing but a mere bystander. She considered each woman, who considered each other. Callie was ramrod straight, apprehensive, scared. From the outside looking in, there wasn't anything to be scared about. This was a good thing. She had been down from the beginning to help the ortho surgeon get this together. Arizona was her friend too, and this project _was_ started for her in the first place. She wouldn't call it a gift to the blonde, but it was definitely something positive. So Amelia couldn't figure out why Callie was now acting like this?

Maybe it was the silence. She knew this kind of silence, this calm. Perhaps this was the silence Callie had been accustomed to…just before witnessing the thrash and calamity that might have been Arizona's temper. The calm before the blonde unleashed, slicing and dicing with her harsh words and resentful spirit. And she couldn't blame the other woman. Arizona was just as still, her blue eyes colliding with brown. It was like a trance had come over her, like she was looking at her, without actually _looking._

Amelia was on the outside, but she couldn't help but see something more intimate and painful between the two than what anyone else could have witnessed.

Arizona blinked slowly, "What?"

Callie licked her dry lips, "I – we've been working on building a robotic leg…for you."

"Arizona," Amelia began, "it's actually already done. Callie's been working really hard on it."

There was a static in the background. She had heard everything they said. But all she saw was a hospital bed in the apartment, sitting in a pool of her own urine, that ugly shattered vase. Alex stabbing her in the foot. Splinting her own leg. The bugs.

"H – how?"

"Moore gave me your measurements from your last appointment," Callie answered quietly. "And it's done. It's," she smiled nervously, "it's perfect."

Blue eyes moved methodically to the lightbox, realizing that they were probably CT scans of her own brain.

"Everything's ready to go. All you have to do is say yes."

"So you thought you'd – what? Build me a leg and set aside some sensors without even asking me first?" She asked icily.

Amelia eyed Callie warily, "It's not like –"

"You just can't leave well enough alone, can you?" the blonde interjected, eyes planted firmly on her ex-wife. The static had now turned into a deep, hot rush through her body. She could feel the pressure behind her eyes, hands balled at her sides to cover up the shaking. The madness was back and she didn't know the first clue how to handle this. There was nothing _honorable_ , or brave for what she was feeling. What she wanted to do.

"Arizona –"

"You built me a leg, without my consent…reviewed my medical file… _without my consent_. And think that maybe, if you present it with a big shiny bow, I'm supposed to just go along with it? What gives you, _either_ of you, the right?"

"You don't have to agree…just know, that it's there – if you want it," Amelia rationalized.

"It's been tested over a dozen times already with highly successful results. I've designed it so that it looks just like your leg now, only with the sensors they'll be able to respond to the nerves that you have. Arizona this leg will give you a better quality of life."

The blonde chuckled bitterly, "It's always about the leg, huh?"

"This is about you," Callie answered slowly. She expected some resistance or apprehension, but not this level of anger. Maybe some emotional turmoil, but not this; she remembered what this felt like. She never wanted to feel it again. But here she was.

Arizona shook her head, "It's not, it's about you. So thanks, but no thanks." And with those parting words and the sweep of a blue gown, she was gone.

Callie sighed helplessly, her hands dropping to her side. It wasn't supposed to be this way. All the sleepless nights in the lab, sketches, consults with two top neurosurgeons, it wasn't supposed to end like this. They were back right where they started. _With the leg_.

"That could have gone better," Amelia commented awkwardly, pulling the scans off the lightboxes.

"I need to go talk to her."

"Castro should be getting out of surgery, maybe I should ask her to go talk to her instead. No offense, but she's pretty pissed at us now."

Callie shook her head, "No, I'm not gonna send Natalie to get her head chewed off. I'll go. Just – put her file back in my office?"

Amelia watched the woman carefully, "Yeah, sure." She wasn't sure if it was the best idea, but it would have to do.

###

Air was what she needed. Just a huge, fresh mass of oxygen.

She avoided the interns with their stupid questions, surgeons for consults, nurses greeting her casually. She even managed to snap at her own girlfriend in passing as she made her way up and up and up. Arizona was on complete autopilot. Somewhere along the way her scrub cap was yanked forcefully off her head, the fabric becoming too constricting. Her nerves felt as exposed as a burn victim and the heart within her chest wouldn't stop beating. Everything and anyone else would just have to wait because she needed to go…somewhere. The roof would just have to do.

Chilled air hit her instantly along with the sun that managed to reveal itself today. It made it easier to breathe, and to think. She needed to think.

No matter how much progress she made, or how much time went by, she couldn't get away from it. From the screaming that was so painful and heart wrenching she didn't even notice it came from her own body. The smell of gas and the heat of the fire hitting her skin. Mark telling her that she didn't need him, and to take care of their girls. Waking up and realizing that there was a part of her that no longer existed.

The look on Callie's face when she realized that she committed adultery. Callie telling her that their marriage was a mistake. Callie walking out of that therapist's room.

She even remembered those brief moments when she died. It was like a slideshow of all her happiest moments right before the light presented itself. And then it went away, because she didn't die. But in a way, she did.

Being an amputee was something that she accepted a long time ago. Some days the thought never occurred. It was just how her life had turned out. Arizona was happy with herself now. The nightmares had occurred only a few times, but all manageable with the techniques that she had acquired over the years.

The blonde couldn't figure out _why_ this had affected her so much now. All she did know was that it wasn't okay. It made her mad, and embarrassed, like she had finally been let in on a plan about her own life, Callie leading the way like always.

She needed a cigarette. But even more important, she needed clarity.

She closed her eyes miserably at the faint sound of the elevator to the roof opening. It didn't matter how far she went or how fast. Callie could always find her.

For a few minutes, they didn't say anything. A foot of space separated them. If she closed her eyes and listened hard enough, under the wind in her ears, Callie was breathing deeply. Contemplating. Or maybe waiting.

"You should have asked me first."

"Either way you would have reacted like this."

"You don't know that," the blonde finally turned to face her. "How long have you been conspiring behind my back?"

"Arizona, I wasn't conspiring against you. This is _for_ you."

"No," she shook her head, "I've finally come to terms with how my life is now. Why would you do this?"

Callie looked at her closely. "Why would I try to help make your life better? Because you deserve to have the best. All the things you can't do now will be possible with nothing more than a simple thought. So I just don't understand why you're so mad."

"Seriously? You went behind my back, you brought Amy _and_ Natalie into this. Don't think I don't know how you got those CT scans in the first place."

The brunette sighed, "I met with Natalie to get her opinion on the sensors. Amelia's still new to the project and I wanted to know what she thought, if we needed to change things around or make any adjustments. I told her that I wanted to do this _for you_ and she agreed. Don't be mad at her. I asked her not to say anything. I wanted it to be a surprise."

It was a bitter pill to swallow, but even Amelia had agreed on getting Natalie's opinion. And it had paid off. Callie had never been more inspired and proud of what she built. It was by far the most exciting thing she's done in a long time. So it was kind of hurtful from both a personal and professional standpoint that Arizona was acting like this. Again, she expected resistance, but nothing like this. Like she was doing a _disservice_ by proposing the idea.

"It wasn't your place. I thought we'd move past this, but apparently not. You're doing it, again."

Callie threw her hands up, "What? What did I do but try and help you, to make your life bet –"

"You're trying to fix me, again!" Arizona shouted above the wind. She watched as blue eyed became glassy, a single tear fighting its way through and running down a porcelain cheek. And as she watched that tear fall, it made sense. Everything…it suddenly made sense.

"That's not what this is."

"How? It certainly looks like it. I wasn't enough for you, and you left. And now she's helped you with this. It's never enough for anybody," the blonde shrugged her shoulders helplessly. She leaned against the railing at the thought, staring down at the ground.

And that just wouldn't do.

"Hey," Callie declared, standing in front of the other woman, "You don't get to say that. It's not about fixing you, it's about – running through the park, showing Sofia how to dribble a soccer ball, jumping on a stupid trampoline. I can't change the fact that you lost your leg. But those things…this leg makes it possible to do – all of it."

The thought of doing all those things, she wanted that. She wanted to be a part of that instead of just sitting on the sideline, watching. Wishing.

Callie could still see the hesitation, the animosity. But it wasn't as bad, which made her breathe a little easier. Maybe she was wrong for keeping it a secret from Arizona, but she would gladly accept the blame if it got her to just say yes. And she really didn't want to fix her. Arizona didn't need fixing. Living as close as possible to a normal person, having very little physical limitations, being able to enjoy life, that was what the blonde needed.

"I'm not asking you to go back, only go forward."

Arizona bit her lip nervously. The thought was enticing on some level…but there was that other, larger part of her brain that didn't want to get into that again. This was a wound that had finally healed, as best as it could. Opening it up again and making it something else…she didn't know.

 _You know when people stop fussing? When they stop caring._

"I don't know, Callie. I don't know if I'll ever be ready."

"Okay," the brunette nodded, taking a few steps back, "you don't need to decide anything right now."

Arizona nodded meekly, crossing her arms over her chest, "Okay."

Brown eyes watched an American flag blow in the wind over by the fire station a couple of blocks away. This was better. It honestly could have gone a lot worse. And she would accept it. Arizona needed time to let it sink it, process and analyze, what she always did. And she might say no, but Callie really hoped she would say yes.

"I'll be by tonight to pick Sofia up," she stated, stuffing her hands in her lab coat about to turn away. "But," she said, "for the record, _you were always enough_. You were – more than I ever thought I'd get, more than I thought I deserved. And I couldn't give you what you needed, but I can give you this…if you want it."

###

The heel of her boots clacked across the linoleum, along with the beat of her own heart. She flashed a dimpled smile at the concierge manning the desk of the fancy apartment building. He smiled back in return, in recognition. They had met and chatted once or twice, so she had no problem making her way to the elevators. It was late, and the lobby was empty except for a couple at the bar in the corner, sharing what looked like a bottle of wine and various cheeses.

She exhaled heavily, watching the floors move up until she reached her desired floor. She'd been here before, many times, but never under these circumstances. Perhaps there was a first time for everything.

She knocked on the door three times before placing both hands into her back pockets. She was feeling a tad bit out of her element, guilt mixing with her nerves. But she had to do this. It was doing things the right way. Dealing with things the right way.

"Hey," Natalie greeted timidly. Green eyes washed over her face, carefully, apprehensive.

Arizona sighed, "Hey."

"It's late…everything okay?"

"No…no it's not. I just – I wanted to apologize."

The brunette opened the door wider, letting Arizona breeze past.

She had been here before, but each time it almost took her breath away. If she was still single and childless, Arizona would definitely have been living in the building. The kitchen was immaculate and shiny, with various expensive equipment. There was a single dish and glass in the sink and various journals and laptop open on the glass dining room table. The TV in the living room was on, with the volume turned low, on what looked like some mindless reality show. A fleece blanket was folded neatly over the back of a couch.

"Do you want a glass of wine?" Natalie asked lightly, already opening the stainless steel fridge and pulling out a bottle.

"Sure, thanks," Arizona mumbled.

Natalie opened the bottle expertly, grabbing two wine glasses from the transparent cabinet. Blue eyes watched her fill both glasses, and she silently thanked her.

"Come on," the brunette said, opening the sliding glass door to her patio overlooking the city.

This view was exactly why she would have lived here in another lifetime. The space needle was in perfect picture view, with all the various buildings giving light of their own. Cars were gliding around, and every once in a while they would honk. It was a little cold, being so high up, but her jacket was warm.

Natalie crossed her leg under her, sitting in a chair and setting her wine glass on another table that was placed outside. Arizona took a seat across from her.

"Are you okay?"

"No," the blonde sighed, "I'm not. You were just trying to help and I – I got mad."

There was no way around it. She got mad, and didn't give _anyone_ the benefit of the doubt. It was a move that she had done too many times, to too many people that meant something to her. Sometimes when she thought she was fine, that she had moved past the monster she had been, that part of herself came back. And did the same thing, over and over again.

She had avoided the other woman for the rest of the day, and it seemed the brunette didn't make it difficult. The blonde needed time to digest her feelings and thoughts. And then it took another couple of hours of psyching herself up to even drive over to Natalie's place.

"It wasn't an easy thing to do. And I shouldn't have gotten involved. It really wasn't any of my business. So I'm sorry, too."

"You were just trying to help."

"I was. But you should have had an input. I – I didn't think about how you would've felt."

"I shouldn't have just brushed you off. I felt, blindsided. I felt like Callie made you jump on the fix-Arizona train and I just…reacted."

"Arizona," Natalie started, leaning forward, "let's get one thing straight. Callie didn't talk me into anything. She came to me as a _professional_ and told me what she was trying to do. And then she told me it was for you. And professionally, I agreed that this would be a good thing to improve your quality of life. Her asking me to keep it a secret, that was personal, but it wasn't about fixing you. Nobody thinks you need to be fixed. The only person that thinks that is you."

Arizona blinked, slowly shaking her head, "I – I don't think –"

The brunette tilted her head, "I think you do. I shouldn't have agreed to keep it from you. But all Callie and Amelia were trying to do was help you. Not make you relive the most horrible experience of your life."

The immature part of her wanted to roll her eyes. But she didn't deserve to have anyone justify her own actions. Because there was none. There were no words that would describe entirely how she was feeling, why she was hesitant, or mad.

"I overreacted," she stated with disdain. "And that wasn't okay. It wasn't fair to you and Amelia…or Callie. I just, I feel like I _can't_ get away from it all. And seeing the scans and hearing them talk about how it's ready and all I have to do is agree, it made me feel like you all already made the decision, for me." Like she had no control.

Natalie nodded, "I get that, I do. But there were no bad intentions behind it. Callie cares. The woman hasn't left the lab in weeks, she even palmed off all her surgeries to spend more time on it. She asked me about the censors and we tweaked a few things around."

"I know," she rubbed her hands on her jeans, "We kind of had a fight. Or well, I yelled at her." She could see the look on Callie's face. It started out hopeful, even excited, and Arizona had crushed it with one look, just like she always could. It left another bad feeling in her gut, again.

Natalie smirked almost disapprovingly, "Well, I'm sure that wasn't your finest moment."

"When it comes to that part of my life, I have no fine moments. I believe that this would be good, but I can't go there right now, I don't think I can."

"It's a big step," the brunette replied, taking another sip from her glass, "it's a surgery to implant the sensors and you'll have to test it out with a simulator before getting the leg on. But you should still think about it. But only if it's what _you_ want."

"What if I'm never ready? What if the fear of surgery, or going back to that dark place again never goes away?"

"You're alive, healthy, saving lives…I don't see any darkness. Do you?"

###

Callie groaned miserably at the shrill sound of her beeper. She had buried it under a neighboring pillow, but even that couldn't dull the obnoxious noise. It didn't matter how long she had been doing this, she absolutely hated when it went off.

She glared at the page, a request for her to join OR 3. The patient had thought it a good idea to accept a drunken challenge to climb a tree in his friend's backyard during a housewarming party. Needless to say, the guy was not in good shape with a total count of 18 broken bones and fractures. And that was just the ortho side of it. It seemed that general had taken care of anything internal.

Night shifts were either a dream come true or extremely taxing. Usually she'd find a case like this just the thing she needed to get through the rest of her night. But she found her desperate need to sleep hindering that feeling.

Suppressing a huge yawn, the brunette lazily tied her scrub cap just as the elevators revealed the OR floor. The board was somewhat scarce, receiving just emergent cases that had passed through over the last few hours.

She was somewhat more awake by the time she hit the pedal to switch on the sink. Callie might wish she was still in deep slumber, but of course, she had to focus on the task at hand. She wasn't a complete sloth. Scrubbing from her elbows down, she surveyed the room, counting just a few members of the hospital in the room. Anesthesiologist perusing National Geographic and the necessary nurses and surgical residents, trying not to fall asleep despite the low music coming from the speakers.

Callie shot a friendly smile beneath her scrub cap at Linda, who gowned and gloved her. Rolling her shoulders, she exhaled. This surgery would probably take up the rest of her shift if she was lucky.

"Alright, scalpel," she commanded, feeling the cool, sterilized blade through her gloves.

There was a feeling of gratefulness at the fact that she could fix this, help someone. It also didn't suck that she got paid for doing what she loved. But she never understood the complete stupidity of some people. Callie had been drunk many, _many_ times, but climbing a tree never sounded like a good idea, no matter how inebriated she was. Maybe it was a guy thing.

A couple of hours had went by before she really started to get into her groove. Yeah, she was definitely going home to her bed after this. Followed by two days off, which made her relax in relief.

She glanced up at the head of the table before returning to the snapped wrist.

"How bad was his skull crushed?" she asked lightly.

"Enough. He's lucky, that's for sure," the neurosurgeon replied. "Suction."

"Definitely would've been the wrong way to go out."

Natalie chuckled, "Yeah. But he should be fine, we'll have to see when he wakes up in post-op. Not sure how fine he's gonna be when his wife gets ahold of him."

"How much longer do you got?"

"Oh probably…the rest of my night," she answered, turning to Linda and requesting a playlist switch.

The rest of the surgery continued on without any complications. Callie's beeper and phone remained silent on the table off to the side, thankfully. And twentyone pilots had helped to keep her sharp the rest of the way through. Natalie got another point in her book for her taste in music.

Even Cross managed to not fall asleep standing up, _again_. The first time it had been the snoring that had given him away. Thankfully he was just observing. She seriously questioned sometimes how that guy even made it through med school.

The two surgeons wrapped up around the same time, giving strict instructions to their residents before scrubbing out.

"How much longer do you have in your shift?" Natalie asked, grabbing a sponge packet.

Callie glanced at the clock, "Ten minutes, barring another emergency. If my pager goes off, I will cry," she added bluntly.

"I know. I'm going to talk to the family, check his pupils, then I'm out."

"I'm not getting out of bed until tomorrow night."

Natalie groaned, "I wish I could do that. I have a cooking class at 3."

The comment made her laugh. It seemed that a certain blonde was still into those classes. Ever since Arizona and Mark bonded over cooking, it was something that she had kept up with. She had stopped at one point…but then she started dragging Callie to them again. A part of her thought it was Arizona's way of coping with the loss of Sofia's dad. Or maybe it was just something to keep her busy when she had free time but she liked to think the latter.

"Is it your first one?" she asked after a few moments.

"Yeah."

Callie smirked, "Good luck. Arizona gets grumpy if she doesn't get it _exactly_ like the teacher's."

Natalie grabbed a dry towel, running it over her arms and hands. Callie felt the neurosurgeon's eyes on her as she dried her own hands. It was easy to be friendly around other people, or in a professional setting. But here, with the two of them, it became awkward, fast. It seemed like no matter what they talked about, it all came back to the same thing. Or the same person.

"She's thinking about it, you know."

Callie eyed the other woman cautiously, "She is?"

"Yeah, she's just – well she's scared."

"I'm sorry, for dragging you into it."

"You didn't drag me into anything. You asked me my opinion, and I wanted to help in some capacity. Keeping it from her, maybe it wasn't the best way to go about it. But she'll be okay. I just think she needs some time to get used to the idea."

"Yeah," Callie sighed, "I know. I just wanted…I wanted to do something _good_. And I feel bad that I made her feel that way." _Again._

"You care," Natalie replied, throwing the towel and her mask in the waste bin. "You did it because you care. She'll come around."

The ortho surgeon exhaled, nodding her head in agreement. She smiled, "You care too. We both do." Perhaps she just had to give Arizona that time, and one day she would tell her she was ready to move forward.

Natalie hummed quietly, so quietly that Callie almost didn't hear it. But when she looked up, the other woman was still in the scrub room, holding the door open. She was smiling too, with a shade of emotion that she couldn't quite place at the moment. It was a small smile, with a spark of something else behind the emerald green eyes.

"I know."

It was a simple agreement, but to both women, it suddenly felt like so much more. Callie slowly raised her head fully, examining the eerie woman more carefully.

"Goodnight, Dr. Torres."

She wasn't quite sure what happened, or when the mood suddenly shifted. But there was a protective, almost _possessive_ energy coming off the other woman in waves.

It didn't happen right away. She changed and left the hospital to go to her own place. Ate a cold slice of pizza before collapsing in her cold bed, Natalie's eyes haunting her with a simple but strong warning.

But eventually, it poured out of Callie too.


	17. I Fear My Feelings Won't Speak

AN; Longest chapter yet.

* * *

Chapter 17: I Fear My Feelings Won't Speak

Although the sound of heavy rain invaded the quiet house, Arizona couldn't hear a thing but her own thoughts. A glass of wine stood on the coffee table, a ring forming at the base, almost untouched. She had remained seated on her couch for most of the day. Deluca was working and Sofia was with Callie for the next couple of days. Which was good. The blonde didn't know how engaging she would be.

She was used to the quiet madness. It had been awhile since she felt it. Perhaps maybe it never left, but remained dormant along with a slew of other thoughts and emotions that she suppressed. But when it returned, she couldn't help but welcome it.

Arizona wasn't completely oblivious. She knew her behavior the past couple of weeks were, off. When she wasn't working, she was here. If she wasn't with Sofia, she was here. Compartmentalizing had been her dearest friend ever since she could remember. But it certainly came in handy in circumstances like this one. It was essentially how she got through the rest of her residency after Tim died. How she _existed_ when her marriage ended. How she functioned as a human being after the plane crash. It seemed to backfire a lot though, too.

It took the pounding on her door to knock her out of her thoughts. Sighing, she stood up and opened the door without even checking.

"What the heck? I rang the doorbell like four times."

"Sorry, I – wasn't paying attention," the blonde answered quietly.

Alex closed the door behind him with his foot, "I figured." He walked further into the house, handling a six pack on top of a pizza box with one hand. He scoured his surroundings wearily.

The blonde picked up her glass of wine, taking a long sip. "He's not here."

"Good," he mumbled, kicking his shoes off. That was another situation entirely. It wasn't looking to get better any time soon. Which is why Arizona didn't particularly mind Alex coming over, unannounced. He did that anyway, but it was a risky move since the day of the wedding. Deluca's face had just started to go back to normal.

"You're gonna have to apologize sooner or later," she commented, wine glass long forgotten and a cold bottle in her hand.

"Whatever."

"This is affecting your work now," Arizona finally pointed out. "You haven't made any mistakes…but nobody wants to work with you. That scowl that I thought disappeared is now back. Honestly, it's a drag."

She had persevered despite the issue. It was probably because she was too wrapped up in her own stuff,

"Big deal, so I scowl. I'm not making anyone do anything crazy or treating them unfair. What more do you want from me?"

"I want you to deal with this. And you are treating Jo unfair. She hasn't been on your service in weeks. I can't keep taking over peds cases just so the residents can learn something."

"Trust me, it's better like this."

"But it's not. Alex," she sighed, "I get it. I really do. And I hate that you have to go through this. But you need to deal with it. Have you tried talking to Jo?"

He shrugged, "She's tried. I haven't listened."

"Well nothing happened. She was wasted and Deluca was just trying to get her home safely," the blonde rolled her eyes, "She undressed _herself_ right before you came home."

"That doesn't matter. That's what she told me too, that's probably the only thing she's been honest about. I still – don't even know who she is," Alex confessed. "She won't marry me, won't tell me why, and then I find out she's been _lying_ to me this whole time."

Alex was never the best at relationships. And it was finally looking like he had found 'the one.' He had grown up, wanted the life that he never had. But this was possibly the last straw. There was only so much a person could withstand.

"I'm sorry," Arizona replied lamely. "I know how happy she made you. There's no way to – work it out?"

"I don't know what the truth is and I don't have the energy to listen to excuse after excuse. I can't play these games anymore, Robbins. It's – there's only so much I can take."

It was pointless to come to any sort of progress with the guy. He was hurt, and Arizona knew that there was nothing else she could really say to give any perspective. Because if she was honest, she'd be pissed off as well.

"If you need time than you need time. But don't go back to being that guy again. Deal with this like an adult. That's all I'm saying." Arizona didn't really feel in the position to be giving out advice, but this would have to do. She opened the cardboard box and folded a floppy slice of pizza before taking a huge bite. She hummed as she chewed.

Alex nodded, "I hear you." Maybe he did, maybe he didn't, but it wasn't her job to find out. Only time would tell. But she had faith in him which is why she very rarely worried.

Slowly but surely the whole pizza turned into stray bits of crust and pepperoni and the six pack had dwindled to nothing. The rest of the conversation had been light and mundane. Alex was done talking about himself and Arizona wasn't in the mindset to speak about anything else. They had switched over to scotch after the pizza had been demolished.

Alex stared into his glass, "Jesus, how old is this?"

"Twenty-five years in an oak cask. A patient's husband gave it to me a few months ago. He works for the company," she explained. "I don't even like scotch but I really think this weather calls for it." There was no sign of it letting up and the alcohol gave the rain a hypnotizing effect.

Alex whistled lowly, "This is good stuff. Seriously. All we need are cigars."

Arizona pursed her lips before smirking, "Hold that thought." She set her own glass on the coffee table and walked upstairs to her bedroom. She pulled open a couple of drawers before she found them. Juggling the few items in each hand, the blonde trotted back down the stairs before holding up her hands.

The peds surgeon raised an eyebrow, "Why do you have that?"

"Callie's dad gave them to me for my birthday one year," Arizona grinned, "don't act like you're not impressed."

"Are they Cuban?"

She rolled her eyes, "No, but knowing Carlos they're pretty good, and probably _really_ expensive." And with that he jumped up from the couch with his own glass and followed her to the backyard.

It was usually because of the rain that Arizona didn't spend too much time there except for when Sofia had playdates and all the munchkins were running around the yard. But it was a modest size with flowers that had been planted by the previous owners and Deluca mowed the yard religiously whenever he got a chance. She sat down on a chair to her patio set and held out the items. Alex grabbed the two cigars, cutter, and a box of wooden matches.

"I used to do this in high school," Alex commented, unwrapping each cigar and cutting them at the precise point. At least, it looked that way to her.

"What? Smoke cigars in the rain with an expensive bottle of scotch?" she asked skeptically.

He smirked, "More like smoked _pot_ in the rain with a bottle of Everclear. Either way a blonde was involved."

Arizona rolled her eyes as she accepted her own cigar and leaned forward as he struck the match. In all honesty, she wouldn't do this with anyone else. Alex was more than just her friend and mentee at one point, he was like a brother to her. It had taken her some time to realize why she felt such an investment in him. At first she thought it was because of his potential as a pediatric surgeon that caused it, and maybe it was. But over time she felt this odd connection, like Alex was that younger brother that she never had. She was thankful, that's for sure.

"Yeah," Alex nodded, "these are expensive."

"You've come a long way from cheap marijuana in the corn fields of Iowa," the blonde giggled. She wasn't necessarily a fan of cigars and only smoked a few, with her dad and Tim, and then once with Mark. But she had thrown out her measly pack of cigarettes a couple of months ago and again, Arizona wouldn't have done this with anyone else.

He glared playfully through the smoke. She watched it float towards the rain like white ribbons, wrapping around the wind.

Alex took another sip from his glass, "So are you gonna do it or not? The surgery?"

"Is that why you came over here unannounced?"

"Don't be like that. I came over here to hang out. We haven't done this lately and you've been…preoccupied. And nobody asked me to try and talk you into it. Even if someone did, you know I wouldn't do that. I figured that's what's bothering you, and I really don't wanna talk about me anymore."

Arizona sighed, "I know you wouldn't. It's my decision. It might be hard for everyone to understand but this is a huge decision. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of it. I mean, there's veterans who lost limbs and are jumping at the chance for this. And I'm just, I can't understand what I'm feeling or why I'm so hesitant."

"It brings back a lot of memories for you. Are you scared about something going wrong? Because you don't have to, Amelia can do this surgery, or even Castro if you –"

"I don't want Natalie more involved than she's already been," Arizona interrupted. "And I trust Amelia. My life wasn't about being an amputee anymore, and it feels – good not thinking about it every second of the day. I've accepted it, I'm happy with how my life is. I don't want that to matter anymore. And now here I am, thinking about it, all the time – again."

"Is there any part of you that _wants_ to do the surgery?"

"Kind of. I've seen those guys coming in for appointments, and you'd never even know they lost a limb. I looked into the project's results and everything's damn near perfect. In theory, I'd be a fool to turn it down."

Alex nodded, "It's kicking butt right now. And all those guys' amputations were in crappy conditions. It'd be a walk in the park for you."

"I know, you did a good job. Even if I didn't know it at the time. I'm glad, that it was you. Even though I wanted to kick your ass."

They didn't need to talk about it. The two had moved on from that point in their friendship and Arizona had not been angry at him in a very long time. Even when she eventually found out that Alex is the one who did the surgery. She wasn't mad at him, and her resentment for Callie, the betrayal that she felt wasn't consuming. It was like everything had become a lot clearer. Maybe that was the moment when she had moved on from it all. Or maybe she still hadn't.

"Are you still mad at Torres?" he somewhat winced. As deep in his own crap as he was, he knew this was a sore subject. He couldn't blame the ortho surgeon for trying. It didn't mean they weren't in a crappy situation none the less.

Arizona sighed, "I'm not…mad. I don't think. She kept this from me, Alex. We're not even together anymore and she's still doing the same crap she did before. I'm so – _corrupted_ by everything that happened before that I can't figure out if she's trying to fix me or help me. Natalie thinks I'm the one that thinks I need fixing, and I guess in a way she's right. I'm so critical about everyone's intentions, and it was a nice gesture. But with everything I've been through, I don't know if it's genuine or not."

Alex set his glass down and leaned forward, "Okay, I'm gonna say this and you can't make fun of me for it later, got it?"

Arizona blinked quizzically, "Um – okay?"

"You've been thinking about this for a while now. I can tell how much it's been bothering you. Coming up with different scenarios and dissecting every single fact like it's anatomy class. But…what if it doesn't have to be? You're thinking too much. What do you want? You can say no, and nothing will change, you'll still be happy and living your life. You don't need to do this. But if you do, there's so much more physical options you'll have. We can't change what happened, you'll always remember it, but whatever you decide won't define you. I guess what I'm trying to ask you is, what's your heart telling you?"

The rain became louder, with a sudden crack of thunder, lightning following in the distance. And there lied the problem.

"I can't tell the difference anymore."

###

"And how did that make you feel?"

Callie couldn't help but roll her eyes every time she was asked that question. Especially by Dawson. It was so open-ended that she could say anything and it could potentially open a can of worms into a whole other spectrum of her life entirely.

"I expected it. To a point. But I didn't expect her – anguish, about it. It's a delicate subject with her." Dawson nodded, internally knowing how big the issue was with the former couple.

"And she said she needed time?"

"Yeah. I didn't think it would happen anytime soon. She's been through a lot. I just wanted to help her. That's all I've ever wanted to do. But she feels differently, like there's an ulterior motive," she scratched at the back of her neck.

"And is there?" the therapist asked simply.

Callie narrowed her eyes, " _No_ , why would there be?"

Dawson shrugged, "Maybe, your drive to do this is a way for you to cope with what happened the last time we were all here together."

Callie questioned whether it was the right thing to go back to Dawson. If she needed a therapist, she could always go to a new one and it wouldn't have been a problem. But she already had to start her life over in a sense, she didn't want to have to trust someone else with her innermost thoughts. It kind of helped that she didn't have to re-explain everything all over again. But now she wasn't sure. Because even though the two only met a few times a month, Callie felt that this woman knew her. Selfishly, she didn't like it.

"I handled that the best way I could. I didn't _like_ it, and it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. But I'm not trying to erase what happened, or seek redemption for ending my marriage. Arizona didn't understand it, but eventually, she did. That's not what this is."

The ticking of the clock and the scratching of pen on paper was all that was hard for a brief moment.

"Then it's just you trying to help?"

"That's it."

"Why now?"

Callie blinked, "Well, we've both been busy, a lot's happened. The whole reason I started the veteran's project was because of her. I didn't see the point of it anymore, not unless she got to have it too."

"It's been quite a few years now though."

"Is that a question?" she raised an eyebrow.

Dawson sighed, "Callie, _you_ called _me_. Arizona's reaction to this is clearly bothering you."

"Of course it bothers me. She said I was trying to _fix_ her. I don't know how many times I have to say it before she believes that I just want to – make her life better."

"You're not together anymore. It's not exactly your call, don't you think?"

"I still care, we have a child together."

"Do you think she's unhappy?"

"No, that's not it at all. You know, I look at her and I see that she's really come into her own. And I realized that the only one who could get her to that place again was herself. I accepted that I couldn't be the one to do that. And then I see her standing for hours at an operating table, and I just _know_ that once she takes that step back it'll take everything she has to get her body to turn and walk into the scrub room. The more tired she gets, the harder it is for her to mechanically work to take one _single_ step. And Sofia's getting older, and she's a really active kid, always running around everywhere. She told me that she wished that Mommy could do all these different activities with her, instead of just watching. And I know if Arizona still had her leg, she would be doing all of that. She shouldn't have to give anything up. I don't want her to just _watch_ anymore. And I know she doesn't want that either. Even if she doesn't know it yet. I know her."

Callie would always know her. Despite the times where she thought she didn't. That was the hardest thing. Feeling, _reading_ someone and being so far away at the same time. Being blocked by a wall that she wasn't invited into anymore. Sometimes it made her wish that she didn't know anymore. But that would never go away. And she wasn't quite sure if she wanted it to.

"It sounds like you really care."

She sighed.

"Yeah, I do." That didn't even begin to cover it.

###

"I _never_ understood how kids find this fun."

"You never did that as a child?"

"Going on the slide a couple of times, sure, but not over and over…and _over_ again."

"What did you do then?"

Amelia shrugged, "Threw dirt at boys I think?"

Hanging out with Amelia was definitely interesting. Especially when the kids were involved. Sofia and Zola were on the monkey bars and little Bailey was at the top of the slide going down for probably the millionth time. It was just as exciting for the little boy as it was when they first got to the park an hour ago.

Arizona chuckled before stealing a few pretzels from the zip lock bag she had packed earlier for Sofia, "That sounds like you."

"That's what Owen said," she replied, poking a straw into her juice box. "I wonder if he's sure about being married to me now."

"He's a trauma surgeon, of course he's sure. You two are alike that way."

The park was empty except for them which the kids were very excited about and the two surgeons didn't have to be at the hospital until later on in the afternoon. Amelia glanced at the blonde before returning her attention back to the kids running around the tire swings.

"When's a good time to have kids?"

Arizona snorted, "You're asking the wrong person."

"True, but what do you think?"

"I guess – like all things, when you know, you know. Why? You want to start soon?"

"I don't know. I know that we want kids. But we're both still so busy, we just got married, and then there's all this shit with my family. I've screwed up so much in my life, I don't want to mess this part up too."

"Those aren't really reasons. If you and Owen want to have children, then do it. Your family may never come around," the blonde admitted, "but that's not up to you. And you're a surgeon, you're always going to be busy," Arizona sighed, "and if you're worried about – _something_ going wrong. Then don't. I happen to be an awesome maternal/fetal surgeon."

Amelia chuckled, meeting another pair of blue eyes, "Okay, thanks. And," she trailed, projecting a more somber tone, "if you need a kickass neurosurgeon, I happen to be an awesome one, too."

Arizona chewed slowly, looking off into the park again. Alex had given her some perspective. But honestly, it was just more for her to think about. When would she stop doing that?

"I'll keep that in mind."

"I hope you're not upset with me." Truthfully, she hadn't thought too much into what would happen if Arizona took it the wrong way. Perhaps she got caught up in being a surgeon instead of a friend. And she had been surprised at Arizona's reaction to say the least. She just wanted to be clear.

The blonde shook her head, "I'm not. I'm upset with myself. You were just trying to help. But I still need some time."

"I'm not gonna pressure you. When you know, you know, right?" The blonde smiled sarcastically. Amelia Shepherd was a smart cookie.

"Mommy mommy! Did you see me, I hung upside down," Sofia exclaimed, her growing legs stopping at the bench the two adults were seated at.

Arizona smiled, "I did! Be careful though, okay? I don't want you falling on your head," she brushed some stray hairs aside.

Sofia shrugged, sitting next to the blonde and reaching for some pretzels, "Aunt Amy can fix it."

Amelia smirked, "I could. But listen to your mom, though."

"I always do," Sofia replied. "Mommy when can we go to Trampoline Nation again? I want Zola and Bailey to come too."

"Maybe next weekend we can all go if it's okay with Aunt Meredith. Maybe Amy will come too."

"Yeah!" Sofia agreed, "can you do backflips, Amy?"

Amelia winced, "Um, I might. Last time I was on a trampoline I was a little bit inebriated," she admitted.

"What's that mean?" A tiny nose scrunched in confusion.

"She was just being a little silly," Arizona explained, shooting the neurosurgeon a look.

"I'm like that too sometimes," the little girl nodded. Amelia smirked and shrugged. "Mommy did you and your brother used to jump on a trampoline?"

"Well when we were your age there weren't places like that. But we went to the park and played together all the time. My brother taught me how to run and do a somersault _and_ backflip on grass. Then when we got older, he showed me how to play all kinds of sports. But soccer was my favorite. Tim even taught me how to do a bicycle kick. "

Sofia's jaw dropped, "You didn't hurt yourself?"

Arizona chuckled, "Well, I did. But that's why I tell you to be careful now. Falling on your head kinda hurts."

"I wish I could see that," Sofia said, opening a bottle of water and taking a sip.

"What? Mommy falling on her head?"

"No, playing soccer."

###

Sweat trickled down the side of his face before sliding down his neck and soaking onto his t shirt. His hands gripped the side bars tightly, veins throbbing on muscular forearms. It was another good eight feet, and he had been going on two hours now. And he could stop, but he couldn't. It was too – effortless in a way. The process would take some time, to get his muscles back into shape and re-train the lower half of his body. But his brain, which had remained sharp, was conducting all the work.

Owen jerked the belt lightly, "Take it easy Grant. You've done great so far, don't push it."

"I got this, Major," he chuckled lightly, "just stay back there and enjoy the view." He continued to take step after step, his grip on the bars loosening slightly. He straightened his back and completed the rest of the way until he reached the small slope that led to the linoleum floor of the physical therapy room.

"Don't focus on the physicality of it, just follow what your brain is trying to do," Callie commented calmly, observing the leg and grinning as the foot landed on the slope and the other leg followed, like it was supposed to.

"That was great," Owen stated, loosening the belt.

"He's right. You're doing a lot better than expected. Maybe next time we can leave the bars out," Callie said, rolling a chair over to the man so he could rest.

Grant plopped down with an exhale, "We're definitely leaving the bars out," he grinned, "I – I haven't felt like this in a long time. Like it's still there. You guys are something else. I can't explain what this means to me."

"Just make sure you take it easy when you need to," Owen ordered, "you don't need to rush this."

"I know, I know. I've waited long enough; I can give it some more time. Thank you though, both of you," Grant said.

Callie grabbed her own stool and wheeled it over to examine the stump, "How sore are you feeling?" she asked, unfastening the leg.

"Not as bad as I thought. The lining you put on helped and the rest feels like I just need to break it in," Grant answered. The brunette handed the leg off to Owen before removing the liner. She was relieved to see that there was no swelling but just a little redness.

"Do you think a little more cushion in the liner would help?" she asked methodically, writing down a few notes in his chart.

Grant shrugged, "Maybe make it a little more comfortable. You think you could do that?"

Callie smirked, "I have an idea or two for materials. I'll come up with something by your next appointment." The gears were turning in her head, anxious to get back to her lab and work on some new plans.

Grant chuckled, "Wow she's like a magician or something, isn't she?" he asked the other surgeon. The redhead blinked from the window and turned back to the pair.

"Something like that," Owen smiled, "Give it a little ice tonight just in case you get any delayed discomfort or tenderness."

"I will, I promise," Grant vowed. "Same time Friday?" He grabbed his current prosthetic and donned it without a second thought. He stood up carefully, his body going back into the normal way of functioning. At least for right now.

"We'll see you then. You have somebody picking you up?" she asked, handing him his gym bag.

"Yeah, one of my buddies is waiting downstairs, I'll be fine. Take it easy guys."

The two surgeons watched as he made it way over to the elevators with a little more spring in his step.

"A solider that listens to me, that's a first," Callie commented, flipping open her laptop to type up some more notes.

Owen chuckled, "You've gotten better with your authoritative voice."

"Well not all of us are born with it, Major Hunt," the brunette replied, fingers already flying over the keyboard at rapid speed. "But everything looks good. Maybe we can even let him take the leg home with him after this next session."

"Probably. Do you think making a new liner is gonna make a big difference?"

"It's more for comfort than anything," she replied absently.

Owen sat down on the abandoned stool and wheeled a little farther to the desk.

"Do you know if Arizona's decided what she wanted to do yet?" he asked quietly, setting the waist belt on the table.

Callie sighed, "No, she said she still needed to think about it. I'm not pushing, I can't do that again."

The redhead nodded, "I get it. But it seemed like she was interested."

Her brows knitted together as she tore her eyes away from the computer, "What?"

He raised his hand towards the big window looking out onto the rest of the orthopedic floor. "She was watching a few minutes ago when Grant was here."

Callie blinked, "She was?"

Owen nodded, "Yeah, she was just there for a minute. Maybe she just wanted to see part of the process."

"Yeah, maybe." Things had been, well, like they were before. Only talking about work, only smiling when others were around. Sofia serving as a buffer between them to avoid awkward silences and avoiding looks. She knew it would be this way, that it would come down to this until something gave. Callie didn't want it to be like this, but she didn't know how to just – act like there wasn't a _huge_ elephant in the room. And she didn't want to ask her. Arizona would come to her when she was ready. Or if she wasn't.

"For what it's worth, I think what you did was great. And I know you do too. She might not understand it right now, but I'm sure she feels the same."

"I'm not sure about that," she admitted. The more time that went by, the less positive she felt.

"Trust me, she feels the same."

###

Callie shot a thankful smile at the barista as she accepted her very large latté. The cup was barely in her hands before she took a long sip. Despite the heat and the fact that her tongue was on fire she could care less. It was the caffeine that she needed. She needed it to get through the rest of her shift, and she had a very _uncomfortable_ consult to get to.

She had seen a lot of things as a surgeon. There were certain cases, certain patients, that she would remember for the rest of her life. Human beings that made her question if she really wanted to do this, and ones that inspired to do nothing else but save lives. A lot of those people were the tiny humans. Callie could be the first to say that she absolutely loved kids, she loved their look on life and their resilience. She didn't get too much of that working on adults.

But when she lost them, that's when she couldn't fathom ever doing it again.

She caught the sight of a blonde head through the window of the exam room.

"Here goes nothing," Callie murmured under her breath, opening the door. Arizona didn't turn around but continued to examine the scans on the lightbox. Her hair was wavy and tousled today, with her hands shoved deep into her pockets.

"Um," the brunette cleared her throat, "You paged?"

She saw the reluctance of the other surgeon as she turned her head briefly. And there it was, that grim, and very fake smile that she had been accustomed to for too long. Callie couldn't blame her, she wore the same mask.

"Yeah," the blonde replied, "Eleven years old with Ewing's Sarcoma. She's had six surgeries so far and a lot of chemotherapy. I've managed to get to the cancer each time but there's too many clusters. It's getting more aggressive no matter what we do. I'm thinking amputation, thought you'd like to take a look and operate if you're available."

Callie couldn't help the sigh that left her lips. She really hated this job sometimes.

"What if you take an arterial approach?" she asked after a couple of minutes.

Arizona chuckled bitterly, "You and I both know we'd need more exposure."

"She's just a kid, there's got to be something else that can be done." It was pointless maybe, and Callie could be the first one to say she loved cutting people open. But she didn't want to do this to a child, someone whose life didn't even begin yet. Who had parents worried sick somewhere by her bedside. It never got easier.

"Cadaver won't take, the bone's too riddled with cancer. If you cut the leg wide open, you're looking at a higher chance of post-op infection. And before you know it more tumors have grown. I can't keep up with it anymore, and the chemo stopped working two months ago." She didn't bother looking at the scans besides more than a mere glance. She knew Arizona was right.

The brunette scratched her brow, "I just –"

"I know."

"So…I cut her leg off."

"Yeah," Arizona replied somberly. "But she knows and her parents understand. Plus," she added, "it'll give her a chance at life. She'll die if we keep on operating. And she's young, it'll be easier for her to adjust."

"I can operate tonight," Callie offered, "if you want…"

"That'd probably be best. I don't want to waste more time than I already have trying to find a way around this. She's suffered enough."

She chanced a glance. A few years ago Arizona would have fought her tooth and nail to not amputate. It didn't mean the blonde didn't like it, but it was clear as day. The leg needed to go.

"You want to scrub in?"

Arizona blinked, "You want me to?"

"She's your patient. You've been there since the beginning. Unless you're too busy being a super awesome fetal surgeon," the brunette added innocently, taking another sip from her coffee.

Pink lips curled into a smile, "Well, in case you forgot I was a _super awesome_ pediatric surgeon first."

Callie looked at her.

"No, I remember."

###

Arizona had a procedure that was ending at the same time as Molly Henderson's surgery was scheduled to begin so Callie had the scrub room to herself for at least another few minutes. Arizona would make it come hell or high water. A part of her wanted to suggest the blonde sit this one out. Based off the OR board for today she had certainly been busy. She should've been off her shift by now but Callie knew better than to push it.

It was decided before she even scrubbed in that she would _not_ mention anything about Owen seeing her the other day outside the PT room. Callie wouldn't be that wif – ex-wife that she once was. It's what she had to tell herself day in and day out.

She tried not to think about what she was doing, removing a child's limb. But she had to remember that this was going to save her life. Give her a life to live with her family as opposed to having her parents make arrangements and funeral plans.

"Alright Molly, you ready to take a nap?" she asked lightly, drying her hands.

The little girl looked up at her with scared blue eyes, her bottom lip starting to tremble. "I don't want to go to sleep."

"It'll be okay," Callie replied soothingly, "Dr. Robbins and I are gonna make it all better, I promise."

Molly glanced at all the masked faces, "Where is she?"

The ortho surgeon raised her eyebrow teasingly at the sound of the sliding glass doors.

"I'm right here, you think you'd have all the fun without me?"

The eleven-year-old relaxed substantially, "Will it hurt?"

Arizona stepped closer to the table and tilted her head, "It'll hurt, but not as bad as before. You're a tough girl, you can handle it."

"A-and I get a new leg?"

"You'll get a new leg. We'll set up you up with a doctor that's gonna build one just for you. He can even make it pink," the blonde added, a smart twinkle in her eye.

"Really?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

Molly smiled nervously, "No. And you'll stay?"

"I'll be here the whole time while Dr. Torres works her magic." Callie signaled to the anesthesiologist who placed the mask over the little girl's face.

"Alright Molly," the brunette began, "start counting backwards from ten for me…"

###

Arizona sigh drowned in the noise of the bone saw as it cut further and further. She had performed amputations herself throughout the years. She wouldn't consider herself _desensitized_ to the whole thing, but it had been easier. She had become resolute in the fact that some things just couldn't be helped. But she had been with Molly Henderson practically since birth.

She was just a resident, a baby herself when she first met the little girl and her family. And ironically enough Molly's dad had accepted a job on the West Coast six months after Arizona had begun her fellowship in Seattle. And over the years she had watched helplessly as the little girl deteriorated before her very eyes. The blonde was always able to keep it at bay until now.

There were patients that you never forgot, even if they were alive or not and Arizona never forgot about this one.

"Molly's mom owns a bakery," she said once Callie handed the saw off to a scrub nurse.

"That sounds like the best mom _ever_."

Arizona smiled beneath her mask, "Yeah, a couple of times a year she has a box of stuff delivered to me, and they're delicious. When Molly wasn't so sick she used to help her mom with cakes and different treats. She said if she ever got better she wanted to deliver cupcakes to all the kids in the ward. All the doctors and nurses, too. They all love her."

"In a couple of months, she'll be able to," Callie replied.

"I always thought that she could beat it, even when she was so sick she looked transparent. Maybe I was just being naïve but I thought if I could just get her through surgery, even if it wasn't the last one, she'd be okay."

"You fought for your patient," the brunette said, looking up, "don't ever feel bad about that. It sucks, but she'll be alive. And she can help her mom bake and go to school, have friends. Have a career and a family of her own one day. You saved her life."

"I know," Arizona said reluctantly, "and it's better, while she's young. She'll come to terms with it and be able to move on. If she was older it'd be – catastrophic, she'd feel insecure and small, feel like her life was over… _wishing_ – her life was over."

Callie held her breath as she continued to apply sutures around the stump. She felt the pressure behind her eyes but couldn't close them. She finally took a breath quietly and continued working. It was maddening, the months after the plane crash. Callie always considered herself an empathizer, but when it came to this woman, it was like watching another _part_ of herself suffer while she just…watched.

"Molly has two loving parents and an outstanding doctor that never gave up on her," Callie finally added, "You didn't have a choice." She dropped her tools into a metal dish offered by the nurse, who handed the blonde a towel. Hands now empty, she watched as the other surgeon wiped the site gently of blood and betadine. Blue eyes shot up to hers after a moment, clear and underlying.

"You didn't either."

###

It was a chore these days, getting up at the absolutely butt crack of dawn. It used to be easy but over time it's more and more exhausting. As a surgeon, the days aren't that structured. When you're tired, you sleep, when you're hungry, you eat. Whether it was two o'clock in the afternoon or three in the morning, it didn't _matter_. And when you work until almost midnight and up before the sun, a surgeon doesn't think much of it.

She admired the odd color carpet, a forest green with burgundy swirls serving as a weird reminder of Christmas. It made her wonder how the place looked when the holidays were actually approaching. The demure receptionist nodded in greeting, way too bright eyed and smiley this early in the morning. Maybe it was her own fault her eyes were probably bloodshot in exhaustion, but there was a 30 week old with fetal hydrops she had to attend to in a couple of hours.

Arizona returned the smile and continued to walk further and further down the hall, past the uncomfortable chairs and friendly posters.

Pursing her lips, she squared her shoulders and opened the door, not seeing the point in knocking.

It looked the same for the most part. There were a few differences though, different colored throw pillows and it looked like the rug had been replaced with a different pattern. She approached the couch and slowly sat down. _No turning back now._

"Good morning, Arizona. It's nice to see you again."

Arizona met Dr. Dawson's smile with a grimace of her own. "You, too. It's been awhile."

"Are you ready to get started?"

She sighed heavily.

"Yeah – yeah I am."


	18. Meet Me In The Middle

AN; I know, it's been too long. It's been a busy month, but I'm back in business. And we've got a 7,000+ word chapter, that's something right? lol. Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 18: Meet Me In The Middle

It made perfect sense why they were called 'board meetings,' although spelled _incorrectly_. Perhaps they didn't think too much of it going in; they just wanted to save their hospital from the brainwashing mediocre medical care that was Pegasus. Not have to move to a different hospital, a different state possibly, just to do your job. So maybe it never occurred to them once they signed on the dotted line. But when you're a surgeon and have to take time out of your day to sit in a conference room and talk about budgets and the plumbing issue on the 4th floor, it's excruciating.

And they never got any more interesting. Well, except for that one time after the dinner party from hell. But if you valued your multi-million dollar hands, you didn't say a word.

"Chief could we speed this along at all, I have a bowel resection in twenty minutes."

"Grey, we're almost done," Bailey replied, closing a folder and opening the very last one in the pile. "We just have to go over Dr. Castro's contract and then you all can get back to doing what God intended."

Jackson looked up slowly from his own forms, green eyes watching cautiously for what he _hoped_ , was not a big deal.

"What about her contract?"

"We have to decide if we want to extend it."

Richard cleared his throat, "Well I think she's been a fine addition to our staff, so I say we keep her on board if she's not getting any department head offers."

"Exactly, which is why I think we should offer to extend in case she decides to change her mind."

All eyes couldn't help but wander over to the blonde at the end of the table, twirling a pen absently between two ivory fingers. Blue eyes rolled slightly.

"I think she's great, let's keep her," Meredith shrugged. "Maybe throw in a larger salary to sweeten the deal?"

"We could do that," Jackson nodded, "And I agree with Meredith."

"Alright, so we all agree to keep Dr. Castro?"

Callie shuffled uncomfortably in her leather chair, "Yeah, sure." She avoided Meredith's sly smirk across the table. There was nothing else she needed more than to not be here. How can you basically sign off to keep someone who she was pretty sure wanted to accidentally stab her with a scalpel in the middle of surgery?

"Okay great, so we're all in agreement then?" All eyes went back to Arizona for final confirmation.

The blonde raised an eyebrow, "Really?" As if it was even worth a vote.

Jackson banged his fist on the table, "Okay great, I'll have Joe in legal draft up a new contract by the end of the day."

Meredith went straight to the coffee pot, quickly pouring a cup and putting in the necessary cream and sugar before taking her leave.

"She's been acting weird lately," Bailey commented, making her own cup of coffee at a much slower pace.

"She's Meredith, weird is normal for her."

"I know, but this is a different weird. And I don't like it."

"Well I'm sure we'll find out soon enough," Callie replied, taking a bite of her Danish.

"You're being weird too," Bailey said flat out, dark eyes watching her over a coffee cup.

Callie snorted, "What? No. I'm not being weird."

"Yes, you are. Robbins is still somewhat ignoring you aside from random bouts of conversation before running away. And so here you are, acting weird around all forms of social interaction. I don't know what one has to do with the other, but you're being weird."

"Hey, I am naturally vivacious! Not awkward and certainly not weird."

"I'm Bailey, I know everything, and you. Are. Weird."

###

Words blurred together as fingers worked tirelessly across the keyboard, only stopped for a brief moment before returning to work. Which seemed to be her life lately. Constantly typing away medical genius paragraph after paragraph.

Arizona had been working on a few fetal ideas for three months now and had put publishing on the back burner. But this is what she needed, mindless work that she could do in her sleep. She was itching to get into the OR, but this needed to get done. The perks of being an adult, although a highly successful one. Arizona only had one minor procedure to do today before her shift ended.

Needless to say, the day couldn't be over soon enough.

Her sessions with Dawson had been getting better. They had started out like they always did, the blonde too uncomfortable to talk about anything, let alone herself to a complete stranger. It didn't help that the woman she was talking to watched her marriage deteriorate in a puff of smoke before her very eyes. But Dawson was good at acting like she hadn't been there.

She was starting to open up, to finally understand a lot of things about herself that she had fought her whole life to suppress. And it wasn't just her marriage or the plane crash. It was losing her brother, and Nick, never feeling like she could measure up to the duty and honor that her father instilled. It was everything.

A soft knock on the door brought her fingers to a halt.

"Hey? You busy? I figured you could use some lunch."

Arizona exhaled in relief, "Thank god, yes of course. Come in, I'm surprised you had enough time to cook and come hang out."

April chuckled, closing the door with one hand, "Yeah well my mom is all about baby-sitting while she's here. I had to get out while I can, as painful as it is."

The blonde accepted the bag of food and set it on her desk, "Yeah it sucks, but it's good for you to get out when you have a chance."

A savory aroma of hot soup erupted from the bag, clearly awakening her appetite. She couldn't remember the last time she ate. All that came to mind was coffee.

"My mom and I made some chicken noodle soup and grilled some paninis."

"Smells absolutely delicious," Arizona commented, handing the container of soup and package to April. The two moved over to the couch in her office. A few minutes went by with no talking except to compliment the meal. Arizona was two bites into her panini before speaking.

"So how's motherhood?"

"It's a little different than I thought it would be. But I love it. And Jackson's been so great, coming over all the time and helping out."

"Is he changing diapers?"

"Just changed his first one a couple of weeks ago. He got lucky," April laughed, taking a sip of water. "As much as I love staying home, I can't wait to get back to work. I feel like I'm missing everything."

"Oh you're not missing much," Arizona replied, looking up briefly, "Callie built me a new leg."

The redhead's eyes bugged out before curling one leg under the other to completely face her friend, "Woah, are you serious? Arizona, that's – that's huge!"

"I wouldn't say that. I don't know if I'm gonna do it."

April took another swig of water, capping the bottle carefully. Arizona began to chew slowly.

"Go ahead, tell me I'm an idiot."

She just – she wasn't there yet. And she didn't know if she would ever be ready, that was the honest truth. The whole situation had put her into a mild tailspin, followed by almost catatonic waves of thought. The dreams, or nightmares, came back a couple of times a week, keeping her up for hours at a time. She had started sleeping on the couch when Natalie was over. The blonde didn't want to wake her.

It was throwing her off her game.

"I wasn't going to say that."

"Yes you were," Arizona rolled her eyes.

"I just, I guess I don't understand why you wouldn't want to. I mean, it's surgery and you'll be out of commission for a little bit but, it doesn't sound like a bad idea."

"Callie worked on it with Amelia behind my back, and went to Natalie for help. They were keeping it from me for God knows how long. And that makes me mad, not at them exactly, but because it makes me think about it all over. And when I think about that I think about Mark, and Lexie, and everything bad that happened after. It's…it's a trigger for me that I'm trying to deal with. And – it's been tough."

April nodded in understanding. It was messy, but nevertheless, very cut and dry. The trauma surgeon had extensive knowledge in fucked up situations, but this was very out of her range of experience.

"Have you been talking to somebody about this?"

"I'm going to therapy again. It helps, I guess. But it's gonna take time," Arizona replied absently. This was really the last thing she needed to be telling her friend who just had a baby about. She already talked it to death with Dawson as well as Alex.

"Now enough about me. Let me see those baby pictures!"

###

Callie grumbled, her despair echoing over the stairwell walls. Her pager had been going off incessantly the past fifteen minutes, along with her phone, pinging just as much, all coming from Meredith. Why the woman thought the ortho surgeon was always at her beck and call was beyond her.

She took the stairs in hopes that she wouldn't have to run into Arizona, and pretty much anyone else.

She couldn't work, talk, breathe without feeling immense guilt. Her head couldn't find the big deal about it, but her heart thought differently.

Reaching the end of the stair well, she threw the door open and entered the dark tunnel that was the basement. Just the mere smell of it brought back memories of when she used to call it home. The brunette could have lived anywhere with the trust fund she had, but the basement was honestly the ideal place for a resident to live. And she had pulled it off for a while.

Thinking back, it was pretty neat. She would wake up in the morning and head upstairs and start her day, always early, and always first. She was bummed when Webber finally caught her.

Callie spotted Meredith lying on her back across an abandoned gurney, staring off into the ceiling.

"What is it, Mer?"

"I paged you a bunch of times."

Callie rolled her eyes, "Yeah, I got your texts too. What could be so important that you couldn't, I don't know, _tell me_ at the meeting this morning?"

"This isn't something I actually want to say out loud but I'm going to because you're my friend and you've got shit going on too so I figure I'd distract you, even if it's just for ten minutes."

The ortho surgeon blinked, slowly sitting down on the neighboring gurney. "Ooo-kay…what is it?"

Meredith sat up on one elbow, "I'm screwing Riggs."

Wide brown eyes became wider, "Seriously? Nathan Riggs?"

"Yeah."

"Woah," Callie replied, laying down. "How did that happen?"

"He was being a douche."

Callie chuckled, "Yeah, that's how it always starts." Those were one of the many reasons why she steered towards _women_ from now on.

Meredith looked down at her hand, "Maggie likes him. Like _really_ likes him. Do you think I should tell her?"

"How much does she like him?"

"Like massive 'share my bacon' kind of like. She's gonna hate me. What do you think I should do?"

Callie was surprised at the revelation, but kind of not in a way. Meredith was notorious for sleeping with inappropriate people. Although the brunette thought the other woman had changed that habit since residency. But maybe a leopard really doesn't change its spots.

She shrugged, "Maggie's the only sister that you like right now, and she's _Maggie_. This will absolutely crush her. But you have to be honest. Do you want to see Riggs?"

"I'm not seeing him. We're just sleeping together randomly."

"Well do you want to keep sleeping with Riggs?"

"I don't know. He's kind of an ass."

Callie sat up, brushing the lint off her scrub pants, "I would figure that out too. And find a way to tell Maggie that doesn't make you look like a huge crush-stealing slut."

Meredith scoffed, "That's all you got for me? What happened to all this rediscovering that you're doing?"

"You're missing the part where I said I was rediscovering _myself_ , not everyone else's problems."

"But that's it? Be honest?"

Callie shrugged, placing her hands in her lab coat, "That's all I got for you, Mer. Ask me tomorrow."

"You okay?" Meredith asked skeptically, eyeing her friend. Usually Callie would be all over the sudden surge of information. But now it almost seemed like the woman was definitely not surprised, let alone interested.

Callie sighed, rolling her neck, "I talked to my dad this morning. He's coming into town."

"What's wrong with that?"

"The last time my dad visited me was when I was still married. Me and Sofia have gone to Miami to see him every time. I'm excited, I want to see my dad, but this is so not the right time for him to make an appearance. Everything is just – complicated.

"Well it wasn't as bad as when you were being sued," Meredith offered sympathetically.

"True, but I always freak out when my dad comes to Seattle. He's gonna want to know all about what I'm doing and if I'm seeing anyone, what Arizona's doing, who she's doing it with, and then proceed to talk about how I walked away from my marriage and how I didn't even try, blah blah. I can't listen to that right now."

"He didn't ask those same questions over the phone?"

"I usually ramble on about other stuff."

"You can't hide forever."

Callie scoffed, "And what exactly are you doing?"

"Do as I say, not as I do, Torres."

###

She didn't know what she was looking for, but Joe's seemed like a good idea to find it. Well, not really. But Arizona had spent all day pent up in her office and did not feel an ounce of clarity that she had been looking for the past few weeks. And she hadn't been to the beloved bar in even longer. A stiff drink would do her good.

All the familiar bar smells brought a sense of nostalgia as she made her way further to the bar top. Joe gave her a wave from the beer taps.

"How's it going, Dr. Robbins?" he greeted her cheerfully, setting a napkin in front of her.

Arizona smiled, "Joe, Arizona, please. And I'm fine, how are you?"

"Doing well, _Arizona_. What can I get you?"

Blue eyes perused the selection of the different bottles behind her. She narrowed in on a pretty glass bottle that she rarely ever had.

"I'll have a gin and tonic," she finally answered, leaning back in her seat. She would have one drink to unwind, and then head home to her comfy bed.

"Give the woman a tequila, Joe," another voice added from two seats away.

Arizona eyed the other woman before nodding at the bartender. Looks like she would be having a couple of drinks. "How was your day, Meredith?"

The general surgeon took that as an offer to join her. She picked up her still full shot of tequila and sat in the empty stool.

"Peachy."

Arizona blinked. The woman looked on her way to being very drunk. Not that Meredith wasn't irresponsible. But these days, the woman didn't get sloshed at the bar unless there was something bothering her. Like, _really_ bothering her. They all were like that.

She smiled in thanks to Joe, who set down her two beverages. Arizona took a sip from her straw while Meredith downed her shot.

"Another Joe."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Just because she had been wrapped up in her own crap, didn't mean she disregarded everybody else's.

" _Do you?"_

The two women had a mutual understanding in that moment with no words exchanged. Arizona took her own shot of tequila and threw it back slowly. The burn felt good.

"Another Joe."

###

"You know, the one good thing about Amy and Owen being married? They want to babysit, _all the time_."

"Wow, you really don't like them together, do you?"

After a few shots the two decided to share an order of fries and mozzarella sticks. They might have been drunk, but they knew tomorrow would not bode well if they didn't at least eat something tonight. Arizona always found it odd how unhappy Meredith was for her sister-in-law and the ex-husband of her person. When the people you love are happy, that's supposed to make yourself happy. At least that's what she blonde still tried to tell herself.

The theory was still pending.

Meredith shrugged, twirling her empty glass, "It's selfish, really. And I'll get over it one day. I think."

"Is it because of Christina?" Arizona asked, munching on a fry dunked in ketchup.

"Christina, Derek. Maybe it's because of me. I don't know. I'm trying to work on it."

Arizona shrugged, taking a small sip of her bottomless shot glass, "We're all working on it."

The general surgeon glanced around the bar at all the other patrons. It seemed like a normal night, with mostly hospital staff unwinding from their shifts and the occasional group of others getting off work from the many other corporate buildings in the area.

"Natalie working tonight?"

"Acoustic neuroma," she answered. Both women made a face. The neurosurgeon was in for a long night.

"Yikes," Meredith grimaced. "I'm sure she'll pull it off though. She is brilliant. Did you mention the contract extension?"

"I haven't really spoken to her today. We've both been busy. It shouldn't be a problem." And it really wouldn't be. Natalie was too over-qualified to be working there, but it didn't seem like the neurosurgeon minded at all. She still got to do cutting edge surgeries, without having to worry about running the department. And the blonde knew she had a lot to do with Natalie's content. She made a mental note to do something nice for the brunette.

She had been way too closed off lately. It wasn't Natalie's fault by any means, but Arizona needed time to recognize what she was feeling and why. It made her pull away from a lot of people. She had yet to call her parents back.

Meredith smirked, "I'd think not, with you to keep her preoccupied."

Arizona rolled her eyes, "I'm not discussing this with you."

"Discussing what?"

"My sex life."

"I didn't say anything about your sex life."

"You're Callie's friend."

"We could be friends."

Arizona sighed, licking the gin from her lips, "We're friends by circumstance and association. That's how it's always been." The general surgeon was Callie's friend first, from the beginning. Although they were already together by the time that friendship formed, Arizona was merely an extension. When they split, her relationship with Meredith had stayed the same, regardless of what they went through together.

She didn't blame the other woman, Meredith didn't make friends well anyway from what she had seen. And that was okay. But never the less, they weren't buddy-buddy.

Meredith burped, "But we could be friends."

Arizona was skeptic.

"Maybe."

###

Meredith tossed peanuts into her mouth, munching loudly while the pair waited for their next round of drinks. The general surgeon was somewhat surprised, Arizona was actually pretty funny. But not the perky funny that she was expecting. It was that morbid, not-sure-if-you-should-laugh-or-not funny. She liked it.

"Have you ever – had sex with someone inappropriate?" she asked out of the blue.

Arizona raised an eyebrow, "I know you were giving birth and all, but you can't tell me you don't remember." The blonde didn't blame her, she tried not to remember that fact herself.

Meredith winced, "Right. Well other than that, did you?"

The fetal surgeon shrugged, "That was pretty much all I did before Callie, at least. Friends, friends' friends, ex-girlfriends, ex-girlfriends' girlfriends. Nurses, radiology fellows – pretty much all fellows, residents, attendings, interns," Arizona snorted, "I even slept with my Chief's daughter at Hopkins. Geez, I haven't thought about that in ages."

In her defense, she didn't know that was her boss' daughter. At least the first time.

"So that sounds like a yes."

"What's your point?"

The general surgeon puffed, "I did a bad thing."

Blue eyes narrowed, leaning closer, "How bad?"

" _Bad_ ," the other woman whispered. Arizona closed her eyes at the strong whiff of tequila. She had surgery tomorrow.

"Are you gonna tell me or…?"

Joe didn't have time to set the small glass down onto the counter before Meredith grabbed it from his hands with surprising coordination and took a small sip.

"I slept with someone that my sister really likes."

Arizona's jaw dropped, "You slept with Owen?!"

"No!" Meredith shouted, earning the looks of the remaining occupants, "Someone _Maggie_ likes," she hissed.

"Oh," blue eyes blinked, "well did you tell her?"

"Should I?"

"I mean," Arizona shrugged, "You're kind of screwed either way. But the least you could do is be honest."

Meredith groaned, downing the rest of her shot, "Ugh you sound like Torres. Where is all this honesty coming from all of a sudden? I mean, it's not like she really filled you in on the whole bionic leg thing. Or – or how you walk around like you're not still mad at her for it."

Arizona stared blankly. She honestly didn't know how to respond. If she was sober she might have told Meredith all about herself and then proceeded to throw her drink in the other woman's face. But, she was drunk. Really drunk. And they were trying to be friends. Or something close to it.

"Another Joe, please. And keep them coming."

###

"Is the sex really good?" Arizona asked breezily, a fair hand cradling a blonde head.

"It's ridiculously – insane," Meredith answered, the tequila replaced with a pint of beer. "I don't even know if I'd consider it good, you know? It's different, and wild. And I don't know if it's just because I haven't had sex in a long time, or if that's just – what it is."

Arizona tipped more tequila down her throat, "Did you have an orgasm?"

"Well, yeah."

"More than one?"

"Yeah."

"Then it's good," she replied curtly.

"Is that how you knew the sex was good with Castro?"

Arizona rolled her eyes, "We're not talking about me."

"I shared, now it's your turn. Who's better in bed, Callie or Natalie?" she grinned.

A blush made its way to porcelain cheeks, "Meredith!"

"What?"

"We're not talking about this!" Those were two very different women, and two very different relationships that she would prefer not to get into. Of course, the blonde had a type, but it was different. Night and day. Yin and yang.

The sex was good on both counts. But there would _always_ be a difference. Whether it was a good or bad difference, the blonde was still trying to figure that out.

Meredith raised an eyebrow, "Okay, then let's talk about how you don't want to get set up with the bionic leg."

Arizona groaned, when would this not become a part of every thought and conversation? Not only did she think about it all day, every day, but she had already talked to April about it earlier. Did she really want to get into it with Meredith of all people?

They weren't that good of friends yet.

"This isn't something you just – decide on. I still have nightmares, and phantom limb, Mer. It's not as bad as before, but every once in a while, I'm reminded of it. I've rebuilt my life around the fact that I'm an amputee. There's been enough change already."

"Change is good though."

"Look who's talking."

"All I'm saying is that we've all survived pretty shitty stuff. And we're still here, saving lives, being mothers, getting drunk," she gestured to her glass, "what else is there for you to be afraid of?"

"Everything else."

"Amelia's not gonna screw it up and Callie won't let you down."

"Saint Calliope to the rescue," Arizona murmured under her breath.

Meredith snorted, "She's no saint, we know this. But she's a good person, who was trying to do a good thing. She just – she doesn't think sometimes." Despite how successful their medical careers were, everyone spent a lot of time _not_ thinking.

Arizona chuckled, "I know, I was married to her, remember?" That was a serious understatement.

"Vaguely."

"We could've done worse though," the fetal surgeon smiled wistfully.

"We could have."

###

It was times like these Callie was thankful that her mom decided to disown her. It still hurt like hell to think about, but at least she didn't have to deal with both her parents coming into town pretty much without notice. Her dad was always a lot warmer and loving. She supposed her mother was like that to a point, but their relationship had always felt more for show, prestige, than anything else. She still didn't know how she survived a double Spanish Inquisition growing up.

She could hear Sofia's cheerful giggle from upstairs, followed by the low timber of her dad's voice, reading her a bedtime story. The mother-daughter duo had just settled down for dinner when the doorbell rang. Callie wasn't expecting anybody, so it was an even bigger shock to see that it was her father. Early, she might add.

He had brushed off his unexpected turn up, mentioning something about a business meeting and how fast Sofia was growing. Carlos then proceeded to listen to all the new things his granddaughter had to tell him, throwing in Spanish every few breaths. Callie felt like a meager bystander, simply serving up the rest of dinner and listening intently. She honestly didn't know why her dad felt it necessary to tell her mere hours before he actually showed up. She didn't know what exactly he was trying to do.

But it was nice to see him. He looked older, but yet still the same. He didn't mention her mom, he almost never did as to not turn a good conversation sour. Other members of the family came up every once in a while. And apparently Aria was being groomed to take over when Carlos decided to retire. Callie still hadn't heard from her sister aside from the occasional birthday card. She had learned to accept it. Aria was always a bit more like their mom.

"Calliope? Are you still down here, mija?"

"In the living room, dad," Callie answered, topping her glass off with red wine.

"Sofia is finally knocked out," Carlos chuckled, accepting a second glass from his daughter, "It took me 4 chapters before she finally fell asleep. I used to get halfway through one page before you and Aria were already snoring."

Callie laughed, she did love her sleep, "She doesn't get that from me."

"From Arizona, perhaps," he suggested. He might have given her the stink eye and maybe didn't like her sometimes, but Carlos always loved Arizona from the minute the blonde doctor approached him without batting an eye and proceeded to tell him how honorable his daughter was. The fact that she wasn't a vegetarian helped as well.

It was difficult over the years, shuffling between what had been two separate families. Ignoring subtle insults from his wife and making last minute flights to visit his exiled daughter and family. Scrolling through pictures of Sofia over the years and having no one but his driver and maids to share them with. Sitting at the dinner table on Christmas Eve with all the relatives and just _knowing_ that there were 3 members that should have been there.

Frankly, it had taken a toll on the man. But he had done it because he loved his daughter and granddaughter. And he loved Arizona as well despite it all. He had spent a short period of time holding resentment towards the blonde. But at the end of the day, he had never wanted anything to work out so much before.

"Dad, it's not that I'm unhappy to see you. I'm really glad that you could visit. But…what exactly are you doing here?"

Carlos took a slow sip from his glass, swirling the red liquid around, "We still talk every Sunday, Calliope. And so far it seems like you've been doing well. I just thought I'd come visit to see if that's really the truth."

"Everything's fine, dad. Really. I'm really focused on work and Sofia. And it's good, it's good for me."

"What else is going on?" he asked pointedly. "And before you beat around the bush for the next five minutes, just tell me if it has something to do with a woman?"

"Dad," Callie groaned, rubbing her eyebrow, "I'm not seeing a woman."

"A man then?" She couldn't help but smirk at the skepticism in his voice.

"No, there's no one. And that's fine. That's what I need right now."

"So this Penny woman, she's really gone? The relationship ended?"

"Yes, it ended when she took the grant I told you about and moved to New York. She wanted me to go with her, I didn't want to. End of the relationship."

Carlos rested his arm against the couch, "So the fear and sadness in your voice had to do with Arizona."

Callie stared into her glass. It was crazy, being an adult and having your parent read you like that. "I'm not sad."

"What happened?" he asked slowly.

Callie sighed, finally meeting her dad's eyes, "You know that veteran's project I've been working on? Well, I got together with Amelia, the neurosurgeon and she customized the sensors while I built a new leg. For Arizona. And – I didn't tell her until it was already done. She got mad at me. She felt like I was making decisions for her, without asking her. I think I got her to understand where I was coming from. But, I still feel weird about it. Unsettled, I guess. And now everything's all awkward and I still don't know if she wants to do the surgery to implant the sensors. I want to talk to her about it but I don't know if I even have the right to. And she's off, she's not herself and I know it's my fault. But once again, I don't know if I even have the right to say anything."

Carlos had stared blankly as he witnessed his daughter's word vomit. He still found it adorable even in adulthood. Nevertheless, she was troubled. And like always, all signs pointed to a certain blonde.

"Why did you go forward with it without consulting her? You were married to the woman, Calliope, you should've known what would happen."

Callie winced, "I don't know dad. I just, did it. I thought that if I covered all my bases, made everything perfect, that she would say yes."

"Well, it _sounds_ like you were trying to make the decision for her," he added.

"Well now we can't even have a conversation without that huge elephant in the room," Callie slumped into the couch. "And then I asked Natalie her opinion on the whole thing and got her to keep it a secret from Ari –"

Carlos blinked, "Wait, who is Natalie?"

"Arizona's…girlfriend."

"Calliope."

"I know, okay? Bad move, I get it. I was just trying to do something good. She shouldn't have to give up anything else in her life."

"Mija that's not your call anymore," he answered, pouring another glass for each of them. "This Natalie woman, what's she like?"

"She's a neurosurgeon, and a brilliant one. From what I've seen, she's great. She really cares about Arizona."

"Has she met Sofia?"

Callie nodded, "Yeah, but not that much I think. And I don't know if Arizona told her they were girlfriends or just friends."

"And how does that make you feel?"

Callie scoffed, "It's fine dad, it's been years. I've dated, she's dated, it was bound to happen one day."

Carlos hummed disapprovingly, "You don't like it."

"I just – I don't have the right to feel anything about it anymore. I was such a bitch in the beginning and it caused a lot of problems between me and Arizona. But we talked, and I've been trying to find a way to not to be like that. And then this whole mess happened and we're not fighting, but I still feel terrible. I wasn't trying to embarrass her or even fix her, I just wanted to help. Just because we're not together anymore doesn't mean I stopped caring."

"She went through something horrible, perhaps it's something she's still working through. But she's a good woman, I'm sure you two will make it right again."

Callie smirked, "You still think she's a good woman?"

"Without a doubt. People make mistakes, Calliope, you know this. Doesn't mean their character is completely decimated," he commented, "I do wish it could have worked out though."

"Dad, I told you, it was the best thing. I just wanted to be free."

Carlos groaned, "Ugh mija, what does that even mean? You made a commitment, had a family, you were working through your issues, going to therapy. And then I get a call saying that it was just over. It sounds like you gave up."

She couldn't help but roll her eyes. She expected this, she had heard it more times than she'd like to admit. Over the phone it was easy, she could make up some excuse after a couple of minutes and have to go. Or Sofia was still around, demanding all the attention. She didn't like pouring through all past decisions, because she couldn't change them now. That was the old person she used to be.

"I tried, and I did the best I could at the time. We both did, there was just too much stuff dad. Some things just…aren't meant to be," she shrugged. "And Arizona's happy now with someone that accepts her. And I need to be by myself and find happiness, and I know I will eventually."

Carlos eyed his daughter carefully before chuckling, "If you say so, Calliope."

Eyebrows furrowed, "What's that –"

The doorbell rang, throwing her off the rant that was sure to erupt from her lips. She eyed her dad questioningly. Callie wasn't expecting anyone, especially at this hour.

Carlos stood up first and made his way past the living room to the front door, his daughter following closely behind. He leaned forward into the peephole, a small grin reaching his face.

"Who is it?"

He chuckled again, "You'll see." Carlos opened the door, revealing a somewhat disheveled but oh-so-adorable blonde, blinking wearily at the porch light.

"Arizona! What a pleasant surprise!" Carlos greeted.

Callie peeked over her dad's shoulder, "Arizona, what are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

Arizona exhaled loudly, "I have to talk to you." Faint snickering was heard from further down the driveway. Callie could see the end of a yellow taxi in her driveway, along with a dirty blonde head popped out of the window.

"I told her not to do it!"

Callie closed her eyes briefly before sighing, "Sure you did! Pay the guy and get in here!" Leave it to Meredith to manage to talk both of them into the _same_ situation.

She left Carlos to attend to Meredith when she finally made it to the door, and she grabbed Arizona's arm and led her into the house and to the couch.

"How much did you guys drink?" Callie asked, grabbing two bottles of water from her fridge. Carlos had already escorted Meredith to the couch as well, and the two drunk women looked thoughtfully at each other.

"Um – like 4 –"

"No it was definitely, maybe eiiigghttt…?"

"Yeah but then you had anoth –"

"Oh ye –"

"Never mind," Callie mumbled, unscrewing both bottles and handing them out. She stood next to her father, two pairs of arms crossed.

"Still think she's a good woman?"

Carlos smirked, "There's nothing wrong with unwinding, mija. And they took a cab, so no harm done."

"Who are you and what have you done with my father?" she demanded.

"I've settled down in my old age," he chuckled. "And you were a teenager, I had every right."

"It's still not fair. I guess they can just stay here, Mer's sister has her kids for the night. And I hope they don't have an early surgery tomorrow." This was not how she planned her night to go.

Carlos shrugged, "I could always drop them off on the way back to the Archfield?"

Arizona giggled, "Probably not a good idea, Carlos. Mer likes to throw up in cars."

"That was ONE time! And we were bonding when I told you that. You weren't supposed to tell anybody."

Callie snorted, "Pretty sure we all knew that already, Mer."

Meredith threw her arm over her eyes, her water balancing precariously on her knee. "Whatever."

Arizona slugged the other woman's shoulder sloppily, "At least I didn't tell anyone about your secret sex buddy."

"Wait, you told her about Riggs?" Callie exclaimed.

Blue eyes widened, "You're sleeping with Riggs?!"

"Callie!"

Carlos cleared his throat, "On that note, I am going to take my leave. Call me tomorrow Calliope. Goodnight, ladies." He might have calmed down, there was only so much the man could take.

###

"I can't believe you told her."

Callie rolled her eyes for the third time. She had managed to wrestle the general surgeon into some clothes to sleep in and was turning down the bed covers of her guest room. So far it had taken fifteen minutes, precisely ten minutes longer than necessary.

It was rare that Callie found herself on this end of the situation. Usually she was the one that was drunk and needed to be tucked in. It was embarrassing, but at least it wasn't her for once.

"I thought you told her."

Meredith tried for a smack to the arm, but ended up hitting her hand. "I told her I was sleeping with Maggie's crush, I didn't say his name."

"Well how was I supposed to know that? You guys are very shit faced right now." Callie grabbed her arm and guided her to the bed, pulling the covers back up. She grabbed the trash can and set it right beside the bed, just in case.

Meredith blinked up at the ceiling, "I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm a horrible sister, might as well make it public."

"You'll figure it out, Grey. You always do. Now do you need anything else? Because now I have to go deal with Arizona."

The other woman hummed. She double checked in her head to make sure she had all her bases covered. She was going to be very pissed off if she woke up to puke all over the place in the morning.

"One more thing, Torres." Meredith leaned up on her elbows. Her hair was a mess and her eyes had that glassy, drunk look about them.

"Yes?"

The general surgeon shrugged a shoulder, "I don't know if I ever told you this, but Arizona's great. You could've done worse."

###

Arizona was slightly sober by the time she made her way down the stairs. Her head was bobbing to some unknown beat though, giving her away intoxication away.

"Whatcha listening to?" she asked lightly, sitting down on her coffee table. She proceeded to unzip the blonde's boots and put them off to the side.

Arizona leaned back on the couch, "This song that was on the radio on the way over here," she chuckled, "it's that song we danced to on our first date."

The brunette halted her movement for a second before recovering and removing Arizona's thick watch. She couldn't forget that song for the life of her, even if she tried with all her might. The date had been somewhat awkward in the beginning. Callie felt hugely inadequate in her presence and just wanted to do or say something that could make it better. And so they danced. It was fun and hilarious. A perfect date in the end.

"I haven't heard that song in years," Callie commented, pulling on the lapels of her jacket. It pulled the blonde's torso forward, and she let Callie remove it.

"I still listen to it every now and then," Arizona admitted, rubbing her forehead. She was too inebriated to care right now, but she knew her head would not be happy with her in the morning.

"Really?"

Callie reached her hand up carefully, gently removing the earrings dangling from fair earlobes. Things had gone from one end of the spectrum to another. If someone told her she would be doing this two weeks ago, she would have referred them to Shepherd for a lobotomy. Or just paged Psych. But Arizona was drunk, and had obviously came to her house for a reason. She wasn't going to let her be any more uncomfortable then she had been lately. The least she could do was let her sleep without earrings stabbing her throughout the night.

It still caught her breath, touching her. Even though it was just her ears, it brought her closer to Arizona. And when she got closer, she could see the faint blush that accentuated her cheekbones, and the slightly dark eye makeup that made her eyes dreamier than she'd like to admit to anyone. And when a faint dimple appeared, she couldn't see anything else.

"Really," Arizona answered, "it's nice, to remember the good times."

"Yeah, sometimes it is," Callie sighed, smiling wistfully. She patted her own thighs, standing up. "Okay, let's get you to bed." It was as easy as she remembered, lifting Arizona from the couch without so much as flinching. She placed her arm around a slim waist. It made her heart drop when she felt an arm grasp her shoulder.

It took a little bit longer to get up the stairs since Arizona kept on running into the bannister, and then instructed them to walk slowly as to not wake up Sofia.

"I don't want to wake her up," the blonde had whispered, loudly.

Callie rolled her eyes, "She's not gonna wake up. She sleeps like a log."

"Just like her mother," Arizona mumbled. Callie smirked, opening her bedroom door and settling her down on the edge of her bed. Arizona looked around curiously while Callie rummaged through her drawer. She hesitated at the t-shirt and shorts she held in her hands.

"Here, you can wear these," she offered, hoping that the blonde wouldn't notice the old Hopkins shirt and Snow White boxer shorts that were her own, that might have mysteriously went missing after they both moved their stuff out of the old house.

"What am I doing here?" Arizona finally asked, taking note of all the pictures that adorned the walls. Her and Callie had meticulously gone through all of them, wanting to have their own tokens of what was once their family. She hadn't seen these other pictures in years.

"You're gonna sleep here, and I'll sleep on the couch. Or with Sofia, Lord knows that bed is big enough."

"Callie," Arizona pouted, "You don't have to do that. I can sleep on the couch, or with Sofia."

"Sofia will probably kick you off the bed, and that couch is gonna make your back sore as hell in the morning," Callie reasoned. "Now change."

The brunette went into her bathroom to give Arizona privacy, but also not wanting to argue about the sleeping arrangements anymore. She brushed her teeth and scrubbed her face clean from the day, changing into her own set of pajamas. She grabbed two tablets of Ibuprofen and her trash can.

Arizona was already underneath the covers, her clothes folded on the empty side of the bed. Her prosthetic was propped up against the nightstand. She looked like a curious little girl, blue eyes darting across the room, taking in a new place that she'd never seen before.

"Just in case you throw up," Callie stated, setting the can down, "and take these right when you wake up."

Arizona nodded.

"I'll wake you guys up in the morning."

"Wait," Arizona proclaimed, sitting up and grabbing the brunette's arm. "I had to tell you something, remember?"

"Um," Callie swallowed, "okay…" she sat down, patiently waiting. For what? She had no idea.

It looked like Arizona didn't quite know either. She had that look on her face, one that Callie knew all too well. Like she wanted to say something, but wasn't sure if she should, or if it was the right time, or place. She was uncomfortable. Her lips pursed briefly, before pouting. And her bright eyes went sad, staring at her own hand that was still attached to Callie's arm.

She took a breath, finally looking up.

"I want to do it, you know. I want Amy to do the surgery…"

Callie blinked. Not exactly what she was expecting, but it gave her that foreboding sense of hope. "Are you sure?"

"I wasn't. I didn't want it, at first," Arizona sighed. "But I've been thinking, a lot. I want to do it. But – I'm scared. What if something goes wrong? Or if it goes well, but then the sensors can't communicate with the sensors in the prosthetic. What if it's all for nothing?"

"Amelia can do this, she will not screw it up. And this will work. Why do you think I waited this long before bringing it up to you? I wanted to make sure all the mistakes were already fixed, and they are. Nothing and nobody is gonna screw this up for you."

"I just – I can't take another loss. Another disappointment."

Callie placed her hand over the one on her arm, "Arizona, you're not going to lose anything. I'm not gonna let that happen. All you have to do is trust me."

She could still sense the hesitation on the blonde's face, so she decided to leave it alone for now. This was not how she wanted to have this conversation. Firstly, she would think Arizona would be sober, and not in her bed after a night of drinking with Meredith Grey. But things didn't really work out how she planned. Ever.

And Arizona didn't stop her when she turned out the lamp on the night stand.

But she did stop her right at the door, before she closed it.

"That's the thing, Callie. I do trust you. Still. More than anybody."

"Is – is that a bad thing?" Callie asked. She could still see a small dimple, a sad one.

"I think it is. But, I still do."


	19. About Last Night

AN; Not completely satisfied with this update, but I was kind of over it and just wanted to get onto the next chapter. It's a lot shorter than the last few ones but I think this is a good turning point. I haven't really been inspired the past 2 months to write. Not sure if it's just because I'm too busy or having serious GA withdrawals, but I'm trying to get it together lol. Super excited for the premiere next week! Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 19: About Last Night...

The room was spinning, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. All that she was capable of was simply raising her arm to drink from her cup of very hot, very strong coffee. And stare off into space. Because any sort of reading just made it worse.

Being friends with Meredith made her head hurt.

"There you are!"

Blue eyes slammed shut, "Jesus Christ Karev, could you be any fucking louder?!" she hissed, rubbing her temples.

Once she realized that there was no way she was going into the OR for at least the rest of the morning, she had taken up residence in the attending's lounge. The blinds had been shut and she had been nestled in the corner of the couch.

"That's what you get for hanging out with Mer," Alex commented, pouring a cup of coffee.

"Never again, not unless the kids are involved will I ever hang out with her again. It just leads to bad decisions and a really bad headache."

He chuckled, "Yeah that sounds about right. I'm just glad it wasn't my door you guys ended up at."

The morning had been weird, and excruciating. She woke up to Sofia peering at her with accusing eyes. Apparently she hadn't been invited to the sleepover, which was a crime to a little girl. Callie was still passed out on the couch when she made her way down the stairs. Even though it wasn't her house, Arizona had proceeded to get the coffee going and breakfast for Sofia, despite the nausea in her stomach and the jack hammer inside her head.

How she was able to get through it, she had no idea. It had to be that 'mom' super power that developed once Sofia was born. Because there was no way she'd get out of bed for any other reason.

Callie had eventually woken up, followed by Meredith. But that was only because they could hear her throwing up from upstairs. Meredith had a bigger head start than the blonde did the night before.

Her and Callie managed to wrangle Sofia into wearing jeans since it was supposed to rain today. And somehow Arizona was able to get her hair into braids, only a little bit lopsided.

The blonde groaned, "This day needs to hurry up and be over. I can't do this anymore." She threw a pale arm over her face, gently, wishing Seattle would experience an unforeseen blackout. At least until tomorrow.

"Well, have fun while I'm off doing all your surgeries," Alex snickered before leaving.

She sighed in pleasure at the silence except for the AC. She was not this girl. In college, absolutely. But she was a doctor, with a freaking kid, she could not handle this whole 'drinking til you forget your name' crap anymore.

The door opened again, erupting another groan from pink lips.

She could hear a soft chuckle. "Nice to see you too."

Arizona lifted her arm, grinning in embarrassment, "Sorry, I thought you were Karev. What are you doing here?"

Natalie grabbed an apple and water from the fridge and sat next to her, "I stayed here to monitor my acoustic neuroma patient." She took a sip from her bottle, "What exactly happened to you last night? Last text I got was that you were with Grey."

The blonde rubbed her head, "Yeah," she answered grimly, "that didn't really go so well. As you can tell," she added with a flourish. She had avoided looking in the mirror for most of the day. Her pallor was most likely sickly, eyes bloodshot. She knew she looked terrible.

"You and Grey pass out at your place in the wee hours of the morning?"

Arizona paused.

"Um, well no. We actually ended up at – Callie's," she answered, taking a large sip from her coffee. She used the white to-go lid to block her vision of the other woman. It's not like anything happened. There was nothing to confess to, no guilt to shoulder. But it wasn't lost on her how inappropriate it could look to an outside. Or her girlfriend.

"That must have been fun," Natalie commented, taking a bite of the red shiny apple.

Arizona regarded her girlfriend silently. The brunette seemed, casual about the whole thing, chewing contently with a small smile.

"Not exactly. Her dad was there," the blonde shrugged, before looking up in shock. "Oh God…her dad…" That part had completely slipped her mind. Crap.

Natalie chuckled, "Does her dad hate you or something?"

"No. At least, I don't think so," she murmured. It never seemed like Carlos hated her, except when she cheated. Every time she had seen the man after the split had been friendly. But nevertheless, she had shown up at Callie's house, drunk, while her dad was there and Sofia sleeping upstairs. Arizona knew that she was a damn good mother, but she didn't want the man to think she just dumped her daughter on her ex-wife so she could go party. It was the principle of the matter.

"Well you shouldn't worry about it then," Natalie replied, rubbing a warm hand against her thigh. "Why did you end up going to her place anyway?"

She blinked.

"I – don't really know…"

###

The cafeteria was bustling, as usual with a sea of difference shades of blue, with the occasional pop of peach or pink. Which made the task at hand even more difficult.

Sighing, Callie fell in line with a tray. She had been on her feet all day, in and out of OR's, yelling at Cross. Why that guy was always on her service, she would never know. It's not like she did him any favors.

There was exactly one hour before her next surgery, giving her just enough time to eat. Grabbing a salad and soda, she made her way off to the side.

She slammed her tray down on the table, unable to suppress the triumphant grin. It was just too easy.

"I hate you."

"I took care of you last night. You don't hate me."

Meredith twirled her spoon around in her bowl of soup miserably, "Well now you're torturing me, along with all these other people."

"You're in a cafeteria, in the middle of the day, what do you expect?"

"For everyone to chew silently."

A chair dragged to their table.

"Could you be any fucking louder?" Meredith growled.

Alex scoffed, "Why is everyone yelling at me? Once again, it's not my fault you and Robbins are a bunch of drunk idiots."

Callie chuckled, digging into her salad. She was just glad it wasn't her for once. It was kind of funny, watching Meredith slip down the stairs and Arizona act like Sofia's voice didn't sound like a freight train. But she had enough sense earlier this morning to not say a single word.

"We are not idiots. We are blasts of fun who happen to get really bad hangovers in the morning."

Alex rolled his eyes, "That's like the definition of being an idiot. Robbins is holed up in the attending's lounge waiting to die."

Sofia had served as a buffer between the two, filling up all the silence with anything and everything. They had all dropped her off at school and before she knew it, all three women had went their separate ways.

Callie chewed slowly, taking a sip of her soda, "She didn't – say anything to you, did she?"

He shrugged, "Aside from wanting the day to be over, not really. Why?"

"No reason."

Meredith's eyes narrowed in evaluation. Or maybe the room was too bright. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing!"

Alex smirked.

And so she left. Screw Karev and his dopey smile and Meredith's drunk face. Why was everything her fault? She wasn't an angel by any means, but why did everyone always look to her first?

She ordered a tub of soup a little too aggressively from the attendant and demanded a Gatorade with equal gusto before leaving the cafeteria.

Thinking with her brain and not her heart was hard work. It was probably why she never did it.

She slowed down her gait as she got closer to the lounge and opened the door slowly. This wasn't weird, right? She was just a woman looking out for her ex-wife. For the sake of their daughter of course. Who wasn't actually going home with Arizona tonight.

The weirdness got louder.

A scrub clad body was sprawled across the couch. The room was dark with stray light coming in through the blinds and a mass of blonde hair was peeking out through a pillow. Beneath said pillow a groan erupted.

"Why do people keep coming in here?" a muffled voice whined.

Callie couldn't help but smirk, "Maybe because it's a lounge," she whispered.

The pillow disappeared and she was met with a blushing Arizona.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Wh – what's up," the blonde asked, sitting up and straightening her ponytail, "You need a consult?"

The brunette held up the brown bag and bottle, "No, thought you might need something in your belly."

Blue eyes zeroed in on the bag, "Oh," she blinked, "You didn't have to do that."

Callie shrugged, "I was in the cafeteria anyway and Karev said you were feeling pretty crappy so…"

Arizona smiled bashfully, accepting the bag anyway, "Thanks."

"Yep," Callie replied, wiping her hands on her pants. "How are you feeling?"

"I've had better days. And I'm seriously reconsidering this friendship with Meredith."

"She doesn't get that drunk all the time. Usually it's when something crazy is going on and she doesn't know how to deal with it," the brunette explained. She had many drunk nights with the general surgeon to know first-hand.

The blonde smirked, "Isn't that what you do?"

Callie rolled her eyes, sitting down on the other end of the couch. She didn't know what to do now. She contemplated leaving, but wouldn't that make her look even more weird? Probably not as much if she stayed and said, well – nothing. Like now.

Arizona got through half her soup before setting it down and taking a sip from her Gatorade. She looked up, tapping the bottle cap.

"I'm sorry – for turning up like that," she said quietly, "I don't even know why we ended up there."

Her heart dropped to her stomach. Arizona didn't remember. Super. All she seemed to remember was of course, that she ended up at Callie's house. But everything else – gone. She felt like they shared a moment of understanding. Maybe it was drunk understanding, but still, Callie felt that counted for something. Now Arizona didn't even remember it. All the plans she had mapped in her head from last night until now pointless.

"It's okay. I'd rather you go there than anywhere else. Maybe you just needed a – safe place, or something," Callie mumbled, picking the non-existent lint from her pants. Maybe it was wishful thinking on her part.

The blonde frowned, and Callie wanted nothing more than to rub the lines from her forehead.

"Maybe."

###

To say Arizona was excited for the end of her day was an understatement. She would practically be vibrating in anticipation if it didn't have the potential to make her head hurt worse. The pounding would just not go away. No amount of water or caffeine had seemed to help.

She powered up her computer, sending off some last minute emails and then she was out of here, at least until tomorrow. Callie had Sofia again tonight since Carlos was in town, so it would just be her and her bed, and maybe Natalie, she added as an afterthought. The brunette was currently in surgery, but would stop by later at her place if she didn't get called into an emergency.

Today, she had been a horrible doctor except for the three hours she was in the OR. Was she scared that she might throw up into her mask? Absolutely. But it was her job and she wasn't about to let her ill choices get in the way.

She heard a brisk knock at the door, which made her groan and childishly stomp her foot under her desk.

"Come in," she called out brightly, all the while rolling her eyes. Her heart dropped into her stomach. At least that's what it felt like.

"Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting anything?"

Arizona shook her head, "No, not at all, I was just finishing up some last minute things. Everything okay?"

Carlos Torres was the last person she wanted to see right now. Not only was she embarrassed by behavior that she didn't remember, the man still scared her. Not as much as before, but still, her ex-wife's father was intimidating. His presence didn't cause pressure behind her eyeballs, but she still got nervous. Not when she was drunk though, apparently.

The man waved off her question, closing the door behind him. "Nothing's wrong, I was just waiting for Calliope to get off before we collected Sofia. Would you like to join us for dinner?"

Arizona grimaced, "I wish I could but I'm not feeling too hot today. I was just going to head home and go to sleep. Maybe tomorrow night?"

Carlos smirked, "Of course, get some rest. I also wanted to see how you were doing, although you already answered that question."

"Yeah," she trailed, standing up, "I'm sorry, for turning up unexpected last minute. I don't usually get drunk like that."

Arizona didn't need to explain herself to the man, but she still respected Carlos. And frankly she was embarrassed with herself. She prided herself on being bubbly, perky, and responsible. She still was, usually, but her goody two shoes conscience took at least 48 hours to get over an incident such as this.

"It's quite alright, Arizona. From what Calliope tells me, that's pretty much standard if you're having a drink with Dr. Grey," he answered simply. "I turned up last minute myself, so don't feel bad about that."

The blonde nodded awkwardly. Carlos had always been nice since the split, but he was staring at her with this weird smile on his face and Arizona didn't know what to say next. Plus her head was still pounding and all she wanted to do was book it to her car and speed away.

"Well Sofia's thrilled you're in town, I'm sure Callie is too," she added timidly.

Carlos nodded, sensing that perhaps it was his time to go, "I'll get out of your way. I just wanted to say hello in case I don't see you before I leave."

Arizona smiled politely and followed him back to her door, sighing when he turned his back. This shouldn't have been as exhausting as it was.

"It was nice to see you, Carlos. I'll text Callie about dinner tomorrow."

"That would be nice," he replied. He opened his mouth, then closed it slowly. His bright eyes looked into her own. Arizona blinked, not used to the hesitation she saw. The man was certifiably unflappable for as long as she'd known him. Until now.

"I don't want to pry into your business. But I know about the – situation, with you and Calliope concerning the bionic leg proposal. And I know she went about it the wrong way, and she knows that too. My daughter…she doesn't always think sometimes," he explained softly. "But she meant well."

That kind of came out of nowhere.

"Um – I know," Arizona replied lamely.

Carlos nodded before giving her one last smile and walking down the hall towards the elevators.

The blonde rubbed her neck as she watched him go. And then it hit her.

" _I want to do it."_

" _I can't take another loss."_

" _I'm not gonna let that happen. All you have to do is trust me."_

" _I do trust you."_

It was an out of body experience the whole way to her locker, then to her car.

Was she really that hungover that she forgot a very important conversation that had occurred? Did all it take was a visit from Carlos Torres for her to regain all memories of the night before? Because it definitely looked like it.

The funny thing was, she didn't even know that's what she wanted. Arizona had gone back and forth for weeks, drowning in all the bad feelings it gave her. Had sought council with the people close to her, along with a very expensive therapist. And she had come up with squat. Did she literally find the answer in the bottom of a bottle?

It definitely didn't help her headache.

###

The saying was true.

Alcohol really was the best hangover cure. She had been fiddling with the idea the past hour, feeling like she needed a good drink, but not wanting to make her feel any worse than she had the entire day. Arizona had rationalized with herself that wine was perfectly acceptable. And it really was.

Deluca was on an overnight and it didn't look like Natalie was getting out of surgery for at least another few hours. Which left the blonde with absolutely nothing to do but reflect. It was an activity she had picked up a lot lately.

She typed in her login password to her laptop, taking another small sip while waiting.

Talking to her parents had become exhausting over the years. She used to talk to them every day, about anything. Tim might have died, but her relationship with her parents had stayed as strong as it could. Arizona didn't quite know when it went off kilter, but needless to say, she didn't call them as much. Of course she rang them frequently so Sofia could keep in contact, but on the days she didn't have her she found herself just, not doing it.

Maybe it was after the plane crash, or maybe after the divorce. Both instances left her angry and ashamed. Not the good man in a storm that she was raised to be.

Maybe she didn't want to hear or see the disappointment in their eyes.

She clicked on her dad's number in the Facetime app and waited patiently.

The window enlarged slightly, revealing blue eyes so much like her own, although slightly relieved and concerned.

"Well, look who it is…"

Arizona refrained from rolling her eyes, "Hey Colonel, how's it going?"

"Not much, just wondering when my daughter was gonna finally call me and her mother back."

"Where is mom by the way?"

"Off at her weekly book club. She's gonna be upset that she missed you."

"Maybe I'll give her a call tomorrow."

He raised his eyebrow, "Make sure that you do." The sternness in his voice was not lost on her.

"I will," she nodded. "I'm sorry that I haven't called you guys, I've been really busy with work and then when I finally get a chance, it's too late over there."

Daniel chuckled, the deep timbre of his voice filling her kitchen, "Where'd you buy that lie?"

Arizona might have been an adult for some time now, but her dad could always read her like a book. At first she thought it was due to his life in the military. But she didn't realize until much later, when she was a parent herself, that you just know your kid.

"It's a long story, dad…"

"It's not that girl you're seeing, is it?"

Arizona couldn't help but roll her eyes now, "She's a woman, dad. And no, she's fine, we're fine."

Daniel leaned back in his chair, "Well I know it's not Sofia, because we just talked to her the other day. Callie seemed to find some time to reach out."

Her dad had her there, and they both knew it. Geez, she really wished her mom was there to deflect.

She shrugged helplessly, "I guess I'm just a lot busier than she is."

"What's going on, Zona? Are you having nightmares again?" he asked softly.

When her parents first found out about the plane crash, Arizona had begged Callie to not let them come. To not get on an airplane just to watch their daughter deteriorate before their eyes. She couldn't imagine how they must have felt, sitting by the phone across the country, waiting to hear news on their only surviving child.

They had visited after the amputation, although truthfully Arizona didn't remember it. Callie had been more of a daughter to them than she had. She made a point to not talk about any of it with them. Maybe she was just masking how she really felt so that they wouldn't worry. And maybe it worked for her mom, but her dad was a different story. It didn't matter that she was in a plane crash on U.S soil and not an insurgent attack in a war torn country, his little girl had PTSD. And the worse thing was, she had ignored it for too long.

"Every once in a while, I've been getting better at managing it. And I'm going to therapy again."

"That's good, that's healthy. I'm proud of you, for getting back on your feet. I know it wasn't easy for you, with everything that's happened."

Arizona sighed, smiling briefly, "I'm still working on it."

"Well you're working on it, that's better than not doing anything at all."

The blonde nodded absently, "I know. There's some other things going on too and I just – I wanted to just take some time to think, clear my head. It's getting better though, at least I think it is. I didn't want you and mom to worry."

Daniel leaned forward, "Are you okay? Are you sick?"

"No, no I'm not sick. It's just… you know that robotic limb project that Callie's been working on?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I've been keeping track of the progress. It's going extremely well, there's a few guys here in D.C who received it, said they've never felt better."

"Yeah, it's going great. Callie actually already has one built for me." The words were still foreign on her tongue. It had invaded every thought, but she still found it disbelieving to say. Callie had built her a robotic leg, that would get her as close as possible to normalcy. It was simply mind-boggling.

"Really?" he asked, his eyebrows peaked in interest. "You know I was wondering when you were going to do it. I mean you were her inspiration after all…"

"Well she built it, and then told me about it. We had a fight and it was – well it was weird for a while. But since then it's gotten me, I don't know, confused. I've just been reliving that whole time all over again and it's messing with my head. I didn't know if I wanted to have the surgery to implant the sensors."

"What about now?"

Arizona shrugged, "I think I do. At least, that's what I told Callie last night. I was drunk with a co-worker and showed up at her place and told her I wanted to do the surgery. Truthfully I didn't remember I said that until a few hours ago," she added, chuckling.

"What's that thing your mom says, _drunk words are sober thoughts_?" he asked, a small glint in his eye.

"That might be true. But still, I didn't know that's what I wanted in the first place. So I've been going back and forth for weeks."

"I know it's been tough on you. There's that part of you that changed that you may never get back. But the core of who you are, that'll never go away, Arizona. You're still a good man in a storm and I know you'll make the right decision one way or the other. And Callie wouldn't have presented the opportunity to you if she wasn't sure it would succeed."

"Yeah…thinking back on it I feel like I made a big deal out of nothing." She knew this was a good thing, so why did she insist on throwing a tantrum? Meredith was right, what really did she have to be scared of?

"I wouldn't say that. It was the worst experience of your life, but you've gotten better and figured out who you are as an amputee. Things like this tend to stir up old feelings and bring you back to that place."

"That's for sure," Arizona agreed. "And you know I like making things harder on myself."

Daniel chuckled, "I think you get it from your mom."

Arizona giggled, "Sure, Colonel. Well I'll let you go, wouldn't want you to miss your nightly jog."

"Alright, sweetie. Do me a favor?"

"I'll call mom."

"Yes, but tell Callie sober this time."

She couldn't help but grin at his bluntness before disconnecting the call. He was right though; she shouldn't be drunk the next time. Shutting her laptop, she thought back to her conversation with her ex-wife earlier. Callie wasn't drunk last night and probably realized that Arizona didn't remember.

She needed to fix this.


	20. Don't Hurt Yourself

AN; I know, I'm sorry. I hope this can make it for it a little. I just really wanted to get past a certain part of the story that I was struggling with, so hopefully all the good stuff I have planned after that part will speed along from now. I believe we're coming to the end of this story. But I will have another - let's say part 2 being published right after. Just have to find the time lol.

Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 20: Don't Hurt Yourself

The man would just not give up.

"It's going to be great Robbins, we just finished renovating the bathroom, and there's this exquisite back splash Catherine had imported from Italy…"

"No offense Richard, but you're not really selling me on this dinner party. You do realize what happened the last dinner we had?"

"Now that's not fair, I wasn't there," he answered defiantly.

The blonde leaned back in her seat, staring intently. Richard had been at it all week, with everyone. She found herself feeling bad for the former Chief of Surgery. It must not be easy maintaining a bicoastal marriage to what she imagined, a very difficult and powerful woman. Catherine was coming into town this weekend, and her husband was determined to throw a swanky social gathering. A gathering that Arizona wasn't too fond of attending.

For one, she had accepted that dinner parties were just not okay. They never came to any good. And it wasn't just the most recent one featuring the debut of Penelope Blake. No, this went way back to Bailey's dad making a surprise visit and Teddy making googly eyes at a guitar-playing Owen.

It also wasn't the right time. There never was, but it was _really_ not a good time.

"Maybe you should have been, then you'd know how much of a disaster this could potentially be."

"Come on, Robbins, where's your sense of occasion?"

"At the last dinner party I attended."

"Nonsense. You and Dr. Castro will be at my home at 7 tomorrow night."

"You got her to go?" All hope drained away.

Richard shrugged, "And it wasn't half as exhausting."

Arizona sighed, "Alright fine. But only for you."

He grinned, "That's what everyone else said."

The blonde sipped her cappuccino as he walked away, no doubt with more than enough time before his surgery.

Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. Free food and drinks, extra time to gush over baby Harriet, didn't sound like a bad trade off. Cute babies always made her feel better.

"Whatcha smilin' at?" The husky timber sent shivers down her back. It was innocent enough, but it still put her on edge.

"Babies," Arizona answered. A familiar giggle followed. She met the shining face of her daughter, a small hand held dutifully in her other mother's. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Rachel's mom dropped her off after school and I wasn't sure if you were already prepping for your next surgery or not. We were just grabbing a snack before I take her over to day care," Callie answered, taking a sip from her own coffee.

"Yep, Mama let me get a brownie!"

"That sounds yummy. Sit down, I have a few minutes before I have to take off," the blonde offered. As weird as it was being around Callie she would deal with it for the sake of Sofia. She didn't want their daughter growing up with parents that couldn't even co-exist.

"How have your surgeries been so far?"

"Nothing too major, I should be getting out at a decent time so I can take this one home," Arizona winked to Sofia, who grinned before returning to her hot chocolate, the brownie nothing more than crumbs. "How have yours been?"

"I only had a knee replacement, the rest of the time I've been in the lab," Callie answered briefly, flipping her thumbnail on her to-go cup. She had been in the lab working on some other projects most of the day, with some time set aside to stare in misery at the master piece that might never be utilized. But she wouldn't mention that part.

"Can I play with my iPad?" Sofia asked, the dull conversation clearly not enough to keep her attention.

The two women looked at each other before shrugging. "Yeah, just make sure you don't spill your hot chocolate on it," Arizona warned. Sofia nodded before grabbing it out of her backpack, headphones in within seconds and the girl's latest TV show playing.

Arizona surveyed the cafeteria awkwardly, already wishing that she didn't agree to that. Now she was still sitting here with Callie and Sofia in another world. This was the moment she had been waiting for, a good time to get her ex-wife alone enough to let her know that she was in. But she was nervous. Truthfully, she didn't know why. Maybe because it was a big step. Or maybe it was because she bit Callie's head off the last time they had this discussion.

There was no uncontrollable anger to negate the awkwardness, or a raging hangover for that matter. _Rip off the Band-Aid Robbins._

"Are you on-call this weekend?"

The blonde blinked, "What?"

"For Sofia's soccer game?"

"Oh – um, no, I'm not. Are you?"

"No. I was thinking we could go get a late lunch when it's over. You know, to celebrate after they crush the other team."

Arizona smirked, "You sound pretty confident that Sofia's team is gonna win."

"Of course we're gonna win, I haven't been kicking soccer balls around at all times of the day just for her team to lose," Callie rolled her eyes. Although it served as an exceptional tool to get the girl to sleep, she was so ready for this season to be over. And a Torres never loses.

"Okay, that sounds like a good idea. Are you going to Webber's dinner party?"

The brunette snorted, "I didn't really have a choice. I'm guessing since I met him out of the elevator that he talked you into it too?"

"Yeah," Arizona sighed, "I mean…it's Webber. You can't really say no in the long run, can you?"

"Nope. Meredith got a sitter for the kids so either of us can just bring Sof there beforehand. Hopefully it doesn't turn out like the last one."

Both women smiled grimly. Arizona didn't remember too much about that night, but it didn't matter. It still left a bad taste in her mouth.

"So," the blonde inhaled, "I've been thinking and – I think that I'm –" The ever-persistent shrill of a pager erupted from her coat. Arizona groaned internally, reaching into her pocket. This was not how this was supposed to go. But it's how it always went. The minute she finally grew a pair, something else got in the way.

"I gotta run," Arizona stated, finishing up her coffee. It would just have to wait. She pulled an earbud out of Sofia's ear before kissing her cheek, "I'll see you later, sweetie."

"Bye Mommy," Sofia answered, attention already back to her iPad.

Arizona smiled slightly at Callie, who gave a simple wave.

"I'll uh – I'll talk to you later."

The brunette sighed watching her leave.

###

Fortunately, there were no emergency traumas or any distressed babies to get in the way the following night. Or unfortunately, depending on how one looked at it. Arizona had secretly prayed for some sort of case to bring her away from engaging in small talk and awkward silences. As perky and friendly as she usually was, this was not how she wanted to spend her night. No, she'd prefer a night of takeout on the couch with some weird documentary, with no reason to dress up and be around people she already saw every single day.

"Did Webber ever tell you what this dinner party is about?"

She shrugged, "I guess since Catherine's in town and April had the baby he's been in a festive mood or something."

Richard was funny like that.

"I guess that's a good reason," green eyes glanced to her right, "Are you sure you're okay? You kind of look like you're dreading this."

"I guess we don't have a good track record when it comes to dinner parties, or any parties in general." Her surprise birthday party for example.

Natalie bit her lip, "Are you sure it's not because Callie's gonna be there?"

Arizona couldn't help but turn her head questioningly. "Why would it be because she's there? We do work together. I see her all the time as it is."

"I don't know, I was just asking," the brunette replied, pulling up to the curb of their destination. She unbuckled her seat belt and grabbed the expensive bottle of wine for Catherine while Arizona stepped carefully out, holding the fancy red velvet cupcakes she had begrudgingly picked up on the way home for Richard.

From the looks of it a few people were already there, including Callie. It was a simple question, but one that confused the blonde immensely. From the beginning Natalie had been pretty transparent with her feelings, and Arizona never got the impression that there was any bit of jealousy involved with her ex-wife. If anything, her girlfriend tended to defend Callie most of the time.

She couldn't figure it out, and it didn't sit well with her.

"Hello ladies, glad you could make it," Richard greeted cheerfully, already accepting their offerings.

Arizona rolled her eyes but smiled brightly.

As if they had a choice.

###

"And he keeps on staring at me with his stupid sex eyes and saying that I'm falling for him when all I want to do is punch him in his stupid face," Meredith hissed, taking another very long sip from her wine glass.

Callie shrugged, "Or sit on his stupid face."

"You're supposed to be on my side."

She chuckled, "I'm on nobody's side. And you need to admit that you like him. And you need to tell Maggie. Seriously Mer, she's going to be furious with you when she finds out. Geez, she already got turned down by him and still thinks she has a chance!"

It gave her old feelings of when George was cheating on her. And even though her and Meredith had become good friends since then, it made her wanna thump the other woman.

Meredith looked around frantically, "Shut up."

"It's not like anybody can hear me, we're outside." The general surgeon had dragged her to the deck out back once Riggs had arrived and had continued to berate the man for the past five minutes.

"Whatever. When's dinner, I need to eat and then leave," Meredith craned her neck to look through the window, "and it seems like almost everybody is here. Wonderful. This is good. So here's what I need you to do: keep me away from any conversation with Riggs and any conversation with Maggie _about_ Riggs. Got it?"

Eyebrows knitted, "You do realize that there are plenty of other people that you can use to deflect?"

"But you're the only one that knows. Come on, I'll help keep you away from awkward exchanges with Arizona and Natalie," Meredith offered.

"I don't have a problem with Arizona, she has a problem with me."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "It's a problem regardless. Throw in her hot, brilliant girlfriend, and you have a shit show. So you might wanna cool it on the margaritas."

She stared plaintively into her almost empty glass. It was only her second one, along with a glass of wine when she first got here. It wasn't that much. She looked back up. "How are you turning this around on me now? You're the one with the shit show."

"Mine's just louder than yours."

Callie sighed, straightening the top of her black cocktail dress, "Alright fine. Let's just – let's go."

Riggs and Maggie were talking to Jackson, who was holding little Harriet with April. Amelia and Owen were strategically at the other end of the living room deep in conversation with Catherine. There were a few others from the hospital, including Bailey, Ben, and other senior attendings. Chefs in crisp white coats were bustling around in the kitchen, preparing nothing short of a delicious meal.

A well-dressed bartender was in the foyer surrounded by an array of different wines and liquor, where Natalie and Arizona had approached with Richard taking their coats.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. There were more than enough people to keep everyone distracted for the duration of the night. And knowing the Avery's, the food was probably to die for.

Meredith grabbed her hand and began to lead her towards the door. "I need another drink."

"Woah, wait," the brunette insisted, trying to break free but Meredith's bony hands just wouldn't let up, "you said I had to stop drinking remember?"

"I didn't say _you_ needed one," the general surgeon commented, approaching the two other women. "Hey guys, you look great."

And they really did. Natalie continued to show off her impressive legs in a tight black pencil skirt with a burgundy blouse. The slight peek of cleavage beneath subtle ruffles made her want to throw up her margarita. She couldn't really tell what Arizona was wearing at first due to the blonde hunched over her _very_ full glass of wine like it was the holy grail. But when she finally straightened up, the royal blue of her sleeveless peplum blouse undoubtedly made her eyes brighter.

Which also kind of made her want to throw up.

Natalie must have realized Arizona was preoccupied because she smiled, "Thanks, you too. This is a nice house, huh?" Her green eyes roamed the atmosphere.

And it really was. That was pretty much a no brainer, Catherine Avery was nothing if not detailed. Her part-time home was no different.

"I wish I could have a house like this," Meredith mused, looking up at one of the multiple chandeliers throughout the house, "but I have three kids."

Callie chuckled, "Bailey alone would crush this house in five minutes."

It was apparent a couple minutes in that the conversation was gonna have to carry on without the blonde's input. She continued to sip her wine every few seconds, twiddling her chunky party ring around one finger. Legs covered in tight black pants continued to cross every so often over the other. It was like she was in another world, blue eyes staring off into space and only smiling on cue. Something had been off the past couple of days, and Callie couldn't figure out why.

Not that it was her job to ask why, because it wasn't.

"Wilson isn't coming tonight?"

Meredith shrugged, "I think she's on call. I told Alex to come but…don't think he's gonna make it either."

"I can't believe he's working in the clinic. I almost forgot that place was still open most days," Callie commented, accepting a fresh glass of wine from the bartender and avoiding Meredith's judgey gaze at the same time. She was a grown ass woman, she could have a drink, or ten, without any repercussions.

Natalie chuckled, "I didn't even know that it was a place to be begin with."

Arizona blinked.

"When's dinner ready?"

###

Dinner was as exquisite as she thought it would be. A long table draped in a white tablecloth with fresh flowers every two feet ran down the center and red napkins rested on each lap. All Arizona wanted was more wine and another filet mignon.

Mention of Alex had put her into an even deeper stupor. She had tried to stay out of the situation, but it was damn hard when it had to do with her prodigy and her sweet roommate. Now with his career in jeopardy, he had been reduced to helping the clinic. Which from what she had heard was in deep peril. Must have been weird too since it was named after his ex-wife's dead ex-fiancé.

"Wow you and Owen are definitely in a race for the least interested at this party."

Arizona rolled her eyes, taking another sip from her glass. "I'm just – enjoying the food. You know, free five-star meal and all."

"More like enjoying the alcohol," Amelia smirked, "that's like the third glass you've gone through just sitting here."

"Okay sober Sally."

Not that she was drunk. Arizona was content to just sit through the rest of the evening and listen in on everyone else's conversation.

"Yeah, I'm sober therefore can tell how much you really don't want to be here."

"I'm here because Richard asked me and he's my friend and I respect him."

Amelia smirked, "And he was once the Chief and he still kind of scares you."

"Shut up."

###

Riggs wasn't making it easy to ignore him. Callie didn't have a problem admitting how attractive the man was. He had the looks, the brains, and the accent was just a plus. What made it worse was that he knew it, and he knew Meredith knew it. His eyes sparkled across the candle as he watched the general surgeon try not to look his way. All the while Maggie continued to engage him in mindless conversation.

It just wasn't right.

"He is insufferable."

Callie rolled her eyes, "This is getting uncomfortable. I feel like you might actually jump across the table and maul him, and not in a bad way."

Meredith picked at her potatoes, "He'd probably still enjoy it regardless."

"At least he's consistent."

"You're absolutely no help at all."

The brunette shrugged into her wine glass, done with this conversation for the next 15 minutes at least. Everyone else seemed to be having a good time. Amelia seemed to be teasing Arizona from across the table, and so far, Harriet hadn't woken up yet from her slumber, giving April some adult time, even though it was with Catherine and her ex-husband.

It was more normal than she was expecting.

Owen was in the middle of recommending good places to hike to Natalie, anything to get out of saying, well, pretty much anything to his former bestie.

"Where I parked the trailer had the best trails for anything," Owen stressed, "Every night after work I would just take a walk, listen to some music and clear my head."

Natalie nodded, "What about camping?"

Amelia snorted, "Well he kind of was camping."

"It's good for camping too. There's a lot of level ground to set up camp and then you could just hike further up to get higher ground. The views are amazing."

Natalie wiped her mouth delicately, "I love all my amenities but every once in a while, it could be good to just get out in nature for a weekend or something. Arizona got me into a cooking class so now I want to take her camping or something somewhere close but kind of away from the city."

She looked to the blonde, who smiled briefly before shoveling more mashed potatoes into her mouth. Callie's eyes narrowed discreetly.

Owen nodded, "That area would be a good place then."

"She hates camping."

Meredith's foot couldn't collide with hers fast enough. And Callie didn't even know she had spoken until a few pairs of eyes looked to her questioningly. She awkwardly took a chug from her water glass. Maybe she _should_ lay off the alcohol for the duration of the night.

But it was true. Arizona _hated_ camping. The woman wasn't very high maintenance to begin with, but still the blonde wouldn't 'rough it' if it wasn't necessary. She also hated bugs, but also possessed weird sympathy for them. Callie had to promise that she would put them outside and not squish them. But still, Arizona did not like camping.

"Well I was thinking I could change her mind," Natalie recovered, taking a sip from her own wine glass.

Classy recovery, Callie could admit. But it didn't mean she missed the slight iciness at the end.

"There's a first time for everything," Amelia shrugged. "I never thought I'd be married and sober but hey, here we are."

The rest of the table chuckled together.

Callie had never been more grateful for Amelia Shepherd.

###

Baby Harriet didn't stay awake for long. It's just what most babies did. But it helped that she was absolutely adorable.

Working with unborn babies gave great privilege but Arizona would be lying if she said she didn't miss little preemies. That used to be the highlight of her day, checking in on the ones that she saved and listening to their little heartbeat, knowing that they would get to go home and have a life. That she was the reason for that.

Plus they were super-duper cute.

Until they started crying.

Maybe it was because she was cranky to wake up and not have her mom or dad there, or maybe it was being around a lot of people at one time. But Harriet definitely was not enjoying it.

Jackson had her in his arms, slowly rocking her in the living room where everyone had retired to after dinner.

Owen and Amelia had already left, having a bit of a long drive ahead of them, and Riggs was on-call and had gotten paged. Of course Maggie had offered to go in case he needed a hand, which Meredith promptly shot down, since she had been drinking. It made her giggle. Some things were just too obvious.

"What's so funny?"

She turned her head to face Natalie, who took a careful sip of her coffee that had been expertly served to all the guests.

Arizona grinned, "Just the baby. I love babies."

April and Jackson had tried a bottle and even a little toy and pacifier but nothing had seemed to work so far.

"She just needs to get used to everybody around," Catherine commented, rubbing a little cheek lightly.

April sighed, "She's never been like this since she's been home."

"Just give her a few minutes," Jackson said, "she might just need to cry."

"Or maybe she just needs to Auntie Arizona time," Arizona chirped. She grabbed the hand sanitizer that was hanging conveniently from the diaper bag and squirted some on her hand. She saw Callie smirk lightly. Callie knew how much she loved babies.

"How much has Auntie Arizona had to drink?" April asked wearily.

Blue eyes rolled, "I'm not gonna drop your baby, April."

She held her hands out as Jackson exchanged the little bundle.

"Oh I _know_ , there's a lot going on huh? It's okay, you'll get used to it," the blonde cooed. Harriet continued to cry and wriggle around, but Arizona persevered. "That's right, 2+2 is 4. Oh, you are so _smart_."

She wandered around the living room still rocking Harriet. At work Arizona held babies from a medical standpoint, making sure they were breathing and testing for normal brain functions. It was different than this. Something she had missed doing. The highlight of her day was holding Sofia when she was a baby. She would sit for hours and just stare, in complete awe that she was responsible for another life. She thought back to a time when this was the last thing she wanted. And now, it had turned into everything.

After a few minutes of the blonde's mindless chatter, the baby seemed to have calmed down, staring up at her intently.

"I thought she'd never stop," Jackson said quietly.

"Sometimes babies just need to cry," Arizona offered. "Or sometimes they just need to listen." The new parents nodded solemnly, a little wounded that they couldn't get their daughter to calm down initially.

"Don't feel bad," Callie added, "Arizona's the baby whisperer."

The blonde rolled her eyes as everyone laughed.

"No it's true," the brunette claimed, "Me and Mark couldn't get Sofia to go to sleep to save our lives, but once Arizona got home she would just hold her and talk about – well _anything_ and Sofia would calm down and fall right asleep. And then it extended into eating and potty training."

"Well that's what happens when you're the good cop."

"She put the tights on, didn't she?"

"Yeah because you threatened to put her in time-out."

It was a long standing argument that would never really go away.

Callie shrugged, "It worked. She still likes you more than me anyway."

Arizona smirked.

"Well, I won't argue with that."

###

The drive home was even more uncomfortable than the drive there.

At first she had been dreading dinner and conversation and, _everyone_. And now she couldn't help but feel like she was in trouble. And Arizona didn't like being in trouble. It didn't matter how old she was, it still made her feel like she was 10 again.

They had stayed for another few minutes after Harriet had fallen asleep again in her arms. Due to the mouthwatering meal and the alcohol that accompanied it, the blonde was definitely ready for bed. But something told her she wasn't going to get off that easily.

Callie's sudden outburst at the blonde's hatred for camping was pretty much when it all went downhill. Although Natalie would never make it that obvious. But Arizona had known the woman long enough to realize that there was something else going on behind those emerald eyes. Something that she wasn't very familiar with.

"Catherine seemed to really like that wine you brought," she commented, looking aimlessly out the window.

"Yeah," Natalie replied simply, flipping her blinker on to turn onto the blonde's street.

Pink lips pursed to one side. Maybe this wouldn't be as easy as she thought.

"You're upset."

Natalie glanced sideways, "I'm not upset."

"Well something's wrong. Is it because I was a grouch earlier?"

"It's fine, Arizona. You can be grumpy every once in a while, I'm not gonna hold that over your head."

"Okay, then what is it?"

Natalie pulled up to the driveway and put the car in park before exhaling.

"You hate camping."

Blue eyes blinked. "What?"

Natalie glanced sideways again before unbuckling her seatbelt. "You hate camping, and I didn't even know that you hated camping."

Arizona slowly unbuckled her own seatbelt before getting out of the car. She wasn't sure exactly what happened. Maybe it was due to the wine, or the sense of aloofness she had been experiencing lately. She followed the brunette to her front steps, trying to piece together what was going on.

"Okay, that might have been something I didn't mention. But I'm not opposed to the idea. It's just not…on my bucket list or anything. And I was married to Callie, of course she knows that I'm not a fan of camping."

"I am reminded on a daily basis that you were married to Callie."

"That's not fair." The neurosurgeon had known that since the very beginning. She had been very clear about everything. But approaching her front door, she wasn't sure she had been clear enough.

"I know it's not," Natalie sighed. "And I've tried to ignore it, I really have. But it's like there's this other part of you that I don't even know about. And it doesn't help that Callie knows all those things and continues to stare at you like you're the center of the universe."

Arizona chuckled, her dimpled smile fading slowly when she realized that no, she was not joking. "Callie does know a lot of things about me. We were together for a long time. Just like I know a lot of things about her. But the whole staring thing, you've got that all wrong."

"I really don't think I do. I knew she still cared, and that's fine with me, I respect that. She wouldn't be a good parent if she didn't. You might not be able to see it, but I do. She still has feelings for you. And I can't compete with this," she shrugged, "love story that you guys had. I've heard it all, and I'll admit, it's pretty miraculous. But I can't win."

Arizona sighed heavily. She was more tired than she thought. A fair hand gestured to the top step. She settled down, rubbing her hands on her thighs. A few seconds later she felt the warmth of the other woman sit next to her.

"Callie…she – we took something from each other," she began, "and we've been through a lot. We've done more, and have done worse to each other than I'd like to admit. I made a lot of mistakes, and I can't deny that we have history…but that's over. We're _always_ gonna care, but that doesn't mean anything other than that."

Natalie nodded, cracking her knuckles, "I've seen the way she looks at you. And the look in her eye when your name gets mentioned. There's still something there. At first I thought she was being protective, you know. And maybe she is. But it's more than that. Even if you can't see it."

"She left me. I was suffocating her, and she wanted to be free. Callie wanted out, and that's what she got. Whether or not she – regretted that at one point is no longer a concern to me."

A year ago she might have felt something, but things had changed. Arizona had accepted a long time ago that she would always love Callie Torres. But what she learned the most was that sometimes love wasn't enough. Maybe, in another lifetime, with two different people, it could have. But there was too much darkness after the light. The two would always be intertwined, and that gave her a little comfort knowing that she could still keep the woman close to her in some way.

But more importantly, she owed it to herself to try and be happy.

Natalie sighed, "I'm sorry. I'm not this – dramatic."

"You're not dramatic. It's a lot to be a part of. Sure you're still interested?"

"I don't know if you've caught on…But I'm kind of deep, in this with you. I hope I'm not alone in that." Her green eyes were usually very good with keeping things at bay. But tonight she could see the seriousness behind them. She really was in – with whatever it was or wherever it went.

"You're not."

###

Uncoordinated. They all were.

Apparently it didn't matter how many nights they practiced their drills, both teams sucked. Maybe that was the point of a little league soccer team, but Callie thought that they would at least show a little bit of competitiveness.

Certainly not falling over each other and laughing at the same time. The brunette shook her head. Sofia's team was still winning, probably on accident, but still.

"You're hating this right now."

Arizona snickered next to her, taking a sip from bottled water. She had been seated on the benches, watching in amusement as Callie continued to jump out of her seat and scream like the overbearing parent that she was. Sofia would listen and concentrate the first few times, but eventually she preferred to run around in circles with the other kids.

Callie rolled her eyes, but admired the way blonde hair flew in the wind. "I don't get it. They're kids, they're supposed to want to win."

"No, they're supposed to want to have _fun_. And look," she gestured, "they're having fun!"

"That one kid just got kicked in the head."

"But he _laughed_ about it, so to him, it was fun."

"Then what's the point in all these practices if they're not gonna play the game?"

Arizona shook her head, "Calliope, sit down. They're young children, all they want to do is play with each other. It's just a little league game."

Somehow she found herself listening. Maybe it was the use of her full name from lips that had not called her that in eons, or maybe she accepted the fact that Sofia was still too young to care if she won or not. Perhaps it didn't matter, she was having the time of her life.

"Well – we're winning anyway."

"It's not about winning."

Callie snorted, "It doesn't matter now. But if she lost you know she'll be pouting over it for at least 24 hours. And I would have to deal with it since she's coming home with me."

"Okay fine," the blonde admitted. "Geez I think you're more worked up about this than anyone." She looked around at all the other parents in the bleachers. Some were just watching casually, some were eating hotdogs and distracted by their phones. All in all, no one was really paying attention to anything.

"I can't believe you're not, Miss Control Freak."

Arizona laughed freely, "I've calmed down in my old age. Plus, I knew this would happen so my expectations weren't very high."

Callie shrugged before playing with the loose thread from her jacket. The wind had picked up a little, not that it affected the little soccer players, if she wanted to even call them that. Brown eyes gave one last look to Sofia, who was showing a couple of kids how to do a cartwheel. She wasn't missing much.

"So… I didn't make things weird the other night, did I?"

It had been weighing on her conscience ever since. Amelia had done her a solid and redirected the awkwardness, but it wasn't lost on her how it might have looked. And she definitely didn't miss the look of death that Natalie had given her. It was only for a brief second, no one else probably noticed, but she did. Add that on top of sharing stories about when they were all one modern family could not have been too fun to hear either.

Blue eyes blinked slightly, but she recovered. "No Callie, it's fine."

"Because I really didn't mean to. I mean, you _hate_ camping," the brunette mumbled.

"And now she knows that I hate camping. We talked, and it's fine. I explained to her that we were together for a long time, of course there's gonna be things that you know about me that she doesn't yet."

Callie bit her lip, digging her boot-clad foot into the dirt, "So she was pissed?" _Yet_. Things that Natalie didn't know, _yet_. There were a million things that the neurosurgeon didn't know, and probably would never know. But Callie knew all of them. Some she wished she could forget, and others that would forever remain.

Arizona shrugged a shoulder, "She was little – upset. I guess…it'll be hard for anyone that comes along after, right? You're not exactly insignificant."

A corner of her mouth curved slightly.

"Yeah," Callie exhaled, "you're not either." She would be the first to admit that she had spent some time trying, but still came up empty.

"I'm glad we agree on that," the blonde smirked. "So it's okay, Callie. Don't worry about it."

"I just –"

"Callie, stop. I said it's okay, so just let it go."

"Alright fine."

"If anything I owe _you_ an apology…"

Callie blinked, shifting to face the blonde, "I think I missed the _part_ where you did…"

Arizona fiddled with her watch, eyes towards the field, "I still feel really bad about showing up to your house super drunk like that. And then even more when I didn't even rem – _oh my god Callie look!"_

A small but very strong hand gripped Callie's arm, her other pointing towards the field. She swung her head just in time to see Sofia take off down the field, kicking the soccer ball with surprising grace. It got both women out of their seat. A couple of other parents had noticed that there might be an actual game to be had and started to pay attention.

Sofia continued to make her way down the field, gaining speed as she approached the goalie's net.

"Come on Sofia!" Arizona yelled, practically jumping in place. Callie smirked.

The little girl was able to dodge a couple of other players on the opposing side and expertly kick the ball. The goalie soared through the air to try and catch it, but it flew just under an arm before hitting the net. The other kids cheered as well around Sofia, who wore a triumphant smile on her face.

Callie laughed loudly, clapping her hands. She couldn't say her daughter never rose to the occasion. Arizona was grinning next to her, unable to stop at the fact that Sofia looked anything but interested five minutes ago before becoming a full-fledged athlete. Well, at least to her.

"I can't believe that just happened."

Callie chuckled, "She's going pro, I swear."

The excitement still ran through her. Yes, they would've won anyway, but to actually see Sofia running past all the others and scoring a goal was the best sight to see. And the fact that both of parents were there, cheering her on made it even better. It made her miss Mark, who no doubt would have already rubbed it into the opposing team's faces, regardless of them being kids.

And perhaps it was that moment also that she realized that maybe she was scared of all the wrong things. Yes, she and Callie were over, and yes, Mark was gone and everything had certainly changed. But they were still here. Callie was still here, and Sofia had defied all the odds to be here, living like any normal kid.

The referee had blown his whistle, signaling the end of the game. The kids all went to their respective sides to hydrate and celebrate with their coaches. And Arizona couldn't hold it in any longer.

She turned towards Callie, who was still facing the field. She inhaled.

"I want the surgery."

The brunette blinked before facing the blonde as well.

"What?"

Arizona wore that spectacular smile, dimples out in full bloom. "I want the surgery, the leg, all of it."

"Really?" Callie asked. She was truly awe-struck.

Arizona nodded, "I remembered what we talked about that night, well, only later," she scrunched her nose, "But I remembered. And I thought about it a lot and didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure that's what I wanted. And it is."

"You're really gonna do this?" the brunette asked.

The fetal surgeon giggled, " _We_ are doing this. I trust Amelia, and – I trust you."

Callie exhaled. It had been on her mind constantly, and the fact that it seemed like Arizona would never remember their conversation made it worse. She made a promise to herself to not push it, even though it left unsettled. After all these years, the blonde still surprised her. And more importantly, she still _trusted_ her.

The team had finished their little pep talk and Sofia was already barreling towards them with her gym bag.

"We'll talk more later, but I just wanted you to know," Arizona explained, smile never leaving her face.

"Mommies! Did you see me?!"

Callie grabbed the little girl and hoisted her up. "We did see you! You're the star of the whole team!" she exclaimed before putting her down.

"Calliope!" the blonde scolded while the two brunettes giggled.

"I want to be a soccer player when I grow up."

"What about being a doctor like us?"

Sofia shrugged, "Maybe after I'm done being a soccer player." They all laughed, the kid had lofty goals. Callie grabbed Sofia's gym bag and swung it over her shoulder.

"Okay Miss soccer star, where do you want to go for dinner?" Arizona asked as they made their way to the parking lot. Sofia had grabbed onto each of her moms' hands, swinging them every so often.

"Can we just have pizza to go?"

"You don't want to sit down anywhere? This is a celebration."

Sofia shrugged, "I just want us all to have pizza together." The two women met each other's gaze. Arizona squeezed her daughter's hand.

"I think that's a great idea."


	21. I'ma Care For You

AN: I am so sorry that it's been so long! A lot of stuff going on in life that I won't get into, but I will make more of an effort to update frequently. I've been thinking a lot about this story and becoming inspired again. Took rewatching GA on Netflix but I think I've made progress. Although Calzona will always be #1, I'm liking this Carina/Arizona pairing. Carina seems very confident and open, doesn't seem to mind getting into Arizona's personal space, even at work!

Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter 21: I'ma Care For You

For as much thinking as this decision took, Arizona had still managed to miss a few details.

After telling Callie that yes, she was having this surgery that would get her as close to a functioning leg as she could, it had been nothing but a race against time. She had spoken to Callie and Amelia extensively, who had already mapped out the entire process, making it a little bit easier. Not that she would mention it to either of them.

The blonde wouldn't be out of commission for as long as she originally thought, but still, she was one of the few fetal surgeons in the West Coast, therefore things had to be moved around.

Then there was the part where she told her parents, who insisted that they were coming to Seattle to help her out for as long as she needed them. Not that Arizona didn't want to see her parents, it was always great when she saw them, and Sofia was never happier. But things were already weird enough with dating Natalie and Callie in the background with her awesome robotic leg. She didn't exactly need her parents added to the mix.

But she would deal with it.

Hopefully.

And then there was the physical therapy _before_ the physical therapy to make sure that her muscles were strong enough to handle the new leg. Owen had been working with her on that, making sure she got to the PT room 3-4 times a week. She had already seen some results. She felt stronger physically and somewhat mentally.

Needless to say, she was freaking exhausted.

Arizona was in the last week before her leave, chugging away in the OR, trying to get through as many patients as she could. Luckily, Alex was reinstated after Deluca dropped the charges unexpectedly. One day the future of her prodigy looked bleak, and just like that, it was bright again. It seemed like things were leveling out in her world.

For the mean time.

She tried not to think about the surgery too much. She wasn't naïve, she knew the risks, and the pain. But she was no novice to those things, and she would persevere through it.

It was the end of the day, and she was still buried in paperwork.

Exhaling loudly, the blonde leaned back in her chair, rolling her neck between her shoulders. Arizona wasn't quite sure if the stiffness was from her workout this morning, or being hunched over her desk the past hour.

Blinking the exhaustion from her blue eyes, she focused on her computer again, finishing all her notes and post-op instructions from her surgeries earlier today.

The brief knock on the door barely fazed her.

"Yeah?" Arizona called out.

"Dude, go home already."

She rolled her eyes, shooting Alex a look before returning to the computer screen.

"I'm busy, Karev."

The peds surgeon shrugged, closing the door and plopping down onto the couch she had against the wall.

"You've practically been living here the past three weeks."

"I'm going to be out of here for the next six. I can't just let everything wait until I get back."

"I can take care of everything while you're gone," he replied.

Arizona smirked, "I figured you'd rather be in the OR than doing department paperwork."

Alex shrugged, "I would, but that doesn't mean I won't pick up the slack. I'm back now, you don't have to do everything on your own. You need to go home and get some rest. You're just going to stress yourself out more over this surgery. Everything's going to be fine you know."

The blonde sighed, "I need to stay busy. That's the only time I'm not stressed."

"Yeah, I get that. Jo still hasn't spoken to me since she dropped the whole 'I'm-married-and-my-name's-not-Jo-Wilson,' thing. And," he rubbed the back of his neck, "I don't even know what to say to her. So…I work. Which is why you should go home and let me take care of everything here."

"There's things that you can't take care of."

"So do that and then go. You don't even have to go home, get dinner with Natalie or something. You probably haven't seen her properly the last few weeks."

Arizona smirked, "You giving me relationship advice?"

He rolled his eyes, "No, I'm just saying there's other things you could be doing to be – less stressed." Leave it to Alex to make it about sex.

"I'm not talking to you about this." She shut down her computer and flipped her desk lamp off.

"So now you're leaving? That's all I had to say to get you away from this place?"

Arizona discarded her lab coat and hung it on a hook in the corner. She sighed, "I'm leaving my office. But I'm not leaving just yet. And besides, Natalie's on call tonight."

Alex stood up, following the blonde out of her office, "So what are you doing now?"

"Now, I have to see Bailey about my schedule for when I get back. No doubt she'll be in a better mood since your return."

###

The stomping of her feet reverberated through the stairwell, the only sound aside from her erratic breathing. It was the 911 of her pager that caused the sudden sense of urgency. Callie had been asleep, her favorite pastime, in an abandoned on-call room when the frantic beep woke her from slumber. She had been awake for 14 hours and in desperate need of some rest. When you're a surgeon, you find it when you can.

There were very few reasons that would cause her to catapult out of bed. This was one of the biggest.

But she still cursed the slow elevator, which was the reason she was about to pass out.

Callie made a mental note to work out more.

She used her body to enter the scrub room, her hands occupied with tying her signature scrub cap over her dark locks. One look through the window told her that the Ortho resident on call was a little in over his head. It used to make her chuckle, but it made her sleep-deprived self roll her eyes. At least all the other breaks had been tended to.

"Delaney, check on all the patients in the ER, help Kepner with whatever she needs. I got it from here," she said, tying her gown. The resident bowed his head and brushed past her, no doubt his ego a little wounded.

"Wonderful, crushed pelvis," Callie murmured, surveying the area. "Alright, let's get some irrigation. What's this guy's story?"

"Fell two stories from a construction site. He was still conscious by the time he got here. So let's hope." The mask covered most of his face, but she couldn't mistake the grim smile Owen attempted to make. "He's got lacerations all over the place, but I think I can handle it."

Brown eyes looked up briefly, surveying the group of doctors and nurses surrounding the table. She looked back down at the mess that she would no doubt fix. "How's the head?"

"Surprisingly good. Skull fracture and a few bleeders. We'll just have to see when he wakes up."

"I hope so," Jo commented, applying more suction to the abdomen, "He's got a wife and 3 little kids."

Which sucked to hear, but it gave her even more reason to make sure that this guy was going to be okay, despite the weird tension that she had been accustomed to the past few weeks between her and Natalie.

Callie had been trying to ignore it the first few times on account of the possibility that maybe, she was overthinking things. Another favorite pastime of hers. But it had hit her a couple of weeks ago that there was something going on between those annoyingly stunning green eyes that Callie couldn't place.

She understood the awkwardness in the beginning. She had been a grade-A bitch to the other woman, who was honestly a nice person who happened to show interest in her ex-wife. Callie couldn't really blame her, but still, it had been – well – it had been a process. Natalie was becoming more inserted in her life, the relationship between her and Arizona seemingly steady and drama-free. Sofia had even been around her more than a handful of times. It was fine. It was good.

But there had been a couple of instances that gave her pause. It was never anything explosive, or conflicting. Just a look that Callie had been trying to figure out ever since. It wasn't even a bitchy look. Just – a look.

So far she had maintained that it was either the neurosurgeon literally trying to make her disappear with her eyes, or doing some weird psycho analysis with no words. Either one was unsettling.

And Arizona had been as oblivious as only Arizona could be.

The blonde had been more like herself, which gave Callie immense ease. Yes, she could see the stress and anxiety in her blue eyes, but more importantly, she saw the certainty. Which was what she had been waiting for. Arizona undergoing surgery wasn't going to be easy for her either. The last time this happened, it didn't end so well. Actually, it was the beginning of the end in retrospect.

A few very long hours later, she rolled her neck between her shoulders in the scrub room. The surgery had woken her up, but now exhaustion took over again. She had gone from goddess to sleep deprived in a matter of minutes.

"I need a coffee," Natalie mumbled, biting back a yawn. Owen chuckled, having already scrubbed out to talk to the family. His mood has risen substantially. The next 24 hours were crucial, but it seemed like the patient was going to make it.

Jo dried her hands, "I need a sandwich, or two," she threw the towel in the waste bin and sluggishly pulled the door open like it was 300 pounds. Surgery could do that to you sometimes.

"I just need a bed," Callie stated, rinsing her arms up to her elbow.

"Are you on call tonight too?"

"No, I've just got a few patients to check on real quick and then I'm out of here."

"Hopefully Arizona can pry herself away from her office and go home."

Callie chuckled, "Well she has Sofia later on tonight so I'm sure she will, eventually."

Natalie switched the faucet off, "Is she excited for Arizona's surgery?"

She blinked. She figured Arizona would have mentioned that conversation.

It wasn't really a big deal. The two mothers had sat Sofia down one night after dinner to tell her the news. At first, she had been scared, and apprehensive. Sofia was around surgeons all the time, but that didn't mean it didn't strike a form of fear in the little girl. It had taken a few minutes of Arizona assuring her that she would be fine, and that it was going to help Mommy feel better and be able to do more fun stuff with her. Sofia had understood eventually, and even got a little excited.

Working with kids all her career gave the blonde an edge.

Callie nodded, "Yeah, she was a little scared at first. But I think we're okay. It helps that Arizona's parents are visiting." Brown eyes made a side glance at the other woman, who was once again, giving her that look. She quickly looked away, drying her hands.

"Yeah, well that should be fun for her. Grandparents are well –" Natalie shrugged, "Grandparents. They kind of make everything better."

"Right," Callie smiled briefly, "Well," she made towards the door, "I'll see you later."

Natalie nodded, a hint of a smile on her lips, "See ya."

She didn't think that scrub room could get any colder. Callie wondered if Arizona was going to introduce Natalie to Barbara and Daniel. It made her stomach hurt.

It had taken a few months for Barbara to warm back up to her again after the split. But Callie knew it was only for the sake of Sofia, and the small fact that she genuinely liked her. Daniel, on the other hand, was never the same towards her. Which she expected also, the older man being a Colonel, an honorable man through and through. And Callie was the wife who gave up the marriage and walked away from his only living child.

The thought even made her a little disgusted with herself.

###

Miranda Bailey sighed, along with a signature eye roll. She sent off a quick text before locking her phone.

"Robbins, it will be fine. Karev can handle the Peds Ward and I'll keep an eye on things to make sure of it."

"I'm not doubting Alex's abilities. I mean, I did train him myself. I just don't understand why I can't come back a week earlier."

They had been having this conversation for a couple of weeks now, and in no way, shape, or form was Miranda going to change the plan.

"Because you're having major surgery, that's why," the Chief stated bluntly, closing a binder bigger than her head. "Torres and Shepherd were very clear on how long you needed to be out for. I'm not gonna argue with them, they're the professionals."

"Yeah, but you're the Chief!"

Miranda raised an eyebrow.

"And you're a mother. So here's what you're going to do: you will have the surgery, you will be admitted here for 5 days. And then you will go home, where you will rest for the remainder of the process, while attending physical therapy. You will go to all your appointments with Shepherd. And then after that, she will clear you to come back to work."

She was a grown woman, but even Arizona couldn't prevent the sudden pout. She knew doctors made the worst patients, but even Arizona couldn't have foreseen the sense of stubbornness that clutched her in a stronghold. Perhaps it was because she was getting closer to the surgery date, which made her nervous than she'd like to admit to anyone.

Just the thought of not cutting for that long gave her anxiety.

"How about…we see how I'm doing. And if Amy signs off on it, I come back early…?

"Arizona, relax. It's a simple procedure that Amelia has done a dozen times already. All your patients have been rerouted to other physicians that are just as qualified as you. And you said so yourself, Karev can handle things. Now just do what I say!"

A knock on the door interrupted Arizona's retort. She turned just in time to see Callie peek her head out.

"Bailey, you wanted to see me?"

Miranda smirked, standing up and straightening her lab coat.

"Torres, get in here and tell Arizona she's not coming back to work early."

Arizona gasped, "Bailey!"

"I have a patient to check on, and when I get back you two better not be here. Robbins, you're not coming back early. I want you healthy more than I want you here." And with that the Chief of Surgery rounded her desk, looked at Callie pointedly, and left.

Arizona didn't need to look to know Callie was looking at her with disapproval. It's kind of weird still knowing someone so well, when you really shouldn't.

Callie exhaled, "She's right, you know."

The blonde rolled her eyes, "I do. Doesn't mean I like it."

Arizona having surgery didn't sit well with her either. But Callie knew that this time was different. It was honestly a simple procedure that Amelia was more than capable of performing. But nevertheless, it was surgery, on her brain. The thought kept her up at night more than she would admit, but truthfully, she knew it would all be okay.

Callie stared out of the big windows, trying to find anything that she could say to release the burden that she just knew weighed heavily on Arizona's shoulders. Maybe it wasn't her place, but Callie had made a promise to herself (and Dawson), that she would just do what felt right.

"Deluca still volunteering for Sofia's soccer practice?" the brunette asked.

Arizona snorted, "Yeah, as if he could get out of that." The intern really was wrapped around Sofia's finger. He had gotten off a 12-hour shift and made it just in time to the soccer field. The guy took pinky promises seriously.

Callie chuckled, "Okay, meet me in the lobby in fifteen minutes."

The blonde shrugged, "Why?"

"Just…trust me."

###

Amelia was dissecting a patient's MRI while contemplating motherhood when a blur of navy made its way to her peripheral. Should she want to have a baby with Owen? He was her husband, but she also kind of…well she just kind of met him. And they had just gotten back together, sort of, before the wedding. The wedding that she almost ran away from. It was all very confusing.

"Quick, distract me. Where are you off to in such a hurry? Please tell me it's a hot date with a smoking woman who gave you exactly five minutes to be ready before you suffer immense but oh-so-dirty pleasure."

The snort in response was enough to make the neurosurgeon deflate.

"I think you've been reading too much erotica."

"Or living it," Amelia smirked. "But seriously, where's the fire?"

Callie pulled her jeans and top on in record time and was reaching for her jacket before she finally answered. "Arizona's waiting for me in the lobby."

"Not exactly the answer I was expecting…care to elaborate?"

"She's running around like a chicken with her head cut off lately, in case you haven't noticed. And she just tried to get Bailey to let her come back to work early, before she's even on leave. She's nervous. So we're hanging out."

Amelia blinked, "Hanging out? Do you guys do that?"

"Well – no," Callie admitted. "But it's partly my fault she's on edge. And Natalie's on call tonight. I just want to take her mind off it, so she doesn't worry any more than she has been."

The neurosurgeon shrugged, "She shouldn't worry. It's not like I'm still on drugs…"

…

"On that note, I am leaving. Goodnight." After working closely with Amelia these past few months, Callie realized that it was very easy to get sucked down the rabbit hole.

Plus Arizona was waiting.

###

"I'm trying to be a good sport, but I have to ask: how is this supposed to be relaxing?"

Callie couldn't help but roll her eyes. They had been walking for only 5 minutes before the blonde started huffing and puffing, not saying a word until now. The fact that she had no idea where they were going or what they were doing might have made it worse. It wasn't Callie's intention, she figured it was pretty obvious.

"Well maybe if you weren't wearing those shoes you wouldn't be complaining."

Arizona looked down at her ankle booties. "It's not the shoes, it's the fact that I have to wonder if you're about to kill me and then leave my body to rot in the middle of the woods."

"Because I'm going to do that and then eat this whole pizza by myself. And quit whining, we're almost there."

They passed a few joggers but finally made it to the top of the hill overlooking Seattle. Thankfully no one was sitting on the single bench. Their bench.

Arizona sat down and exhaled, taking in the view. It had been too long since she had been up here. She forgot how peaceful it was.

"Did you get extra pepperoni?"

"What do you think?" Callie flipped the lid open to reveal her answer.

The aroma made her mouth water. Arizona hadn't realized how hungry she was until now. She had been on autopilot for what seemed like forever that it was nice to just sit, and eat of course. The fact that Callie made a point to take her here was a nice bonus too.

Callie was halfway through her third slice before coming up for air, "So when are your parents coming?"

"Day after tomorrow."

Callie coughed up some of her root beer, "That's like, soon!"

Arizona shrugged, finishing her crust, "Yeah. I mean, my surgery's kind of soon in case you forgot."

"I guess I didn't know they were coming that early."

"They wanted to spend some time with Sofia while I finish up work before my leave. Plus Dad's pretty excited about the surgery. He's been reading up on it a lot more since I told him I was thinking about it."

"Really?"

Arizona shook her head, "Why do you always sound so surprised? This project is kind of a big deal. You're a big deal."

"I know it's a big deal. I just didn't expect your dad of all people to be so interested in it, especially since it kind of has to do with me."

"We're both to blame. Trust me, Dad wasn't that happy with me for a long time. But, he's glad that we're co-parenting without any drama and that Sofia is happy, which is all you can ask for with the situation."

"So, you and your dad are okay now?"

Although her ex-wife had a pretty good childhood, Callie knew the blonde strived to make her dad proud, always. Even in adulthood, disappointing your parents just does something to you. Callie was still dealing with it herself.

"Yeah, I can't say it would've worked out this way before but he's softened up in his old age," Arizona smirked. "He's learned to let more things go. So don't worry, he's not going to berate you."

Callie scoffed, "I wasn't worried about that."

"You totally were."

"Well I figured there would be some hostility. But I guess since this surgery was my idea I might be a little off the hook. Natalie on the other hand…"

"Yeah," Arizona mumbled, "I don't know how that's going to go. They know about her, but I don't have time to worry about that."

"I'm sure they'll love her. I have yet to find a flaw anywhere on her. Trust me, I looked," Callie snorted, picking at a pepperoni before realizing she said that out loud. One day, she would stop doing that. Maybe. If she closed her eyes long enough, she could picture Mark's stupid smirk, telling her to go on and continue to embarrass herself with the word vomit.

"They're here for me, and Sofia. I'm sure they don't have a problem with her," the blonde chuckled. "I'm sorry, I'm just remembering the fights we got into over Natalie, and here you are, complimenting her."

"What can I say? I've grown," the brunette replied, taking a sip of her root beer. "I might as well, since she's still around."

Her parents meeting Natalie weighed on her mind a lot more than she would ever admit to anyone. Natalie was potentially the 4th person to ever meet Arizona's parents. Mainly because the blonde never thought anyone serious enough to introduce. Her parents didn't really _need_ to meet the neurosurgeon, but seeing as she would be in the hospital for part of their stay, and her girlfriend _worked_ in the hospital, potentially running into each other was inevitable.

Natalie was great, but her parents could be a bit much, especially her mom. The older woman meant well, but after she split with Callie, her mom wanted Arizona to desperately settle down. The blonde wasn't sure if anyone could hold a candle to Callie in her mom's eyes, but nevertheless Barbara continued to bombard her with questions about her dating life.

"Anybody caught your eye lately?"

"No, and I can honestly say I'm okay with that. I guess I rushed into dating too soon. I should've taken more time and just focused on myself."

Her sessions with Dawson made the brunette realize that she did tend to jump from relationship to relationship. When she was in high school, that was just the thing to do, same thing with college. Med school was a little different. There were no boyfriends, but there were always the regular hookup or friends with benefits. There was always _somebody_.

Maybe she just loved the idea of being loved, or even wanted by another. It validated her when it shouldn't have.

Arizona shrugged, "Well, they say when you least expect it, someone comes along…" So far she had the misfortune of seeing Callie kiss three separate women. Doesn't mean it didn't do something to her each time, but she had built a thick skin. If she was honest, Callie taking a break from dating gave her a little bit of relief.

Was it fair? Absolutely not, but she would come back to that later.

"I'm just not going to worry about it and focus on my bad-assery. And to make sure you don't come back to work before you're supposed to," Callie answered smugly.

"I can't believe Bailey told on me…"

"She's just doing her job, as a friend and Chief. Sure, you'll be a little antsy, but it won't be that bad."

The blonde flicked the zipper on her jacket, "I guess so…"

"I can't wait for you to start walking," Callie beamed, "You're gonna notice such a huge difference, I promise."

"That's kind of what I was hoping for. I've been able to get by the last few years, it's never really bothered me. But if I can feel just a little bit better after being on my feet for 14 hours, then it'll be worth it. Thanks for getting me out here. I guess I really needed it." The fresh air had done her some good, along with the pizza and perhaps, good company.

Callie shrugged, "You weren't that bad. A little pouty, but not a complete pain in the ass." She tossed the empty pizza box and bottles in the nearby trashcan.

"My pouting never bothered you if I remember correctly," the blonde retorted, straightening her jacket. If anything, it got more things accomplished for the blonde.

"No," Callie agreed, "Just your whining."

The pair chuckled as they walked back down the trail they came from in comfortable silence. There were still a few stray joggers with the occasional person walking their dog for the evening.

Perhaps this was just what she needed, time with someone that knew her. Like really knew her. The fact that that person happened to be her ex-wife was a little weird, but Arizona figured it would only be awkward if they let it. And Callie offered after all.

She spent countless nights, laying in bed, stressing about the surgery, her patients, the rehab. How would she feel when she woke up? What if her nerves weren't as reactive as they all thought? What if the pain was worse than what she was dealing with now? Releasing control was hard for her, especially when it took her so long to get it back. It wasn't something she was willing to just hand over to somebody else, even if those someone's were Callie and Amelia.

It was a process.

"You should come over for dinner while my parents are here. I'm sure my mom would love to catch up with you," Arizona commented, buckling her seatbelt.

"And what about your dad? I bet he'd love to glare at me pointedly across the table."

"How about…if I promise you that he will behave, you'll come over for dinner? That way we can all spend time with Sofia, you know my parents are going to hog her the whole time they're here."

Callie shrugged, turning into the parking garage of the hospital, "I'll consider it, if you promise to stop worrying." The car swerved into a neighboring spot next to Arizona's car.

"I'm…working on it."

"Just trust me, you've got this."

Arizona nodded, "I do trust you. But…you know me," she smirked meekly.

Callie smiled, "Yeah, I do…"

The blonde inhaled, unbuckling your seat belt, "Thanks for taking me to the park, and the pizza."

"You're welcome, thanks goin with me. Now go home, get some sleep, and I'll see you tomorrow."

Arizona bit her lip nervously, glancing in the direction of her car. Clearing her throat, she turned back and extended her left arm to reach around the other woman's shoulders. And in what felt like forever, Arizona hugged her close.

It was like the breath had been completely knocked out of the brunette. A simple thanks was good enough. Callie could not have predicted this, but she couldn't help but welcome it. She hugged the blonde back, rubbing little circles around her back like she used to.

"Seriously, thank you," Arizona murmured.

Callie nodded slightly, "I know. Just try to relax, it's going to be okay."

"I'll try," Arizona pulled away slowly, "You'll call before Sofia goes to bed tonight?"

"Of course."

"Okay," the blonde smiled, "Goodnight." A tan hand raised in goodbye as the door shut. She made sure Arizona was in her car before backing out and making her own drive home. It wasn't until she pulled into her driveway that she realized her heart was still racing.


End file.
